


Red Witch

by Argentsilver



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Angst, Badass Original Character, Cardo - Freeform, Dark Kylo, Dark Kylo Ren, Eventual Smut, F/M, Force Bond (Star Wars), Force Bond Sexual Situations (Star Wars), Inappropriate Use of the Force, Jealous Kylo Ren, Knights of Ren - Freeform, Kylo Ren/original character - Freeform, Nightsisters (Star Wars), Post-Star Wars: The Last Jedi, Pre-Star Wars: The Rise of Skywalker, Slow Burn, Smut, Star Wars - Freeform, Supreme Leader Kylo Ren, The Dark Side of the Force (Star Wars), Unredeemed Kylo Ren
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-12-19
Updated: 2021-03-05
Packaged: 2021-03-10 21:08:53
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 21
Words: 111,794
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28173705
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Argentsilver/pseuds/Argentsilver
Summary: She was denied her destiny so she carved out her own. He craves her power because it is like nothing he has ever seen. Although they are drawn together will they survive? Can their combined power lead them to victory or will it lead them to destruction? They might just destroy each other in the process.A dark Kylo Ren fic
Relationships: Kylo Ren/Original Female Character(s)
Comments: 4
Kudos: 19





	1. Fight or Flight

My Grandfather and his brother escaped the execution of order 66, the slaughter of the Jedi; a glorious sight of that I am sure. They were spirited away by their Masters who gave their lives to hide them from the Empire and banished to the Outer Rims to live their lives in hiding. They lived a simple life working on a mining planet first for the Galactic Empire and in and out of the Regime of the republic and now back under the rule of the First Order. Their lives far simpler then they were perhaps destined to be. Then growing a family the horrifying events of their youth a mere memory their force powers fading over time.

Yet even when the news of Darth Sidious and Darth Vader’s impossible defeat came to Lothal they did not let loose their secret, perhaps they knew perhaps they sensed that it could not last, perhaps they had already seen too much. Perhaps they sensed the vacuum in there Force after the downfall of the Sith for there must always be balance an endless cycle of war and death and rebirth.

Both of their wives bore a set of twins sensing a power grow within their own boys they had not recalled for many years and they held their preverbal breath until their power too faded. In turn their sons bore twin sons all but one girl graced their blood line and they were not prepared for me for as long as as there existed light there would always be shadow and rising from that shadow was birthed the First Order and a rise of many like me. Too much power held back across the generations bursting from me.

“You cannot go,” Merrill Avalorn argued another line of worry formed between her dark brows adding to the others.

“Mother,” I placated,” I cannot stay on this planet another moment, I am not like you or my uncles or my cousins or my broth- you know this.” 

“I don’t understand what is so bad about what we have here?” She frowned even further if it was at all possible the silver in her once dark hair glinting in the low light.

“It is not enough.” I crossed the room to collect the blaster I had set down before I said my goodbyes holstering it in its home at my thigh.

“Hevon has asked your uncle for your hand.” She blurted desperately.

I laughed darkly, “All the more reason leave,” I pulled the black bantha leather coat over my linen shirt.

Her mouth bobbed like the fish in the tank at the back of the room her face suddenly turning angry, “What would your grandfather say?”

“The same thing he always did,” I pulled my satchel over my shoulder, “nothing. He never wanted anything other than to rot away on this forsaken planet, all when he could have had so much more.” I spat my lips forming a sneer as I left the small mining house the same as all the other houses in this village.

The evidence of my words hung heavy in the bag on my shoulder, holo crystals filled with their story, the story of my Grandfather and his brother. The story of the power the universe bestowed upon them and how it was wasted. 

The same gifts he wanted me to waste. 

“Nothing will come of this foolishness,” she followed me her palms facing the grey sky in hopes I might listen to her plea.

“You know nothing,” I scoffed and I turned my back to her and the house she had shared with my father for years, that I had shared in my childhood with them and my twin brother.

“You cannot leave me too!” She cried, I could feel her desperation in the air.

I did not share her sadness no, I was filled with rage, compounded by the holo crystals burning a heavy hole in the bottom of my bag and in my soul.

I slowed my pace and turned meeting her eyes that shone with tears and she wrung her hands before her unsure of the words she needed to say to keep me here.

“Did you know?” I pulled a glowing crystal from the bag pointing it at her my voice flat full of accusation.

She visibly paled and I had my answer without a single word.

“You bitch.” I snarled walking away.

“I was never my story to tell.” She followed me frantic now coming to the realization my mind was indeed made up.

“You are my mother and yet you deny me my fate, my destiny?” I stopped my voice raised loud in the wet air and turned again feeling my feet squelch in the mud beneath my boots.

She studied me carefully her hazel eyes mirrored my own calling after me “I know nothing of destiny Katalana,” I clenched my teeth at the use of full name, “All I know is that for my entire life all of the men in this family have tried to keep us all here away from prying eyes.”

“The only thing they kept us from was living like we were supposed to, I can’t accept that I was given I gift I am not meant to use.” I could hear her trying to keep up with me.

“Wait please Katalana you must listen to me!” she begged reaching out she took my wrist in her hand and I felt such fury burn within me with such intensity I thought I might burn alive because she did not understand at all she could not ever comprehend about what lay dormant within me.

Violently I turned around and I watched her fly backwards into the mud an affirmation for both her and I that there was indeed a beast within me begging to be released. The universe had more in store for me.

She met my eyes truly frightened of me the doors of the nearby houses opened to see what the commotion was about. Fear upon those faces they already had their suspicions about me only confirmed by scene before them. The fear and sadness that filled mothers eyes was a look I had only seen once before and I relished in it for now she truly understood what I was, what I am.

“Go then,” she breathed barely a whisper and I turned on my heel and walked away briskly not an ounce of remorse coursing through my blood.

I came upon my own small house on the outskirts of the Village, the glass in its windows and the houses surrounding it shattered as I moved passed. I made my way to the space pad, to my father’s ship which was my ship now that he was gone it was the ship he taught me to fly in, the ship he gave me the first taste of the freedom that could truly be mine.

No one dared go me after what they had witnessed from me since the mining collapse. Yet to my surprise there before me at the ramp of my ship there stood leaning heavily on his cane my Grandfather’s brother my great Uncle Bartel his eyes sad yet filled with a deep recognition, dare I sat understanding.

I made to step around him and up the ramp to make a wordless goodbye yet he stepped in front of me with an agility that I did not know he possessed. I looked up at him even at his age bowed over his cane he towered over me.

“Trust child they did what they thought it was for the best.” His voice deep and filled with a wisdom I wish I possessed.

“They? Not you?” I questioned laughing harshly at him.

His eyes bore into mine gluing me to the spot. His gaze ice blue like my father’s and I realized it was not sadness that filled his eyes as he gazed upon me but defeat perhaps even acceptance. “It was harder for me to let go of the Force than it was for my brother, than it was perhaps for any of the children other than you.”

I stepped around him and up the ramp shaking my head too many questions and not enough time.

“Katalana.” His voice stronger than I’d ever heard it filled with something I could not place perhaps it was reverence perhaps something else I could not yet understand. 

I turned to see him Force push a worn wooden box to me, my eyes round with surprise.

“You will honour me if you accept my gift.” He truly looked his age then.

I made to open the box and he shook his head, “Do not open it until you can no longer see this planet,” his voice tight, “I know you will complete what I should have completed all those years ago.” He turned and left not leaving any room to ask one of the thousand questions roaming though my head nor did he look over his shoulder once. I watched him though, I stood here as he walked away until I could not see him anymore until he disappeared behind the neat rows of miner’s houses.

There were no more interruptions as I took my seat behind the controls of the old vcx-100 light freighter that my Father had used for many years to transport the Doonium that was mined here to the refinery on a nearby moon. As the ship hummed to life I swore I would never come back to this planet for the rest of my days and I felt a relief like none other rush through me.

As I entered deep space I thought for a moment that maybe I had forgotten how to breath, I had been working on auto pilot for so long now. I recalled thoughtfully that it had been so ever since my world had been quite literally shaken to the ground when the mine had collapsed taking my twin brother and my father with it. I shook my head to lift the and the unwanted sadness and turned to the wooden box a strange heat thrumming in my chest. I touched the smooth surface of the box the lacquer worn on the top as though it had often been touched no, caressed over the years. The box opened easily and my breath was sucked from me in surprise with what lay within.

A lightsaber.

It was old and in disrepair, I was not willing to test to see if it worked in the small confines of my cockpit while in deep space. Beside it in the old box was a blue holo cube.

I set it down on the consul and activated the recording.

“Katalana,” My Great-Uncle’s form rose above the cube, the recording was recent, “I have felt the stirrings of the power within you for many years, all of us have and for years there was hope that your power would fade like it has with all of the others. Yet, it has only seemed to grow and I have felt the emotions that fuel it as well. I have known it now for years that you were not meant for this lowly planet and I have nothing but pride coursing through my veins. Yet all of my arguments to send you away have fallen on deaf ears, old prejudices are hard unfortunately to forgive. It would be irresponsible of me not to lead you down the path for with I believe you are destined for I fear it was my destined path as well. Too long was it denied. I have added co-ordinates to a planet where I have faith you will obtain the power you desire.”

The holo cube fell dark as the co-ordinates were entered into the piloting system and a red planet appeared on the holo map, a smile curved on my lips.

Dathomir.

It was there that I would become what I am, what men would fear and dare I say where I became the person he loves the most.

The Red Witch.


	2. Battle of Wills

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Red Witch Meets the Commander, first impressions are not what one might want them to be.
> 
> The First Order needs her help but she needs nothing from them.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope to update ‘The Red Witch’ a few times a week because it just wont let me be. I’m really excited to see where it goes, come along on the ride with me.

I felt the annoyance radiate off of me in dark waves as I sat waiting, I hated waiting. I thrummed my fingers on the shiny black surface of the over large conference table my finger nails made a satisfying thrum upon its hard surface. I stared about the room my eyes drawn to the stars through the obnoxiously large window which spanned one entire wall. And to the red planet that awaited my return. I uncrossed and recrossed my legs the leather of my trousers at the movement. Just the thought of the unimpressive shell of this enormous star Destroyer called the Finalizer seemed to only cause me more annoyance and I scoffed as I thought of it’s name and how arrogant these boys were with they toys and their war games.

An angry growl erupted from my deep in my throat and demure young women in the corner dropped her data pad in her lap startled by the noise sparing me a terrified glance. “G-General Hux should only be another moment… there was another more pressing matter he needed to attend to.” Her voice was small and frightened, I would be frightened too it was not often one was in the presence of one such as I. 

The Red Witch. 

A Nightsister reborn, no allegiance, no Master loyal to only myself and the spirits in the temples of Dathomir. They had that taught me all I knew and my loyalty to them extended only as long as they would teach me. I gave her a feral smile more baring my teeth than anything. I stood roughly toppling my chair as pushed away from the table. I made my way to the large doors at the end of the room, doors that would take me back to my ship and away from these men. If the First Order wished to meet with me they had better be on time not wasting it and mine.

“Wait!” The woman called her voice trembled not afraid of me I realized but what would happen to her if I left.

I could hear her open her communicator. “General Hux, s-she is leaving.” There was a pause and I could hear the sound of another voice buzz over the communicator yelling unintelligibly.

“Please!” She begged me.

I ignored her a different anger swelling against these fools now along side what was already there as I made my way to the hanger. For a group so interested in my assistance they seemed rather keen on showing me what sort of allegiance this might turn out to be. 

My black boots moved noiselessly over the too shiny floors the red dust that was ever present on Dathomir’s surface trailing from the folds of my red cloak the only indication of where I was headed. My cloak which blended in a dark harmony with the red earth of my Planet stood out so starkly against the monotone colouring of the destroyer showing me how two different peoples we were. I was much more suited to the red Planet that was looming below its power calling me back it’s green magic swirled at my finger tips.

I made it to the hanger rather quickly yet I was met by a platoon of Stormtroopers standing between me and my ship, Their distinctly clad Captain stood before me in Chromium armour holding up a hand to stop my advance.

I sighed willing the headache that was now beginning to throb behind my eyes to leave.

“Let me pass.”

“I am under strict orders not to do so.” The voice that rung from the helmet was distinctly female a modicum of respect filled me momentarily, it was not often you saw a women in power in this regime.

Yet still I raised a dark brow at the audacity of the command in her voice directed at me, “I am afraid I am not under those same orders Captain.”

“This will be your last warning,” she began, “I will escort you back to the General.”

I laughed humourlessly, “No, I don’t believe you will.”

The Captain stepped toward me, “I am under strict orders I must insist.”

“Oh,” I paused cocking my head to the side with a grin, “how sad for you then.” 

I flicked my index and middle finger to the left not bothering to raise my arm just a modicum of the proof of my strength. The Captain and her entire platoon went flying across the hanger so roughly that not one got up their limp forms strewn together.

I moved away not sparing them a second glance and again towards my ship as I was to set a booted foot upon the ramp to enter the ship it was physically moved away from me. 

Narrowing my eyes I turned slowly gathering my magic. 

First I felt, then and then I saw the black figure enter the hanger among the sea of fallen Stormtroopers. He stood there a giant of a man cloaked in black, fully masked, I could feel the the Force energy that radiated off him in powerful dark waves. He stepped thoughtlessly over the fallen Stormtroopers as one might step over fallen stones and move towards me. 

When I raised my glowing hand toward a him he paused his gloved hands raised at his to show he Kent no quarrel.

“Come,” his voice deep and robotic distorted by the communicator of his mask yet still I could feel the demand that threaded through his words, “I have only just received a shipment of wine from Keren it would be a shame to let it go to waste.”

I sighed irritated that I was now curious, the level of strength I sensed in him was warring with the anger by being left to wait like it was I who had approached them for a meeting. Yet, it was curiosity that won out in the end, my damned curiosity, “Finally someone aboard this hunk of metal with manners.”

He extended a hand to help me over the pile of white armour clad bodies which I gladly took, I could finally see them beginning to stir. I was glad to have a reason to be on this blasted ship if only to discover what power lay within this mysterious figure.

It had been moment of weakness that I agreed to answer the call of the First Order, or perhaps a moment that was beckoned by the strange powers in the Universe, the same ones that had initially led me to Dathomir. 

The First order droid had en entered the temple just after sunrise and had caught me of guard it had been a long while since I had seen any thing other than the feral animals that inhabited Dathomir. I realized as I followed this robed figure that perhaps I had been alone for too long without another living creature. 

I sneered at the memory of the last ritual I had completed it had been taxing and I had awoken from a fevered dream covered in piss and vomit but much stronger then I had been before. Though my knees had wobbled for two days afterwards and I my skin was sore where the black lines that I had painted on my skin burned away and now their magic stained my flesh I had indeed awoken that morning to my full strength. I was angered with the spirits of the witches that dwelled upon the dusty red planet who seemed to get joy from every ounce of pain I endured and blood I shed and I desired to be away from their tiresome threats and anger if only for a short time. Though it was true that their anger and insults fuelled my own the desire to learn and to prove that I could indeed become what they constantly jeered that I could not. 

Yet what these men wanted from me fuelled my curiosity my constant desire for knowledge to it’s breaking point apparently. Yet to be kept waiting like a fool while there was still knowledge to be obtained from the hags below did not sit well with me. At least now I knew there was another with a power aboard this ugly vessel that I sensed perhaps could rival my own. 

The cloaked figure did not speak to me nor did he look upon me yet I could sense his thoughts reach out to mine like probing tendrils of smoke. An easy task for me to keep him from my mind for it was the first lesson the Witches of Dathomir taught me when I arrived many years ago, if only to keep my childish thoughts to myself. 

“If you have questions I suggest you ask me,” I hissed, “if I find you trying to enter my mind again you will sorrily regret it.” 

He grunted at my words the noise like strange crackle behind the mask and I saw him stiffen in annoyance. He increased his pace, his long legs creating a distance between us with every step. However, I refused to gallop behind him like a child at it’s mother’s coat-tails. I watched eagerly to gauge his reaction as he reached the intersecting corridor to realize that I was sauntering slowly towards him twenty paces back a smirk on my face, his gloved hands clenched at his sides as he waited impatiently for me to catch up though he did not say a word. 

I narrowed my eyes as I approached I did not like the arrogance in his stance. He turned on his heel and continued down the corridor saying not a word to me but his pace greatly reduced and once again I felt the dark energy surround him and flare out in waves of anger that I could taste it in the air. 

I smirked again at his back. 

By the time we walked though the the doors the room was bustling with activity. Lieutenants moved about the room data pad’s in hand the General’s assistant with her head bowed her hands ringing before her as he glowered down at her.

“I brought back your guest.” My masked companion spoke to the red headed man a sour expression on his pale face as he turned to face us as he continued “You will want to sent someone to clean up the mess she left in the hanger.”

“I am General Armitage Hux,” he spoke not acknowledging the other mans words, “I must extent my apologies for keeping you waiting.It appears however, you have met Commander Ren.”

I stepped around him and sat in my place at the table giving him the modicum I’m of respect he gave to others raising a perfect brow as I swivelled my chair to face him, “I was promised a drink.”

He blinked. 

The Commander stepped toward the table placing a dark glass in front of me I did not see where he got it I didn’t I care nor did I bother to thank him. He did not sit at any of the other chairs place around the large table he took his place with his back to the large window on the other side of the table my eyes tracing his steps.

Touching the cup lightly with my hand I could smell the heat of the vineyard that the grapes had been grown on and the perfume of the woman who had picked them. I could hear the thoughts of the man who pressed the gapes and and I could see the thick forest that the wooden casks were grown. 

“Yes, well,” General Hux cleared his throat breaking the connection I could see he was a man that was not used to being ignored when he spoke. The anger in his eyes however was not trained me me but on the Commander across the room before they flicked back to me, “I did ask you here for a reason.”

“Of which I hope you will enlighten me in the near future.” I looked at the dark liquid in the cup and back up to his green eyes. 

His lips drew a line on his face no amusement at my words, “We are in need of one with your skills.”

A smirk still graced my features. “You waste my time, with one as powerful as him,” I waved my hand in the direction of the Commander, “what need do you have of me? Unless, he is not as powerful as he presents himself.” A lie, I knew full well that he was strong, stronger than any other I had come across.

I saw Hux’s shoulders stiffen his eyes flicked from me to the to the Commander.

Anger radiated off of him, it was not Hux who spoke next but Commander Ren himself, “it is not a question of my power, it is about winning. With your power in our arsenal our enemies don’t stand a chance.”

There was something else they needed from me I could sense it but neither man spoke to enlighten me. 

How arrogant. 

I stood walking over to the Commander and pressed the full cup of wine into his gloved hand looking fearlessly up at him, “The wine is not from Keren, you were lied to.”

He did not look down at the cup he look at me although I could not see his eyes I could feel them on mine beneath the mask, “You did not give your answer.”

I walked back across the room and towards the door again and I felt him try to halt me with with his power but I brushed it off with ease I did not cow away like he was used. 

“No.”

“No?” General Hux balked as though he was utterly shocked by my refusal.

I turned to them, “You heard me correctly, I see nothing here to suggest I will benefit from this arrangement what so ever. I sense a Great War within the Force why must I involve myself in it?”

“Listen here, I don’t have to let you leave this ship, the First Order could just as easily conscript you to get what we need from you.” Hux spat. 

I chuckled darkly, truly delighted by his words there was no way he thought he could keep me here or anywhere unless I allowed it. I shook my head and turned to make my way back to my ship. “Lovely visit truly, next time I would suggest not threatening guests should you need something from them.”

Faster than I could sense his movement I felt a hand wrap around my upper arm. My head snapped to face the offender and I lashed out, though not on my planet to draw the energy from its core I could still harness the Force with deadlier implications than most and I would not be touched by these men. 

I pushed him back with my power his grip on my arm loosed unprepared for my forceful attack, the cup of wine spilling as he was thrown over the table crashing against the window a pool of red liquid splashing the ebony uniform of out dear General. Hux jumped back pressing against the wall his demure assistant protected by his outstretched arm she cowered behind him, the other Lieutenants frozen in a humorous tableau of surprise. 

As Kylo Ren flew back I could feel him loose his rage and shielded myself as he sent the conference table flying at me violently it exploded into tiny pieces as it hit my shield and in turn I sent those offending pieces right back at him shredding his cloak before he could pull up a shield of his own. 

“Is this how the First Order gains allies?” I sneered as I saw the Commander reach for the lightsaber at his side, “I am not surprised you need my help.”

Hux stepped toward one arm pointing at each the Commander and myself neither relenting yet neither commencing another attack.

I spoke again lowering my hand green magic swirling again around my fingertips, “You are all very fortunate that I am not vengeful like my teachers, I have learned from their mistakes but I warn you to cease this nonsense or I too will be your enemy.”

Commander Ren removed his hand from his lightsaber, “we do not mean to offend you,” I could feel his rage and I could feel the equal struggle to quell it. 

That in fact was only reason I paused my fight my own rage stumbled and halted for a moment and then there was clarity. That struggle against the rage was not something I had never mastered myself, and I had blown up a few buildings in a tantrum and I felt a sudden kinship. I could hear the leather of his gloves creak as he clenched them viciously at his sides eager to touch the lightsaber again I could sense it as he took deep deliberate breaths in attempt to calm himself, just like I was.

“I will have an answer for you by sunset tomorrow.” I spoke looking only at him as I parted again for my ship no one dare to stop this time.


	3. Mother Dearest

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Katalana leaves Dathomir a task much more trying than she ever imagined.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Kylo will be back next chapter we just needed to see this. I’m excited about this chapter. 
> 
> Trigger warning for Violence and implied non-con

I didn’t sleep that night. I knew what my answer would be before I had even set foot on my ship to make my way back to the surface of Dathomir but I knew there were things that needed to be done before I left the place that had been my home for the better part of the last decade. Things that made me cringe with dread. My bag packed with my meagre belongings, the wooden box from my Great Uncle holding the treasures from that time within and the few articles of clothing I deemed necessary to take with me.

I left the ruined stone hovel that I lay my head in for the small amount of rest I was allowed since my arrival on Dathomir. I looked up as I walked my gaze fell up to the grotesque hanging sacs, the graves if you will of the fallen Nightsisters. As I gazed upon them it only seemed to remind me of a burial that I would never be honoured enough to have for myself, for there would be no one left to entomb me like that of those Sisters. 

Not anymore.

Leaving this planet would be harder to leave than it had been to leave my own home world of Lothil. I was also much more afraid to tell the Mother dwelled here than I had been to tell the one that birthed me. I steeled myself swallowing down the strange emotion that threatened to crawl up my throat, it couldn’t have been fear, it had been so long since I even recognized that emotion. Mother Talzin had made sure that there was nothing left that could frighten me. If there was something I feared she would have me re-live those memories over and over until I was numb to them. 

Both physically and mentally.

Even as a spirit she was a force in and of herself. She stood as taller than any man I had seen before, the scarlet head dress he wore only added to her hight. Her face a milky white the black of her tattoos stark on her face the pattern ugly and off putting. Her narrow face always pinched frowning and her eyes void of any colour lest the black pupil stark against the whiteness which followed me around it seemed even in my dreams.

I could not imagine how she would take my decision to leave Dathomir and allow the First Order to use me, especially since there was clearly a Sith among their ranks, a thing Nightsisters loathed. I raised my chin and made my way to The Nightmare Ruins looking around realizing I didn’t think I would miss a single thing about this place, other than the knowledge I had obtained. The animals here tried to kill you daily whether or not there was well enough reason, the plant life despised your existence and if it wasn’t poisonous it was covered in thorns, and the spirits that roamed this planet were bent on a revenge they had not achieve in life. Not to mention the zealot clan of Night Brothers I had numerous deadly encounters with.

Why had I stayed so long? I pondered.

The Nightmare Ruins could be seen from orbit and yet their size was nothing in compared to the spirit of the night Mother that lay within. Mother Talzin’s red cloaked figure glowed with an eerie transparent green light and she stood her arms folded on her chest waiting as I entered the sanctuary. 

“Why did you leave the planet with out my permission.” She sneered her features twisted grotesquely not waiting for me to speak.

“I did not realize I needed permission Mother.” I replied I felt my hackles rise.

Her frown if possible deepened. “You need my permission to breath child.”

“Then I suppose you will not like what I say next.” I said carefully.

“Then don’t say it,” she moved to cauldron the spirit Witches had been preparing for the next ritual. A ritual that I should have been preparing for rather than visiting with the First Order. She sniffed at me and pointed again to the cauldron. “Stir this and we will get started.”

“Mother, I am leaving.” I said not moving from my place at the entrance.

“Don’t be ridiculous,” she waved a hand at me stirring the cauldron herself with a wave of her hand, “there is nothing to be nervous about you needn’t have prepared for this ritual it is child’s play.” She raised a hand a long brush dipped into the cauldron with a hiss and she brought it near, “Remove your clothes so I can begin readying you body.”

I didn’t move and she lashed out her magicks filling the room transporting me to a stone chamber that she knew was the hardest of my fears to overcome. My heart skipped a beat, realizing that indeed a fear still lingered under my skin, I blinked waving my hand dissipating her vision. 

“Stop.”

She looked down her nose at me not willing to admit she was impressed with how easily I dissolved her mirage. “What do you prattle on about hmm?”

“I was approached by the First Order-“ I began but she cut me off.

“No.” She stiffened, “what can you learn there that I cannot teach you here? Those sycophants know nothing of what power you possess and I will not allow then to devise you of it. Nor will I allow you to reveal our secrets to the likes of them.” She spat.

She approached me steadily as she spoke the green energy in the room raising from the ground coiling at my ankles in tendrils, the spirits of the fallen sisters now angered with me I could hear their whispers a steady noise in my ears and my mind.

“Traitor.”

“Ungrateful.”

“Failure.”

“Nothing.”

I stepped back away from Mother Talzin her crazed grin blooming a fear I didn’t recall having again rose. “Stop this Mother.”

She held her hand up and the voices hushed, “If you leave you cannot come back.”

“I understand.”

“You still have so much more to learn.” She continued her voice taunted me as though she was speaking to a child.

“I will still learn.”

“You disappoint me.” She sighed and turned from me.

I didn’t bother to thank her I merely turned to leave.

“There is a Sith among them.” A hollowed voice from the ichor spoke.

Suddenly the silence was heavy.

I swallowed.

Her anger shot though me like a knife.

Then I ran.

Faster than I’d ever run before but it was too late the bright red sun dimmed and the world around me changed and now I was fighting for my life. Risen corpses of the Nightsisters erupted around me grabbing me pulling me swiping their vicious claws into my skin. Using my own Magicks I attempted to rise my own corpses long banished six legged lizard creature called Frompath’s spurned from the red dirt easily dispatching the corpse Sisters, but I felt my power wane as the magicks fought against me. My lungs burned as I ran through the ruins sending bursts of Force energy to push and remove my assailants from my path while I gathered my thoughts.

I had been though much worse if I could just get back to my ship.

My thoughts came to an abrupt halt when I turned a bend and was grabbed roughly by a Nightsister and thrown through a crumbling stone structure, my vision went white and my ears rang but I did not take even a moment to shake myself off as I launched from the rubble at a mummified corpse her vicious teeth gnawing into my flesh blood running freely down my arm where I blocked her attack. Again I called upon the force using it to rip her limbs from her body to wield them as a weapon against her. The torn body fell to the ground I moved myself down the winding path towards the launch pad my knee paining greatly and my head thrumming my ears still ringing. I was set upon by two more corpses which I easily pushed off off the walkway to plummet from the cliff face only to find four more take their place an endless stream of corpses that did not feel pain.

I searched around for something anything to use as a weapon my arms aching from pushing and pulling my opponents too and fro with the force not used to the strain of such a grant scale for such a long amount of time. The arms I had been using as a weapon it were crumbling beneath my sweaty palms. It was useless to use my magicks against them, it was their essence and my only option was to use the force like I was born to do. I took a deep breath and using my powers I lifted a hoard of corpses that had cornered me off of their feet knocking them out of my way much like I had the Stormtroopers the day before clearing my path if only momentarily. I could hear them behind me as they began to rise.

Again I ran and kept running the sun falling in the sky the twin moons rising in the distance. I had spent the entire day fighting my way through their horde not to make a dent in their numbers.

Over and over the decaying bodies appeared from nothing and nowhere and my body grew weaker and weaker I used the Force to knock them away to dismember them to pull them into pieces anything to stay alive.

My boots skidded in the sand my knees shaking I was so close to my ship but before me stood Mother Talzin, so calm and so very angry but I knew it was foolish to think her calm welcoming because under the surface I knew betrayal was the worst sin I could rise against her. 

“I gave you everything you ever wanted and this is how you repay me?”

She reached out holding me by my throat with invisible hands lifting my feet off of the ground squeezing the breath from my lungs, “I could destroy you in a heartbeat because on this planet you are nothing you are less than nothing. I have behind me the power of a thousand Nightsisters.”

I despised her, even though all she had shown me I despised her all the more.

“So… do.. I…” I choked loosing my own magic. 

Tendrils of green magicks that seeped from the core of this planet paired with my will were able to hold her, to squeeze her like she was squeezing the life from me. To suffocated her non-existent lungs. I felt her hold loosen on me and I wrenched myself from her imaginary grasp gasping for breath.

This was the last time.

“You cannot hurt me Katalana.” She laughed at me.

“I can banish you Mother.” I spat her name.

“You can try.” She laughed almost joyfully. 

She raised her hands at her sides and a great tide of Magicks washed over me throwing me to the ground green tendrils forming into hands holding me roughly in place. Familiar stone walls formed around me like a memory from a life time ago it was dark and damp and I could feel the dust of the Doonium mine under my fingernails.

I could feel everything I longed to forget, that I had forgotten. I felt the hands of a thousand generations of witches paw and scratch me, I felt my skin break and clothes tear and my blood spill into the dirt below, I felt the savage pull of my hair as I was dragged by my long braid right to base of the Mother’s feet.

“You are nothing without me Katalana, you are a miner’s daughter, who murdered her own family.”

I exploded and I threw everything within me at her everything I had I pulled both the Force energy and the Magicks of Dothomir and I took hold of her. It should have been impossible but yet she was bound by my will. I lunged myself at her pinning her beneath me my knees on her chest pinning her arms at her sides. I would let no one alive or dead make me feel like that ever again. 

I was shaking, with rage or terror which one I could not say but I felt a great fury of darkness rise in me that I had never felt before.

I was unstoppable.

Her eyes widened as I put my hands around her throat pressing my thumbs into the spectre flesh and she spoke tightly, “Nightsisters know the Dark side better than anyone Katalana.”

“We grew up steeped in it,” I interrupted her speech for I’d heard it a thousand times before in my training, “but Mother, we use it as a tool and stay ourselves unlike the Sith.”

Her eyes bore into mine.

I continued, “I learned all you can teach me Mother but I want more.”

I harnessed all of my power and rage and anger into one single solitary blow and I pushed her through the layers of red earth and down into the core of swirling green that lay beneath. I heard her scream echo in my mind and I stood triumphantly. The remaining corpses crumpled lifelessly to the ground. 

I made my way weakly to my ship barely able to hold myself upright my vision darkened around the edges.

As I stepped to the launch pad I felt a great rumbling from below me, the buildings around me crumbling to dust, the launch pat teetered precariously on the cliffs edge the ground cracking and crumbling. In one final attempt to fell me Mother Talzin used up all of her remaining powers the powers that kept her in existence and sent forth a burst of energy of such magnitude up from the ground it erupted from the earth in a great column of green that reached the sky. 

The power of a thousand angry Nightsisters. 

I watched bathed in a rage like none other I had ever experienced as my ship was blown to oblivion and I was thrown backwards with such violence the sickening crash of my body against another stone building left me broken and bloodied my lungs filling with fluid. This time my vision going dark felt like a blessing to alleviate my pain. My body crumpled and covered with rubble.


	4. Tantrums

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Katalana here’s her orders.

I opened my eyes and the only thing I registered was mind numbing pain as my blood leaked from every orifice, my bones ached my muscles burned though still I managed to wield a small amount of Force energy I had within me to dig myself out from beneath the stones. Everything hurt yet I knew I had been through much worse I’d had mountains of rock upon me many years ago and I lived to tell about it. With a great heave of strength I was finally free but my body still broken. I clenched my side a metal rod impaled me jutting out at an odd angle and my breath came in wet gasps. I needed to find a way to get off this planet and to find myself some help. 

My ears rang so loudly that I did not hear the sound of a ships approach. I only managed to take two steps towards the destroyed landing pad before I collapsed again. Laying in the red dirt I reached frantically for my bag I put my hand within the folds of fabric and pulled out the old wooden box clumsily I opened the lid the object of my desire still within its confines. I caressed the object reverently before lifting it with shaking hand and pressed the secondary switch a small light dagger burst from the end of the Great Uncle’s lightsaber a modification I was now very glad I had added in my years here. 

I took a deep crackling breath and quickly I pulled the metal rod from my side the blood a torrent now a steady stream seeped down me. Without pause I impaled the hole in my side with the light dagger effectively cauterizing the wound. My scream echoed across the barren landscape. 

My clothes were damp with sweat and blood and tears fell from my eyes like a stream as the wound burned like lava. I tried to get up only to fail again. I let loose a cry of frustration as I tried to pull myself up on shaking arms. 

I felt myself being lifted my eyes blurred as I looked for the source afraid that it was the Night Mother back for revenge but when I turned I was surprised and strangely relieved to see the masked figure of Commander Ren beside me pulling my arm up over his shoulder. 

“I don’t know what happened down here, but if I don’t get you back to the Finalizer you will die.”

There was nothing to say, I looked to him and nodded My lightsaber still in hand I disengaged the blade. It tumbled from my grasp the cry that fell from my lips gave him pause and he looked down to it and my discarded bag and pulled them easily to his hand and guided us back to his ship. 

There was little I could recall coherently for the next seventy two hours as the medical officers repaired my body. Flashes of consciousness broke through fevered dreams of nearly strangling a medic who stitched my wounds and I threw myself to the floor in an attempt to escape the corpses that chased me in my dreams. 

My body was wrecked but it healed, quickly and soon I awoke in a comfortable room clearly designed to meet First Order standards, nowhere near sick bay where I was no longer welcome. I could not complain however because the bed was wonderful I paused how long had it been since I slept on a comfortable mattress? I turned my head and only with a quick glimpse out the window I could see Dathomir was no even a spot in the distance. 

Good riddance. 

I did not recall a single reason I had stayed on that forsaken planet for as long as I did. Hopefully the First Order still had use of me because currently I was in their debt and I wanted nothing more that to see Dathomir crumble into space dust. 

I sat up slowly my body felt like a cloud too light to be alive. I swung my legs over the edge of the bed noting I was only in a loose black shirt and underpants. I groaned as my body protested the movements. I stood taking small steps at a time my muscles ached in protest demanding I should lay down again. I moved to the refresher I took care of my bodily needs and I placed my mouth under the tap drinking hungrily from the fountain of water my stomach feeling bloated and sloshing when I eased slowly from the refesher to sit on the edge of my bed exhausted. 

I touched my dark hair the braid had been removed and it had become a nest of knots and blood but I did not have the will nor desire to attempt even looking for a brush. 

The door to my room slid open with a mechanical hiss and a small woman stood in the entry way. 

She seemed familiar. 

“I am here to help you get dressed.” Her lips quivered slightly when she spoke not looking in my eye. 

“I do not need your help,” I absolutely did but would never admit that I did. 

“Your presence had been requested In the briefing room.” She stepped further into the room. 

‘How do they know I’m even conscious’ I thought. 

I stared at her realizing who she was I grit my teeth, The Generals Assistant. This task must be below her pay grade yet I did not sense any malice toward me just the need to please Hux. 

I narrowed my eyes. “I will need my clothes.”

She stepped to a hidden compartment in the wall and pushed a button the wardrobe slid open revealing neatly pressed black uniforms. Her hand fell upon one and made to pull it out. 

“No.” I halted her and she froze, “I want my clothes.”

She turned to me fear in her eyes. 

“But ma’am,” she began, “they were destroyed.”

I closed my eyes irritated, “where is my bag I know that Commander Ren had my bag.”

She blinked. She didn’t know. 

“Fine.” I snapped, “help me to the shower.”My hair had begun to itch from the dried blood on my scalp.

Her eyes went round. “I, perhaps I should get-“

I cut her off, “you are a woman correct?”

She nodded confused. 

“Then there is nothing you have not seen before.” Living with the Red Witches had spared me of any and all of shame long ago. My naked body had been painted from head to toe with their Magicks multiple times the black tattoos on my skin as proof. 

She blinked. 

“Come here and help me my side burns help me take this off.” I had stood and made my way to the bathing room and waited for her at the door. 

She steeled herself and stepped to me and helped me pull the shirt over my head. 

She gasped when she saw my form, I cocked my head then turned to the mirrored wall to see what horrors she saw. A smirk played on my mouth, other than the lightsaber burn on my side that I refused to let the medics heal as a reminder and the healing bruises and cuts on my body it was the same as it had been for years. I admired my reflection it was a map of my accomplishments, my skin pale, and adorned with black swirling tattoos and magick symbols over its entirety. My breasts round and heavy not spared by the markings either nor where the curves of my hips or the plains of my stomach. There was not a single part of me spared from markings not even my face two pale black marks mirroring each other starting under my eyes and down my cheeks, marks so light with ink that it showed that I had not completed the rituals that made me a full Nightsister. There were short marks that extended from my bottom lip to my chin and an inverse crescent between my eyebrows. I frightened her I could feel her fear rush through me, fear and something else...

Awe. 

I was after all the Red Witch. 

I turned the water on and stepped under the hot stream hissing with pleasure. “Ready some clothes on the bed and wait outside my room I will call you if I have need of you.” 

She and her pale face scurried away relieved to be discharged from my presence. 

I took my time under the hot water, a luxury I had not been afforded for so long. The dirt and dust and blood washed from me I was now ready to leave the glorious confines of the shower. I wrapped a towel around me and padded into the room. 

Black leggings and long sleeved black tunic, I smirked she was trying to cover me up. My boots where sitting by the door they had not been before but my bag still not in sight. I dried and combed my hair plaiting it in a single braid over my shoulder I made my to exit the door. 

It slid open. 

I smirked, I thought I had sensed him. 

“Commander Ren, to what do I owe the pleasure?” I cooed. 

He bristled. 

“I take it you are here to the briefing room,” I paused, “did I scare the little dove off?”

He said nothing but turned and walked away from me I could feel his irritation at fetching me I had indeed frightened the poor girl. I followed rolling my eyes at his back. 

I had assumed this walk to the briefing room would be as full of conversation and our last walk down this corridor which I why I was surprised when he spoke turning to me. “I think you will find people are much more conservative here then you are used to.”

Was this a warning, his tone suggested it. 

“Why bother sending someone to help me dress if she is going to get uncomfortable when I take my clothes off.” My tone clipped. “I am not embarrassed by my body, it has gotten me through much.” 

He turned his head to me I thought he might speak. I sensed his curiosity at my words. 

I raised a brow it him playfully, “I assure you Commander what she saw was not frightening.” 

He grunted irritated again and used his hand to open the door storming through.

I walked in behind him spying General Hux and his assistant attempting to look anywhere but at me smirking to myself I noted the absence of a conference table. 

“It is good to see you up and about,” Hux noted as he looked at me. 

“Where is my bag?” I asked I would not let them hear the desperation in my words because I myself didn’t quite understand how much I needed to make sure that the rest of my belongings were not destroyed, I did not need him knowing it either. 

Showing more weakness was not an option.

“You bag?” Hux turned to his assistant who was frantically searching through her data pad for an answer her eyes wide. 

“I have it,” the Commander spoke, “why do you have a lightsaber? Where did you get it? I thought Nightsisters didn’t have need of them”

Relief filled me, I ignored his questions, “Where is it?”

“Answer my questions!” He demanded. 

“No.” I hissed though my teeth. 

Hux sighed already tired of our antics and worried perhaps we might break more furniture. “Listen here the both of you. We are all here by the grace of Supreme Leader Snoke’s discretion so, if we could please attempt some form of civility it would be greatly appreciated.”

I sneered at him silently pleased as I watched him flinch back. “I will do nothing for anyone until I get all of my belongings back into my possession.” I hissed turning to the Commander’s direction. 

“You will answer my questions then.” He hissed right back at me. 

I crossed my arms under my breasts I could feel his eyes on me. Taking a deep breath I spoke I turned back to Hux, “thank you for helping me after the events of Dathomir, I would surely be dead without the assistance of your medics.”

Hux puffed himself up a little, “it was rather a feat, the energy emissions from Dathomir sent the gyroscopes on the the main engines into full power failure we nearly lost an entire engine to a fire by the end of it.” 

“What happened?” It was the Commander’s deep commanding tone that wove under my skin willing me to answer. I fought against the rise to argue with him. 

“I explained to the Night Mother that I wished to help the First Order, she did not approve.” I oversimplified my answer. 

“The amount of Force that was wielded still leaves it’s mark.” He stated.

“Yes, well what can I say she really didn’t want me to leave.” I could not explain hundreds of years of Nightsister history to him. “Let me just say the Nightsisters and The Sith do not exactly see eye to eye.”

Hux frowned, “Will this be a problem?” He looked between the Commander and I almost eager for me to say yes, even if he weren’t shouting it at me though his thoughts I could see it plain on his face.

I sneered at him and he blinked. “General Hux, I am telling you if I get my belongs back into my possession I will gladly do anything you ask of me.”

He smiled at me, it did not reach his eyes.

“Ren, give her her things.” His eyes flicked to the Commander.

I looked to the imposing man who’s anger fell from him in torrents, I breathed it in deeply, his rage could feed my own and I could taste the power in it. My own Force energy began to coil from me reaching out for his, the havoc we could wreak upon the Galaxy was nearly palatable on my tongue. 

Unconsciously I stepped towards him. 

I was mere inches from him and he looked upon me I could feel his gaze through the mask the shadows tendrils of our energy reaching out to find the source of like power. I felt drawn to him and I hated it. 

Like calls to like.

His hand moved up and reached for my temple and few things happened all at once. As soon and his gloved fingers connected with my skin it was like a vacuum. Flashes of memories burst in my mind not all of them my own and then my rage flared at being touched. I barely handled the little doves small hands helping me earlier let alone this unwelcome touch that held a sort of intimacy behind it that I had never experienced. Every horrible thing I had ever experienced he was seeming in fleeting images in his minds eye, which was even more confusing compounded by the strange images that flooded through me that were clearly not my own.

I wrenched his hand away from me and a feral growl erupted from my mouth and I made to launch my self at him how dare he touch me. I felt a pair of arms come around my waist pulling me away from the Commander.

My eyes widened awful memories from my past brought forward from the connection only moments ago shoved to the forefront of my mind and the events on Dathomir’s surface days ago. I reached within me to crush the offender but before I could gather my powers. The offender was ripped away from me and I turned to see General Hux fly into the opposite wall.

“You do not touch her.” Ren’s voice shook with rage.

I looked over my shoulder to him confusion clear on my features, no one had ever defended me like that before. It made me uncomfortable.

“Do not make that mistake again.” The Commander turned and left lightning his lightsaber as he exited the doors of the briefing room tearing violently down the corridor angry lines of melted metal in is wake. The doors hissed closed before he disappeared from sight.

I turned to see Hux’s assistant bent over the General attempting to help him in any way she could her eyes flashing to me with fright.

He shook her off and straightened his tunic a dour expression on his face his own rage in clear display, “We shall see what the Supreme Leader has to say about this. I do not think he will disagree we do not need two unhinged individuals aboard this vessel.”

I pushed away the emotions I wanted to lash out with and swallowed my rage to speak, “Two things General, first do not touch me, no one touches me ever.”

“I gathered.” He replied sardonically.

“Second,” my eyes bore at him, “Point me in the direction you need me, I will gladly annihilate any and all targets the First Order desires just get me away from him.” I pointed at the direction the Commander had just left.

He smirked nodding, “I think you and I will get along just fine my dear.”

I huffed and left the conference centre making sure I took the path farthest from the direction the Commander’s destruction led. I needed to get as much distance between him and I as I could, I did not like the way the Force was drawing us together. 

I narrowed my eyes and cursed loudly a pair of Stormtroopers who turned at my colourful words, I still did not have my belongings and Commander Ren had effectively sorted through my mind. In a tantrum of my own rage I lifted my hand and hurled the two if them at the wall. 

Hard.

I stepped over their bodies leaving them watching me with fear that would soon spread through the Finalizer. Word had indeed spread that there was another like the Commander with just as violent a temper and as far as I was concerned so be it. The less I had to deal with these plebs the better.

When I finally found my way back to my room I was pleased to see my belonging sitting on the end of my freshly made bed. I rushed to it and opened the wooden box, I could feel Kylo Ren’s energy all over it and a frowned but it appeared at first glance that everything was there much to my relief. 

A thousand thoughts rushed through my mind. What did he know, or what did he think he knew. I knew that the images of his memories that flashed through my mind had been confusing and left me with an ache in her chest but I could not discern what they might mean to him. However, I did not have access to holo crystals that explained the entire history of his family. Noting that my journals were missing I frowned, not that Ren would be able to decipher much from them as they were mostly notes from past rituals and honestly I did not care what Nightsister secrets were revealed to him. I growled at the thought of him having something that belonged to me.

I strange dinging noise from behind me and interrupted my thoughts. A data pad was sitting on the small table behind me. I stepped away from my things and to it seeing a message from the General, it seems he took my offer to heart I was headed to Chandrila. I smiled and gathered my things and left the apartment to make my way to the hanger, this would be glorious.


	5. Chapter 5 Echoes of the Past

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Katalana arrives on Chandrila for her first mission, will she find more waiting for her there than she hoped.

Chapter 5. Echos of the Past

I was given an arsenal to chose from as I stood in the armoury pondering my choices before choosing a blaster which in reality I did not need but it would be helpful in a pinch, I also took a few small knives I could store in the leathers I was equipped with. After I explained to Hux that I was under no circumstances wearing the uniforms in my closet he had begrudgingly given me a catalog to choose armour from they were all simple enough and on hand. I didn’t need plate like the troopers so I decided upon a thick tunic with dozens of small hidden pockets to store knives and such. It had a split seam so hand to hand combat would still be possible. A thick leather belt around my waist cinched the fabric pleasantly and also gave me a place to clip my lightsaber and pair bantha hide leggings were tucked into my boots. I strapped the blaster to my thigh and turned to make my way to the ship.

“You had better take this, you don’t exactly blend in.” General Hux tossed a cloak at me which I placed over my shoulders.

“It is all part of my charm Sir.” I over exaggerated the last part

He ignored the bait rather eager to get me off his ship. “We will drop you just outside Hanna city at a smugglers port, your target is in the heart of the Capital, you have three days to complete your mission and made it back to the port were transport will bring you back here.”

I pursed my lips, “You are quite sure you don’t want me to eliminate the target?”

He put his arms behind his back and rocked on his heels pleased with himself, “No we need your particular set of skills we need to plant doubt and it shall play right into our hands.”

“I take it you mean my ability to summon the horrors of someone’s past?” I looked boldly at him.

He shifted uneasily.

“Would you like to see it for yourself?” I grinned green magick in my palm.

He raised a brow at me and looked down his nose, “I would rather you keep that to yourself.”

He took a step forward and led me in the direction of the transport.

I turned to speak to him but from the corner of my eye I saw the hooded figure of the Commander enter the hanger with Six other black clad warriors. The General turned to see what had taken my attention from him a frown spread across his features.

“Ah, the Knights of Ren,” he spat, “Steer clear of them, if you think the Commander is off putting they are a hundred times worse.”

I followed their path with my eyes as they headed towards the same large ship that has taken me from the surface of Dathomir the Command Shuttle. None paused but I could feel their eyes drink me in from behind their masks. The Commander himself ignored my presence completely.

“I’ll miss you too,” I called loudly causing the entire hanger to turn in my direction then to where I was looking. He paused his step his shoulders stiffened but quickly continued his path up the ramp.

Hux looked at me a smirk on his lips, “You have a death wish don’t you.”

I smirked back to him, “Most days.”

*~*~*

The ride to Chandrila was uneventful, the others onboard steered very clear of me casting me wary glances every now and again. I could feel the relief in the air as they landed at the space port and I stepped of the transport. Without a word of farewell they took off and so did I. I had been supplied with a handsome sum of money to complete my task none of which I would need. I did not bother to pull the hood of the cloak to hide my face, most of the people in the Galaxy had no reason to believe I was a Nightsister, most likely none of them even knew what a Nightsister was. 

I managed a ride with a merchant and his chatty wife who were going to Hanna City to find a new dress for their daughter who was going to get engaged at the celebratory dinner they were hosting the following evening. Her husband offered a small apology when they dropped me at my destination after she invited me to visit them.

“No apologies necessary,” I smiled, “Give me the address of your tailor and we will call it even.”

I entered the information on my data pad and waved at them.

I found my targets easily, the first a man a drunkard and a scoundrel but also a major financial backer for the Resistance forces the second a Pantoran man his blue face serious and dour. I entered the cantina and strode up the stairs to the second level collecting a drink to help myself blend it, a sour fermented drink that would not touch my lips. I leaned on the railing above them and listened to their words. The Pantoran spoke first.

“You see sir that is why we are requesting your generosity. The First order could come for us at any moment.”

The other man looked into his empty cup raising a finger for another to arrive, “You see Randar, here I thought you were just here for my company tonight but I can see I was sorely mistaken.”

The Pantoran named Randar sighed deflated, “Filius, I wish that it could be so, I would like nothing more.”

The other man’s eyes softened moving closer to the Pantoran putting his thin fingers on the other man’s knee. “Randar, you know you just need to ask I could never deny you anything.”

I closed my eyes and dove silently into the Pantoran’s mind, what ghosts did he have. A feral smile fell upon my face as I weaved my magick the green glow of my hand hidden within the folds of my cloak.

To the Pantoran Rander his companion Filius changed before him into the most painful image I could render, his dead lover’s wife. His angular face distorted no softness any longer on his features but horror upon them. I spoke into his mind using her voice.

You killed him. He would be alive if not for you and your stupidness.

“No!” He called standing up knocking the drinks off the tray that were being delivered to the table the server glowering at him.

It wasn’t enough that you took him from me, from our son but you also took him from this world.

Filius rose confusion then anger graced his tanned face, “No? No, what Randar?”

I let the image break away and so Filius’ face came back into focus Randar shook his head slightly pushing his drink away. “N-nothing, I must just be tired, too much drink perhaps.”

Filius smiled, “Then let us go home.”

Another Pantoran appeared before Randar behind his companions shoulder and his blue skin paled. He froze. 

The image before him spoke. “You choose this one over me? Pathetic.”

Rander looked to Filius, “He is nothing to me, Filius means nothing to me, I am just using him for the Resistance.”

Filius was enraged, “How dare you! Was this whole thing between us just to get into my coffers?”

I dissipated the vision leaving the Pantoran confused and horrified at what he just said. “No Filius wait!”

He called after the other man who’s face was red with rage and embarrassment.

“If I even see your face anywhere near me or any of my establishments I will have you killed.” He spat, sorting though his thoughts I was satisfied, he was pulling all of his financials from the Resistance and he was going to have this man fired. In fact he was going to call his cousin who was affiliated with the First Order.

Randar held his hands limply at his sides, I felt his sadness and I bathed in it.

I put the drink down on an empty table as I made my way to the exit, not bad I had completed my mission within two hours of my arrival with a full pocket of coin and two days left in the capital city of Hanna. I opened my data pad I recovered the address for the tailor and made my way to his shop.

*~*~*

It was amazing what some credits could do. I had the tailor re-make my red cloak and replaced my clothing, I might work for the first Order but I would not disappear into their ranks, and If it were to admit this new cloak was much better than the first. I purchased a few other items around the city while I waited for my parcels to be ready. He completed his tasks before the sun set that day and when I came back to collect them I met with the couple from this morning who were picking up their order as well.

“Please I insist come back with us my husband will take you back to meet your transport the day after tomorrow,” the woman begged.

“No I cannot.” I shook my head, she made to reach for my hand but I took a step back.

“She won’t give up you know, it might be better for all of us involved if you agree.” Her husband said tiredly.

I sighed as I wondered what fresh levels of hell awaited me, family gatherings were not my cup of tea I thought back to Mother Talzin and the last interaction I’d had with my blood mother. However I was doubtful it could be worse than what I faced on Dathomir.

“Fine!” I could not help but smile at the woman as she gleefully clapped her hands. I was uncomfortable around the happy emotions that swirled around her but it was perhaps for the best I leave the city after all something in the force seemed to be compelling me to do so, otherwise I would not have run into this pair again.

The ride was filled with chatter again, I knew more about her family in the last two hours than I knew of my own family in all my years. As we approached their home I could taste her happiness and if I were to be honest it was making me rather queazy, her husband glanced at me nervously I wondered if perhaps he was force sensitive and could sense the power within me.

“I didn’t catch your name.” He asked.

I pondered lying, “Katalana.”

“Where are you from.”

I narrowed my eyes, “From the Outer Rims.” It was vague answer if any but it placated him.

“What’s with all the,” he motioned to my tattoos.

His wife slapped his arm, “Elias what are you an interrogator now? Leave the poor girl alone, we all have our secrets. She won’t just tell them to any stranger she meets!”

He looked at her incredulously, “Are you kidding me Elane?”

I stifled a smile behind my hand and I looked out into the distance as they bickered. I felt suddenly a great flood of memories filled with regret and rage and anger and death.

I saw a boy dark hair pale skin in cream coloured clothing standing before a man dressed all in back only one hand gloved. I saw the disapproval on the mans face as he looked upon the boy and only a look of eagerness and adoration on the boys face. The image changed and I saw the boy now a little older is breath coming heavy from his lungs a lightsaber in his hands his knuckles bleeding still that look on his face, a look that begged for approval a need to prove himself. There stood his master with a permanent frown on his face. More time passed and there he was again I saw that boy now almost a man, ebony waves of hair, I saw him asleep on a pallet and his master standing above him his face weighed with sadness and anger hesitation and decision all at once. I saw him raise a lightsaber over his head illuminating the room in a eerie glow similar in colour to the magick at my palms and bring it down at the sleeping boy. The thing I felt next brought me to my feet suddenly rocking the vehicle the couple stopped to watch me a silent conversation raged between them.

I felt such rage and such anger and I felt death. What had this Master done.

“What happened here?” I demanded.

The woman shifted uncomfortably in her seat and looked at her husband.

“It was a damned shame with those little ones and all.” He looked to where you were your eyes were frozen.

“But I knew that boy was not right from the start I tell ya?” He looked to his wife who had gone pale.

She spoke softly, “His parents were such lovely people they saved us all.”

I furrowed my brow.

“Enough of this, I don’t want to think of that Bastard for one more instant.” The man barked.

The rest of the journey was in silence.

*~*~*

The next two days dragged on, I had regretted almost instantly agreeing to come here, these people were too happy. No one was this happy it made me sick. I managed to slip away more often than not going back to where I had seen the force echo. Something was pulling me there there was something I needed to see I could sense it. On the morning I was set to depart I made one last trip to the ruins of the Jedi training school. I had managed to obtain that information the night before from an elderly man steeped in drink enough to answer me. Many young force sensitives from all over the galaxy were brought here to be taught by a single master, a Master who was so willing to murder his pupil. I had yet to see why and my mind ached to figure it out.

Over and over when I tried, I did not see what I desired I merely seemed to follow the echos of the boy with dark hair. That morning I watched a memory I had not seen before, of the boy meditating in the grass. The wind blew through his hair, it was warmer then than it was now, his shirt was discarded beside him and sweat beaded on his broad chest. His face was serene his breathing calm but suddenly I felt something shift. It was a feeling I was well accustomed to, it was the pull of the dark side, where had his thoughts gone to I wondered but I didn’t need to see into his mind to know. 

He wanted his Master to be proud of him but he only managed to disappoint him. That’s when I heard a deep voice on the wind.

“He might not acknowledge what you have managed to become my boy, but I can sense your power from across the galaxy.” The voice was raspy and full of dark power.

The boy startled looking around for the source of the voice. “Who are you?” His voice was deep like velvet to my ears.

“I could be your master if it is power and respect you desire. You my boy have more power flowing through your little finger then that pathetic master of yours has in his whole body.” The voice spat.

“You cannot tempt me to the dark side.” He stood firm.

“I don’t need to tempt you because you already are, if you weren’t I would not be able to reach you.” The voice taunted.

“I will not listen to you.” He boy’s head searched for the voice still.

“He will try to kill you, he senses your desire for power, he will not let you embrace your destiny. Come to me boy I will save you.”

The echo faded and I was left with dark feeling in my gut, this boy who was he. I sighed the incessant desire to reach out for him moments ago still palpable if only to divulge that the voice he’d heard had spoken the truth. 

I heard my name called though the leaves it was Elias the proud father of a newly engaged daughter. “I thought I would find you here.”

I nodded grimly, “It calls me.”

I could not read his expression, “I know you aren’t one of them Jedi, there all gone but trust me when I say you are better off leaving well enough alone. Digging through the past does nothing but stir up trouble. As far as anyone is concerned Ben Solo is dead and we are all better for it. Come on lets get you out of here and to the space port before you miss yer ride.”

I followed behind him looking back to the spot where I had seen the boy where I had seen Ben.


	6. Stale Mate

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Katalana learns secrets from the past.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **** a/n: trigger warning for violence and implied con-con***

I could tell by the expression on the General’s face he was not happy to see the dozens of parcels that followed me out of the transport confused Stormtroopers enlisted to take them to my quarters.

“Hello Dove,” I crooned smiling wickedly to his assistant who took a step to hide behind her superior.

Hux spoke eyeing his assistant, “I trust you were successful.”

I nodded, “Filius Thalins should have been in contact with his cousin by now who is employed by the First Order to made a more than generous donation.”

Hux nodded impressed, “So not only did you destroy their money line you added to our own.”

“Don’t worry about my payment I took care of that already.” I waved to the crates and boxes most of which had been waiting for me at the space port when I arrived to the surprise of the transport crew.

“Indeed.” He deadpanned yet did not chastise me.

“I must inform you that The Commander has arrived back today as well.” He looked at me from the corner of his eye to gauge my reaction.

“How lovely,” I smirked at him he was surprised by my reaction, “I bought the Commander a gift as a matter of fact.”

I could hear him try to form words as I walked away and to my quarters a swagger in my step. “Should I be worried?” He called.

I called back, “Most likely General.”

*~*~*

It didn’t take long for me to settle back into my quarters, the General had been thoughtful to send along droids rather than the Stormtroopers to help me with my newly acquired belongings. Yet my mind couldn’t focus. It kept going back to the boy on Chandrila. Did he live? Elias said he was just as well as dead, but just as well as dead and just plain dead were two very different things. I sat heavily on one of the leather chairs pushed against the wall pondering all I had learned. Pondering why I had an unexplainable ache in my chest. The list time I had been plagued with this sort of sadness was after the mine collapse in Lothil, when my twin had died…

‘Your fault…’ the voice in my head taunted me again. I have had too much time to think not enough time training. Although my time on Dathomir was now behind me and I had no desire to go back there I sorely missed how occupied my mind was with rituals. Being haunted by my past was not how I wanted to spend my time.

Who was Ben Solo. 

My eye caught on the wooden case and I stepped towards it caressing the faded lid. I opened it and touched a holo crystal my whole history kept in one box, I reached for the lightsaber still clipped to my belt. If I had been trained by a Master from the time I was a child would I be different? I knew the answer. 

Yes.

I would have left Lothil before the mine... before I found out what power lay within me. I would not have spent the last ten years with the Witches of Dathomir, living with the degradation and the abuse. I would not be known among the systems as the Red Witch who was paid to decimate enemies. I would not be looked upon with fear and respect, I would not be here with the First Order maybe I wouldn’t be here in all senses of the word. 

I wondered if my Great Uncle would be proud of what I became. I grit my teeth gripping the sabre tight In my hand. It’s red blade cut through the air startling a house keeping droid as it entered my room. It dropped the package in its arms hastily and left the room afraid. I felt angry, I felt angry to have these emotions dredged up, dredged up by the Echoes of a boy who had perhaps had it worse than I did and I had no way of knowing the rest of his tale.

I turned the blade in my hand and I stood bathing in my rage. I’d had adequate training with the lightsaber. Contrary to rumour the Nightsisters used light weapons of all sorts one of the sisters had a light bow but I was never permitted to learn, Mother Talzin hardly tolerated my obsession with the Sabre, she said I had more important things to study. She allowed the other Nightsister spirits to aid me in rebuilding and modifying my weapon. They showed me where and how to find a kyber crystal to power my blade. I closed my eyes listening to the hum of the blade and how it sliced thought the air and like a dance partner I let it lead me through the motions of a dance, a dance I had learned so many years ago. It ended when the mechanical door hissed open again another droid stood before me this one not scared of my lightsaber. A protocol droid. 

“Commander Ren requests your presence at once.” It insisted. 

“Does he?” I disengaged the blade and clipped it back on my belt I felt the pull towards him. 

“Indeed Mistress.” It turned expecting me to follow, “I seemed rather urgent.” 

I stood and picked up a package from the bed levitating it beside me as I followed the droid. 

I was still dressed from my mission and I was getting many frightened glances as I moved purposefully down the corridor. Officers scurried away from me and I saw Stormtrooper turn suddenly down corridors ahead of me before I reached them. I even waved playfully at the Little Dove as I saw her round eyes peer at me from behind her data pad.

I drank it in, their fear it was like nothing I had ever felt before only adoration had to be close to this. 

The droid stopped before a set of large doors another pair large black droids on either side of the entryway. Their large heads turned to me red eyes scanning before they nodded their heads and the doors hissed open. 

The room before me was large meant for moving for training. I smiled. Lightsaber burns adorned the walls and the floors even the ceiling. I raised a brow at that as I looked around impressed. 

“This impresses you?” The deep robotic tone of the Commander’s words came from behind me. 

I eased the crate I levitated down beside me and turned around. “You saw what my training grounds looked like here at least you do not need to worry a beast will jump out and eat you.”

“You might be surprised.” He stepped closer.

I raised a brow smirking.

“What is in the box?” He asked. 

My grin intensified, “a gift.”

“Why?” 

I couldn’t answer I didn’t know myself. As I strode through the market in Hanna city I knew I had to get it. It made me think of him, not just as Commander Ren the force to be reckoned with but someone who might understand for a moment what it was like to have this power the blessing and the curse. I had bought it blindly and now I was before him unable to explain myself. 

“You want it or not.” I placed my hands on my hips and cocked them to the side. 

He hesitated. 

I knelt down opening the crate lifting out one of the glass bottles from within, “it is wine from Keren.”

I could feel his power shift but still he did not reply nor did he move. 

“A droid said you wished to see me.” I bit out trying to swallow the irritation at not even receiving a simple tank you for the gift but in truth I don’t think I even expected one. I set the bottle back in the crate and looked back up to him.

“How did your mission go?”

I furrowed my brow, “it was fine.”

“Did everything go as planed?”

What was with the questioning, “I suppose. It was after all a rather simple task.”

“Did you learn anything?”

I knew he was referring about The Resistance but I felt conflict because I had learned something but something was stopping me from saying that the Force drew me to a boy. That the pull of the Force Echoes had been stronger than any I had ever felt and it was all I could do not think about it but I couldn’t say anything. Could I?

“I managed to put some coin back into the First Orders pockets along the way.” I offered instead. “What’s with the interrogation?”

He sighed through his mask. “It is well within my place to ask what ever I see fit especially when Supreme Leader Snoke wishes to meet with you and I haven’t decided if I trust you or not.”

I felt my anger rising. “I left everything I had and nearly got myself killed in the process to come here and you are worried you can’t trust me you have got to be joking.”

“I don’t joke.” He bore down on me.

I stood my ground again finding myself nearly nose to his chest not letting him intimidate me. “Why do you hate me so much?”

I was surprised at my on words. 

“I don’t hate you,” he hesitated suddenly just as surprised by my words covering it with venom, “I just don’t trust you. How can I? Someone with your powers? You could be easily manipulating all of us. I think it is all just too convenient.” 

I could feel the heat pouring off of him pulling me in after so long in the cold of my own company. 

“I think you are too used to getting your own way Commander.” The audacity, I had come here with a peace offering and this was how he chose to repair it? I wanted to back away but I couldn’t.

“With one word I could have you sent back to that wasteland of a planet or perhaps I should just sent you back to Lothil.” It was as though he had physically struck me.

“You are a fucking nerf herder.” I spat. 

Faster than I could react he had his hand at my throat pushing me back roughly into the wall his body pressed into mine the cold metal of his mask hard against my face his voice modulator pressing uncomfortably into my ear. “You dare speak to me that way?”

Using the Force I attempted to push him away from me only to meet with his own powers he didn’t budge. “Don’t touch me.” I choked. With a final push he was torn away I could already feel the bruise forming as the air rushed back into my lungs. 

He would pay. 

I reached for my lightsaber and I could feel the grin on his face as I ignited it and he reached for his own. 

“No one gets to touch me!” I yelled my voice burning as a spoke and I swung at him he barely blocked surprised at my speed.

Our faces were so close, “is that so.”

A feral growl left my throat. 

“I thought the Nightsisters wielded only Magick?” He spat between blows.

“You thought wrong,” we circled each other I was furious, I did not like being touched by anyone I had made it clear before I couldn’t begin to guess why he had touched me he had previously defended me when Hux had tried to pull me away from him. Was trying to distract me with questions? “Who do you think you are?”

“I am Kylo Ren.” He brought his lightsaber over his head and I barely blocked in time the strength of his blow rang through my bones. “And You are nothing to me.”

When he failed to strike me he lifted his Lightsaber and brought it down again and again and each time I felled his blows and each time I felt the pain in my arms intensify. The power was palatable it curled off us like smoke in the air and the volume our battle had garnered interest. The Knights of Ren had come to line the wall like silent Sentinels for their Master. Stormtroopers stood in awe at the door and they had parted to make way for Hux.

I knocked his next blow aside and stuck my foot out tripping him he stumbled and growled as he came at me again, I dodged. He was getting frantic in him movements he was using brute strength against me but I was faster. I could block his blows and jab him with a few strikes singing his clothes. Our Sabres met again I had to use the force to help me meet his strength because when it came to brute strength he out matched me hands down.

“Come on Kylo,” I taunted sweat and blood on my face, “is that all you’ve got?” 

In a move I did not expect he charged at me and speared me knocking my lightsaber out of my hands and the breath from my lungs his shoulder at my abdomen he was now on top of me pinning me down with his knees his lightsaber raised over his head. My ears were ringing, not because of the blow but because of the unpleasant memories this was triggering. I tried to take a deep breath he had paused above me. 

I wished I could see his eyes I wanted to see the eyes of the man I was about to murder.

I would shatter him into nothing make him wish he never laid eyes on me. I reached out coils of green Magick twined around his body my eyes glowing green like the magick I summoned. It was though my magick sighed with relief at being wielded and it struck like a viper violent and without reprieve faster than he could even think to block me and I dove into his mind. Pushing him off he he scrambled back I heard his intake of breath harshly through the mask.

“No…” I don’t know it it was him or I that spoke. 

Before I could truly decipher what I saw I was thrown clear across the room my head slamming into the wall behind me. I saw stars I could already feel the blood trickle from the back of my head and he had thrown up a wall so fast between us try as I might I could not probe his mind again. I stood slowly and he turned to walk away but I held him with the Force binding his arms to his sides. I approached him his back to me.

“What did I see?” My voice was quiet and I stepped around him to look at him I wiped my face with the back of my hand realizing my nose was bleeding. I was close enough our audience could not hear my words.

His shook with rage as he demanded “Release me.”

I did as he asked. 

“get out of my way.” I was sure I heard his voice shake I must have been mistaken.

“Take it off.” I was surprised that my voice shook too.

He looked down at me for a moment he didn’t move he towered over me, all I could hear was my heart hammering in my chest. He moved his arms up to his mask and hesitated for a moment before he lifted it off his head.

I didn’t know what to say or do but here before me was the boy from the Echos, that boy was now a man. His hair stuck to his face with sweat his eyes bore into mine like he could see through my soul and to all of the bits I hide from the world. His breath came fast his chest rose and fell just like my own and I felt such a pain within me, was it his or mine I couldn’t tell because my powers had reached out for him and had coiled around him just like his were doing to mine.

I started shaking my head what does this mean…

I turned and left the crowd parted and made room for me as I did so. Hux looked at me his face grim his eye narrowed but he did not say a thing.

I did it go to my room I went to the hanger.

Fuck this.


	7. Intrusions

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ramifications after her battle with Kylo, Katalana deals with feelings she has never felt before. Kylo is just as lost.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ****A/N Trigger warning Violence***

I didn’t leave the ship, more than anything I wanted to board an escape pod and be done with it. I wanted to every part of my body was telling me to flee but instead I sat cross legged at the precipice of the electromagnetic field that allowed the ships to come to and fro. If I slipped my hand through the barrier I would be in space I would float into glorious oblivion. Without a single word I had cleared the docking bay the tie pilots and technicians scrambled to get out of my way a force field of green magick crackled around me like flame. Now I sat in the silence of the empty bay and I attempted to meditate but my mind just wouldn’t clear.

What did this mean? 

Why was a drawn to him?

Why did I hate him?

Did I hate him? 

Of course I did.

Surprise coursed through me at the last of my thoughts. 

I wanted so badly to know what happened that night with his Master.

The adrenaline cleared from my body but still my heart still pounded so hard In my chest I wondered if I should head to sick bay and ask a medic to look at me. I looked down at my hands, they were cut and bruised I had burn marks from the cross blades of Ren’s lightsaber and I froze. 

My lightsaber. 

How could I have been so dumb to leave it behind? My mind had been in such a frenzy when he had taken off his mask I had completely lost my head. I stood up abruptly and the room wavered in front of me my head throbbed uncontrollably and my eyes watered when I tried to focus them on the spinning room. I steadied myself with my hand on the wall.

I most certainly had a concussion. 

Slowly I make my way to the exit, my fingers brushing the wall. I knew it was stupid to be so heartsick over the lightsaber but deep down that lightsaber meant more to me than I was let on there was so much more to it then allowed myself to think about. 

I looked up confused, where was sick bay anyhow? I wondered. 

I made it to the corridor and I stumbled quite literally into General Hux. I had to concentrate but I could see his face was grim, his shadow the Little Dove nowhere insight.

“General,” I looked up at him my eyes my eyes unfocused, “I am unwell…”

What I remember next came in flashes I remember falling but the General caught me before I hit the ground I recall being lifted from my feet and opening my mouth to protest but vomiting onto the floor instead. 

Hearing the Generals tight voice, “if you vomit on my uniform I will take it out of your salary…”

Then he moved swiftly with me in his arms in the direction that most certainly was sick bay, there was a commotion as he rounded the corner my concussed brain could not understand everything that happened with certainty. First, there was arguing then I think I fell to the floor the sudden motion made me vomit again and I tried to look to the sound of the commotion but the movement sent another wave of vertigo through me. Then I remember a warm a rich voice speaking softly into my ear but not being able to understand the words and being lifted off of my feet again my head resting on a broad shoulder the smell of leather and sweat something else filling my nostrils, a force echo trying to push into my vision but my head swam too much to understand. Then I recall being set down gently and my boots being tugged off my feet. 

Then I was taken by glorious oblivion. 

When I awoke I was in my bed and every inch of me ached but my head was clear. I groaned but stood and stripped my clothes as I strode to the refresher and put myself beneath the steaming water. Trying to sort my thoughts what had happened. 

“Mistress.” I heard a voice from the other room. 

Irritation flooded me at the intrusion and I washed the sweat and blood from me. 

The voice called again, “Mistress?”

I finished the shower and strode out into the main room devoid of a stitch of clothing. I met the eyes of my visitor. 

“We need to stop meeting like this.” I smiled at the little Dove. 

She met only my eye a red blush painted on her cheeks, “General Hux asked me to come check on you.”

“Did he now?” I pulled on some black undergarments and turned to her so close we were sharing the same breath, “well you can tell the Hux I am perfectly fine and thank him for his assistance.”

She gave me a strange sort of look and took a step back. 

I narrowed my eyes, “spit it out.”

“Well um General Hux wants to know if the Commander was…” she broke off clearly embarrassed. 

“Honestly, I don’t have time for this.” I said exasperated. “I recall very little of what happened I woke up with all of my clothing and alone if that is what he means.”

I didn’t think it was possible for she to be that particular shade of red without another’s hands on her throat it seemed to be constant drama around here she stuttered. “Um, well alright I will just go…”

I shook my head and turned to dress. 

I had almost had enough of this place I could take the constant berating by mother Talzin I could take the physicality of my training the violence of it all but here it seemed to be constant drama and invasions of privacy. I wasn’t sure I was willing to take the time to understand why I was being led by the force to Kylo Ren, why we had been put on this path either. But I found that most of the time there was a reason for it, the awful things that happened to us happened because the force willed it. I stood in the middle of my room clad only in my in careful contemplation for so long that there was gooseflesh upon me. I pulled on a red tunic, one that I had commissioned in Hanna city it had long tight sleeves and it flattered my figure perfectly. I hand just pulled it over my head when the doors slid open with a hiss again my teeth clenching with annoyance.

“Little Dove, we are going to have to set some boundaries unless you wish to you wish to share the favour and show me what you hide beneath that hideous uniform...” I turned the smirk on my face faltered.

It was the Commander. 

His mask in place again and the presence of him in the room seemed to suck all the air out of me.

“Little Dove?” He questioned, “I don’t think I have been called that one before.”

Was that a joke? I must still be concussed.

“What do you want?” I could not contain the venom from my voice at this man who seemed to be taunting me in every aspect of the word.

“I have told you before, I do not need a reason to do anything, I am-“ I interrupted.

“Stop.” I held up my hand, “First of all if you want to talk to me take of that damned mask off it makes me want to punch your face in.”

He stiffened but I continued before he could say anything.

“Second, I’d like to put some trousers please as much as I admit my levels of modesty need some attention I really would not like to have to tell anyone I was talking to you in my skivvies.” 

He reached up and removed his mask and set it down on the table, he didn’t sit nor did he turn as I pulled on the black leather trousers that lay on the bed. I pushed my hair out of my eyes and stepped up to him to get a better look at him to compare him to the boy from the echoes. He did not say a word as he was doing his own observations.

“I know what happened to you,” he didn’t react so I continued, “at least part of it anyway.”

“You can sense Force Echoes then,” he met my stare, “Like you did with the wine.”

I nodded, “What I can’t figure out I’d why.”

A line formed between his dark browns, “Why what?”

“Why your Master tried to kill you.”

He laughed the humour not reaching his eyes. “A Dream or a prophecy whatever it was it was one that was self fulfilling.”

“So he had a vision then?”It was my turn to furrow my brows.

“That’s what he tried to tell me while we fought. I think it is all too convenient to spout excuses when you are caught in the act of a crime. I think he was ashamed to admit that he failed me as a teacher” He explained.

“You were a boy.” I met his eyes something flashed in them as I looked at him something I did not completely understand maybe it was kinship.

“I was nearly a man, but yes I was a boy when my uncle tried to kill me?” His lips were set in a frown.

“Your Uncle?” I mulled the thought that only made it worse.

I sat down on my bed and brushed my fingers trough my hair taking in every line and feature of his face how it had changed since he was a boy and into in manhood. His hazel eyes were sad a frown permanently drawn upon his features, his thick black hair fell in waves around his face I found myself wanting to reach out and smooth them. I mentally shook and told myself to get a grip I had seen plenty of attractive men in my time I should not be so focused on the one before me. I tried to imagine what he must have gone through my family didn’t try to kill me in fact I was the one responsible for that act yet I did not go out to do it purposely.

He narrowed his eyes tilting his head to the side and stepped towards me, “You are hard to read.”

“I shield my mind.” I looked away from him, when I looked upon him I felt like I was staring at a sun.

His voice was suddenly soft, “I will not attempt to infiltrate your mind, not unless you invite me.”

I looked up at him again and I shook my head my mouth dry, “I do not know what to make of you, one moment you are trying to sent me to another plain of existence and the next you are saying things like that.”

He ran his fingers through his hair and turned towards the window and away from me I felt his mood darken as the room cooled. I was surprised to find that now that I could not see his face I missed it, I quickly pushed that thought aside and I spoke, “The voice you heard while Meditating on Chandrila was that Snoke, your Master?”

“Yes,” he replied, “Snoke warned me that my Uncle would attempt to kill me while I slept, in fact he intruded my thoughts moments before to inform me he was on his way.” I could hear the sneer on his face without having to see it.

“So you owe him your life?” I questioned.

“In a way I suppose. Although he has put my life in peril more than once.” He said blandly.

“I understand I think. Mother Talzin was the same she did not waiver not until I betrayed her but she was more than willing to put my life in danger if it suited her purpose.” I could not meet his eye. “Ren, why am I here? You are a more than capable force user, stronger than any of the others I have come across. It doesn’t make sense to me.”

He sighed and in that moment he felt more human than he ever did to me, “Hux hates me, but he knows as long as I have Snoke behind me that he cannot get rid of me.”

“So you think he wants me to replace you?” I frowned.

He nodded, “I can’t say for sure.”

“So why this? Why not just kill me before I can meet him?” 

He turned around and faced me his dark eyes bore into me with an intensity I had never seen before in all my days, “Snoke wants to meet you and…”

I raised a brow as he trailed off it was almost as though he though better than to complete the sentence. There was a hard silence I played with the ends of my hair and bit my lip something that both my birth mother and Mother Talzin would chastise me for, “I should leave shouldn’t I?”

His face remained neutral and he didn’t speak but I new the question he wanted to ask.

“If I am not here than Snoke cannot replace you, I know how it works Ren, I know that there can only ever be one apprentice and one Master. No one simply steps down. That is the way of the Sith.” I stood suddenly too restless to sit still, “I am a Nightsister, technically we are enemies a visit with him should mean my death.”

“I would not let him hurt you.” 

I blinked, the things he was saying.

“You cannot betray your Master, not unless you are prepared for the repercussions.” 

Death he and I both knew the unspoken word.

I put my hand on top of the worn wooden box unconsciously, I knew better than anyone I had just betrayed my own Master and barely made it out alive..

“Snoke will not kill you. I can use you.” He explained forcefully, “The Knights of Ren are all force sensitive, you will join our ranks, he will see the benefit it in that.”

“No.” I almost laughed.

He looked at me surprised at my refusal.

“Not only will he see the lie,” I looked up at him, “I would never agree to it.”

“The Force is drawing us together.” He countered emotion in his voice.

“Yes it is Kylo,” I pushed, “it is the Force, not Snoke drawing you and I together.”

He growled running his fingers through his dark hair again.

“Do you even know my name?” I felt the anger at his assumption that I would do as he willed because he asked it, “because I know yours.” 

Again he did not reply I wanted to throttle him.

“You know you are not the only person in this room that has been pushed to the Dark side. You are not the only one that has been betrayed by the ones they love, who had bee hurt and pushed away. I do not know exactly what you think you know about me, but assume you know nothing.” My heart was pounding.

“I don’t assume to know anything Katalana,” he countered my name on his tongue sent a strange thrill through me. “I have made it my business to know you.” He poked me in the sternum as he said it.

“You know nothing of me,” I could feel the rage in me rising high my powers beginning to rise as I knocked his finger away.

“And yet because you saw some echoes of my past you assume you know everything about me? How I must feel?” He spat.

“You assumed I would agree to your plan. You assumed that I will take your verbal lashings, your physical threats. You might think you are the most powerful of all the force wielders in the galaxy but you act like a child with your pitiful tantrums.” I was baiting him.

He spun on me and the next thing I knew his hand was on my throat again and I was pressed into the wall, this time he did not use the force, my hands came to his my fingers digging into his wrist. 

The strength and the restraint he showed.

He held me tight enough that I could not get away, l enough that I could feel the burn in my throat and the tears in my eyes but this time it did something else to me, as I looked into his eyes I felt a heat rush through me I had not felt in a very long time, maybe not at all. I didn’t ask him to stop and for the first time in longer that I dare recall I did not recoil at the touch of another. 

I did not want him to stop at all.

His breathing hitched and his eyes darkened, he tore his hand away so violently that I crumpled to the floor my knees too weak to hold me. I could have stopped him maybe I should have stopped him but I was too entwined in my own thoughts that I did not notice he left, nor did he notice he left and his helmet still sitting on the table.

I sat and stared at that helmet for long enough I started to see the beauty in it the anonymity of it and wished I had one of my own that I would be able to bury all of my past woes and regrets in a frightening moniker. I wanted to throw it and crush it with my power and destroy it so he could never wear it again. I knocked to off the table and kicked it violently away snarling because I was in my bare feet still. I let out a guttural scream in the direction of the mask like I was still looking at his face. Once person should not be allowed to make me feel all of these conflicting emotions. I pulled my boots on roughly not even bothering to pick up his Helmet. He could run away from me all he wanted to I would not let him.


	8. Tantrum

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Katalana is furious with Ren and when she cannot find him she takes it out on anyone who gets in the way... poor Cardo

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ***This Chapter is 18+ trigger warnings for violence*** I am excited for this Chapter folks!!

I burst from my room and tore down the corridors of the Finalizer more than ready to continue our confrontation I was not done by a long shot. I did not need to guess which direction he had headed because there was a path of destruction in his wake. Anger raged through me it raged like a torrent I was not mad that he touched me I was mad that I didn’t hate it and he was to blame. So like any rational person decided I needed to cause him as much pain and confusion as he did me.

“KYLO REN.” I bellowed my voice sounding painfully off the walls.

I could feel the dark pull his energy but could not find him which only added fuel to the fire. So again I yelled his name. Again and again, I littered with curses and obscenities that most had never heard before by the startled looks that peered fearfully in my direction. There was no doubt in my mind word of my rage and near lunacy had spread through the entire ship. The unfortunate souls that did not move out of my path fast enough I would be thrown out of my way my own tantrum rivalling one or Ren’s. 

“WHERE ARE YOU!” I could feel the sweat on my face I could feel it dripping down my back dampening my clothes.

I followed the trail of his force energy back to the hanger only to be told by a frightened TIE Pilot that he had left moments before on his personal TIE fighter the Silencer. I screamed with rage and threw the pilot violently into a frightened droid and for good measure pulled another three ships from their docking stations sending them falling loudly to the hanger floor. 

“COWARD!” I screamed and I opened up my mind like a torrent and broadcast it through the Force like I had been trained to do and I knew he heard me.

I stormed away and back towards the training ground he and I had fought the day before hoping my lightsaber was still there, I did not falter when I entered the training room and found Ren’s Personal guards the Knight’s of Ren in the middle of their training. 

No one moved. 

I narrowed my eyes my muscles taught ready for a fight needing a fight.

“Where is my lightsaber?” I asked.

None of them replied. So I repeated myself, “I said, where is my lightsaber?”

When no one answered I drew in my powers when one of them spoke suddenly his mask shaped like a skull, “We heard you Mistress, we are just not permitted to speak with you.”

“Your Master forbid you?!” I raised my brows, “You are brave to disobey his commands then, are you not afraid that his childish tantrums will be turned on you?”

He stiffened but did not reply.

“Answer me, where is my lightsaber?” I moved towards him.

He did not speak to me again but he did stand his ground I would get nowhere with this one he had a great deal or restraint. So much I thought that maybe he could teach Ren a few things. I moved around him admiring his armour hovering my fingers over him but not touching but testing. I then did my rounds from one knight to the next stopping at the fifth, I had interrupted their training the room smelt of sweat and of man and the last of them shook with anger and annoyance at being interrupted. 

I had to admit I was impressed at least by their imposing presences ,I could sense the force in them yet it was greatly stunted by their lack of training. I could have been like them If I hadn’t have taken my life into my own hands and left Lothal and learned how to use what the universe had given me. 

I stood next to the last Knight the one so angered by my presence a large cannon on his arm, Grenades and other large caliber rounds strapped to his body. The black coat on him made me smile suddenly up at him, “Riftiaworm hide, I am impressed…”

He grunted in response. 

I ached to touch it to feel if it was soft or rough, it was fireproof and I had heard stories of them when I was child but in all the years since I had never come across it or the material. I cocked my head to the side and reached out and touched it tentatively dragging my fingers down his shoulder then down the barrel of his arm cannon looking at the thin slits in his mask gauging his reaction. 

Faster than I gave them credit I was pulled behind a pair of knights as the arm cannon raised pointing to my face. A knight with a Mask that looked much like one of the grenades strapped to the others chest held up his hand to calm the other. 

“Cardo, calm yourself.” He spoke his voice rich through his modulator.

I smirked over the other man’s shoulder and stepped from behind him and moved to lean against the wall crossing my arms in front of me, “Hux had told me that you are a bunch of rabble. I have the feeling that he didn’t like you very much.”

Again no one replied so I continued poking and prodding, “But I can see that you are clearly dim witted as well. Lazy and childish just like your master.”

The room cooled and I closed my eyes in my victory. 

I smiled as they attacked, this is what I was waiting for this was the reason I antagonized them, I knew at least one of them had to be a hot head. Not that I needed a reason to antagonize them but I needed to fight, to spar with someone who wasn’t Ren, because Ren got under my skin and I knew they couldn’t but they were his knights so by extension him. 

They moved as one like a well oiled machine. Did I really expect any less?

“Yes boys!” I smiled as I dodged various attacks from a variety of weapons and fists. I dodged and feigned they were tough, they were trained well they had grit but I was faster. The perfect amount of rage permitted the air and I was getting drunk off of it. I could feel their connection to the force as they moved, one always knew where his brother was. “More! Give me more!” I moaned loudly.

I could feel their rage and their passion for this sort of thing course them and I bathed in it.

I fell into a back handspring gracefully dodging a strike from a Mandelorian executioners axe that moved past my face by a mere hairs-breath. I landed a perfectly timed kick to knock away a blaster aimed at me a smile still on my face I could now sense their anticipation they were enjoying this too. There was not a second to breath or think of strategy there was barely time to react and I had never been happier. 

A challenge. 

The Adrenaline. 

The rage and fury in the air filled me with a lust like I never felt before. One of the knights grabbed me by the front of my shirt and lifted me in the air I could feel the triumph that filled him for only a moment until I unsheathed the vibromachete strapped to his back and swung it in his direction catching his armour, he threw me off narrowly missing having his head removed, I landed gracefully in a low crouch dropping the vibromachete I launched myself at the nearest Knight knocking him to the ground I straddled his chest. 

Playtime was over… for them…

“Cardo,” played with his name in my mouth, I drawled it out as I unleashed my powers on the others holding them back with the force, I could feel them grunt and push against my hold but they could not break free. I held Cardo too with the force and I caressed his arm cannon again.

“I do admire you, all of you,” I looked over my shoulder, “thinking you could take me on…” I looked back to Cardo “you I think, are the bravest of them all…” 

He would have taken me on with or without his Masters approval I could sense it.

I cocked my head and leaned into him my face close so close to his neck my breasts pushed into his chest he could feel my lips brush his flesh. The Riftiaworm hide of his armour soft beneath my fingers. I could see the flesh of his neck and I saw the goosebumps spread as my breath hit his caramel skin between his helmet and his armour as a spoke into his ear, “I like that Cardo, a man that is brave that would do anything for his honour….” He groaned under his mask and tried to push me away but I pressed my hips into his and he froze feeling the most intimate part of me pressed against him, “Should we call a truce then boys? Now that you know I was only playing with you.”

I released them all. They all sagged with relief but they didn’t move they did not attempt to attack they just watched to see what I would do next, perhaps I reminded them of their Master, unpredictable crazed even yet they obeyed like good soldiers. I leaned back and stretched my arms above my head pressing myself into him again relishing in the sensation of having the upper hand for once. In the last week I had felt anything but on top, I felt hungry.

Cardo tried not to roll his hips into mine as I pressed into him again and I groaned against him and I smirked down at him.

“We will have to do this again boys.” I put my hand on Cardo’s chest and leaned forward again speaking softly, “I know I’m not the only one who enjoyed it.”. 

“GET UP.” A voice from the entryway spoke and I smiled it was only a matter of time. At the sight of their Master the knights stood at attention I felt the mood in the room turn heavy in a different manner than it had before and Cardo whom I had released stayed right were I wanted but I felt his fear, the fear of what his master would do to him. I looked up to Ren rage filled his eyes, a rage so similar to my own but again there was something there that I hadn’t seen before that maybe deep down I recognized.

“That shouldn’t be a problem for Cardo now should it?” I straightened and looked down upon him pressing into him again with my hips and I felt him hold his breath.

“NOW!” Ren yelled I was surprised that he did not pull me away forcibly. 

I patted Cardo, “Sorry love.” I stood up releasing him. 

He scrambled up and stood beside his brothers.

“Get out.” He demanded of them and they obliged not once looking over their shoulder as they walked out the door Ren’s eyes glaring intently at the back of Cardo’s helmet. 

“Why are you here?” His eyes moved to mine the venom in his voice was staggering.

I straightened my tunic and when I looked down I realized it was ripped down the front from where I had been grabbed by one of the knights not leaving much to the imagination. “Would you believe I was blowing off a little steam?”

“With my knights?” He pointed to the direction they headed.

“Well you weren’t around.” I spat.

“Leave.” He demanded.

“No.” I stepped towards him my adrenaline high still beating through me I stood in front of him.

“What do you want?” He said almost tiredly.

What did I want?

I looked up at him I could taste his rage I wondered if he could taste mine my chest was still rising hard from sparring with his knights a special kind of heat coursed through me only amplified by my close proximity to him. He felt it too, the force had pulled us together for something neither of us were prepared for. I reached out and put a hand on his chest I could feel his heart pounding under my fingers and I looked up to him and our eyes met for only a second before his lips crashed against mine his gloved hand soft against my throat. 

It was like an avalanche, it was destruction and power and no matter how I tried I could not stay on the surface. I fell into it and he right along with me our tongues clashed for dominance as we devoured each other. His hands were on me and it was like fire in their wake every part of me that he touched tingled and I never wanted him to stop. We couldn’t get enough of each other suddenly it was like we were the only thing keeping the other alive and we could not exist one without the other. He pulled me closer lifting me with one arm so I could wrap my legs around his waist and his other hand weaved into my hair pulling it back roughly so he could rake is teeth over the bruised flesh of my neck.

“Don’t stop,” I told to him and he complied devouring me even further.

My hands were on his shoulders and in his hair I tore the remainder of my tunic and threw it to the ground and he spun pressing me into the wall one hand coming up to cup my breast kneading it thoroughly finding my nipple through the this fabric of my binder he rolled it hard between his fingers causing me to gasp with pain and pleasure, he knew my game and he was a willing participant. I moaned at the touch and he growled his lips pressing into mine again I had never felt this before this sort of all consuming passion and lust, I hated to be touched and with him I didn’t want him to stop. I could feel his hardness pressing between us and I ground into him, I could feel the dampness between my legs and it was now my turn to groan the sensation overwhelming. He set me on the ground and I pawed at his tunic I needed more of him and he helped me pull it over his head the desire to feel my flesh against his all becoming. My fingers caressed each scar and muscle reverently he was doing the same to me his fingers on my flesh felt like nothing else. Our eyes hungrily took the other in each of the marks on my body like a story his fingers traced tattoos as though he was trying to memorize every inch of me.

My breast binding was quickly removed our bodies pressed so tightly together there was no indication where one of us started and the other began. There was no part we did not touch and caress my hands went for his trousers feeling him through the material he hissed as I touched him through the fabric making my own heat clench with desire. To know he wanted me in that moment as much as I wanted him.

“You are going to destroy me.” He moaned.

“Let’s destroy each other then.” I whispered in his ear as I pressed into him.

The door hissed open and we both turned at the noise.

I almost felt sorry for the Storm trooper as he went flying through the air he was nearly torn in half as we both unleashed our powers at the same time sending him in different directions.

He shielded me with his body as he spun around. “GET OUT.” He yelled mirroring what he said earlier. 

The poor stormtrooper stood clearly dazed and spoke as he left. “General Hux needs to see the both of you in his office.”

I sighed and pushed my breasts into his back pressing kisses into his shoulder blades, “Well there goes the mood.”

He ran his fingers through his hair and bent down and passed me my ripped tunic which I gladly accepted.”We will finish this later.” He turned to me his eyes dark with the same lust that mirrored my own. He picked up his own tunic and left me standing there half naked and aroused.

“HUX!” I yelled into the empty room as I pulled on my tunic and headed to my room to change my thighs pressing tightly together.


	9. Desires

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After being interrupted by Hux’s summoned Katalana is not in the mood to be nice, neither is Ren. 18+

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ***A/N Strong sexual content mature audience 18+***
> 
> I hope you like it!!

By the time I entered Hux’s office I was in a full fledged rage my whole body buzzing and strangely for the first time it was not directed at Ren but at Hux. Ren was already there as I entered I tried not to look at him so I took in my surroundings. It was a rather large room an oversized black desk filled the space in front of the large window that looked out at the stars beyond the space was neat and organized not a single item out of place. Maybe I would have been impressed if I didn’t feel the incessant desire to bash the General’s face in.

“Glad you could join us.” Hux drawled from his seat behind the desk his fingers steepled before his face. 

Ren stood beside Hux’s desk his face expressionless his dark eyes meeting mine unwavering in their calm.

I wished I could say the same I was frustrated in every sense of the word and I was furious and the more I looked at Ren and those fucking lips the more frustrated I got. I could have sworn I saw a smirk tug at the corner of his mouth.

I threw myself into the chair in front of his desk and hung my leg over the arm just knowing it would irritate him. I could see the look of distain on Hux’s face but I could also see how the spread of my legs darkened Ren’s cool eyes. 

Fortunately Hux did not look in his direction. 

“So what do you want?” I said to Hux but my eyes again met with Ren’s I had a hard time tearing them away finally I managed to and turned them to Hux.

The General frowned looking at the bruise in my throat. “Is this going to be a continuing problem.” He motioned to Ren and looked back to me.

“Not at all.” I drawled my eyes flicked over to Ren a small smile on my face my tongue moving over my lips and I watched as his eyes flick town to my mouth I was eager to continue where we left off it looked like he was as well..

Hux narrowed his eyes as he looked between us with a frown. 

“What do you want Hux?” I looked down to my fingernails, “ I was in the middle of something.”

“Supreme Leader Snoke will rendezvous with us tomorrow morning he has pushed up our meeting, I thought you should know.” Hux looked proud of himself.

I looked to Ren who looked decidedly uncomfortable at the news, perhaps I should be more concerned but I wasn’t.

“Do you want a thank you?” I sat up in the chair crossing my legs..

He looked down his nose at me, “Snoke will not take well to that sort of disrespect perhaps you should explain what she should expect from your Master Commander Ren.”

The Commander glared taking a breath to speak.

“Consider yourself warned.” Hux said haughtily interrupting before Ren could say anything.

I raised a brow frowning at Hux. “I don’t like your tone.”

“You don’t need to worry about my tone.” Hux countered.

“I think you do.” I replied, “I may have agreed to help you but remember who came to who for for assistance Hux, the only reason I am here is because you asked me..”

He opened his mouth to talk but Ren interrupted, “I will brief Katalana on what to expect.”

Both Hux and I froze and looked to him, for different reasons all together. For me it was the way my name fell from his lips, it sent an electric shock down my core as for Hux It was mostly confusion at the turn of events our apparent truce.

“Can I trust you two to get along long enough to have a conversation?” He questioned.

I couldn’t answer, apparently I couldn’t be trusted to do anything as of late because I was supposed to be hating Ren and I wanted nothing more then to have him bury himself completely inside of me and I could think of little else. He carried on talking but I ignored him instead began reliving Ren’s mouth on me on my flesh his hands on me the weight of him pressed against me. I shook myself and groaned as I stood. “If that is all General I will take my leave.”

I didn’t give Hux an opportunity to answer but I heard him call after me, “I wasn’t done with you! Someone needs to answer for the TIE fighters you damaged.”

I waved him off without looking back taking my leave back down the corridor. As the doors closed and I knew before he even made a noise that Ren was behind me the heat of him in close proximity.

I spoke first, “So I gather by your reaction that I should be worried about this meeting with Snoke.”

“Not here.” He said now in-stride with me. 

I sighed but I followed him. 

“Bossy.” I mumbled.

He stopped before a set of doors and he turned to me, “These are my quarters, we are here only to talk.”

I raise a brow and smirked, “You telling me this or reminding yourself?”

He frowned but turned and walked through the door. His quarters were richer than mine and darker the walls black the decor minimal accented with chrome and silver of weapons hung on the walls. The living space was filled with a black leather furniture a black shiny oval table centred between the seating. A meditation area on the opposite side of the room a soft black mat upon the hard floor and beside that a small table with two chairs. I could see the entrance to his bedroom the large bed was neatly made the black coverlet smooth over the mattress the refresher door closed at the back of the room.

“Leave Snoke to me.” He spoke suddenly interrupting my observations.

Irritation flicked through me, “What exactly am I supposed to do just stand there and smile like an idiot?” 

“Snoke will not like your attitude Hux is right.” Ren commented.

He is not going to like me no matter what I do Ren,” I crossed my arms, “I am a Nightsister, he knows I have been trained to be anything but like him.”

His jaw tightened.

“Listen,” I frowned, you don’t have to like it. But it is what it is I will not be something I am not.”.

“My Master is not a forgiving man.” He said, “he is anything but that.”

“As is the way of the Sith is it not?” I sneered, “Maybe I should be offended that both you and Hux took your time to personally remind me of how little faith you have in my capabilities. Please explain to be what I am here for then?” 

“It is not your capabilities it is the opposite. He will be threatened by you, he will want to destroy you.” He insisted.

“Let him try.” I turned to the door.

“Where are you going?” He demanded.

“Away from you…” I turned to look at him. “I thought you had an inkling of what I am, but I can see you are still the little boy trying to impress his Master.”

“How dare you!” He yelled. 

I spun back on him, “am I wrong then? Please! It is pointless trying to talk to you, you hear only what you want to.”

His eye twitched 

I turned back just before the door I could taste the rage on my own tongue, “You are a Force to be reckoned with yet you let men like Hux undermine you at every step.”

“What?!” He growled.

“You heard me! He brought me here to take your place as Snoke’s Apprentice and he speaks ill of you and your Knights to anyone who will listen.”

“I don’t care what that idiot thinks” he turned away from me.

“ You should!” I grabbed his arm and he shrugged me off turning away from me.

His own anger flashed dangerously in his eyes again. “Yet you do not want to listen to the advice I give to you. Doesn’t that undermine me as well?” 

“I don’t need your advice!” I stepped towards him.

“For someone who’s unconscious body I keep having to drag through this ship that’s laughable.” He scoffed.

I felt my shoulders tense, “And who’s fault is that?”.

“Snoke will kill you! Get it through your thick skull!” He grabbed me by my upper arms and shook me.

I pushed him away with the force and he stumbled into the table knocking over the chairs, “Let him, let him get in line, I will not be cowed and threatened by any man!” My eyes bore into him a threat behind them a dare for him to push me back.

“You are a stupid woman.” He sneered.

“We are reduced to childish insults now? The Mighty Kylo Ren reduced to –”

He cut me off as he pulled me to him with the force my body pressed into his one arm coming around my waist the other curling around the back of my neck his teeth bared.

“Shut your stupid mouth.”

His sensuous mouth came down upon mine and no part of me wanted to fight him anymore, my anger my rage my lust filled me to the brim. His mouth trailed down my neck his tongue tracing the painful bruise nipping it with every other kiss.

“I like to see my mark on you.” His spoke softly into my skin his voice thick with desire.

“Asshole.” I smirked as I pressed into his touch.

I felt him chuckle into my neck sending shivers through me.

I threaded my fingers though his hair pulling his face back to me his mouth freely exploding mine, his hand slipping under my tunic his fingers doing its own exploration he loosed a groan as he realized I had not replaced my breast binding. He unbound his hold on me his hands pulling my tunic over my head his eyes devouring my naked flesh hungrily like a man starved. He pulled me to him again his arms wrapped around my waist picking me up to bury his face between my breasts taking one into his mouth circling a nipple before he moved to the other. I threw my head back the sensation moving through me like nothing else. I too felt starved for his touch when only days ago I could not stand his presence and before that I did not know it existed. Again I moved my fingers through his hair pulling his head roughly back to look into his eyes his pupils blown wide with desire.

“I fucking hate you.” My breath was ragged.

“I hate you too.” He took a nipple in his mouth and bit it playfully.

“Good,” I said as I arched into him.

His hands cupped my ass squeezing it roughly before putting me down among the fallen chairs feet kicking them away before he removed his own tunic. My eyes did their own ravaging he was a wall of muscle and power and I wanted to destroy him and more than anything I wanted him to do the same to me. He grabbed me roughly by the back of the neck his mouth on mine again his other hand sliding down the front of my leather trousers finding my heat beneath.

“So wet for me.” His voice like velvet in my ears only caused more wetness to spread between my legs.

I moaned into his mouth as his long fingers found the sensitive nub at my core caressing to almost too lightly so I pressed myself further into his hand to feel more of him against me. 

Anything… In that moment I knew I would do anything for more, “Don’t stop.” My voice pleading it was foreign to my own ears.

He bit my lip and plunged one finger and then two fingers inside of me and I could have screamed with delight, pleasure spread through me under his practised ministrations I could feel my release build inside of me like a torrent and I threw my head back I was putty in his hands. His other hand moved down my body to my waist supporting me as I became listless beneath his touch, my hands grasped at his biceps my nails digging into his flesh to hold myself up my legs felt weak beneath his touch.

“Does it feel good?” He asked his deep voice doing things to me as he spoke in my ear his hair brushing against my face.

“Yes.” I gasped as he circled the nub with his thumb my mind going numb under his touch. “Yes, yes don’t stop.”

“I want to see all of you.”” He said as he nipped at my throat.

I kicked off my boots and my hands moved to my waistband and pulled them down he helped me and I whined as he removed his fingers from inside of me his wet finger trailing deliciously down my side a smile on his lips at my reaction. He picked me up and threw me over his shoulder suddenly his hand coming to my ass slapping it none too gently then squeezing it in his large hand as he moved us to the bedroom.

He tossed me to the bed and I fell back my breasts bounced deliciously as he did so he licked his lips with anticipation as he bore down upon me with his intensity an intensity that was matched only by my own.

“Take them off.” I demanded referring to his own trousers my eyes on him drinking in his desire to feed my own. The wetness of my core soaking on my thighs his eyes not leaving my dripping heat.

He devised himself of the rest of his clothing my pulse thudded through me my mouth went dry with desire. I leaned against the headboards of his bed and spread my leg wide for him his eyes filled with a heady desire matching my own. He knelt on the bed and prowled towards me like an Edan Tiger the power in his muscles matched only by the power he wielded in the force. A power that matched my own and more than anything that turned me on even more. His eyes never let mine as he lowered himself to put his mouth on me. I might have died in that moment because I don’t remember anything in my life up until that point ever feeling as good as his tongue did on the most intimate part of me. His large powerful hands wrapped around my thighs as I moved my hips to meet with the ministrations of his tongue. I could feel my climax building deep at the base of my spine my breath coming fast arching my back up into him he moved one hand up my body and his other hand moved so his fingers once again found their home deep inside of me never stopping the delicious lapping of his devilish tongue.

I think I saw stars, “Holy mother of Meteors!” I called as my eyes rolled back into my head I exploded around his fingers his tongue doing things I didn’t know they could ever do.

He lapped me up my cum glistening on his chin as he moved over me his mouth falling over mine as I attempted to catch my breath, shutters coursing through me still at the power of my orgasm. I could taste him on his tongue making my core ache once again. 

“More.” I moaned into his mouth.

He bit my lip as he flipped me over biting my shoulder I could feel his impressive hardness move against my ass his fingers gripping my hips almost painfully it would leave a bruise and I welcomed it.

He spit into his hand rubbing it over his impressive hardness my back arching longingly towards him as I looked over my shoulder on my hands and knees at his imposing figure positioned behind me. Our eyes met for a moment before he thrust into me his impressive length impaling me completely so again I saw stars as he filled me I stretched almost painfully around him to make room.

He moaned as he eased in and out of me, it felt like divine torture. Nothing should feel this good.

“You feel like silk.” He whispered under his breath his voice catching as he thrust into me sending liquid desire through me again.

“Harder.” I urged.

“I thought you would never ask.” I could hear the smirk on his lips and he impaled me again and again, harder and harder and I took it willingly. He thrust into me again and again the sweat on out bodies building just like our desire. Our breaths became ragged and hard I said his name like a prayer and I never wanted him to stop.

I could feel my my climax rising again, “Holy Shit!” I called as I fell over the edge taking him with me.

As we came or powers reached out towards each other entwining upon one other and I felt his release as he felt mine in a complete loss of sense. Never before had I felt anything like it and we went over the edge again and again calling each other’s name.

He fell onto me his body hard against my own sweat pooled between us and he rolled off of me I turned onto my side and threw my leg over his my head on his chest my breath ragged.

“Why was that so fucking good.” I breathed.

He chuckled his fingers trailing down my arm and making circles on my hip not answering my question. I lay there and listened to his heart beat in his chest a thousand thoughts filtering through my brain all at once. I could feel his breath slow and to motion of his fingers slowed at my hip. I had never before felt that sort of pleasure or that sort of peace, I had never experienced a connection with the force like that with anyone nor had I ever heard of it before. 

There would be questions, many questions. Later when I could feel my bones.

I drifted into a dreamless sleep pressed against the Commander of the Knights of Ren


	10. Well Laid Plans

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Katalana explores her connection with Ren and try to hide it from those who will use it against them. 
> 
> Chapter warnings!   
> *Trigger warning Violence and sexual content***

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 18++ Trigger warning for violence

I awoke some time later alone in his bed the thin sheet pulled over my body. I felt glorious, sore definitely sore but I could still feel some of Ren’s power moving through me. I closed my eyes for a moment, I had work ahead of me if I wanted to understand the connection we shared. It was the same connection that had initially taken me away from Dathomir, and now to this. What was this? I still wanted to punch him, that not changed I just wanted to punch him while standing naked over top of him. I groaned thoughts like this would keep me here in his bed, which was far more comfortable than my own. I stood and moved out of his room to pick up my clothes which had been laid over the back of a rightened chair and dressed. I slid on my boots and took another look around the room before I left for my own quarters. I still had some time to do some research before Snoke arrived in the morning.

I returned to my room and showered changing my clothes and got strait to work. I picked up the Data Pad that had been left for me and started to search through the Data banks for any information I might find that would help me understand this bond. Mother Talzin had shared minimal on this topic. She did however share a ritual that could push a bond between two force sensitives but would require the power of a Sith Lord. I would not find this information here that I already knew. Yet the little information that the First Order did have of anything was beyond my clearance.

Again the rage filled me my powers bubbled over as was normal for me especially now that I did not train regularly. The small amounts power I had used with Ren did little to subside the energy reserves and our coupling only seemed to increase my powers. Another benefit I smirked.

Scoffing I left the room I needed to do something. Perhaps I should see Hux about my security clearance, I needed to be able to look into this connection between Ren and I in case it became a problem.

I made my way to Hux’s office again hoping he might still be there. A smile fell upon my face when I rounded the corner the spy a small form coming towards me, “Little Dove!” I called and moved up to meet her, she visibly hunched her shoulders as I approached. “Don’t be that way Dove, you and I could be great friends. I feel like I have known you forever, your re a great listener after all.”

I put my arm around her shoulder and squeezed as she cringed. 

“Is there something I can do for you Mistress?” She asked

“You always seem to know just the right thing to say to me Dove.” I laughed dropping my arm.

He stopped and turned towards me, “Am I going to get in trouble?”

I pursed my lips and blinked at her.

She sighed, “What is it?”

I need security clearance for the Data banks. I am looking into a few things.” I was vague but she didn’t need to know anyway.

“You’re insane, I am not doing that I will be fired, or worse.” She started to walk away.

I sighed diving into my powers like an icy bath my voice filled the air with intent, “Stop.”

She stoped and turned to me.

“You will give me Hux’s security clearance.” I ordered.

“You are right Mistress, I will give you The General’s security Clearance.” She spoke her eyes glassy.

“You don’t need to tell him about this either.” I said.

“I won’t tell him either, it will be better that way.” She looked earnestly up at me.

“That’s my Dove.” I smiled down at her.

She blushed as she looked up at me and entered the clearance into my Data Pad.

“You should run along you are after all very busy.” I commanded.

“I will run along now Mistress I am very busy after all.” She carried on down the hallway.

Pleased with myself I made to find myself a place where I would not be interrupted for a few hours to do some research of my own.

I found a place in the hanger in one of the control rooms, TIE pilots and Officers gladly gave me the space. I knew by the information on my data pad no one was running missions or exercises today in preparation for the imminent visitation of Supreme Leader Snoke.

I was disappointed to find that any and all information on the Force was not found on the Finalizers Data Banks but was housed elsewhere, on a different ship entirely, Snoke’s ship. I did however take advantage of Hux’s clearance and skimmed through pages and pages of mission notes and de briefs. Irritation bristled through me as I read that Ren and his knights had shadowed me while I was on Chandrila though not on the ground but in the skies to avoid detection. He had known I was at the ruined school, he had already suspected I could sense force echoes. He must have known before I got back that had a good idea of what happened there, but he had not pushed me to answer his many questions perhaps he worried what I may have seen. I sighed realizing that indeed the mission had been a test in order to discern if I could follow orders. I guess l passed because Ren and his team did not have to eliminate me. According to the notes.

I scoffed.

I got comfortable kicking my feet up onto the control panel and read up on a planet they called Starkiller and saw that once we met with Snoke this was to be our next destination. Starkiller hmm… I wondered if its name was an accurate description of what it did. Even in the briefs it was rather vague what the base’s purpose was. Perhaps I could convince them to destroy Dathomir. I frowned at the thought, I didn’t really want that, with the planet gone so would be my magicks. Though I could wield them anywhere in the galaxy the power itself stemmed from the planets core. If Dathomir was gone so would they be. My mind wandered back to Snoke, I was concerned that this man would see me as a treat to him. Kylo had been right to assume he would be threatened by me but what could I do to alleviate that. He would be able to sense my powers just as I would his, though I was strong in the force he was a Master, I was not quite there yet. 

Unconsciously I reached out with my mind finding that Ren was in the training room with his knights, through the bond I could sense his power and the ease in which I could even sense his emotions tore through me and then I was there. I was behind him, yet I wasn’t. I could still feel my feet up on the control panel in the hanger my body leaning back on the chair. This was a new experience for me, Mother Talzin had shown me many memories of the past that ie what this looked like. I could conjure these memories up as well but this was like opening a portal directly to Ren, not a memory at all. One moment he was sparing with one of the knights, Ap’lek, I could sense his name through Ren’s mind, the next he spun on me. His eyes filled with fire but then a line formed between his brows and he stepped towards me. 

“What is this? what are you doing?” He asked his hair stuck to his face with sweat.

I put my feet on the floor and stood, “I don’t know, I could sense you, your powers and then I was here.”

He looked passed me, “You are in the hanger.”

I nodded, “This is remarkable, can your Knights see this too?” I asked.

He turned his head barking at them to answer to which I saw his sparring partner shake his head, “I don’t believe they can.”

I stepped towards him he didn’t move, “I think this has something to do with how the Force is pulling us together, I have been attempting some research.”

He looked down at me, I could sense his emotions a jumble too confused for me to read.

“Come to me now?” he spoke his voice hard.

I was not one to take orders but I could feel his thoughts, he was afraid of me being overheard. I nodded and with intention like I did with The Little Dove earlier I pulled myself away from him. Instantly I was back in the hanger, my head ached slightly and I missed the mass of his force energy swirling around him. I picked up my data pad and headed towards the training room.

By the time I arrived I was passing the Knights on my way through the door they nodded in my direction as I smirked at Cardo as he passed me his back rigid.

Ren was sitting in the centre of the training room dressed in a sleeveless top and black training pants much like his knights had been as they passed me in he corridor. “Come,” he said, “sit, I want to try something.”

I smirked, naughty thoughts swirling in my head at his words.

“Stop,” he looked at me intensely, “I can feel what you are thinking.”

“You can feel it?” I asked thinking about that lovely mouth on me again.

He nodded, “Yes, so stop thinking about that, especially that…”

I smirked and sat across from him crossing my legs under my knees just as he was. Sending another image of our bodies pressed together through my thoughts. 

“Stop.” He warned as he closed his eyes I saw a small smirk tug at the corner of his mouth, “Meditate.”

I sighed giving in, “Fine, for now but I promise to torture you later.”

He grunted in response but I could also sense the approval in his thoughts.

I closed my eyes and took some deep breaths and pushed myself to calm and become one with the force to sense it all around me around everything. When I did that I could see the universe, that is what it always felt, but now, now I sensed him, it was like there was a thin chord around my middle and if I followed this chord I found him at the other end. I pushed and prodded at this tether, I could feel him do the same, I could feel where he started and I began and then somewhere in the middle it was were our bond connected. It felt like a physical thing and I could feel my panic start to form and my heart started to pound. 

Why was it there?

How did it get here?

What did this mean?

I could feel my heart pound harder.

“Stop.” I could hear his voice the power in it.

“Fuck you.” I said back.

“Not now.” He growled.

I tried not to laugh, “Asshole.”

“That’s better.” He smirked, “I’m just trying to feel where it is bonded, if it is reversible.”

I held still, my fingers twitched as I felt him caress the bond I cannot describe how it felt, but it felt too intimate and I squirmed, “Stop Kylo.”

He froze, the use of his name, it was like it reverberated down the bond and he pushed me away his touch upon our connection dissolved and when I opened my eyes he was standing running his fingers through his hair. Was it gone? Was the connection gone? I thought for a moment I could not feel him anymore.

I was wrong, he was a still there but I could only feel his mental block, like a deflector shield.

“There is no way.” His eyes met mine intensely, “Snoke will sense this connection between us, he will think it makes me weak, he will use it, he will kill you, or me, or he might just decide to kill us both.” He cursed his fists clenched at his sides.

“What if he thinks you created the bond?” I started.

He frowned at me.

“What do you mean?”

I explained the ritual Mother Talzin had shown to me, “What if we blamed it on her?”

“I don’t follow.”

“What if we tell him she did it as her final act of revenge. To ruin his Apprentice.”

Ren shook his head, “He will just kill us both.” 

“Not if you tell him you are going to use me as a weapon against her, against all his enemies.” 

“So exactly what I said to you before and you yelled at me?” He said dryly referring to our earlier conversation.

“Shut up.” I growled, “What other option is there? The bond is as clear as if it were a physical rope that tied us together. Anyone with any force ability would be able to sense it. I have been trying to look into Force Bonds but all of those data files are stored On Snoke’s ship. Do you think Hux has clearance to access them?”

“What does Hux have anything to do with it?” I could feel his anger rise off him in a cloud.

I waived my data pad in front of his face as I stood, “I convinced Hux’s assistant to give it to me.”

He raised his brows doubtful, “You convinced her?”

I nodded, ignoring his questioning gaze, “Never mind that. If you can buy me some time tomorrow when his ship is here I can-“

“No.” He cut me off.

“What? Why?” I argued.

Here we go. I thought

“I will get it, I don’t need to sneak about to do it.” He explained

“I am not a child I don’t need you to do things for me.” I argued

“I realize that. You are being completely unreasonable,” I could see his frustration rise again maybe it was my own or a combination rising through the bond. “The issue is still not solved.”

“What issue is that?” I sighed.

“That Snoke will see through your scheme, even if Mother Talzin created this bond he will not allow it!”

“It is not a scheme,” I said, “you do recall what I can do with my Magick right? I can make anyone see what I want them to see. Their fears, their desires. The swirling mists are at my beck and call.”

He paused for a moment, “it won’t work.”

I shifted and I stood before him, beaten, bruised, lightsaber burns over me, my clothes torn dark circles under my eyes and my hair ragged matted with blood, much like when I left Dathomir but so much worse.

He blinked and I reached for him heavy black chains on my wrists.. “He will only see what I allow him.”

I dissolved the illusion.

“Hux will know we are hiding something.” He still did not look convinced, “This illusion is not enough.”

He was right I had not thought about Hux. 

I chewed my bottom lip, “There was something I read on The Data pad. we could use it a a distraction to keep Hux away long enough to convince Snoke. It is intel on the resistance.”

“Show me.” He said suddenly interested.

I pulled up the file and I passed it to him. It was an opportunity to watch him, he ran his fingers through his hair, a habit I began to realize, not from nervousness but as something to do with his hands. He frowned as he read it is index finger and his thumb on either side of his mouth a line between his brows. I felt desire flick through me as I watched him, as my powers brushed against his and he looked up at me as he felt it’s touch.

“Stop.” He said yet again.

I folded my arms in front of me and pursed my lips. 

“This should work to distract Hux he will want to present this to Snoke as his discovery. if I give this to Hux just before the meeting he will look into it and then you can use your illusions to act like my…”

I raised a brow as I heard the unspoken word slip into my mind. “Slave?”

His eyes looked up from the data pad. “Stay out of my head.”

I uncrossed my arms and put a hand on my hip cocking to to the side, “I wasn’t.”

“You would have to obey me.” He passed me back the data pad.

“Only in Snoke’s presence.” I said. 

He shook his head he looked troubled for a moment. “Don’t be naïve. Snoke has eyes and ears everywhere, it would have to be more permanent.”

“It will not.” I clenched my teeth setting the data pad down on the table. 

“Katalana.” He looked exasperated with me, “while we are trying to convince Snoke you are not a threat at least have to pretence play the part in public.”

“I will make you suffer every step Ren.” I glared. 

“I would expect nothing less.” He stood. “We will have to make it believable.”

“What do you mean?” I frowned thinking my illusions to be infallible. 

“Everyone has seen you stomping around this Ship day and night wreaking havoc, Snoke, Hux everyone aboard will not believe you have suddenly had a change of heart and will willingly comply to obeying my every command.” I felt his mind. 

I furrowed my brow he was right, “I-I know a ritual.” I offered I could sense his thoughts as though he was trying to recall something, a memory, it was strange it was like I too was trying to recall something like a dream. He turned and I could feel the tendrils of his powers reach out to me unconsciously delving into my mind and it embraced him. “It can create an object that will appear to dampen my powers.”

His smile was sinister. “Will it take long.”

I shook my head, “Only a matter of finding an object and my blood. The ritual itself only takes a few moments. Once I place the object my powers will be muffled to others but I will not be powerless, it will just appear as though I am.”

“For this to be believable Hux must see me place this object on you.” He looked eager suddenly.

“Our public interactions have only been viewed as volatile it is just a matter of performance.” I showed him with my mind.

He returned my smirk, “I am glad you are not my enemy.”

“Not yet anyway.” I replied.

*~*~*

My head slammed painfully against the wing of the TIE Fighter, his gloved hand pressed my cheek painfully into the black Doonium of the ship cutting my flesh. His other hand twisted my arm painfully behind my back his breath hot in my ear as he spat. “You dare undermine me?” He bellowed and pulled me roughly away from the TIE fighter then pushed me harshly to the ground in the middle of the hanger my knees colliding so painfully hard with the ground my teeth clattered together.

Fuck that actually hurt.

I spun on him blasting him back with my powers but he shielded coming again for me throwing me flat against the floor with his strength. I tried to push up onto my hands and knees only to be met with his heavy booted foot to my ribs. I coughed gasping for breath blood splattering onto the ground between my hands and I winced as I stood, as he let me stand.

“I will not be willingly used Ren!” The blood spraying from my mouth as I yelled at him letting panic seep into my voice. “I will never let a Sith wield the power of the Nightsisters!”

He sneered and raised his hand holding me with the force, I fought against him, “You will do as your told or you will die.”

I laughed in his face, “Oh yes! Stars forbid I disobey the great Kylo Ren!” I let the green of my energy build around my fingers a black metal collar glinted in the light.

His eyes flashed to it, “What is this?!” 

He dropped the hold on me as I let the green smoke of my Magick swirl around us, around the great crowd that had gathered to watch our fight. It had been going on some time now, it had started in the training grounds with an extremely loud argument and name calling and should you follow the path of our noisy and most expensive destruction it would lead here to the hanger. Two TIE fighters lay smoking in ruins on the ground after I had pulled them from their home igniting their hyper drives into a firey explosion. There was overturned cargo also on fire and an unfortunate droid had left the electromagnetic field after getting in the way floating in space beyond the barrier. Though our fight was a staged neither one of us held back it felt like a divine release of its own. I would not have to illusion the bruises and broken bones for our meeting with Snoke, my face was throbbing already and it hurt to take a deep breath from Ren’s boot to my ribs. Ren however, was not much better off his left arm was littered with shrapnel from one of the smoking TiE Fighters as he shielded his eyes from the blast.

“What is it!” He yelled again

“Oh this little thing?” I drawled turning the collar over in my fingers. “This is a little something my Master taught me.” I lifted it for all to see, “Something to finally crumble the hierarchy of the mighty Sith Lord’s into oblivion. You will become a Slave to me! You will do as I command!”

His eyes narrowed.

“Don’t believe me?” I smirked.

“A party trick of pathetic Nightsister magic!” He taunted, “You know nothing of true power.”

“You will all bow down to the Red Witch!!” I screamed as I lunged at him in an attempt to put the Collar on his neck.

Just like we had rehearsed he stopped me in mid flight and threw me to the ground at his feet this time knocking the air out of me I wheezed. As quick as anything he knelt on my chest I saw stars struggling for breath. The gasp I took was real my broken ribs protested at his weight the collar fell from my grasp clattering to the ground beside me just out of my reach and easily he picked it up examining it in his fingers.

“It looks like Little Witch, that your plan has backfired, it is you who shall become my slave, and I am eager to see this thing around your pretty throat.” Though I still fought for breath his words sent a strange heat through me I must be a masochist.

The collar clasped around my neck and for a moment I had wondered if I had made the right decision, my eyes fogged and my ears dampened as the magick took hold. His knee lifted from my chest and I lay there, relieved at the reprieve but now that the collar was on my neck I must play act that I would obey his every word rather than it merely dampening my powers to all others around me. They were in fact untouched, but it was after all part of the ruse.

I groaned and rolled onto my side, I curled into myself it did hurt to breath the weight of him had not aided the broken ribs. My face felt wet and I could feel the blood pooling under it dripping from my nose and a cut along my jaw. The Commander came close and I pulled myself into a seated position on my knees in front of him my head down looking at his boots.

He moved forward and cupped my chin up with his hand pulling my face up to meet his gaze I was surprised to see a slight degree on concern but it quickly washed away his gaze hardened to a dubious glare. 

“Stand up.” He ordered

I did as he asked, my knees shook strangely, blood dripped down my chin but I did not wipe it away. I looked at him intentionally un-focusing my eyes I bowed my head in submission. “I am yours to command Master.”

I could hear the shocked whispers around the room and then the sound of boots on the floor but I did not look up.

“What have you done?” It was Hux.

Ren spun on him fury clear on his face, “I have fixed your mistake!”

Hux squared his shoulders, “How exactly is this my fault?”

“You insisted we bring her here and it was a ruse all along, she only agreed to come to unseat Snoke and myself.” He shook his head. “Thankfully I proved the victor.”

Hux was silent for a moment than he asked, “What do we do with her now?”

“Now,” Ren spoke his voice filled with authority, “She is mine. A weapon for me to wield.”

Hux did not reply.

Ren turned and started to walk away but I did not follow not until he turned back to me at the door and uttered one word in my direction.

“Come.”

I complied, I had to hide my smirk behind my matted hair falling over my face in a curtain as Hux stood gaping like a fish.

*~*~*

The doors shut to Ren’s quarters and I let out a groan as I watched him put the lock in place. I fell bonelessly into one of the chairs. “You broke my ribs.” I wheezed.

“The feeling is mutual.” He rubbed his side.

“It worked.” I sighed kicking off my boots one of my toenails staying behind in my boots, I hissed.

“So far,” he picked up his data pad he still sounded skeptical, “I will call for a medic..”

I nodded gritting my teeth through the pain hoping the medic would come soon not willing to admit how badly I was injured.

I watched him while we waited for the medic’s his face unguarded for the time being, “Can you sense it?”

I meant the bond, he understood, “Barely but yes only because I know it is there. I can follow it but it’s hazy. Can you?”

I nodded, “ I can.”

He rolled his shoulders, “They should be here soon, you should kneel on the floor.”

I agreed and I groaned as I did so, he offered me a hand to aid me but I shook my head. I had only just found my place when there was a knock on the door announcing the arrival of the medics.

An older woman came to my side and began to scan my body another began to scan Ren. She tsked and then looked to the Commander. “She has three broken ribs, they are easily repaired but I must take her to sick bay to do so.” She started to help me up.

“No,” he hissed and she paused, “She will suffer the consequences to her actions.” 

She balked, “Yes sir, what would you have me do then.”

“Stitch up what you can stop the bleeding. What ever else there is she will suffer with it.” He did not look in my direction again.

I grit my teeth.

Asshole. I yelled through the bond.

He smirked at me as the medic sat me in a chair and went to work with her task. I kept the look on my face impassive keeping my eyes only on Ren, his gaze did not leave mine either. She was done in no time, a small device waved over my flesh and set a row of tiny neat stitches along my jaw and a few down my arm and shoulder where I too had been struck by shrapnel. The Medic who tended to Ren was done quickly as well. 

The older Medic made to hand me a small bottle of pain medication but Ren stepped between us and took them from her hand without saying a word shaking his head. Her mouth twitched but thought better than to say anything. She turned stiff backed and left his quarters.

I stood as I heard him lock the door the banal look on my face turned to a grimace as I let out a shuttering breath, “Fuck….”

His brow furrowed. “It is worse than you let on.”

I nodded. Kneeling on the floor had done me no favours I leaned against the back of the chair unable to find a place that made it easier to take a breath,, “You didn’t have to kick me in the ribs.”

“It had to be believable.” He stepped next to me lifting my tunic with his hands his eyes darkened with anger as he saw the purple flesh on my ribs, “I may have actually lost my temper when you blew up the TIE fighters.”

“It had to be believable.” I shrugged but the motion took my breath again. 

He put a large hand on my rib cage my eyes unfocused and my breath hitched the pain jarring. Suddenly a heat spread from his hand as he healed my ribs my eyes wide not surprised he had the ability, I had suspected as much when my concussion was miraculously healed after Mother Talzin but in fact that he had healed me at all.

“I left the bruise but aided the process along with the bones, it should be more bearable now.” He said and stepped away from me.

“What about yours?” I asked.

He turned furrowing his brow, “What about me?”

“Your ribs.” I reached for his tunic.

He side stepped me, “You do not need to worry about me.”

“I’m not.” I raised a brow smirking, “Maybe I’m just trying to get your shirt off.”

“Stop.” He said again.

“So what Ren, you had me once now never again? Sorry it was so disappointing.” My tone filled with annoyance. Damn him, the physicality of the fighting had only made me want him again.

“It is not a good idea, the Supreme Leader will use it against us.” He looked away from me and walked to his bedroom.

“You gonna tell him?” I snarled.

He glared at me over his shoulder.

“So what now? Do I go to my room like a good girl and stare at the walls until my Master comes to collect me?” I stood up and followed him, glad that my ribs no longer pained me much. “If we must keep this ruse up until you see fit that Snoke is satisfied will keep me locked in that room?”

“What then?” He stripped his tunic and tossed it on the floor and stepped into the refresher.

“Parade me around. Have me follow where ever you go to show you own me. Train with me turn me into your weapon. Let me study, do research. I will go mad in that room alone.” I felt panicked suddenly, being on this ship was one thing but locked in that room… It made me think back to the mine collapse and the mountain of earth that had buried me so suddenly. I squared my shoulders trying to wipe the thought from my mind.

I heard the shower start and I stepped into the refresher surprising him, “Get out,” he called.

“No. I will not be ignored or brushed a side,I have agreed that I will do what it takes to hide the bond from Snoke but I will not be kept like a prisoner.” I yelled at him.

“What would you have me do?” He yelled back.

“Do as I ask then. I told you, I will help with your plans for the Galaxy, I will watch it burn right along side of you I will gladly destroy those who oppose you and the only thing I ask in return is power and knowledge. I want power Ren, I have had a taste of yours and together we will be unstoppable. Do not think however I will stand quietly behind you cowed by your presence. For now until we find another way I will do it your way I will act the part of prisoner, slave, whatever you see fit but I promise you it will not be forever, we will explore this bond and what it means.”

I then realized I stood in the shower with him my clothes drenched with water my breath heavy my heart pounding. He looked down upon my like he had never seen me before water dripping of his naked body his eyes pinning me to the spot. He reached out with a hand and pushed wet hair from my eyes tucking it over my shoulder his hand staying to rest on my neck.

“Now that you are in here you might as well take off your clothes,” his voice filled with desire, he did not reply to my words but he watched me hungrily shed my wet clothes his eyes falling to the bruises on my flesh and devouring the rest of me as well.

I stood under the water with him our bodies not quite touching, “You were incredible today,” he reached around me for the soap and began to wash his hair I was disappointed for a moment. “Although I did take the brunt of it the TIE fighter explosions I will admit it was a nice touch.”

“I will be paying for the First Order’s new fleet of fighters pretty soon if Hux has Anything to say about it.” I too reached for the soap now lathering my hair in his scent.

“He doesn’t.” His eyes looked into mine for a moment before he stepped into the stream of water to rinse his hair. “You have me to answer to for that.”

I smirked, “What shall my Master have me do then?” I teased but I saw his eyes darken at my words with a look that sent heat between my thighs.

“You should not say such thing to me, especially with this around your neck,” he reached out and fingered the collar at my throat, “With what It is supposed to symbolize.”

I put my hands on his waist turning him my breasts skimming his torso to step into the water so I could wash the soap from my hair the lather washing down my body, “What is that?”

He growled. 

Suddenly he was pushed up against me the water between our body’s making us deliciously wet and slippery his hardness against my stomach. I opened my eyes look up at him as he then pinned me against the cold shower wall I grinned up at him though I felt a twinge of pain in my ribs.

“You know what I mean.” He growled.

“Do I?” I couldn’t look away from his mouth, thinking about how it felt on mine.

“Stop.” It was barely a whisper he pressed his forehead against mine breathing raggedly.

“No.” I whispered back wanting to feel more of him my hands moved to his hips and around his back pulling him closer my nails dragging over his flesh. I tilted my head up and pressed my mouth against his and I felt his resolve slip down the drain with the hot water that trailed over our bodies. In an instant he was hoisting me up and pinning me to the shower wall, I wrapped my legs around his waist and he swiftly slid in side of me my eyes rolled back into my head at the sensation.

He groaned grinding into me and I smiled down at him my hips pushing back into his own.

It wasn’t long before I came hard and fast and he cried out with me when I came. He set me down on my feet his hands on my hips a shit eating grin plastered on my face. 

I reached for the soap and washed my body.

“You are going to have to try harder than that to listen Witch.” He met my eyes as he too began to wash.

“I could say the same, Master.” I rinsed off and stepped from the shower.

He turned off the water and followed me out. He stepped past me once he had dried and began to dress.

I sat on his bed with the towel still wrapped around my body and I openly watched him.

“Don’t get comfortable.” He looked to me as he pulled a fresh tunic over his head.

I watched him, “So?”

He raised his brows in question. “So what?”

I sighed.

He looked back to me frowning, “Fine. You can be my shadow if that is what you really want.”

I grinned leaning back on my elbows.

“Get up and get dressed.” He tossed a large black shirt at me, a shirt so similar to one I awoke in after Dathomir.

I put it on obediently and smiled, “Lead the way Master.”

He sighed and lead me from his room and to mine. I played the part of obedient submissive very much aware of the stares as he paraded me with bare feet and wet hair though the ship for all to see.

Asshole.


	11. Nightmare

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Katalana is plagued by the memories of her past, but here we find out what happened in the Mine the day her twin was killed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ****Trigger warnings. This chapter was hard to write, but a foundation of Katalana's turn to the Dark side that being said Trigger warning s for violence, Non-con and sexual assault. !8++
> 
> I Thank you for all those who have taken the time to read this I thank you for your kindness and stay safe**

A nightmare of all things is what makes me sweat and tremble in fear it was a simple nightmare, not the impending introduction to Supreme Leader Snoke it was not nearly being destroyed by my former teacher nor was it leaving my home planet knowing that I would never return It. 

A Fucking Nightmare.

It had been so many years since I’d had one, it had been ages since I’d had even a simple dream but that night… In the few hours that I was able to close my eyes to rest before I was to be dragged into Snoke’s presence I was plagued by , not just one.. 

The one. 

The nightmare that used to wake me every night, that would plague me even into my waking hours. The same nightmare that made me ache for sleep for many years but then I had poured myself so completely into my training into my studies with the Nightsisters that I was so completely exhausted by the end of the day that I did not have them anymore. Perhaps the Nightsisters had even pitied me and guarded my dreams, because I certainly felt their pity and their rage when they had asked me what plagued me so…

Now that my time with them was over. Now that I was here on this First Order ship and my body was not tormented as it was, my mind not exhausted by all Mother Talzin drilled into me. Now that I was left with so much time, too much time to think. 

I laid in my bed my eyes closed and sleep surrounded me transporting me back to Lothal, back in the mine, back to that day. 

The morning started the same as it did every morning, I rose before dawn but too late to be on time to the sound of pounding at my door, I dressed hastily and I tied my hair back into an easy pony tail pulling on my boots and dragging my on my jacket as I opened the door. Rylan stood outside my house leaning against it a smirk on his handsome face. 

My heart clenched when I saw his beautiful face but I could not recall why. He was so much like me but so different.

My twin. 

The pair of us blessed with my mother’s dark hair and my fathers pale skin our eyes green, but where he was good and kind and greeted the world with open arms, I did not, I had always felt like there was something missing. Where he was happy, I was melancholy, where he was the pride of my family making them all proud, I was mischievous searching the dark corners for my purpose. He was thrilled to do as he was asked and I couldn’t help but think that the universe wanted something more from me and working in this mine with these people was a waste of my time.

But I loved him unconditionally and he loved me in the same way with all of my flaws and weaknesses, he kept me he tried to make me better and he tried to keep the peace between me and everybody else. My aunts always said that if it weren’t for Rylan, I would be a complete and utter hellion.

“Your going to make us late.” He sighed running his fingers through his dark waved hair, “I don’t know why you won’t just come back to the house it would be so much easier and we wouldn’t be late all the time.”

I rolled my eyes zipping up my coat looking at the cloudy wet skies.. “Because, I am not a child Ry, and we are already late you are trying to be nice but it won’t work.”

He pushed off the house and walked beside me, “you know if you would just agree with Pop and agree to…”

I scoffed, “I don’t want to get married, I have no interest what so ever.”

“Tev is a good guy.” He said encircling an arm around my shoulders he was trying to play the middle man. 

My spine stiffened, “Tev just wants to say he tamed me, he doesn’t want me as much as he wants what’s in my pants.”

He sighed, “you say that about every guy that is interested in you.”

“Yes, and none have them bothered to really talk to me before they tried to put their hands on me.” I growled, it was true, the few men who I had agreed to spend my time with were more interested in what was beneath my clothes than in my head.

He furrowed his brow his green eyes darkened. “Who?”

I rolled my eyes again shrugging him off, “does it matter?”

“Of course it matters no one does that to my sister.” He clenched his fists. 

“Well then you are going to be fighting every boy who has looked my direction since I was fourteen.” I scoffed, “just leave it alone ok, when and if I ever want to get married you will be the first to know.”

“Lana, I know you hate it here but please just try, for ma and pop. They just want to see you happy.” He stepped in front of me putting his hands on my shoulders.

I met his eyes I saw his need, he needed my happiness and I could never say no to him.

I sighed yet again, “Fine, I will come for dinner tonight just don’t push me, I would rather pull all of my Teeth out than to marry any man on this planet.”

He grumbled gave me a half smile, “I guess that’s something at least.”

I pushed him playfully through the gates. We arrived at the mine and moved through the entrance barriers and donned our gear I was just placing my helmet on when we stepped onto the elevator moving deep into the mountain. I took a deep breath I hated this place more than anything but if I did not agree to marry one of these damned miners and let them get me heavy with their child then I had no choice but to be here. 

We were late so when we arrived the other crews were already at hard at work the noise of the laser drills filled the chambers. 

The Forman came over, a hulk of a man who didn’t like me for many reasons the first of many was my mouth and the second was that I had refused his son Ansel’s proposal nearly a year before, he had taken it personally and he never let me forget it. 

“Avalorn.” He yelled in my direction both Rylan and I turned, “not you Rylan get to your quadrant.”

I clenched my teeth and stepped up to the man he towered over me his face tanned and dirty from the dirt of the mine his brown eyes bore into me,”Sir?” 

“You’re late.”

I nodded biting the side of my cheek to keep myself from making more trouble for myself, “so was my brother.”

“Get to quadrant 827.” He growled. 

“But that’s not my quadrant,” I argued my gut clenched something was not right.

“It is today.” He said then looked over my head. 

“But my father-“ he cut me off. 

“Your father is not you foreman today I am, you can file a complaint at the end of your shift.” He walked away so I could not argue. My father was normally the foreman but yesterday he had worked a double because another foreman had been unwell.

I moved to the new quadrant my heart thudded strangely in my chest. It was a mineral depleted quadrant it should have already been shut down for element scanning and fill in but it was where I was ordered to go. My heart continued to pound in my chest a heavy feeling filled me. A feeling I now recognized a feeling that I understood to be a warning.

I stepped into the area and made my way to the data screen and entered my information, it lit up and there was a blank data screen, there was nothing here for me to do. I opened the inquiry file to reach the foreman again but as I stood there I felt a presence step behind me I looked over my shoulder and fear crawled into my chest. 

Tev the man who had asked my father for my hand and Ansel the man who’s marriage I had refused stood at the entrance to the quadrant a group of four other men, their friends. They stood between me and and the exit. Tev smiled at me his teeth shone in the light his blond hair hung in his eyes a blue the same colour as the sky in winter, he would have been handsome if he wasn’t such an ass. I tensed and I looked back at the screen hoping to send a message before he could reach me. 

I couldn’t.

Tev grabbed me his hands on my hips spinning me to face him, holding me around my waist to him. 

“You’ve been avoiding me Kat,” his voice dragged down me making me shiver with disgust I stepped out of his grasp pushing him away.

“You noticed.” I frowned, “You however didn’t notice apparently that I am not interested Tev.”.

I looked nervously to the exit.

“You aren’t going anywhere Kat baby until you say you’re going to marry me.” His friends grinned at each other.

“I guess we should get to work then because we are going to be here all day.” I grit my teeth wishing I knew a way to get passed them wishing I was strong enough to take them all on. I stepped around him to a laser drill hoping that I might be able to use it to help me escape this group of men..

Tev grabbed me by my upper arm as I tried to walk to another workstation, his fingers digging tightly into my flesh pulling me roughly back to him against his chest one hand coming to my cheek his thumb rubbing against my lips the other on my lower back pressing his hips against mine, “You know if you were my wife you would never have to set foot in this mine again. I would gladly keep you with my children in your belly.” His hand slid lower grabbing my behind.

My mouth went dry as I tried to push away. “I am not interested Tev.”

“I don’t care if your interested, you need to get over yourself you are no better than the rest of us.” He took me now by both my arms and shook me my head rattling I called silently to my brother to save me.

“The let me go,” I could feel the tears stinging my eyes.

“No.” 

His face was so close to mine.

His words rung in my ears and the next thing I knew he was pressing his mouth on mine my mind unable to do anything too scared and frightened of what would happen to me if I fought back. I could hear the wild whoops of his friends behind us egging him on. I could hear their unrelenting jeering saying that Tev should make me his so I could not refuse him anymore.

“Make her yours Tev.”

“Show her who is in charge.”

“Show that little Bitch what she is missing.”

Jeers fell on my ears. 

“Knock that bitch down a notch.”

“Who does she think she is?”

“Do you think you are better than us?”

Their words only seemed to anger him more. I tried to push him away but he grabbed my wrists and held them behind my back with one large hand his other hand taking liberties with the rest of my body unzipping my jacket, unbuckling my belt pulling my hair free from its pony tail. All the while I was not strong enough to stop him.

Tears fell now, unable to free myself as he overpowered me.

He pushed me down to the dirt he pined me down holding my arms now over my head. I could feel him pressing against me grinding into me roughly into me through our clothes. I tried to kick I tried to fight him but he yelled for the others to hold me down. I sob escaped me, I had never in my life felt more helpless than I did then. 

The dream gets convoluted now, maybe it was my memories that were convoluted maybe it was my mind trying to forget. My jacket was tossed aside and my pants pulled down to my knees I had dirt in my eyes and I could feel fear and rage building inside of me. Tev tore my shirt down the front his hand fondling me I screamed at him to stop, I swear the ground beneath me started to rumble. 

“See it is not so bad Kat stop fighting me you will be mine. This will teach you not to deny me.”

I closed my eyes when I heard him unbuckle his own belt and I felt my brain shut off when I felt him against mine, I stared at the terminal that blinked with my unsent message, the far away sounds of the miners the only sound I allowed myself to hear.

Then I heard a noise, so different than the jeering and calls of Tev and his friends, it was Rylan he was screaming for them to get off of me I could see the fear and rage in his own eyes I could hear it in his voice I could feel the wick of it in the air around me. It felt sharp it tasted like electricity. He pulled them off of me with more strength than he should be able to muster, punches flying. My heart stopped as Ansel reared back to punch him and suddenly Ansel’s body froze in mid punch I looked to my brother, the look on Rylan’s face was full on an intensity that I had never seen before.

“I said get off of her!” His bellow thundered through the air and like a magnet they all looked to him, Tev froze above me his mouth frozen in a surprised gape. Rylan swept his arm out in a wide motion and suddenly they all flew hard against the stone Tev’s body being torn away from me a cry of relief falling from my mouth in a great sob.. 

Rylan came to me pulling off his jacket and putting it around my shoulders helping my pull up my pants, “Let’s get you out of here.”

Two things happened next so fast I was not sure my brain fully comprehended what happened even now. First, the look on Rylan’s face went from concern to shock as I saw the long metal rod burst from his chest and blood painted my face and second a fury like nothing else burst from me tearing down the world the ground trembled so violently that the mountain came rumbling down around us all.

Quadrant 827 no longer existed.

The Mine no longer existed.

There was silence, I thought for a moment I was deaf I had dirt in my ears and in my eyes and falling from my hair and it was dark, so dark that I thought I also might be blind.

My hands moved frantically searching for Rylan my hands fell on him I found him and I found the wetness of his sticky blood caking the dirt into mud and I reached for his belt light ticking it on, we were surrounded by a dome of stone and earth as his form lay bleeding beside me. He reached out and touched my face not trace of fear in his eyes.

“You have to get out of here Lana, get out of here and off this damned planet and away from these people, you are meant for more than this.” He was rasping for breath.

“I can’t go anywhere without you Ry.” My voice shook I was afraid.

“Can you feel it Lan, the power? I feel it.” He held his hand out to me his eye staring into nothingness, “we both have it in us, I felt it before but I ignored it, I was told to ignore it. I think we both could have been so much more.”

“Come with me.” I pleaded.

“I’m done, it is only your power that is keeping me here right now but it hurts, you have to let me go or you will be gone too. You have to get out, find Grand Fathers journals, find them Lana and make them all pay.” He reached over and zipped up his jacket touching my face again so much love in his eyes. 

Love and determination, “You have to get out Lana.Now!”

I felt an energy build around him like nothing else calling to me and I felt the energy build inside of me too. A blue light erupted from all around him all around the both of us. 

Another explosion, I closed my eyes the pain in my chest unbearable at the loss of him as I felt him slip away from me and into the ether.

When he died the small part of me that was good died along with him.

I sat up in bed my heart pounding.

Tears slid down my cheeks and I hugged myself feeling a sadness that I had not allowed myself to feel in a long time I covered my mouth to keep the sounds of my sobs hidden. If anything I would use this as a fuel to ensure I kept myself safe from Snoke. I would let no man decide my fate, I would allow nothing that I did not want.

Ever.

The sound of the doors opening to my quarters filled my ears and I looked up as I heard Him approach.

“What do you want?” I hissed unable to hide the emotion in my voice.

I looked up to him clearly he had been sleeping his feet were bare just as his chest was. He dressing in a pair of black lounge pants his hair tousled by sleep, I had woken him up.

“What happened?” His voice was even.

“Nothing.” I whispered, I didn’t even believe my own words.

“It doesn’t feel like nothing. I can hear your screams down the bond, it sounded like you were being attacked.” I could see now his breath was coming fast the irritation in his tone, had he run here from his quarters?

My heart skipped a beat. I was not ready to share this with anyone, it was my shame and if I said the words out loud it would become real, to real, not just a nightmare but a memory.

“It was just a nightmare.” It felt childish to say it out loud.

A line formed between his brows as he shook his head. “It was not just a nightmare.”

I took a deep shuttering breath unable to contain a sob from escaping my lips.

He closed his eyes and I could feel him trace the bond his invisible fingers slid down the tether and into my thoughts, I should have felt disgusted by it, I should have wanted to push him away but I could feel that he meant no harm and I welcomed the contact I closed my eyes afraid suddenly. I felt the bed dip under his weight as he sat on the edge of it beside me my heart hammered again in my rib cage. I felt that the power behind his intention as his invisible touch that moved down the bond it was filled with concern not malice. I felt him, I felt that he saw everything, when he saw everything. I opened my eyes and watched his face, his furrowed brow and then his face set in a frown. I saw his spine stiffen and his fingers clench and unclench upon his knees. I felt emotion fill him, so many swirling emotions but finally he settled upon rage, a rage so all encompassing I wondered if it was my own.

It burned down my throat like fire and settled in my belly it coated my entire being, my body vibrated with it, my power begging for release, perhaps it was too powerful but my brain was so rattled I could not take a deep breath let along release it. 

“They are all dead?” He asked needing the confirmation his voice felt strained a sneer on his face.

I nodded unable to look away from him.

“Good.” 

He stood abruptly before the bed facing me his hands fisting at his sides.

“You don’t have to pity me.’ I wiped at my face with the back of my hand trying to clear the emotion.

“I don’t.” His deep voice even again I could sense the honesty. “You came out of it better than before, stronger, with purpose with strength.”

I took a deep breath, “I couldn’t tell anyone what happened after,” I pulled my knees to my chest and rested my cheek there not sure why I was telling him these things, “I tried to tell my father and he blamed me for everything he blamed me for Rylan’s death. I don’t know if he died of a broken heart after loosing my brother or if it was me who slowed his heart to a full stop just so I wouldn’t have to look at him again.”

Ren grunted in response.

I kept talking, “After he died I found my grandfather’s journals, you have seen them I assume since I still don’t have them.”

He did not say anything but the slight nod of his head told me I was correct.

“I was filled with such a rage when I left Lothal, about what happened and then of what I had been denied. Sometimes I wonder what would have happened if I had not been denied… I wouldn’t have been in that mine…” I took a deep breath and looked away to the twisted bed sheets. “I can tell you that everything I have done since leaving that pitiful excuse for a planet was to prove that I was better than them, better then all of them. I suffered to become what I am now, and I will make make those who cross me suffer just as I have.” I don’t know why I felt like I had to explain myself to Ren but I needed to explain my weakness away, so he would stop looking at me with those eyes.

“You are not weak,” he shook his head slightly understanding my intent he crossed his arms on his chest.

I took a shuttering breath.

He made to take a step towards me but thought better of it. “They deserved what they got and you are better off for it you are here and we will make sure filth like that is eradicated no matter what it takes.”

I felt the hate in his voice and I bathed in it. 

“You must wipe this fear from your mind Katalana,” he dropped his arms to his side again clenching his fists the way my name fell from his lips hit me like nothing else, “Snoke will use it and he will destroy you with it. There must be a perfect dyad between fear and power the collar will not hide that. Turn your fear into rage. Rage Snoke will use, power he will use but fear he will use against you.”

“I am not afraid of Snoke.” I lifted my chin.

“You should be.” He whispered.

Silence hung heavy between us.

He turned to leave.

“Kylo.” I called before I realized the words were coming from my mouth.

He turned back to me his brows lifted in question his eyes uncharacteristically soft.

“Stay.” My voice soft.

He looked at me for a moment his eyes flashed with an emotion even I couldn’t place and then his face hardened all emotion sipped away.

“No.”

He strode from my room and I lay back down on my pillows. I was drained but sleep did not grace me with her presence. I kept company with only my thoughts and determination to prove that I was better for what had happened not matter how the swirling tempest of emotions inside of me was telling me anything but that.


	12. The Supremacy

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Katalana parading as Ren’s slave must prove to Snoke that she is worthy to the cause.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ***A/N Trigger warnings for Violence torture and suggestiveness 18+ Thanks for reading!***

I followed obediently behind Kylo Ren, my head bowed my eyes at the hem of his cloak dark bruises and barely healed injuries from the day before plain on my face the dark circles under my eyes from the night before and the slight limp in my step from my missing toenail added to my haggard appearance. I felt terrible, there would be very little play acting in that department. The day had started early before 0500, a sole Storm Trooper entered my quarters and stood at the doorway demanding I follow, I was awake, I had been ready for hours I sat on the end of my bed waiting to be collected staring at Ren’s discarded Helmet still sitting on the table. I stood to follow the Trooper collecting Ren’s Helmet in my hands and followed him I carried the Helmet before me like a shield, a shield that I did not need. I had sensed the elation of the Trooper that was leading me to my destination at giving me orders knowing that I would not be able to defy him. I followed him silently the the black and red of my clothing marked me for what I was Nightsister. 

A Nightsister Slave. 

Ren didn’t turn to me as I walked into the Command centre but I knew he sensed me because the bond between us reached out for its like almost as though it had a mind of its own. Hux’s dour expression which had been trained on The Commander transformed into a smirk as he laid eyes on me like he saw me as prey. I screamed internally as I wanted so badly to wipe the smirk of his face with the back of my hand, I imagined it, and I imagined the look on his face when I did, the shock the fear maybe even the awe. However I merely I walked towards Ren who still did not turn in my direction his back to me shoulders tense. I came to stand behind him and bent my head and said not a word but fantasized about kicking in Hux’s teeth to permanently wipe the smirk off his face. 

“Is that how your greet your betters?” Ren spoke breaking me from my reverie but still he did not turn to me.

‘My apologies Master,” my tone uncharacteristically soft, I did not look back,” I beg your forgiveness.” I looked up to Hux, “Good Morning General Hux Sir, Good Morning Master Ren.”

Hux took another step towards me his face so close to mine, studying me his head cocked to the side. Ren stopped what he was doing and turned around.

“General Hux, are you quite done with you examination.” Irritation rolled from him.

The General took a step back and looked me up and down openly one brow raised he looked down his nose. “It is unnerving to see this creature, her arrogance was part of her charm I suppose.”

“It was necessary.” Ren turned to me I met his eyes briefly they were angry. He took a step towards me his eyes flicking to his helmet then back to meet my gaze as he took black metal and placed it over his head it hissed in place.

Hux looked me over one last time and I fantasized about ripping out his eyeballs before Ren turned briskly to him, “Look into this,” he said as he roughly shoved a data pad into Hux’s hand, “Snoke will want to see it.”

Hux looked from Ren to the Data pad, suspicion filled his gaze but smug grin covered his face as he read the notation on the lead I had uncovered he quickly left Command with a few short words and headed into his office. “Tell Snoke, I will be along shortly, this is promising Ren.”

Kylo nodded and turned, his eyes passed over me completely disregarding my questioning gaze before he too stormed from Command very clearly furious and into the corridors. There was no noise in the corridors no Troopers or officers, shift change was due in the next half hour and I sighed internally not wishing to be seen following Ren around like a pup. He stopped and turned to me the vocorder on his helmet turning his smooth voice robotic, “you need to keep your eyes down and your thoughts to a minimum. I can hear and feel everything you think and feel and I need to keep my own emotions in check, you are not helping with your internal torture fantasies.”

I nodded smirking, “Then stay out of my head asshole.”

His shoulders stiffened again, “Enough.”

“No.” I smirked again.

“You have a death wish don’t you.” He frowned the rage around him started to curl out in shadowy tendrils invisible to the eye but I drank them in.

I schooled my face, “Yes, Master.”

He growled and walked away from me increasing his pace, he stormed through the ship as though he were chased by a Rancor. I followed him like a shadow his long legs had set a pace difficult for me to meet, but I did not loose him. We moved onto the hangar he yelled at an engineer and threw a crate into another transport vehicle before he entered the Command shuttle. He took his seat and when I made to sit next to him he motioned for me to sit on the floor at his feet like some sort of pet. I cursed him internally yet I obeyed sitting on my heels my shoulder pressing lightly into his thigh I hoped he could hear each and every curse I was shouting at him and every image of me pummelling him to the ground.

The ship shook as it met the landing bay of The Supremacy, Snoke’s ship. His hand shot out to my shoulder surprising us both his fingers digging into the flesh there to keep me seated otherwise I would have been send sprawling hard on the grated metal floor. He released me before the guard took notice and stood before the ship had fully docked. I waited for him to nod before I stood and with my head down I followed him from the ship. Whispers from a pair of TIE pilots met my ears as we moved down the ramp and my spine stiffened my hackles rising.

“I wonder what else Ren uses her for.” One sniggered.

“I’d be taking advantage of that, no question.” Said the other.

They laughed and made some vulgar motions, I am sure they thought Ren could’t hear them and if he did that he did not care. Ren turned to me at the foot of the ramp a technician placing a Data pad in his hand his head turned to look at it but I could feel his still on me. If not for this ruse I would have thrown both pilots into the side of the Command ship. I fantasized pressing my boot into the throat of one pilot while I force choked the other lifting his body from the floor and throwing it through the electromagnetic shield. I felt my pulse quicken and rage was like a drug.

Ren pushed the data pad back into the surprised technicians arms and spun on me then quickly looked to the direction of the pilots, he turned and moved towards them standing before them his imposing form like an obsidian wall.

“Sir?” One of them questioned I heard the fear in his voice.

The pilots looked nervously back and forth to one another then back up to Ren. I fought the urge to curl my lip imagining how I would tear them limb from limb, slowly, methodically, I would use my magicks to make them piss themselves in fear for even thinking about me.

“You do not have the permission to think about me,” he held out his hands both pilots grabbed frantically at the invisible fingers at their throats “you not do you have permission to talk about me,” he lifted them off their feet, “you most defiantly do not have permission to think about what belongs to me.” I could sense their fear and I bowed my head to hide my satisfaction and pleasure.

Sweet talker. I smirked as he faced to me, I could feel rage filter into me along with what I thought was approval.

Ren turned from the troopers and as we walked away he force pushed them into the wall, the clatter of their limbs on the ground was like music to my ears. The tension in my shoulders eased. When we stepped onto the transport lift he spun on me so fast his masked face suddenly filled the space before me his hands braced on either side of my head, “You will listen to instructions, you will not defy me, if this is to work if any of this is to be believable you must listen to me and keep your violent tendencies to yourself. If we have any hope of Snoke believing any of this you have to cut it out.”

I clenched my teeth but I did not reply. He was not wrong.

He stepped back straightening his tunic his gaze boring into me through his visor, “No smart ass comment?”

I folded my arms across my chest and turned my chin away from him. Cursing him in my head.

“You forget I can hear you.” I could hear the warning in his voice.

“No, I don’t.” I said adding silently, Asshole.

Bitch. He said back, his voice rang through my mind sending a shiver down my spine. 

I smirked up at him and my eyes darkened. 

He grunted though the vocorder a strange robotic noise to my ears

The lift came to a stop but the doors did not open and I felt him take a deep grounding breath the smile falling swiftly from my face the demure slave once again. I more than looked the part required of me gazing at up him my eyes round awaiting instruction.

“Stop.” He ground out.

I blinked cocking my head my brow furrowed slightly confused I was not able to read him, I could only sense he had put up a wall between us.

“Don’t look at me like that.” He hissed.

I hid my grin but of course laid it on thick after that how could I resist, “Master, please tell what I should to then. Sir, I do not wish to displease you.”

I could hear the creak of the leather gloves at his side.

“Cut it out and shut up.” I bowed my head again, wiping my thoughts and my grin away as he sent images of what Snoke would do to me if he realized what was happening between us. It was horrifyingly reminiscent of what Mother Talzin had done to me when I left her. I had no delusions that Ren was concerned for me what so ever, this was all about self preservation and that was something I could get behind. 

I nodded to him, with the simple dip of my head I could feel a fraction of his tension ease as he realized I understood. I might be difficult most of the time sometimes I was a down right bitch. It was a way I dealt with not being fully in control of a situation to show I would not be cowed maybe it was a personality flaw maybe a personality trait that was born into me but I was rather proud of if I was honest. However I knew at this moment in time I needed to tuck it away and listen to what he asked of me without defiance if I wanted to continue to breath.

He did not turn to me again I did not expect him to and for the first time I felt true fear in him, it was not an intense fear but it trickled down the tether between us. As soon as he realized the fear dissolved as fast as it appeared and the hiss of the doors filled my ears, I followed the sound of his footsteps my head down. 

The room felt heavy with dark force energy it crawled down my throat like a poison. Nightsisters were familiar with the dark side of the force, we could wield it our teachings were steeped in it, it did not frighten me but what I sensed in that room was different it was a miasma of corruption. The hate and rage were suffocating it was no wonder my people hated the Sith so much, the dark energy was twisted beyond its purpose. For a moment I could barely breath, I felt the dark talons of unknown power reach out for me and like spears of ice it lanced, me the cold tendril of power brushed over my soul. 

The room was a preternatural red colour that filled me with a reminder of Dathomir and its red sands, if was not a feeling that I missed and as the doors to the lift hissed shut and we moved across the high gloss floor my dread did not dissipate. I kept my head down but from my peripheral I could see the red clad guards of the Supreme Leader but I dared not look at the man seated on the Dias. 

“What is this boy?” I did not look up the voice itself was terrible.

“This was a Nightsister she was The Red Witch, the assassin.” He stepped away front me and knelt at Snoke’s feet, he did not rise as he spoke his head bent too. Following his direction I knelt down but apparently it was not far enough because I was pushed to the ground by Ren’s powers my forehead pressed none too gently into the floor.

“The Red Witch…” I could hear the sneer in his voice, “Am I supposed to be impressed by this creature? I can barely sense her power. What have you done to her?”

Kylo Ren stood before the Supreme Leader but I remained bowed into the hard floor my bruised knees objecting as Ren’s invisible hand still pressing on my back. “Word of her impressive achievements came to us through encoded Resistance Intel, she had been causing dissent among the Outer Rims, she dealt in revenge an enemy for hire She was approached as you know upon General Hux’s request.”

“Get to the point Boy, I did not ask for her life history.” Snoke growled.

“After agreed to join us we later found out it was upon her teachers behest. To try and get her revenge on the Sith.”

“Wretched stupid creatures the lot of them. You and I both know boy we are no Sith.” I could feel Snoke’s rage bluster.

“She attempted to use this collar,” I tried to hide the surprise that flashed through me at the information Snoke said about the pair of them not being Sith, I had felt lied to suddenly by Mother Talzin. Ren walked over and slid his gloved hand under the his metal collar and brushed the skin of my throat and pulled me up to my feet by it, effectively wrenching my thoughts, “ in order to obtain my power to use as her own.” I could taste Ren’s rage as well but I knew his rage came from the fear for his own life.

From my new position I could see Ren’s Master his form wrecked by the Dark Side of the force his skin wrinkled and stretched over his bones his large form imposing in and of itself. His face horrifically scarred and hideous. “This creature is pathetic, Hux informs me she is more trouble than her worth.”

Ren frowned, “I will use her as my own weapon. She has an impressive set of skills the First Order can use to effectively wipe the Resistance into a mere memory.”

Snoke did not speak nor did his face portray any emotion, I felt his invisible hand reach towards me again like tendrils of ice and it tipped my chin up to meet his eye, “I do not see her power Kylo.”

“The collar mutes her power, it was the only way.” He answered the unspoken question.

‘Take it off.” My stomach dropped but I controlled my emotions, more than I could say for Ren. “Does she frighten you so that you fear taking off the Collar.”

“She must be broken before she is released, the destruction she caused in the attempt to trap me was great, she is indeed powerful, I witnessed what she survived, what I can use to make her-“ Snoke raised his hand cutting him off.

“I do not need another child who cannot control themselves.” Snoke steepled his long fingers, his invisible hold still on my chin. He pulled me closer so that I was kneeling right at his feet staring at his enormous form.

His eyes bore into me, his talons digging into my soul poking prodding painfully in my mind as he tried to see what Ren could possibly have seen in me to want to use me so badly. I showed him then pushing the thoughts forward with my mind. All that I had been taught on Dathomir, the things I could do to people with my powers. The contracts I had completed for Mother Talzin over my many years with her. I showed him that I would gladly share the secrets Mother Talzin had shown me. I showed him images of how I powerfully I could wield the force, I showed him how much I wanted to please my new Master. How much I desired to please Kylo Ren.

I was surprised to find that I did indeed want to please him, that was not a lie and it made my guts clench with fear.

“It seems like Ren, she is rather devoted to pleasing you because of this collar, her pathetic mind wants nothing more than to see that your wish is granted.” He paused, “I can see how why you want to have her, what she can do it is indeed an asset, the need to please you.” Ren nodded and opened his mouth to give his thanks but Snoke interrupted him again, “Do not thank me yet Boy, if you cannot make her loyal without that collar she is useless.”

Ren put a fist to his chest and bowed his head, then Ren pulled me to his side once again and to then again into the deep bow I caught my own reflection in the shiny black floor. A cruel smile on my lips.

Snoke and Ren began to discuss matters that in my mind sounded like a foreign language that I could not make heads or tales of, people and places I had never heard of were topics of conversation, almost as if they purposefully spoke in a code I could not understand. I nearly jumped from my skin when the large doors slid open without warning and Hux strode into the room.

“Supreme leader,” He began bowing on bended knee just as Ren had done, “I have news the both of you will be eager to hear.”

“Spit it out,” Ren ground out to Hux. My ears perked up because I too was curious what Hux was able to with the secret communications that I had uncovered.

“There is intel that has been discovered. The Resistance has found word of a map.” Hux sounded excited.

“A map to what?” Snoke sounded perturbed, like this would be a waste of his time.

“A map to the whereabouts of Luke Skywalker.” Hux sounded very pleased with himself.

The tension in the room was palpable, I could not lift my head because a I had not been given permission but I tried to gauge what was happening through the reflection on the floor. I felt it before I saw it, Kylo Ren’s rage, it cut through me like a knife, rage that licked my guts hit me like a stone to the face. That name, why did that name anger him so? I dared not reach down the tether between us to see if I could find the answer while Snoke was present. I held my breath.

I heard the hum of Kylo’s lightsaber igniting dangerously close to my head but I still did not move, even as I heard him depart from the room.

“Do what ever is necessary to get this information.” Snoke instructed Hux.

Hux nodded and made to leave then turned back to Snoke, “Should I take the Witch back to the Finalizer since her Master deemed it unnecessary?”

“No.” Snoke voice filled the room and my blood froze in my veins.

“Very well Sir. We will be departing before the day is over.” Hux replied.

“I will have her returned to her Master before you leave.” Snoke’s voice sent a shiver down my spine.

Fear. I felt fear, I tried to obey Ren’s orders and banish it from my mind but as Hux left through the doors I heard Snoke laugh, a laugh that was a more terrifying noise than I had ever heard it was not a noise of joy but one of determination, of intention.

“You cannot hide your fear from me child.” He did not move from his spot but I could feel his eyes on me. “Stand.”

I obeyed but kept my eyes on the ground.

“You will look at me when I am talking to you.” He stood now I looked upon him he was enormous. He stepped towards me and cold dread spread through me. “Your fear of me is well deserved, I do not know what Kylo Ren has said to you about me, nor what you may think you know but I am far worse I assure you.”

I shook my head, “I only know that you are Supreme Leader of the First Order, Mother Talzin said you where a Sith.” I did not have to play act my fear, the way the force twisted around him was not right.

“Yes, well Nightsisters have a quite twisted form of logic.” He narrowed his eyes, “You are not a true Nightsister are you?”

“No Supreme Leader, I was not worthy.” That is what Mother Talzin always said to me even if in my heart I knew I was completely worthy of the title.

“Yet she still shared with you the secrets of her people?” He walked around me.

I turned my head to try to maintain eyes contact, “Yes, Supreme Leader, yet I suffered every step of the way.”

He nodded his head, “I know of her ways.” Snoke completed his turn around me and stood before me once again, “Her ways are much like my own. So perhaps you will understand that there are consequences for those who wish me ill will.”

I only had taken half a breath before the pain struck and it like nothing I had ever experienced, my body convulsed as the shockwaves of pain coursed through me my head felt like it was being crushed it felt like for an eternity. “If you think you know pain rest assured you have not.” The current stopped and I collapsed onto my hands and knees my limbs twitched and my lungs thirsted for breath, “What Ren asks is no simple task girl. Just because you have power does not mean you are worthy.” The current shot through me again and this time a scream erupted from my lungs as the pain shot through every nerve in my body my throat felt like I swallowed glass.

Again it stopped and this time I fell on my face my cheek pressing into the blessedly cold floor sweat beading on my back. I pushed myself up onto my hands again in an attempt to stand, Mother Talzin would torture me not unlike this and when I was in for more pain if I laid on the ground crying and snivelling rather than if I stood to take her punishments she would make it more unbearable to me.

“I did not give you permission to stand!” He swept his hand out my mind jellied from the pain still too slow to react and I fell backwards I saw stars as I laid on the floor dazed. Slowly I stood I could feel the blood sliding down my face my nose bleeding I could taste it trickling down the back of my throat. Snoke snarled and reached for the front of my tunic and lifted me physically from my feet to look into his eyes, “You have spirit I will give you that, I can see the draw… you would be a joy to break, pity it is Kylo Ren’s task.”

Tears leaked from my eyes, I dare not respond, I locked my mind tight choking for breath. He dropped me to the floor my legs crumpling beneath me, I rolled slowly onto my hands and knees breathing slowly trying to steady myself before I stood then Snoke moved towards me stepping on my hand with the pressure I could feel the bones beneath his foot creak and crack under his weight. “I said stay down.”

I really should have listened, but I swallowed the metallic spittle in my mouth and met his eyes my breath ragged. Pulling my hand from beneath his foot ignoring the pain I stood meeting his eye. I felt his rage coil like a snake and strike swiftly again and a pain like I have ever felt shot through me. I cannot say how long I stayed on my feet before I fell back to the floor. I felt like I had lava pouring through my veins rather than blood maybe acid. My skin felt as though it was being peeled from my bones and my every breath felt like trying to breath underwater. I know I passed out but I also was aware of waking again to the pain only to pass out again and the cycle to keep repeating itself until I was sure I would go insane if it continued much longer. It could have gone on for only minutes, it could have been hours but when the Supreme Leader decided that the torture was over I lay there pathetically on the floor of his throne room in a puddle of my own blood and piss and vomit listening to the noises of my own pathetic sobbing.

I looked up blearily eyed to Snoke barely able to find the strength to lift my cheek from the floor to see him sitting in his throne his eyes bore into mine darling my to disobey his order again. 

This time I did not stand.

I rolled onto my side my back to him and curling my knees to my chest taking huge gulps of air between mewling whimpering sobs and waiting to be sent back to the Finalizer.

I do not know how long I lay there on the floor of the throne room but by the time I was finally collected by a pair of Storm Troopers I was shivering and exhausted cursing every painful movement. Every small motion was like needles in my flesh like a thousand knife wounds yet still I would not let them carry me like a child from the throne room. With a Trooper at each side of me dragging me hastily to the transport my feet could hardly keep up with the pace my toes dragging over to floors, my ears could barely understand the fast paced chatter. 

“…get back before the Finalizer leaves.” One said.

“This is bad…” the other replied eyeing the trail of blood behind us.

“Where do we take her?” The first one said and the other one took a pause.

“Med bay?” The second replied.

“I have a feeling no matter what we decide we are going to be wrong.”

They laid me on the floor of the transport and I questioned my very existence willing my body to stop throbbing I lay on my stomach my face pressed into the metal grate my brain finally starting to clear but still fuzzy with pain my body on the other hand was ruined. 

I indeed needed a medic. 

I groaned on the floor and attempted to roll onto my back. The short ride to the Finalizer from the Supremacy felt like eternity and the shaky landing made me whimper with pain as we docked and I found myself lifted to my feet once again. The stormtroopers froze in the hanger I tried to lift my head but there it was Ren’s presence. It was dark angry but I welcomed it, I reached out to him unconsciously through the bond and when I found him and I clung to him. I could no longer help the troopers hold me and I slid from their grasp and fell onto the ground before Ren. In the back of my mind I felt the fear of the troopers but I could only reach for him pathetic sobbing erupted at the back of my throat as I felt him pick me up and cradle my body against his wordlessly and he carried me from the hanger my face pressed into his neck as his helmet pressed coldly into my cheek.


	13. Silk  & Daggers

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ren refuses to take Katalana to Jakku but she doesn’t let that stop her not does she let him get away from it. ***this chapter is 18+ For smut and violence ***+

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ***trigger warning for smut and violence not necessarily in that order. 18+. This chapter took me a while, it is much longer than previous chapters but a lot needed to happen. It was also very hard...***

I awoke in Ren’s bed the thin black sheet pulled over my naked body, I could smell the scent of his soap sandalwood and moonlight on me and I wondered briefly if the meeting with Snoke had been a dream until I moved and every muscle in my body protested loudly. I rolled onto my back my body screaming the entire time I felt wrecked and while I contemplated my existence I refused to move. Mother Talzin had nothing on Snoke and I realized for the first time that Ren had every reason to be frightened for our lives. I lay there for the rest of the day unwilling to face the pain of moving to dress and find my way back to my quarters. I dozed in and out for the better part of the day, I had zero concept of time but I knew eventually Ren would return to his quarters and I would wait patiently until then my body eager for the rest.

When it finally happened the sound of the doors sliding open woke me from a light slumber. I heard him enter and pause at the door to his bedroom standing at the threshold for a moment and I could sense he was surprised that I was still there.

“I will kill him.” My voice was raspy and raw not waiting for him to speak first.

Ren stood stiffly at the door contemplating my words.

“I understand that he is your Master but before I die I swear to you that I will drag him with me into the void.” I sat up in the bed, it took all of my strength I was barely able to hold the sheet to my naked flesh.

“Go to sleep.” Was all he said before he moved to the refresher and I heard the water begin to run. 

I did not sleep but I began to feel calm with his presence the nearness oddly comforting. Not something I was used to feeling and it unsettled me. I could feel him in the next room, although he was shielding me from his thoughts his emotions were plain for me to see, he was angered I assumed from the news of Luke Skywalker, the Jedi that liberated the Galaxy from the Empire. I inhaled sharply as the thought came to me suddenly could it be that Skywalker was his old Master? 

It would make perfect sense, I mulled the thoughts over in my mind but what could it possible mean now that we had this information on his old Master? I propped myself on my elbow as he walked into the room dressed in a pair of sleep pants his chest naked he was drying his wet hair with a towel his dark eyes meeting mine.

I chewed my bottom lip.

“Just ask your question.” He looked at me tiredly.

“Skywalker was your Master?” I tried to read his face.

It was unreadable. “Yes.”

I nodded my head I looked down to the sheets understanding his rage but too exhausted to share it at the moment that would come later because I knew I would help him with what ever task he asked of me bond or no which frightened me, my mouth had gone dry at my thoughts. I had nothing to say.

“What did Snoke say to you?” He stood beside the bed looking down at me. I laid back on the pillow sliding my arm beneath it and painfully tuned my body’s to face him, “He punished me for wishing him ill will, he threatened me and tortured me until I would gladly throw myself from a speeding ship if he even suggested it would stop the pain.”

Kylo’s backs was ridged and he stopped drying his hair and sat beside me on the bed leaning against the headboard, he looked down at me a frown on his face.

“I should not have left.” He said.

I shook my head, “It would have been worse if you hadn’t.”

He did not reply.

“I should have listened to you, Snoke is a monster, his only joy comes from pain.” I took a shuttering breath, “I have no doubt in my mind he would have killed me. I do not know what stopped him but I am still alive and cursing every breath.”

“I healed what I could,” Ren did not meet my eye but swept my body, “the rest will heal in time.”

I nodded, “Ren, can I ask you something?”

He replied with a deep sleep filled hum of approval.

“Why do you think the force has put this connection between us?” I couldn’t meet his eye, “Sometimes when I think about the bond between us I can’t help but feel it and even though I would never admit to it outside of this conversation, I am frightened by it.”

He was silent, so silent I looked up to his face to see if he had fallen asleep only to find him looking down at me his eyes full of conflict, “I think that the Force brought us together in our greatest hour of need.”

“You mean to ground each other?” I thought about the time before I came here. Not all that long ago yet long enough that it felt like an eternity. I had felt stagnant on Dathomir, blindly following Mother Talzin’s wishes, a witch for hire. I thought I had enjoyed myself as the Red Witch but I had never felt more alive then I had in the last weeks. Perhaps I had known all along that I was not meant to stay on Dathomir until the end of my days but I was not willing to admit that I could imagine myself here with Ren. “But why did we not feel it in the beginning, why did it wait until we slept together?”

“What made you decide to join the Order? You were set against it but something made you change your mind.” He picked up a piece of my hair and played with it between his fingers looking at it almost thoughtfully.

I thought back and spoke carefully, “I sensed you trying to control your rage, you seemed to have a will to try and control it I had never felt that before I always struggled with it.” I paused and looked up to him with a light smirk, “I know better now though.”

He raised a brow a twitch at the corner of his frown, I reached out and put a hand on his thigh as he opened his mouth to speak my eyes moved to it, “I first felt it when you were Dathomir, I felt your fear and your anger and your power it was like nothing I had ever felt, it was so much like my own but-“

“So different.” I finished for him his eyes looked up to mine.

“Exactly….”he reached out his fingers tracing the tattoos on my back.

I looked away from him suddenly embarrassed not use to this sort of intimacy my experienced with men were fast and furious and rarely did I see them more than once..

“Snoke has given me orders.” He dropped his hand from my back and stood from the bed his back to me.

I fell back onto the pillows again and stared up at the ceiling my guts clenching at the name.

“He doesn’t trust you and you are to be ‘broken’ sooner than later, when we get to Starkiller base you are to stay there until that happens.” His voice was tight.

“It won’t happen.” I shook my head, “Snoke will never be satisfied, I saw it in his eyes, he wants me gone. He will never trust me.”

Ren sighed, “He will see what we show him, I can use you to kill Skywalker the resistance will not see what is coming. “ he turned to me slowly such intensity in his eyes. I sat up clutching the sheet to my chest I felt like I was going to catch fire with the heat behind ibis gaze “ we prepare for Jakku and I will retrieve the piece of the map. Then we will go to Starkiller base and once you are healed enough we will destroy Skywalker.” 

I nodded, there was nothing else to say. I swung my legs over the edge of the bed, “I will go to my rooms you want your space.”

A line formed between his brows and he shook his head, “No, you will stay.”

I cocked my head to the side, “The collar around your neck had introduced some unwelcome thoughts among the crew. Let them think you are mine in all sense of the word, then you won’t have to kill them. It would cause too many questions.”

I laughed at his remark shaking my head, “I bet you say that to all the girls.”

He moved to his closet and tossed me a black shirt and watched me put it on before he too slid beneath the sheets beside me. He lowered the lights and settled himself as I stared at the wall beside his bed my eyes unseeing and listened to his breath even out as he fell into sleep. I didn’t turn to him, it felt too intimate, I would have left to search for my own quarters if my body didn’t hurt so much. I eventually fell asleep my bones aching a little less.

*~*~*

By the time was arrived at Jakku I had healed enough to go with Ren and his knights, yet much to my chagrin I was to be left behind. The most infuriating part of it was that he told me this in public and I was not able to do anything other than agree. So when we entered to hanger to depart all I could do was nod and step back as he entered his ship. I cursed him through the bond and promised I would kick his ass upon his return and he had better have a good reason to placate me with. 

I stood beside Hux as I watched them depart, the little dove on his other side. He turned to me his back to his assistant, “Did Ren give you any instructions?”

I turned to him, “No Sir, just that I was not permitted to go to Jakku.”

He observed me carefully for a moment I met his eye, “come with me then perhaps I could use your assistance.” He turned to The little Dove, “you can head back I will meet you shortly.”

She looked momentarily surprised and offended before her features schooled back into a neutral position. “Yes General Hux, sir.”

He watched her walk away before he turned back to me, “Ren tells me that you were the one who found our tidbit of information on Jakku.”

I was surprised Ren had told him. “I did sir.”

“You realize,” he began as we walked towards command centre, “that you found that information when an entire department dedicated to unraveling Resistance secrets did not.”

I chuffed, “perhaps you need to check to see if they can actually read, it took me less than an hour.”

He raised a brow, “I see you are regaining your charming personality.”

I smiled, “yes sir.”

He shook his head, “I have something I want you to look at.”

I fell in step beside him eager to do something, if Ren was not going to use me Hux might as well. We headed not to his office like I expected but to the bridge, my eyes eagerly took in all of the information around me. There was a small battalion of officers dressed in the same black uniform as Hux. There where many holo screens flashing all sorts of information and computers with scrolling text and quadrants as well as a clear display picture of the light engines as well officers sitting before each screen and consul. Every head turned when I entered the room faces filled with shock and worry as eyes darted behind Hux and I to see if Kylo Ren followed. They had every reason to be concerned if he strode upon the bridge, I knew his temper and I knew his mind he would tolerate nothing less than perfection. 

“Get to work!” Hux shouted as he too noticed the stares. He turned to me and whispered under his breath, “you Master is a menace, if you ask me Snoke has put too much faith in him.”

I bristled, “You should watch what you say, Snoke is not someone you should question. Master Ren is-“

He held out his hand stopping my words , “spare me Witch, your Master is the cause of many of my headaches, but he is effective. Just know that everyone is replaceable.”

I did not argue with his barely veiled threat but I thought that Snoke would not agree with him, he had much invested in his apprentice his time and knowledge. I doubted Snoke would take kindly to having to replace Ren even if Hux would be glad to see me fill the position I wanted nothing to do with their Supreme Leader, “What is it you wish me to see.” I asked changing the subject. 

Hux stepped to an consul, and picked up a data pad that was synced to it passing it to me. “Ren says you are from Lothal, that you have experience with the mines there.”

A jolt coursed through me, what else had Ren discussed with Hux, “Yes sir it was a dooinium mine and it was many years ago a time I am very eager to forget.”

He appraised me coldly, “My question has more to do with Kyber crystals, did you mine those as well?”

I raised a brow, “we came across them occasionally but the Kyber mines where on the other side of the planet.”

He nodded, “Well in that case have you heard of synthetic Kyber crystals?”

I pursed my lips, “I learned more of that on Dathomir from the Nightsisters,” I began, “it takes much energy expended by a force user to create them, dark force users can potentially create a more powerful crystal than one found naturally or one made by a Jedi.”

“Really?” He said interested in my words. 

“Surely Snoke knows more of this than I do perhaps you should ask him.” I said. 

Hux frowned, “The Supreme Leader has more important things to do than answer these questions.” He sighed as he realized he would have to divulge more information than he had previously hoped, “We have developed Starkiller weapons that are fuelled by Kyber crystals, the largest of which taps into the kyber core of the planet Ilium.”

I blinked realizing the ramifications of his words, “such a weapon would make the first order unstoppable.” My stomach clenched surprising me. 

He smirked, “That is the point Witch.”

I looked at the data pad which had the specification charts of the weapon, “So let me get this straight this weapon absorbs the power of Suns and with that it powers the kyber crystal core, enabling it to harnesses dark energy that can destroy a planet just like the Death Star but on a far grander scale.”

He nodded, “Planets not just planet.”

I blinked again trying to hide my horror. “I don't understand why you need my help though, what could I possibly know that your researchers could not already?”

“You have had certain experience that they do not.” Hux sounded sour to admit his words.

I nodded, “Alright sir, what can I do?”

“There is a certain flaw, once the weapon is charged it becomes susceptible to cataclysmic catastrophe if the containment field oscillator is incapacitated.” His lips where a thin line on his face, “there becomes a chance that the weapons charge could backfire internally and destroy the entire planet.” Hux’ voice was tight. 

“Seems like a pretty big design flaw to me.” I sighed. “It was not something that was corrected before the weapon was built?”

By the look on Hux’ face I could tell he had asked the same question. “I was hoping that maybe there was something that the kyber crystals could do to stop that from happening.” Hux looked at the screen.

“Why not ask Master Ren?” I questioned.

“Ren had more important things to deal with.” He glared at me, I realized he did not want to ask Ren. 

I furrowed my brow thinking about his question again. “Maybe not the kyber crystals themselves but the force housed in the crystals. Dathomir’s core is made of swirling force magicks the same magics that are the base of the powers for the powers of all of the Nightsisters. We can essentially do anything with those magics we can create physical things from nothing we can show people things that aren't even there, things that have only ever lived in their heads. Mother Talzin once made a pair of legs for her son with those same Magicks.” The look of surprise on his face pleased me “What if kyber crystals can do the same sort of thing?”

Hux looked excited suddenly, “What do you mean?”

“What if the force inside the kyber crystals is coaxed into creating a shield around itself for its own self preservation. I don't know much about manipulating the crystals themselves but the force works the same way, it is all about intent, the force it a will.” I shook my head, “you must have people doing research into this sort of thing.” I sighed. 

Goosebumps rose on my flesh and led me to believe that the Force agreed with my assumption. 

Hux took the Data pad from my hand and started tapping madly the screen, “Perhaps I had misjudged you. Your particular knowledge does seem to be helpful after all.” 

“Thank you sir.” I stepped away from him and to the large observation window. My mind was reeling, I was committed to the first order because of my connection to Kylo Ren but could I get behind destroying the entire Galaxy to rule it? Ren must know about this plan I couldn’t understand how he could agree to it. Could I? Ren’s innocence had been taken from him just as mine had but somehow I had not fallen so deep into the darkness, I was all for self preservation but the cost of this weapon, was I willing to pay it?

I knew my answer and it made my hiss.

I looked out to the planet we loomed over it’s beige sands covered the entirety of the inhospitable surface, unconsciously I reached down the bond, I could feel Kylo and then I was there watching. The sky was dark and fires burned the cloaked form of an old man stood before him a sad look in the man’s eyes. I felt the familiarity between the pair and intense desire to strike this man down. 

“Look how old you have become.” Ren’s words were harsh. 

“Something far worse has happened to you.” The other man countered.

“You know what I’ve come for.” Kylo started. 

“I know where you come from. Before you became Kylo Ren.” The old man countered and I felt Ren’s rage burn Through him I felt as Kylo barely contained it as they continued talking. I do not know if he sensed me there or not and if he did he showed nothing. I wanted to step behind him touch his arm because his pain was palatable his rage even more so. I was roused from my thoughts by the next words.

“…but you cannot deny the truth,” the other man said,” that is your family.”

“Your so right,” Kylo said amusement filled with malice laced his robotic voice as he ignited his lightsaber. I could sense the blaster take aim from not so far away fear gripping me quickly when I saw the blue blast shot towards Kylo as the old man fell to the ground dead. 

Kylo look out! I yelled through the bond, his hand lifted immediately and stopped the blast frozen in mid air he shot a look in my direction before he snapped the bond shut and I was back on the bridge furious I could see no more. My hands were braced against the consul my heart was thudding in my chest, sweat rolled down my back the hot air of the Jakku desert still on my flesh.

“General,” The voice of a Lieutenant rung out, “Commander Ren is coming back with a prisoner they should return very shortly.”

I felt relieved and annoyed. 

Hux turned to me, “I guess we better get back before your Master returns.”

“I would think that commander Ren would expect me to be in his quarters. I know the way you needn't worry yourself over it.” Hux nodded and returned to his data pad. 

I did not go to Ren’s quarters like I told Hux I would but I went to the hanger slamming my side of the bond shut just like Ren had done hoping it was enough for him to be unable to sense me. Using my magicks I cloaked myself in shadows and stuck to the dim corners of the room, It was not hard to stay unseen as there were many transports returning form the surface of Jakku and the hanger was a flurry of activity. I saw him being careful to keep the tendrils of the bond from reaching out for him like they always seemed to do lately ahead of him a man with dark hair and a wild looking face was dragged through the hanger by two storm troopers 

They left so swiftly that I had to pause and search for them, faintly I opened my connection a crack and slammed it shut again as I felt him reach out to me, perhaps I should have just show myself to him but I was still annoyed at being left, being forced to stay away from him. He was being over protective and I would not let him.

After asking a frightened engineer I found that they had taken a prisoner to an interrogation room and discovered its whereabouts. When I arrived the interrogation was under way I merely watched as Storm trooper commanders took turns questioning the man, and when they failed I saw one of the knights of Ren take their place., they were beasts to their enemies but Ren was not in sight, I curiously wondered where he might be and what mood he might be in if he was looking for me. There should be more to this questioning than just physical torture but then the man was cuffed so hard by an armoured gauntlet that he passed out blood at his temple. The knight left to room he did not see me as I was still cloaked. Now I was left alone with the prisoner.

The man was secured to the metal interrogation chair and I observed him, olive skin and dark unruly curls and what I assumed was a forever five o’clock shadow. I could break into his mind forcefully and this interrogation would be long over, I wondered why Ren was wasting his time when it could be so simple.

“Are you going to stand there all day hiding from me?” His voice was angry.

I grit my teeth and stepped from the shadows irritated he had snuck up on me and he could sense me cloaked, “Perhaps I should.” I began, “It seems to be the only way to walk around freely, otherwise I am paraded around like a child.”

I could hear the snarl in his voice, “A child would listen there is a difference.”

I laughed darkly, “You didn’t know me as a child.”

“What do you want?” He growled.

“I want to know what’s happening, I want to help.” It wasn’t a lie but I know it sounded childish.

“Then tell me what you see, in him.” His voice filled with frustration, “He has no force powers but he has been taught to spin circles. To get the information will not be easily. Have your turn before I tear him limb from limb to get what I want.”

“A dead man cannot tell you what you need to know.” I stepped into the room, dropping the cloak of magicks it fell from me in a swirl of green smoke. I moved towards the man and I reached out for him my hand coming to cup the side of his face, his cheek was warm and the stubble of his whiskers pressed into my hand. His skin was clammy with sweat and blood tricked down the side of his face. I closed my eyes as my magicks coiled down my arm and into his mind.

I saw an X-wing a black one and a droid a BB unit, I saw through his mind what he witnessed on Jakku, what Ren had done to that man, Lor San Tekka the name came to me like he was whispering it into my ear. I saw the meeting between this man and Lor San Tekka, that indeed he had been given the map, but then just as Kylo had explained the memory swirled to something completely different than I was looking for. I was on a planet, lush with green a small boy with curly black hair was running after a pretty woman with the same curly black hair.

I frowned and pushed my magic tighter there was a woman before me now, she was older, she was pretty but I knew by looking at her she wold have been beautiful in her prime. Her large brown eyes looked softly into that of the man before me he was only a few years younger than he was now perhaps, “Poe Dameron, I am glad to have you as a part of our ranks, you remind me so much of my brother, I am happy to count a pilot of your skill to our ranks.”

The memory swirled again and I saw the face of a woman clad in a red mask and a growled as I pushed again I felt his body tense under my fingers and his heart beat quickened. The images swirled again back to the woman from before and I reached down the bond to pull Kylo into the memory so he too could witness what I was seeing. Her face was soft and she looked at Dameron almost lovingly like a mother would her son. 

“I understand why you want to go Poe,” she said. “But I fear loosing you too there have been so many that have not come back.”

“What is it General you are afraid of losing the best pilot in the Resistance, I don’t blame you really.” He smirked cheekily at her.

She sighed her eyebrows furrowed sadly up at him, “Poe, I just want you to be safe, I know as well as you how important it will be to get this information on Luke but I don’t want to see you killed for it.”

He sighed all bluster out of him suddenly he leaned towards her taking his hands between hers and met her eye, “I will be alright, but if Lor San Tekka can give us even a glimmer of information about his where a-bouts I will do whatever it takes.”

She released his hands and embraced him.

I was pulled away not by Dameron but by Ren, his hand came to my shoulder wrenching me away, his breath was fast. “Enough, I do not need to see anymore.”

I blinked at being pulled from his mind so swiftly loosing my bearings for a moment. I turned to face Ren, my hand reaching for him I could feel his pain like electricity through the bond, my powers still eager to do my will they curled around my forearm and he stepped away from me. “Kylo,” I started dropping my arm to my side, “I can get you more.”

“No,” he turned his head towards Dameron his voice cold, “I will get the rest.”

He reached down the bond now, stroking the tether as if to tell me I had done well but was unable to voice the words. It was strange because I did not recall him ever consciously reaching down the bond after our initial discovery. He perhaps did not realize he had even done it.

Dameron stirred and Kylo swept in from of me effectively blocking me from Dameron’s view.

“I had no Idea we had the best pilot in the resistance on bored.” Kylo sounded almost amused, “ Comfortable?”

“Not really.” Dameron countered almost conversationally.

“I’m impressed no one has been able to get out of you what you did with the map.” The Commander’s voice hardened.

“You might want to rethink your technique.” He joked more confident than his appearance suggested.

Kylo began to infiltrate his mind the pilot was in clear distress, I could tell Ren was toying with him it was a simple thing to pull it from his mind but Ren was making it hurt, making it take time.

“Where is it?” Ren hissed between clenched teeth.

“The resistance will not be intimidated by you,” the pilot said tightly.

“Where… is it?!” Ren repeated

I felt the push of his power again and the pilot screamed out as he ripped his answer away. I pitied him for a moment he had not stood a chance, my thoughts flicked back to the Starkiller weapon, but blinked the thought away for now.

Ren moved from the room motioning for me to follow and as he exited I could see that Hux was standing on the other side, “It’s in a droid, a BB unit.” Most likely the one I had seen in the pilots memories.

“Well then,” Hux said, “if it is on Jakku we’ll soon have it.”

My eye met with Hux’s as I walked past him Ren’s voice trailing as he walked away, “Then I leave it to you.”

Hux walked in the other direction and he called instructions at his assistant, their voices faded as we moved down the corridor, I recognized that we were headed back to his quarters he was terse as we walked.

“Commander,” I spoke to his back, “I-“

He held up his hand, “No.”

I frowned, “But-“

“No.” he said again and I was sure the steam was escaping my ears I prodded him but found he had shut himself off from me yet again. I snarled but followed behind him hardly able to contain my rage until we were behind closed doors. He stopped just before the door and turned to me motioning for me to go inside as the doors opened. I walked in before him and as he crossed the thresh hold I heard him lock the manual locks and he tore down the walls between us. I was flooded with rage, anger betrayal even and I turned to him putting a look of confusion in my face if anyone should be betrayed it was me. I don’t know why I expected him to understand that I was only doing this ruse to save us from Snoke, I didn’t think that it would stop me from going on missions, from having a purpose. I thought that he understood that I could not stay idle. I braced myself for his rage ready to give it right back to him.

“Where were you?” He asked.

“Take the damned mask off if you want to talk to me.” I hissed and tried to step around him he took another step to cut me off as I kicked off my boots barely containing the desire to launch them at his head. I sighed with relief once my bloodied toes had been freed from my boots. I put my hands on my hips and glared up at him as he had not moved I tapped my bare foot on the floor.

He grumbled but reached up and unclasped his mask lifting it off his head roughly, his skin was slick with sweat his dark hair stuck to his face because of it. “Answer me then, where where you?”

I met his glare ignoring his question, “You left me behind when you went to Jakku, I could have helped-“

He cut me off, “Why do I need to bring you anywhere when you force yourself there anyway?”

I turned away from him putting the table between us so I didn’t try to claw his beautiful cruel face off, “I didn’t do it on purpose Ren, I thought of you for a mere moment and then I was there.”

His eye twitched as he shrugged of his cloak throwing it over a chair not breaking my eye, “And where were you when I came back? You were supposed to go nowhere without supervision.”

“I am not a child.” I argued.

“Your actions prove otherwise.” He countered.

“When you left without any instructions as to what they should do with the Commander’s slave Hux took me to the bridge, and after you closed yourself off to me I took it upon myself to to see what it was you did not want me see, what you deemed unnecessary for me to know!”

“And what then, did you see?” He said darkly, the treat in his voice made me want to lash out with my powers and dominate his mind.

“I saw the poor interrogation skills of the First order, no wonder the Resistance is-“ my words were cut short as he rushed towards me knocking the table over like it was nothing and he pressed me into the wall with his body his forearm pressing tightly against my throat my hands came up to claw at his flesh.

“Don’t finish that sentence.” He threatened.

“Then don’t cut me out!” I yelled back. “I do not deserve that! I took a fucking beating from your Master without a single complaint,” my voice hoarse, “I took a beating from my Master in order to join you here without a single complaint. I took a beating from you without a single complaint, the least you could do is show me some respect.”

He pushed away from roughly me running a hand through his hair before whipping back to me, “Do you think this is fucking easy for me?” 

“It sure looks like it Kylo!” I spat, “You seem to pull me around by strings! This thing between us is is just as foreign to me as it is to you but instead of telling me how I can help you, you are shutting me out. If the force is so determined for us to be bonded together then Fucking use me!”

“I can’t!” He spun back on me.

“Why the fuck not!” I felt my rage boil over the green magicks of Dathomir burst from me coiling down from my fingertips swirling around me, “I am not a doll, I will not break! I rose off of my feet hovering slightly off the ground, “I have gone through hell and come back time and time again, I can take what ever is dealt to me just let me do it!”

“You have a death wish and I will not stand around and let you get yourself killed!” He hissed.

“Well you have no choice because it is my life” my fingers reached up and shook the metal around my throat, “This collar does not bind me to you Kylo, I am no slave but this bond… This bond ties us together and it only makes us fucking stronger if we use it, so use me damn it!” I screamed.

In the blink of an eye he was on me again but this time his lips were pressing roughly upon mine and his fingers were none too gently tugging my hair pulling my head back to put his mouth on my neck. I gasped the feeling of his tongue and teeth against me was like silk and daggers and I dove my fingers into his hair letting the sweat dampened hairs play between my fingers.

His thoughts were pushing into my skull and I didn’t know for sure if they were my own, but they were filled with such a lust and rage. An intense desire filled me with such a primal possessiveness that it pulsed a thrum of impatient desire through . His gloved hand pulled at the belt around my waist trying to pull it off growling as it resisted against him. My fingers moved down to help him and soon it fell to the ground his hand slid under my tunic a moan left me. I shivered feverishly as the smooth leather caressed the flesh beneath it. My hands braced on his biceps digging into the thick material. He kissed me again the want in it was like nothing else his need was my need making each caress of his tongue like starship fuel in my veins. His mouth pulled away from mine suddenly leaving me breathless and we looked at each other for a moment his pupils blown wide making his eyes appear black and the heat that spread through me pooled between my thighs. My breathing was fast and only his ragged breaths matched my own. I grabbed the hem of my tunic and pulled it over my head his eyes moving down to the skin beneath. He pulled his gloves off tossing them to the floor along with my tunic he took from me, his fingers reached out to my flesh touching the black swirling tattoos upon me. Gooseflesh spread all over me at his touch, his fingers against my skin felt like electricity and I closed my eyes loosing myself to the sensation. I had never allowed anyone to touch me like this not ever.

“Gods,” my breath felt ragged.

“You like it?” His tone was almost accusatory dark desire in his deep voice. 

My tongue darted out wetted my lips and opened my eyes to meet with his yet again voicing my previous thoughts out loud.“What ever it is that has linked us Kylo, I swear to you I have never let a man touch me like this before. Ever.” I had been with my share of men over the years, again part of my training but they were often quick, harsh even and sometimes downright violent and for the most part only for the purpose of release or their death. 

This, whatever this was it was so different. 

I could feel his desire shoot down the bond at my words and it fuelled my own even further it was like a drug, the more I felt the more I wanted. His hands were rough against my flesh as he shredded my binder to remove it I nearly melted against his fiery gaze. 

He devoured me with his eyes, and I was his feast ready for the taking. 

I reached for him a sudden need to see his bare flesh, to have it pressed against my own was almost overwhelming and he groaned as the thought shot down the bond and into his mind. 

I unclasped his own belt easily and pulled the tunic over his head he lifted his arms to help, his hair tickled his strong shoulders sweat still glistening upon his flesh. 

He was like a god. 

I moved closer pressing my lips to the pale flesh of his chest nipping and biting across his torso, my naked breasts brushing against him the sensation of my nipples softly ghosting over his flesh sent a thrill right through me, he groaned. I felt the hardness of him growing between us brushing against my stomach and I palmed it in my hand meeting his dark eyes daring him to tell me to stop only to find myself pressed to the wall and I was gleeful about it. The cold metal on my hot naked flesh caused me to gasp his forearms pressed into the wall on either side of me his dark hair a curtain around us his forehead pressed into mine his eyes blazing into my own. 

“Katalana…” his voice was tight I felt his sudden hesitation. He didn’t say anything else but I saw his thoughts I felt his struggle. He was just as I was unable to separate his feelings from his desires. He wanted me more than anything he ever wanted before but there was no feeling to describe what we felt for each other. It seemed like this bond was driven by passion and anything beyond that scope felt so out of reach. It scared him and it scared me, it was not love but given enough time there was the silent question of what could it turn into, and that more than anything else felt like too much. We had until most recently been set on our own paths and it didn’t seem like there would be a divergence any longer and that more than all else made this so dizzying. 

“I know.” I met his eyes, “I understand.”

He closed his eyes his breath coming fast he straightened and looked upon me again, his eyes moving from my face to my naked flesh. “We shouldn’t do this.”

“Why?” I asked disappointment laced my words, “you may see this as a weakness Kylo but I don’t. I see this as an alliance, with this bond between us there can only ever be truth between us.”

His brows came together as he tried to understand my words he stepped closer to me again his hand coming to my shoulder his thumb began tracing my collarbone as I continued speaking, “I do not trust anyone Kylo, but when you speak to me I know you cannot lie to me just as I cannot lie to you.” I searched his eyes, “who else can you say that about?” I continued, “with our powers combined we can make the galaxy ours. Nothing will stop us.” I saw a spark ignite in his eyes at my words as he felt the truth behind them but I was not done, “Mother Talzin taught me many things but I have learned more in the last weeks with you than I have in all my years with her. She taught me skills Kylo, but you have shown me something I would have never learned on my own.” I reached up and put my hand on his face and he leaned into it. “Passion, with passion you can muster the strength to do anything, I see the passion that drives you the desire to destroy any who stand in your way, that too is something I can understand...”

His large hand moved up to my neck resting there the heat of it warming my cooling flesh I felt his thoughts move to Snoke and what he would say to our allegiance but still I continued, “I am not talking about Snoke, I don’t care if I see that fucker ever again. I will help you destroy those who have wronged you, and only for you I will help you build your First order, I will do what ever you ask because the Force has decided to tie us together.”

“I can’t give you anything.” His voice sounded thick.

I raised a brown, “I think you can…” I bit my lip.

“I hate you,” he shook his head in disbelief. 

I smirked, “I hate you too Asshole.” 

He stepped away and I suddenly missed the warmth of his presence and found myself disappointed that he had stepped away. 

“Stop.” He said as he heard my heated thoughts.

I rolled my eyes and knocked my head lightly back into the wall frustrated my pussy throbbing beneath my clothes. He turned and looked at me his eyes taking in the picture of my naked flesh bare for just him and the heated look on my face the blush on my cheeks I pushed my own sensations down the bond. His eyes darkened, his own desire and devious thoughts shot through me. 

“I’m not going to tell you to stop Ren because I like it, I don’t want you to stop.” I bit my lip hard and stepped towards him, “I love having you inside me, inside my head, inside my body…”

“Katalana.” His voice held warning the way he said my name filled me with duality I wanted to punch him in the throat at the same time as I wanted to kiss him on the mouth. Even though it confused me but I could not question the heat between my thighs and I pressed them together again, his eyes flicked down noting to motion. He looked back up to me under hooded eyes his tongue traced his bottom lip and I imagined that tongue on me. 

“Are we going to stand here all night staring at each other or are you going to fuck me because if you are not maybe I will go knock on one of the doors down the hall, I am pretty sure Cardo-“

His mouth cut me off again one of his hands coming to my breast the other moved tight around my waist as he lifted me off my feet allowing me to wrap my legs around his waist. His tongue ran across my lips before pushing roughly between them, I gladly opened my mouth to meet his tongue in battle. He pressed me against the doors of his bedroom and I gasped with desire as he ground his hips against the sensitive flesh between my legs that was so eager for contact. I arched my hips to meet his the sensation eliciting a groan from the pair of us using his body to hold me against the wall his hands moved to my trousers unbuckling them and pushing them down my legs along with my underclothes. His fingers dug into my flesh to hold me up but I welcomed the pain into my bones depending in it. I took his face in my hands and devoured him senselessly I could not get enough of him and I never wanted this moment to end, he slid his own trousers down his legs and he pulled his mouth from mine the power in his gaze alone pinned me to the spot and in one swift motion he impaled me with his impressive cock. I groaned into his length my pussy stretching around him the both of us loosed a breath, a breath that we had been holding since the last time we lay together. When he was inside me it felt like I had the power of the universe living completely within me, that I was indestructible. I was filled with the force my fingers tingled and my heart thrummed in my chest.

“Fuck Kylo, you feel so good.” He pounded into me with a feral pace, the metal of the doors pressed painfully into my back with each thrust my still healing wounds protesting but I did not want him to stop.

“I can’t stop thinking about being inside of you, once was not enough.” He kept thrusting into me and I understood his words more than he could possibly know. “I don’t think it will ever be enough.”

Everything seemed to melt away as my desire grew within me I could think of nothing else but the heat blooming between us, his hard length impaling me again and again against those metal doors, I saw stars as my head flew back into metal and it only fuelled my passion.

He slammed his hand against the key pad for his bedroom and he held me firm and without loosing contact tossed me on the bed my body bounced and I cried out at the loss of him inside of me. He crawled over me and entered me anew the sensation of him inside of me again now at a different angle made me moan even more loudly.

“Louder.” He panted as he continued to thrust into me. “I want them all to know.”

I complied, the green of my magick was now swirling around us, the room transforming flickering to a place I had never seen, Kylo’s eyes widened for a moment but his grin grew feral, “Handy trick,” he licked the side of my neck.

I said not a word I just watched as the room changed around us surprised because I was pretty sure he had manipulated my own powers.

It was the forest on Chandrila, I couldn’t imagine why he wanted to come back here but he seemed to enjoy it as he gripped my hips harder his mouth on my breasts. The bed beneath us was now soft dewy grass that smelled of a warm summer night, I could hear thunder roll in the distance, the air was humid and sweat began to form on out bodies.

He rolled pulling me on top of him guiding me onto his length so slowly I nearly groaned in frustration but at the last moment his thrust up into me so roughly I thought I might have seen the beginning of the universe. I called out louder just like he wanted, I wanted it too.

“Ride me Witch.” He demanded his eyes on me hungrily devouring the sight of my body riding him and with a feral smile of my own I complied.

His fingers dug into my hips as moved in rhythm with his own demanding thrusts. I cupped my own breast rolling nipples between my fingers as I rode him the sensation of my clit rubbing against him was pushing me quickly towards release and he smiled at me his teeth shone under the moonlit sky he looked the villain then and I was only there to comply with his wished as his slave.

“Cum Witch, fucking cum and let me watch.” He looked at me hungrily.

His words undid me and I came hard around his throbbing cock calling his name loud enough that they would hear us many rooms over his grin was primal. He pulled out of me and spun me onto my hands and knees and lined up behind me my body still convulsing from my release the bastard did not give me a moment of reprieve as he thrust into me his cock buried deep inside of me his thighs slapping into my ass again and again, harder and harder I felt like I was coming undone.

Just as it had done before a physical manifestation of our powers erupted around us green smoke and black shadows twined together in a dance of their own before they coiled around us magnifying our thoughts and emotions the lust was almost suffocating and I felt the hot jet of his seed pour into me as I clenched around him again cumming harder than I ever had before. Tears leaked of their own accord from my eyes, the mixture of out cum leaking down my thighs and my arms trembled weakly trying to hold me up. Sensing my distress his arm came around my waist holding me up, his hot cheek press against my back I could feel his heart pounding against me only to match the pounding of my own his cock pulsing still inside of me.

“Fuck…” I whispered

He pulled out of me rolling onto his back staring up at the still starry sky above us his hands folded behind his head, I wasn’t sure how much longer the powers of illusion would hold out but I lay beside him staring up at the sky I tried to calm my racing heart


	14. Traitor

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Katalana, struggles with Ren’s ability to control her Magicks, The pilot escapes and she is left to deal with Ren’s rage.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ***A/N Trigger warning for violence and innuendo 18+ Reference to non con you have been warned***

We lay in silence just staring at the single moon above us the stars painted the gorgeous night sky and the warm summer breeze blew over our naked flesh the tingle of magick in my blood. 

“Am I doing this or are you?” He asked as he looked from the sky to me.

“I think, we are both doing it. Through the bond I mean, my power bent to your will rather than mine but I can already feel it waning.” The illusion started to slip through my fingers the images and the warm breeze faded and we were once again on his bed the thin sheets beneath us my mind turning the possibilities, “I think that under the right circumstances we could wield each other’s powers but we would have to test it.”I met his eyes and I was met with a look I could not decipher I sat up, “This is so interesting, imagine the possibilities Kylo.”

He frowned, “Let’s wait until we get to Starkiller Base before we test it again.” I smirked opening my mouth to tease him but I saw his lips twitch into almost a smile as he spoke, “You know that is not what I meant.”

I ran a finger lightly across his chest my long hair brushing his skin my eyes looking into his recognizing the lingering heat there. I slid off the bed and I moved into the refresher calling over my shoulder, “it’s ok Ren I know you enjoyed it as much as I did.”

I turned on the water in the shower and stood under the streams washing away the sweat and the sex from my body. The hot water slid down my over sensitive flesh. I thought of Ren, how much this one person knew of me not just physically but my mind as well. The last person who knew me this well was Rylan, and he was gone now. I was not sure if I wanted anyone to know me that well again. Kylo’s scent washed over me over me as I lathered his soap over my body. I then pondered silently about the connotations of being able to use his powers and him being able to use mine. My mind was still humming and hazy from my orgasms so no single thought stayed in my mind for more than a moment but what ever fleeting thoughts I had, they kept moving back the Ren. 

I was so deep in thought that I did not hear him enter the room and I jumped as I stepped from the streaming jets to see him standing in the steam filled refresher. I wrapped a towel around my body the small space almost didn’t allow for both of us to coexist simultaneously. I craned my neck to look up at him my hair was dripping down my back but he merely stood there with his hands at his sides watching me with a careful gaze. 

“Here,” he handed me my lightsaber. 

I raised a brow holding my towel to my chest with one hand excepting the Sabre with the other my brows furrowed. “Kylo?”

He didn’t wait for me to ask my question but he stepped out of his trousers and into the shower. His voice erupted from the steam, “I have requested that your things have been brought to my quarters since you will be staying here,” there was no room for questioning because he continued, “I have the business of the droid to settle on the bridge and I imagine Hux will send word for me shortly anyhow. You are welcome to rest, it has been a long day.” I pursed my lips and opened my mouth to tell him I didn’t need sleep but he continued again, “your grandfather’s journal are in my desk in my office, when you wake you will join me in Command and I will give them to you then.”

I felt a little dazed unused to this sort of, what could I even call it? Kindness? I said not a word but I turned and left the refresher, I almost preferred when he was a short with me. I tossed the lightsaber on the bed my gaze lingered on it slightly. I found my clothes had already arrived they must have been waiting outside while we were… I smirked. I wondered how large our audience had been. 

I dug through the cases and dressed lurid thoughts rushing through me. I donned a form fitting red tunic with a deep V down the front displaying the tattoos on my cleavage it had a long up slits up each thigh and I pulled a pair of tight black leather leggings on underneath. I then wrapped my thick belt around my waist and I picked a pair of short black boots that fit a bit larger than my usual ones in order to give my healing toe some extra space. I put on the usual make up around my eyes the black black liner and dark shadow which made the green of my eyes glow almost like the ichor of Dathomir. I chose to leave my lips bare rather than paint them the usual red that matched my tunic, I had just began to brush my hair when Ren came back into the room and I eyed him suspiciously. Worried for a moment that he might offer me a complement.

“What is it now Witch?” He seemed almost exasperated as he gauged my gaze.

I chuckled instantly relieved and shook my head setting the brush down on the crates with my clothes and sat on the end of the bed as he began to dress, “Nothing Ren, for a minute I thought you were getting soft on me.”

He watched me from the corner of his eye clearly perturbed ignoring my words he commented on my clothes as he slid his trousers over his hips, “It doesn’t look like you are going to bed.”

I looked down to my clothes and shrugged, “Not tired.” 

I leaned back on my hands and watched him. Dressed only in his black trousers he reached for a fresh tunic barely able to contain the heated thoughts from entering my mind again at the sight of his naked chest. I saw him smirk as he pulled the tunic over his head but it was gone when it emerged from the neck hole. “I was hoping I could do some training, I want to test range of motion, get my muscles moving. I have spent so long not using them the way they are used to.”

He looked at me, he just looked at me, he didn’t say a word and I was sure for a moment he was going to tell me no. However he realized at the same moment as I thought it that I would most likely leave after he did to do it anyway whether or not he wanted me to. I was not one to ask for permission to begin with. 

He studied me again carefully and nodded, “I will come find you in the Knight’s training room when I am finished then.”

I smirked, “Yes, Master.”

He just shook his head but I felt amusement edge along the bond, I curled my toes in my boots.

I sat up and my hand fell upon my lightsaber, I had forgotten completely about it because my mind had been so preoccupied by Ren’s high jacking of my Magicks. I turned it over in my hand my thoughts now taken by it and the memories that came with it. I released the switch and the blade hummed to life it’s red glow illuminating my face. I closed my eyes as the hum of the energy flowed through the Kyber crystal and vibrated through the hilt of the sabre and into me. 

I had salvaged most of the parts of my lightsaber it had not been in the best condition when it had been given to me by my great uncle. The main base had been damaged but I had repaired along with making a few modifications to it, a long dead Nightsister had me add at her behest a hidden dagger blade at the base of the hilt to defend myself should I need to fight in close quarters. The small hidden catch for the release of the lightdagger lay under a small latch so I could not accidentally release the blade and loose a limb. The blades power source was red kyber crystals of course, as were all of the light weapons that the Nightsisters before me wielded. The original blue kyber crystal had laid at the bottom of the wooden box along with my grandfather’s journals before Ren had taken them. The new crystal had been salvaged from one of graves of my long dead Sisters. The crystal originally in the sabre would not have been powerful enough the sisters told me, it would be beneath me. Red kyber crystals were created for the darkness by the darkness, when a dark force user bled a kyber crystal they bent it against its purpose making it better, stronger. They were much less stable but much more powerful I saw the beautiful analogy between my live and that of the kyber. 

I had not been proficient enough at the time to perform the ritual nor did I have the knowledge so salvage had been my only option. I loved this sabre and through I had not been permitted to use very often it by mother Talzin. It was my secret joy to steal away and practise with the spirits of the other sisters who could teach me how to use these weapons behind Mother’s back. She called them the crutch the Sith and the Jedi whom depended on them far too much. She said that force users should rely more on their talents with the force rather than a weapon that any man could wield. I held the sabre out before me staring at the crimson blade turning my wrist moving it in the space before me watching how it cut through the air my heart clenching oddly. For a moment longer a gazed at the blade, the catalyst for my dark future, this is the weapon that started me on my path, suddenly I felt melancholy sadness sweep through me. I disengaged the blade unwilling to think on the subject any longer. I tucked the emotions away and clipped the hilt of the sabre to my belt.

I had been so lost in my thoughts I did not notice that Ren was now fully dressed as the Commander and he looked down upon me his expression filled with its own sort of melancholy, his helmet was tucked under his arm his eyes now observing me like one might study an animal they had never seen before. I stood up and slowly walked towards him my eyes not leaving his as I stood in front of him taking a deep breath I took the cold metal helmet in my hands and lifted it up to place it on his head. He bowed his head slightly to me in order help me reach him and it hissed into place the finality of the sound washed away any lingering emotions. 

“Shall we?” I said my tone light as I raised a brow and shrugged my shoulders at him. We exited the room and walked down to corridor in silence, I was not sure how much longer I could hold up the ruse of obedient slave especially after having him like I had not an hour before. The image of our activities barrelled through my mind. The silence was deafening as neither of us were willing to break it but when we came to the lift out paths diverged. He turned to me and for a moment I met his gaze even though I could not see his eyes I felt that they were indeed on me. 

“Be good.” He warned.

I smirked, “Aren’t I always?”

He shook his head and stepped through the doors, “That’s what I am afraid of.”

The doors closed and I felt his annoyance flare as the last thing that he saw was my middle finger pointed in his direction.

The heaviness in the air finally cleared and I felt practically gleeful at the idea of training. I made it to the training room with out any hassle my memory serving me correctly the large doors hissed open. Ren’s Knights were in the middle of training when I arrived and they all halted when the doors opened. I smirked in their direction eager to for some play time and as I made my way into the room the Knight’s moved to the opposite side and began to gather their belongings. 

I frowned irritation lacing my words, “You don’t have to leave on my account.”

“Mistress, we are only following orders, Ren says we are to steer clear of you.” The one with the grenade like helmet spoke. I see. Was this what Ren was playing at then, I could go train but I would not be able to train with anyone? Two could play this game. I flitted through the Knight’s mind, Vicrul was his name. 

“Vicrul Darling,” I purred stepping closer, “What Master Ren doesn’t know won’t hurt him will it?.” He froze as I circled him my fingers tracing his armour, when I made a full turn of him I reached my hand to the helmet release at his chin and he grabbed my wrist roughly.

“Mistress stop.” His tone was deep. 

“You boys are training rather early aren’t you?” I stepped closer to him my chest pressing into his. 

He did not release my wrist but his breathing increased and again I rifled through his mind this time he noticed and I was sure I heard him growl under his helmet as he attempted to push me out. 

“Oh?” A smile curled on my lips my grin feral, “You heard us then…” I heard my own voice ringing in their ears calling their Master’s name over and over. I stepped back to gaze towards Cardo and I ran my tongue over my teeth slowly, “and you needed a distraction?” I paused, “you needed to work it off?”

The Knights shifted uncomfortably none of them spoke but none of them stepped away either. 

“Interesting.” My hand slipped out of Vicrul’s as I stepped away from him. I felt a push at the back of my mind and I spun meeting the eyes of another Knight this one with blinders on his helmet. They would not useful for hand to hand combat but I could sense as he tried to punch into my mind that his skill lay elsewhere. I grabbed the tendril that attempted to reach into my mind to force my attention on something else and clutched onto it savagely and I grinned as he sunk to his knees.

I tsked, “Kuruk, hasn’t anyone told you its rude to enter a woman’s mind sunless she invites you?”

The Knight called Ushar stepped forward he was large nearly as large as Kylo, his broad chest taking heavy breaths his anger radiated off him his hand gripped an enormous war club and I smiled.

I tipped my head back showing them my pale throat and stretched luridly eager for a fight eager to make them as uncomfortable as I had been since I agreed to help the First Order. I needed to use up this excess power that was building, a power that had build up so much that it had eagerly jumped at the chance for Ren to wield it without my permission. “Yes please daddy…”

His steps visibly faltered at my words and I frowned letting loose an exaggerated sigh. “One of you please,” my eyes filled with fire with a different kind of need than what I had with Ren, “Fight me!”

Cardo stepped forward, his arm cannon not equipped today and I smiled, “My favourite Knight.” I beamed at him, “Come, show me why you are a Knight of Ren.”

He did not disappoint.

We exchanged blow after heavy blow my teeth clenched at the effort. The other Knights stood back lining the walls and I could feel their tension it burned in the air they were clearly disobeying their Master and I had forced them to do it and I bathed in the chaos. Cardo lunged at me his arms coming around my torso pinning them down noting my distraction, however he did not keep me pinned for long as I flipped over his head and landed like a cat on my feet behind him and swept his legs out from under him. He landed heavily at my feet slightly dazed and winded he groaned as he tried to stand, only to find my boot pressed it into his throat, his hands came to my foot holding the pressure away from his wind pipe and I grinned down at him he shoved me back hoping I would loose my balance. 

I did not. 

He cursed under his breath.

“Harder Cardo.” I yelled as the sweat began to slide down my neck and between my breasts. 

He growled obeying my command and pushed himself up off the ground coming at me harder than before throwing punches I could barely dodge he may be bigger and stronger than me but I was faster and using a combination of my force powers and acrobatics I was only just able to dodge his attacks. It went on like this for some time and I could feel his rage and excitement building as I tired and he knew it. The other Knights had lost their edge of uncertainty and watched eager to see their brother prevail against the Witch. I was perhaps more tired than I thought and I slipped up, I opened my mouth to say another off handed comment but Cardo was faster than I had anticipated him to be and it was now my turn to have my back pressed into the floor his heavy frame kneeling over me his hand at my throat.

“Careful Cardo,” My voice was strained under his hand I purred,”I like it rough, I might get a crush then what would our Master say?”

He released me moving his hand away like he was burned, “Fuck woman!”

I quirked a brow, “promise?”

He stood up and walked away from me and tore off his mask taking deep gulping breaths his muscled chest rising and falling fast. I was surprised to see another handsome face behind the mask and I wondered if all of the Knights hid their beauty with these ugly helmets. His hair was short on the sides and at the back but it was long on the top the sweaty brown hair fell into his eyes which were a pale ghostly blue. His face was red a heavy blush high on his cheeks sweat dripping down his face, “Damn it,”he swore pushing his hair out of his eyes with a gloved hand, “You are going to get me killed.”

I smirked turning on my side and leaning my head onto my hand still breathing heavily , “You and me both Cardo.”

I heard the other Knights chuckle and Cardo walked back over to them and slid down to the ground and looked at the opposite wall.

I let my head fall back to the ground and lay there staring back up at the ceiling. I smirked, “Any other takers?”

A round of Hell no’s reached my ears and I laughed, “You are all a bunch of babies.”

“No,” it was Cardo, “They just aren’t masochists. Ren is going to be pissed.”

I sat up leaning back on my palms crossing one foot over the other, “”When isn’t he?”

I sensed their amusement but they knew better than to push it or him. Again they began to gather their things, it was probably for the best anyhow Kylo would be irritated because the Knights disobeyed him and even more pissed that I had antagonized them. I was pleased however that my muscles finally felt loose and my powers seemed sated. I watched them as they left leaving me in the centre of the room.

“Be careful Mistress.” Cardo turned before he left offering a small nod his blue eyes meeting mine darkly before the doors closed behind him.

I flopped back down to the floor the metal collar sticking up at an odd angle against the hard floor. I sent a silent Fuck you through down the bond for good measure and as I stood Ren sent one right back his tone as nonchalant as though he were saying hello. 

Smiling I began to work the routine that I did every morning on Dathomir. I enjoyed the sensation of my muscles working I was stiff and the movements sloppy but as I began to work through the routine I once again became comfortable with it. I pulled out my sabre igniting it, I began to run though the sabre exercises, the routine was more difficult than I recalled it being. I could hear my heart throbbing in my ears harder than when I had been sparring with Cardo.

Just how I liked it. 

I had been well into my work out sweating and breathing heavy for just over an hour when fury burst through the bond like an explosion and before I was even able to blink I was Force projected on the bridge.

I was still breathing heavily but what I saw next made my heart pound even harder if that was at all possible. Officers and lieutenants where running around fear clear in their eyes. Hux looked beside himself yelling orders at his lessers to anyone within shouting distance.

Ren’s deep voice cut through the room, “General Hux, is it the resistance pilot?”

Hux spun at the sound of Ren’s voice, “Yes, he had help from one of our own.” I felt Ren’s rage flare again at Hux’s words but the General continued, “We’re checking the registers now to identify which stormtrooper it was.”

Ren didn’t hesitate, “The one from the village FN-2187.”

A young officer with a terrified voice called out, “Sir the ventral cannon is hot.”

“Fire.” Hux snarled.

I shook myself from the vision, I had to do something other than stand there like an idiot. I was instantly back in the training room my sabre still in my hand. I moved out the door the sound of startled yells rang in my ears as I ran through the corridor sabre in front of me. The vibrations of the ventral cannons shook the floor. 

I skidded to a stop outside the entrance of the Hanger which had been sealed due to fire and destruction my eyes wide and slightly impressed. Destruction in the hanger has always been my speciality until now. I desperately tried to fight my way through the crowd to the next hanger over to get to a ship to make my way to the planet, there had to be a way they couldn’t get away.

No! Ren snarled through my mind Don’t even think about it that is what Stormtroopers are for. 

You trust them? I argued back I thought if there was one traitor there could be others.

Come to me now. 

The authority in his tone sent shivers though me and I grumbled all the way my to the lift. By the time I arrived on the bridge Ren and Hux were nearly nose to preverbal nose anger clear on Hux’s pale face. 

“…Then they should have no problem retrieving the droid.” Ren paused noting my presence he turned back to Hux, “Unharmed.”

“Careful Ren,” Hux eyed me with distain, “That you don’t let your personal interests interfere with orders from Leader Snoke.”

“I want.” Ren ignored him, “That Map.” Ren leaned closer to Hux “For your sake I hope you get it.”

Ren shouldered past Hux roughly and I met the General’s eye for a moment before he snarled at me and walked away. I watched Hux over my shoulder as he moved towards Captain Phasma who was standing ramrod straight across the room waiting for her orders from the General. I narrowed my eyes at the pair trusting neither of them but made my way to Kylo. I barely stopped myself from reaching out to touch him physically instead I reached out with my mind.

He kept his back to me and I was surprised when I heard the robotic noise of his voice through the vocorder, “You will not leave this ship without my direct permission is that clear.”

I raised my brows, “We are going to get into this now?” I whispered to him looking around to see if anyone was listening.

“Why wouldn’t we.” His voice hard, he was practically vibrating with rage.

I took a deep breath taken back by the rage directed at me, “So you are going to take your anger out on me me because Hux is a twat?”

“Maybe,” He grabbed me by the front of my tunic his fingers sliding into the deep v grasping the fabric dragging me roughly to him. So close in fact that the vibration from his vocorder tickled my ear sending shivers down my back, “This arrangement is to keep the both of us alive and I will not allow you to throw it away for what?”

If he was this mad over me attempting to leave the ship he was going to be pissed when he found out about my sparring match with Cardo.

“What about Cardo?” He hissed reading my thought. 

I felt my own rage flaring and I pushed it towards him through the bond. I opened my mouth to speak to him but he pushed me away with the force roughly sending me tripping over myself and I fell to the ground onto my hands and knees feeling like a fool. “Why have me come here if you are just going to berate me?” I looked at him over my shoulder and I struggled hard to keep my voice low as heads turned to the noise of the scuffle.

He didn’t reply but he moved towards me pulling me to my feet by the metal collar at my throat. He spun me so that my back was pressed into the front of him and he pinned me between him the consul and his enormous form effectively hiding from the view of any on the bridge with his sweeping cloak and wide frame. He whispered quiet enough I knew only I heard him, “Hux is waiting for an opportunity, any opportunity to prove I am incompetent to Snoke. He will use you to try and prove it and you taking it upon yourself to lead an assault on Dameron and the traitor without any orders? If that isn’t proof enough that I can’t control you, I don’t know what is.”

“Let him try to take you down I will kill him myself,” I whispered back venom in my voice.

‘As much as I appreciate your words Witch, they mean nothing.” He hissed in my ear.

His irrItation flowed through me and I had to try not to laugh, Ren was irritated? He would not last a day on my side of our little arrangement as he liked to called it. It wasn’t so much of an arrangement right now as it was a prison. I took a steadying breath leaning into him more than I perhaps should beings that now was not the time but the nearness of him and the way his scent wrapped around me sent a heated desire that course through me so swiftly that my body was betraying my own anger. I tried desperately to clear those thoughts as I was currently attempting to be irritated at him.

“What if they get away?” I asked referring to the pilot and the traitor.

“Then I will burn down the entire galaxy to find them.” He did not hesitate at his words

“Will you let me help you this time?” I asked another question.

He hesitated for a moment before he replied, “I will.”

The bridge had emptied as we stood together in silence awaiting the news of our success only a few select individuals had remained. Only those essential to keep the starship running still sat in their seats fear in their eyes as they kept glancing in our direction, fearing the Commander’s temper. So when even I heard the frightened voice of an officer approach I too bristled. Ren moved me to stand beside him. 

“Sir, we were unable to acquire the droid on Jakku. It escaped capture aboard a stollen Corillan YT model freighter.”

“The droid stole a freighter?” Ren turned to the man I had to bow my head to hide my smirk at Ren’s ridiculous words.

“Not exactly sir, it had help. We have no confirmation but we believe FN-2187 may have helped in the escape.” 

Ren ignited his sabre and I ducked throwing myself out of the way just in the nick of time as he turned and destroyed the instrument panel in a fit of unadulterated rage. The metal radiated an orange glow as the instruments sparked and melted form the heat of his sabre. I was impressed he made it look like he was merely cutting through air. When he was satisfied at his destruction he disengaged his sabre and spoke.

“Anything else?”

The officer swallowed thickly his eyes lingering on the red marred gouges on the panel flicking to me and then back to the Commander, “The two were accompanied by a girl.” Ren’s hand cut out in front of him in an instant force choking the officer he was going to kill him.

“What girl?”

I stood moving to Ren, trying to act my part while attempting to calm him, “Master, let him talk,” my hands went to his arms gently far more gently than I would have normally. Normally I would have ripped his hands away hypocritically calling him a child for this tantrum for taking out his rage on this boy, but I was trying to keep up the image that I would placate Hux and Snoke. His head snapped tome and he dropped the officer reading my thoughts. He straightened himself and spoke again not taking his eyes off of me, his anger was now on me. 

Good. 

If he wanted a fight he would get one. 

“What girl I won’t ask again.”

“A-a sc-scavenger s-sir. N-Nobody.” He answered quickly his bottom lip quivered in fear.

“Get out of my sight!” He yelled. “And find them!”

The officer scurried away and Ren grabbed me by my arm and dragged me from the bridge knowing now his rage was turned on me, I grit my teeth and tried to keep up with him stumbling his large hand bruising my flesh. 

We were in command at the entrance of an office I had never been in before, his I assumed. It could have belonged to anyone with its lack of personal belongings there was only a large shiny black desk a single data pad sitting atop it and to chairs on either side. Black cabinets lined the walls under large video screens that displayed the view outside of the Finalizer. The doors closed behind us and he flung me into the room ahead of him I barely caught myself from falling to my knees on the hard black floor. 

“We will find the droid.” I turned not sure why I even bothered to reassure him. 

“Stop talking.” He growled as he started to pace the room. 

“No.” I clenched my teeth but he ignored me. I slowly walked behind his desk and sat down I crossed one leg over the other, I leaned on the arm rest and let my chin perch on my fingers and I watched him he turned to the video screen staring at the planet below. He was filled with fury that Dameron and the Traitor had gotten away, that he had failed. The more there was silence between us the more that I felt his anger simmer dangerously beneath the surface. “Why don’t you tell me what you are mulling Ren, perhaps I can…”

He held up his hand and I felt the invisible hands clench over my throat, not in the mood I pushed it away easily letting irritation flood down the bond irritated that he would resort to intimidation tactics with me again and he spun on me but I spoke first, “we are behind closed doors right now I will not take your abuse especially when I am not in the mood for it.”

I saw him try and fail to calm his breaths and he stood before the desk planting his hands upon its surface he leaned towards me over it, “you need to remember your place Witch.”

I scoffed, “And what place is that? Beneath you?” a sardonic smile on my face, “There is more to my worth than that Master.” I flung the moniker at him like an insult, “Hux knows my worth, I rather like to think he would willingly accept an alliance. He wants my power and he will let me use it. Perhaps I put my faith in the wrong man.”

I knew it wasn’t true, Hux was a snake and he wanted nothing more than his own success true he would use me to get it but he would just as easily discard me when he got what he wanted but I knew Ren needed to loose his rage and better it on me his equal in strength. Not that I was really one to talk I threw tantrums just as often as he did but fighting with him physically or mentally was much more satisfying then tossing a stormtrooper against the wall. I stood up and reached over the desk expecting him to stop me but he let me continue as I removed his helmet. “If you are going to insult me Kylo, at least let me look you in the eye.” 

I sat back down placing his helmet down on the desk. 

The fury was still plain on his face, “you are worthless.”

I raised a brow, “I have been told this many times before but I know it is a lie try harder Ren.” 

“You are weak.” He hissed. 

“Also not true.” I smirked. 

“You use your body to get what you want and it’s pathetic.” His eyes were like daggers as he raged at me. 

“That is not what you thought earlier.” I crossed my arms in front of me he was starting to toe a line he should not cross my own hackles began to rise. 

“How many men have you used Katalana, to get what you want? I know I can’t be the first.” He straightened glaring down upon me. 

“Be carful Ren your next words could be your last.” I said tersely standing. 

“Why? Will you bring a mountain down on me too?” 

He spat his words rang in my ears and I saw red before I could even think. I forced pushed the desk at him sending his helmet flying. He was not surprised by my reaction a feral grin spread on his face and he too pushed at the desk. Our powers clashed the desk hovered between us the force pressing against either side of the desk compressing the material. The glass top of the desk shattered into thousands of pieces littering the floor around us the metal frame crumpled in on itself and I threw it into one of the screens on the wall. The picture of the screen sizzled and flashed before all the screens went dark. 

“Fuck you!” I yelled. 

“Not today Witch.” he called back taunting me. 

I screamed as I threw my powers at him they were all around us suddenly the room had changed to that forest in Chandrila and Ren was a boy hanging onto his mother’s leg wide eyes as he stared up and the black clad figure of his former Master, his sandy hair, eyes like blue ice stared coldly down at the boy. Using my fingers I twisted the memory and now Snoke stood behind his Old Master’s shoulder whispering into his ear, whispers loud enough for the child to hear. 

“He will never be good enough.”

“He will never be strong enough.”

“He is weak.”

“His emotions get the better of him.”

“He will never be a Jedi, nor will he ever be a Sith.”

“His obsession with power will be his downfall.”

The little boy cowered behind his mother but then her form dissipated and he stood before his two masters as they flung their insults and berating words at him. Their lightsabers drawn they moved in on him. 

“We would all be better off if he was gone.” His old Master said and Snoke nodded his ugly grin splitting his face. The small boy cowered in on himself his breathing fast his sobs splitting my soul. 

To my surprise the image dissolved changing but not by me. My heart started pounding as the mining Village on Lothal moved before my eyes, I could see my twin walking towards me, his body bent and broken, bloodied and bruised. 

I shook my head taking a step back my back hitting a hard surface. Even though I knew these were just images that they were not real it was hard to step outside of myself not to feel the pain that rocketed through me. 

Rylan reached out to me his hand shaking his green eyes filled with unshed tears, “you left me, you left me and never came back for me…”

I screamed dissolving my Magick and sending those very tendrils of power back at a surprised Ren. Each tendril wrapping around a limb lifting him from the ground his eyes surprised at the capabilities of my Magicks. Another green tendril coiled around his throat like a snake squeezing he gasped for breath struggling against my hold. I stepped towards him igniting the sabre that was suddenly in my shaking hand. 

“You go too far!” My voice was hoarse and shaking. 

“Do I?” He frowned at me his voice a choked rasp, “because I don’t think it’s far enough!!”

I pointed my sabre at his face the glow of it illuminated his features in an eerie red. “You know…. You know what I have gone through.”

“And you think you know what I have gone through!” He yelled. “But you know nothing! You think you are the only one that has had to live through pain and torture and unimaginable things but you are not!”

I dropped my hold on him and he landed back on his feet but I did not disengage my sabre. I met his cold glare. “You don’t get to compare my pain to yours.” 

“Why not?” he stepped towards me the heat of my sabre burning his tunic. 

I blinked moving the sabre down to my side stepping back from him. “Tragic history is not up for discussion that is why.”

“But you throw it in my face when ever you feel like it and you made it somehow worse, but I show you one childish fear and it’s too much?” He shook his head stepping towards me again. “Why the force had bound us I will never understand because you will never be my equal!”

His words stung and I lashed out again I slashed at him with my lightsaber he barely jumped back in time another burned slash appeared at the front of his tunic. 

“You are making me regret giving that back to you.” He bared his teeth referring to my lightsaber. 

“You make me regret a lot of things.” I felt an emotion I couldn’t understand crawl up the back of my throat but rather than acknowledging it I lunged for him the lightsaber extended above my head as I leaped. 

He barely blocked me in time the fury on his face matched only the fury displayed on mine. We fought sabre to sabre in the small room scorch marks on the walls and floor littered in the wake of our blows. His chair was cleaved in half as I rolled out of the way of his two handed over head assault. 

“You know leaving that red wasteland of a planet was the best thing you could have done. You were wasted there.” He swung at me again our sabres meeting with a loud crash and I kicked him in the chest pushing him back as I leaped over the other half of the chair two hands on the hilt of my sabre my feet planted firm on the ground. 

I was confused by the turn of his words “Just as I am wasted here? You forbid me to do anything other than to lay around your quarters like a slave, I tire of this, just as I tire of you.”

He lunged again our sabres meeting again his strength was so much greater than mine I could feel my arms begin to shake as I tried to keep our blades from touching my flesh sweat was again on me. My breath came harder my eyes met his and I could see the wicked joy behind them, he needed this sort of release, a physical fight his sabre cut into the side of my neck burning me there I heard my flesh sizzle in my ear. “You don’t tire of me Katalana, you can barely think of anything else but me.”

I lifted my leg to knee him in the groin but he was ready for it, his gloved hand grasped my knee hard knocking me off balance I fell backwards onto the broken glass my lightsaber falling out of my hand I reached for it but he stepped on my hand, the same hand Snoke had destroyed. 

I whimpered out in pain as glass cut into the back of my hand trying to free myself. 

“When will you learn?” He looked down at me his sabre pointed at my face. 

“I only want to use what the Force has given me.” I could feel that emotion again like bile in the back of my throat. 

“The force has given you to me.” His voice held a finality in it that make my blood run cold, “To. Me.”

“Kylo?” I furrowed my brow my mouth dry. 

His sabre slid closer moving to the other side of my throat than before the heat burning me, “I decide what happens to you. What you do. When, and with who.” His eyes took on a glazed far off look and he pressed the sabre tighter against me the burn of the sabre was so intense on my neck it made me want to cry out but wouldn’t give him the satisfaction, “you will understand what it means to be tied to me Katalana one way or another.”

His sabre disengaged and he knelt over me his heavy boot no longer on my hand he pointed the empty hilt of his sabre close to my face so if he did bring it back to life mine would be forfeit. He held it there for a moment I watched it tremble with his rage and then he stood. 

I lay there motionless my breath heavy in my chest and sat up slowly. The room was quiet for a moment before the sound of metal clinking to the floor behind me filled my ears. I looked down to find the metal collar around my throat had been cleaved in two. I looked at it then to Ren who stood calmly by the door his helmet in hand. “We will show them who you are Katalana, we will loose you on all of them and you will show them who you belong to.”

My eyes were round with surprise but then a grin fell upon my lips.


	15. Bonded

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Katalana is struggling with memories from the past and the fact that Kylo is cutting her out.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Smutty literature warning! I wrote the chapter after this one first before I realized that this chapter needed to come first... it has been a long week!

It was cold on Starkiller base, more than cold it was frigid and I had forgotten how much the cold could make your bones ache and your skin freeze. This place was miserable, or maybe it was just me that was miserable and there was nothing anyone could do about it. 

Today especially. 

It hand been weeks and we had heard nothing of the droid and with each passing day, Ren became more angry and irritable and distant. Now he and Hux were meeting with Snoke so I had been sent away so Snoke could not sense me or my powers. Ren had not even relayed the information to me himself, Hux’s assistant had been waiting for me outside of our quarters this morning, to rely the vague orders. 

I frowned down at the Little Dove, “So where exactly does he expect me to go?” 

She looked at me with a haughty expression clearly irritated that she had to come deliver me a message that she thought was beneath her, “perhaps you should explore the the planet’s surface.” 

“It’s cold.” It was an inane thing to say but I was dumbfounded that I was being dismissed like a married man’s mistress. 

“A will have a droid bring you some gear, Commander Ren says you are expected to be off base within the hour.” She met me with a hard gaze. 

I raised a brow as she turned and walked away not even leaving me with any option to argue with her. 

I shot my thoughts down the bond to demand why he had sent someone else to tell me this information rather than telling me himself, to ask him why he was avoiding me like I had some sort of space flu. As I traced the tether with an invisible finger I only came to find he had closed himself off from me, I met with a hard wall between us. Ren had been strange and distant since the night of the Awakening and he wouldn’t tell me why. 

I had been in a deep sleep when I had felt a pulse through the Force, it bled through the entire galaxy. Jolting through my veins like lightning. 

An awakening. 

In all of my years and the knowledge I had gained I had never experienced one before. It had pulled me out of sleep. I sat up in the bed the sheets pooled at my waist. The cold air puckered my naked flesh and my arm reached out for Ren he was not there, he never was, not anymore not since arriving on Starkiller but as I contemplated getting up he appeared at the door his eyes wide, his hair sleep tousled. 

“Did you feel that?” His eyes met mine. 

I nodded. 

“What is it?” I asked as I wrapped my arms around myself. It was such a strange sensation it was like an explosion in my nerves, intense but not painful yet it filled me with impending dread. 

He moved towards me and I could see in the dim light that goose flesh had spread upon his skin just as it had on mine. “It is an awakening, there is someone with significant Force abilities that has begun to discover them.”

“Does it always feel like this?” I asked pulling the sheet over my naked flesh. 

He stood over me looking down and shook his head, “not always. Whoever this is…” he broke off, “we must pray they do not work against us. 

He looked concerned as he shot me a look I did not understand and then he left. He left me to shiver in the night with only my thoughts as comfort. 

I shook the memory from my mind. 

Even though Ren had rudely sent me off the base by word of messenger I was more than happy to comply, just the thought of Snoke filled me with rage. Everything he had done to me, everything that I had suspected he had done and was doing to Ren, filled me with fury and more than anything I wanted to see Snoke dead at my feet, revenge was what I dealt after all. I felt so angry and I felt a hatred like I had never felt before and I have felt my share it was turning my stomach sour. My loyalties were with Ren not with their precious Supreme Leader and because Ren was loyal to the Supreme Leader I must stay my murderous thoughts.

I snarled as I moved over the white snowy land.

I was finding it hard to stay angry however, because the scenery was nearly as breath taking as the frigid temperature. The early afternoon light shone against the snow making it sparkle like thousands of crystals strewn about the land and though I prayed I didn’t run into an Asharl panther. I did hope however to catch a glimpse of one in the distance just to see their majesty with my own eyes. A platoon of stormtroopers had not been so lucky as they had been taken out by a family of them the day before last. It was messy and horrifying, the fears of the search party had been clear for me to see upon their return the images clear in their minds for my plucking.

I had been wandering the frozen tundra the entire morning lost to my own thoughts, thoughts that I wasn’t even willing to admit that I was having to myself or anybody else. Thoughts that I had swore I would never had ever again. I took a deep standing on a rocky edge that overlooked the breathtaking terrain the orange glow of the afternoon sun shone through the trees, I watched the mist of my breath pool in the air before it dissipated into the cold. 

“Mistress.” A voice called suddenly from behind me and I turned to it surprised I did not hear the approaching footsteps because I was so lost in thought..

“Cardo, my favourite Knight.” I put a smile on my face relieved to see the man before me even if I realized he was most likely bringing news I did not wish to hear, “What do I owe the pleasure of your company?”

He was without his Helmet and the light breeze tousled his brown hair his glacial eyes were the same colour as the winter sky above and or it rated my soul. “Master Ren wishes you presence.”

My smile fell and I turned away from Cardo and looked out at the beautiful view again. As much as I wanted to get into the warm base I couldn’t help but dread the news that awaited me there. I sighed and turned back to him my eyes met his, “Do we have too? Wouldn’t you rather spar with me out here?”

He raised a brow a roguish smile tugged at his mouth, “Mistress, I-” He looked away running a gloved hand through his hair and looked away from me butI could see the conflict in his eyes when he finally met mine again. He did not want to disobey his Master but I could also sense that he did not want to disappoint me either, his eyes met mine intensely.

I groaned over dramatically giving in with an exasperated sigh, “fine!” 

I stepped towards him offering him another smile the wind whipping my own dark hair hair about, “but for the record I think I would much rather turn into and icicle than go back in there.”

He looked at me an amused smile on his face shaking his head, “If you don’t mind me saying Mistress but you are not at all like how Master Ren described you.”

I chuffed, “And how exactly is that Cardo?”

He started walking back to base and I followed bemused, “Well I had already made my own assumptions, especially after the few times we have sparred.”

I quirked a brow understanding his words but instead offering, “You mean when I kicked your ass?”

He turned to me his white teeth flashing, “Ha, you mean when you got me so hot I could barely think of anything else but pinning you under me and…”

I shrugged quirking a brow playfully nudging him with my shoulder playfully, “It still means I won.”

He shook his head smirking, “This is exactly what I mean, Ren had you painted as unhinged, irrational and someone with a death wish, someone we should all stay away from.”

“Well he is not wrong, but I am more than that, I’m sarcastic and vengeful and fucking hilarious,” The snow crunched under my feet as we walked back towards the base Cardo didn’t reply not sure if he should, “Listen Cardo, I may be all of those things but there is more to me than that, just like there is more to Ren and more to you.” I stepped onto a snow drift looking down to the snow covered trees behind me that still shone like diamonds in the sunlight. “Ren, doesn’t take the time to talk to me, to know me, we fight and we fuck.” I shrugged.

Cardo looked up at me surprised, “I’m sure there is more to it than that, and I’m not sure I’m the man to talk to about this.”

I bit my lip, I didn’t want to say anything about our bond if Ren had not mentioned it to them, but I was not wrong I had spoken more candidly to Cardo then I ever had to Ren, we just screamed at each other with rage, then threw each other into furniture and took our clothes off, not that I was complaining about the last part because that was fucking good but as much as I didn’t want to admit it I found myself wanting more.

“For what its worth,” Cardo began not meeting my eye but training it on the path through the snow, “I think it was a good thing that you joined us.”

Us. The word felt, foreign. Even when I had been with the Nightsisters they never used the word like that to describe what I was to them. I was never quite good enough to be a part of them, I was a tool, a reminder to the galaxy that the Nightsisters were not gone. Us. What did that even mean?

He continued, “We are loyal to the man, to Ren not the cause and even if he doesn’t say anything, I know he is glad you are here, he has … balance.” He paused his words and stepped in front of me blocking my path I stopped short barely stopping myself from running into his chest.

For a moment I felt my Magicks rise at his sudden nearness, old wounds were sometimes the hardest to heal yet I could feel Cardo’s intent came from an honest place, that he would not hurt me. He towered over me his broad shoulders and wide muscled chest before me, his blue eyes pinning me to the spot with an intensity that I didn’t know eyes held the power to do.

“And selfishly,” he raised a brow and dipped his chin in my direction so his warm breath brushed my face, “You make training sessions a hell of a lot more fun.”

“I aim to please.” I stepped around him my body brushed his my heart twisting strangely, “Besides I still don’t think Kylo knows about our last sparring match.”

I heard Cardo’s boots crunch in the snow behind me as he turned to follow me again, “I hope it stays that was too, for my sake. I rather like my arms attached to my body.”

“Among other things,” I smirked as my eye flicked downwards for a moment before I moved back to his eyes.

He laughed his pink lips parted to show his snow white teeth, the smile on his face was rather dashing. I shook myself.

“Thank you by the way.” I said and I could feel his questioning gaze on me.

“For doing it, for sparring with me. I know you were breaking command-“

He cut me off saving me the embarrassment, “Hey, we have all been there, we have all felt helpless.”

“Helpless?” I bantered, “I am never helpless.”

He chuckled, “Don’t I know it.”I ducked under a fallen tree and Cardo vaulted over it his eyes not leaving me, “but you know what I mean.”

I nodded walking the rest of the way in easy mood and conversation for the first time that day I had momentarily forgotten about the heavy feeling that had been surrounding me and all too soon we entered the base and that heavy mood fell over me again like a wave. The heated air hit my face and I was instantly sweating, I pulled down the hood of my coat and my gloves expecting to see Cardo beside me, I called to him and I saw that he was already at the inner door, “What’s the hurry?”

“Hey Ren wants to see you not me?” He turned back leaning against the door smugly his arms crossed over his chest his legs at the ankle. 

I pouted. “You’re just worried he might catch you looking at my ass…”

He shrugged turning and moving through the door looking fleetingly over his shoulder with a smirk, “I’m no moron.”

“I beg to differ!” I yelled after him, a platoon of troopers looked in my direction. I narrowed my eyes and scowled as they scurried out of my way. 

The Stormtroopers had been put under the microscope since FN-2187’s defection. Hux had put the fear of he wrath of The Supreme Leader into them which was more than enough keep them in line. However, Ren had taken the defection of the Stormtroopers personally he blamed himself for not doing more to stop FN-2187, he had sensed his horror on Jakku when ordered to kill the villagers. He had been especially vicious with the Stormtroopers and by extension they feared me as well after all Ren had let it be known to all on the Finalizer that I was his weapon to yield. Though Ren had been physically distant with me since he had cut the slave collar around my throat, neither of us typically sharing the same space at the same time he had planned on loosing me on his enemies. Yet so far all I had seen was the inside of this wretched base and the icy tundra outside of its doors, perhaps that was the reason I felt so off…

Lies.

Cardo had left me with no instructions of where I could possibly find Ren, and his aloofness had left us with little enough contact that I would not be able to find him without the bond, wondering if it was even possible because he had shut me out. Yet as I traced the tether between us I found that I was still blocked from his mind. I ran an invisible finger over the barrier hoping perhaps he might sense me.

In my quarters. His deep voice spoke into my mind.

Not our quarters… I bristled irritated. There was part of me that was beginning to desire more from this thing between Ren and I than physical altercations and the occasion earth shattering orgasm. I cursed it because I had spent so many long years desiring nothing more than to be on my own, now that this thing between Ren and I had developed I found that a part of me was beginning to see something more in it. I had realized it when we fought in his office on the Finalizer, when his mere words had stung me so much and how betrayed I felt. I knew you could only feel betrayal when someone was close to you or your cause and I had already silently acknowledged that the First Order was not my cause but Kylo Ren was, this thing between us, this bond.

I moved along the twisting maze of corridors hastily trying to school my thoughts because I knew Ren had never thought of me as anything more than a tool, a weapon that belonged to him and nothing more, nor would he ever. I grit my teeth at the thought, thinking suddenly of my twin again for the thousandth time today. I had thought of him more and more recently and my time on Lothal and less and less of my time on Dathomir. I pondered how different my life could be how his life would be if we had been trained as children. I wondered if Rylan and I would have shared the bond instead of Ren and I since we had already shared a sort of bond at birth. My mood began to darken the closer I got the our quarters and the darker it got the more my melancholy increased.

I stood outside of the doors for a moment collecting myself pulling up my own mental walls, needing to shelter my mind from his often volatile emotions because mine were enough for me today.

They hissed open and I found the rooms empty, the large ostentatious rooms. I was more than positive that Ren felt that way about them too but his station allowed for the luxury and he could not refuse. The rooms were open all of the walls were white with black molding and trim. The black shiny stone floors that always felt cold were covered with plush rugs made from some animals fur I was sure. The kitchen area on my right was always stocked and filled with the finest foods and appliances the Galaxy had to offer, a glass dining table stood between the kitchen and living area with six chairs seated around it not that I had ever seen anyone other than myself seated at it. The large open living area had floor to ceiling windows that looked out over the snowy planet the view always stole away my breath. There were bookshelves lining the walls filled with books that ranged in topic and large comfortable furniture in a dark slate that filled the space. The winter sun warmed the dark furniture that littered the room giving off the scent of Leather, leather and metal and ice, three things that reminded me of Kylo. At the end of the room lay another set of large doors that led to a study, an office were Kylo spent most of his time. I did not bother with that room, I was not even sure if I was permitted there. Beside that there was a set of metal stairs that let up to the sleeping quarters, two rooms, one for him and one for me not that both rooms were usually occupied at the same time. Ren was barely here and most nights I slept on the couch in the living area staring at the moon and the stars.

I moved to the window and stared out at this planet, as much as I complained about the cold and the snow this planet had grown on me in the short time that I had been here. The clean white of the snow around me was a far cry from the red dust of Dathomir and it was nothing like Lothal, thank the stars. I watched the trees blow in the frosty wind hoping to catch a glimpse of the native fauna that somehow still existed on this shell of a planet. My ire began to grow the longer I stood and watched the sun dip closer to the horizon. A house keeping droid moved from the storage area surprised to see me offering me an apology in binary before I wandered off. I watched it move around sweeping the floors and dusting the already clean surfaces. I moved to the kitchen instructing the droid to return later, it chirped at me twice before finally listening and moving back into the storage area. This time of day the droid usually prepared a meal for us, which I typically took by myself. Not in the mood to listen to the crashes of the droid moving about the kitchen I stood in the area and began to pull items out of the refrigerator my heart aching and I could feel a sensation that I had not felt in a long time. Sadness. It moved through me like a beskar lance, a sadness that I let stay with me instead of pushing down. Today I would let it fill me come what may.

As I chopped and prepared the meat and vegetables adding them in the proper order to the pot with the appropriate spices and herbs the scent hit my nostrils taking me back to my child hood to every birthday celebration that we ever shared in that small cabin. It was Rylan’s favourite meal, so simple nothing ostentatious like these rooms or the meals I had been served here, just simple meat stew from meat and vegetables that were sourced in the area. It was not as ridiculous as my favourite meal of shell fish from off planet which was one of the many reasons we always had what Rylan liked. Another reason why my mother and father felt no kinship to me, my eyes were always on the stars, not on that awful place. I wanted more than what was offered to me, nothing on that simple planet was good enough, for me I always wanted more. Rylan was the only reason I stayed and once he was gone I knew what I had to do even if it was his words that has set me free in the first place. The sun had fallen fully behind the horizon as the pot simmered away its aromas filling me with memories that I wasn’t sure if I even wanted to recall.

I was just pulling a bowl from the cupboard when the doors hissed open and Ren strode in. He faltered when he saw me in the kitchen.

“What are you doing?” He asked the vocorder grating on me I hated that damned helmet. “We have droids for that.”

I ignored him and took out a second bowl. He stopped in front of the counter and appraised me for a moment but I couldn’t meet his gaze, I was still shut off from him but I didn’t need the bond to sense his confusion. He reached up removing his helmet and placed it on the counter. “I asked you a question.”

I looked up to him biting back a retort not sure I would trust myself if I started talking and served the two bowls and walked around the counter and placed them down on the table opposite of each other. I moved back to collect cutlery and glasses, I pulled a bottle of wine from another cupboard and sat at the table.

“Katalana.” He turned to me his voice was harsh unforgiving, “I am talking to you.”

“Yes, I can hear you you ass.” I motioned for him to sit down my voice not holding the venom my words did, “I have been waiting for you since you sent Cardo to summon me back here hours ago.”

“I have been busy.” He defended his voice careful.

I shook my head my voice tired, “Busy? I have barely said more than a few words to you in the last two weeks and you order me around like I should follow your words without question.”

“You should.” He stood behind the chair his hands gripping it tightly.

I blinked feeling completely unheard and poured wine into each glass before taking my cup in hand and downing the entire contents in one go. The red liquid burned down my throat warming my belly and I filled my cup again.

Ren narrowed his eyes, “Why are you being so dramatic?”

Laughed darkly and picked up my spoon, “Are you going to eat with me or are you going to stand there like a goon all night?”

He pulled off his cloak and threw it over the back of the sofa then begrudgingly pulled out the dining chair and sat down. He removed his gloves and set them down on the table beside him and took the spoon into his large hand, he did not take his eyes off me the entire time a darkness questioning in his gaze that I had not seen pointed in my direction before.

“Are you going to answer any of my questions?” He glowered at me, “The only other person who ignored my questions this much was my mother.” 

I paused and looked up at him and I saw a hint of sadness in his eyes I looked down at the stew not allowing myself to dwell on his sadness when I was filled with so much of my own. Dipping my spoon in the bowl I turned it over a few times not sure if I could even bring myself to taste it.

“I-,” I furrowed my brows, “How did your meeting with Snoke go?” I asked trying to deflate the tension slightly.

He took a deep breath and picked up his cup bringing it to his lips taking a deep drink, “Supreme Leader felt the awakening too.”

Not the answer I was expecting, I nodded looking away from him and my guts clenched. “What else did he say?”

Ren was quiet and for a moment so long that I thought he would not answer me, “My Father has the droid.”

I blinked, “Your father?”

“Han Solo.”

I took a deep breath, I reached down the bond unconsciously, and I felt him push me forcefully away, “I don’t need your pity.”

“I wasn’t giving you pity!” I shook my head, I could feel my emotions rising up again, “Why are you shutting me out?!” I yelled but suddenly I was feeling like a fool for the outburst.

“It is for the best Katalana.” My heart throbbed when he said my name.

“I don’t think it is, I want-“ he cut me off slamming his fist into the table making everything on it jump.

“It doesn’t matter what you want. It is what Supreme leader Snoke wants.” He sounded as though he was trying to convince more than just me with his words.

“I don’t follow Snoke Kylo, I follow you.” I forced my voice to remain calm and I even kept his eye.

He paused taking in my words and looked away from me and to his bowl.

“I will do what ever you ask of me Kylo,” I tried to make my voice kind but it shook with emotion, “don’t cut me out, I have nothing here, or anywhere, I have only you.”

I know how my voice sounded to even my own ears and I felt embarrassed at how weak I sounded.

“You had nothing on Dathomir either.” He hissed cruelly.

‘Or Lothal after the mine, but I had finally felt something with you even if it was just desire…’ I thought not able to bring myself to say the words out loud. I knew he heard me thought the bond. 

I put a mouthful of stew to my lips instead of looking at him and when the warm spiced liquid moved over my tongue every painful memory of my brother came barrelling at me all at once. Rylan’s kind green eyes pleading with me in the dim light of his belt light, pleading with me to get away to become something more to do something I was meant for. I swore I would never let anyone see me as weak or take advantage of me ever again. I could practically hear his laugh in my ears, taunting me telling me I had failed. The spoon clattered to the table and my hand went over my mouth as I swallowed. I could feel the tears of shame building in my eyes.

Ren just stared at me in abject horror. I pushed my chair away from the table and moved to the stairs.

“Stop.” He stood from his seat, “What is going on you are not acting like yourself?”

“And you are the expert? You know nothing about me Ren.” I spat the sadness was crawling up my throat and my voice was strangled by it. “I had a life before you came into it and you destroyed it, a life that I was happy with and now I am forced to confront things that I had buried so deep that I thought they would never see the light of another sun.”

“Come back here and don’t run away like a coward.” his voice filled with rage his hands were clenched at his sides.

“I am no coward,” I yelled but it came out as more of a sob and stopped halfway up the stairs obeying his command even though I wanted nothing more than to do the exact opposite. “I am leaving tomorrow, on the next transport out of here, I am done. I cannot stay here anymore.” 

Was this my solution to run away? I was disgusted in even myself.

His own look of disgust crossed his face his hands clenched at his sides again his eyes drilled into me, “No, you will not, I will not allow it.”

“You are not my Master, you cannot stop me.” The tears did spilled over now.

“You are mine Katalana, and I will not allow you to leave.” He strode across the room to stand at the bottom of the stairs the rage in his eyes drilled his words straight into me.

Heat filled me and I tried to shake it off, “What do you want from me then Kylo? Follow you around like a slave without question? Act like every others scared soldier on this frozen planet and fear you?”

Our eyes met, he stood not five steps from me but I was like there was a vast ocean between us.

“I want-“ he paused and stepped towards me one foot on the bottom step his hand extended, “I want you.”

I shook my head as he moved up the stairs towards me.

He reached out to me sliding a hand around the back of my neck pulling me back down the stairs moving my face to look up at him, his thumb making lazy circles on the side of my throat. His forehead pressed to mine his eyes closed “I have been staying away because… because I have a job to do, people depend on me, on my strength my every decision. When you are near me I can barely think of anything else than you, how I will keep you safe, from Snoke from every threat in the Galaxy.” His voice was thick. My eyes moved to his mouth watching as the words came out. I furrowed my brow and looked up to meet his eyes now trained on my own, “Every time you are near me Katalana I want to take you in my arms and protect you.” He said solemnly.

I looked down my eyes fixed on the front of his tunic unseeing. “I-I don’t know what to say.”

“Just say you won’t leave, because if you do I will tear worlds apart to find you.’ His voice was a whisper like it physically hurt him to say it out loud.

I shook my head my will breaking, “I won’t leave,” I looked up to meet his eyes. Yet. He could feel my indecision.

“I guess that will have do for now.” He moved his thumb over my lip and then stepped away from me and looked back to the table. “I would like to finish that though, it is fucking delicious.” He said referring to the stew.

I offered a half smile that did not reach my eyes willing my tears away and moved over towards the table. I picked up my glass my appetite gone not willing to taste another reminder of my past choosing instead to sip the red liquid from my glass. I watched him eat in silence, and when he noticed that I was not going to touch my food he pulled my bowl closer and ate it too. When he was done he put his spoon down and looked up to me questioning.

Tell me what is wrong. I could feel his thoughts burn in my mind.

“It is my brother’s birthday today.” I said softly. It was the whole reason for the meal, my sadness, my tears, my weakness my need to flee, everything. This day passed every year without me noticing without me having to think about it. I usually spent it on mission away from Dathomir away from everyone and everything only my work to distract me. This was the first time since Rylan’s death that I had remembered it, that I had time to dwell on it.

Ren’s mouth was set in a line he set his spoon down, “It is yours then too.”

I shook my head, “No Lana died the same day as Rylan, Katalana emerged the day I left Lothal the day my Great Uncle set me down this path, that is the day of my birth, my re-birth.”

He nodded, he more than anyone could understand.

“I have something for you.” He looked out the window to the moonlit night.

“I told you it is not my birthday,” I insisted.

“Think of it as a peace offering then. I know have not fulfilled my word I you.” He looked down at the table between us, “I told you I would use you to show them what you are, what you can do.” His eyes moved back to mine the hazel depths seemed to glow in the artificial light.

“I recall.” I tilted my head draining the rest of my cup standing to find another bottle.

He stood following me, “I told you that there has been word of Han Solo and the droid, I believe I know where they are going.”

“And you want me to go there?” I raised a brow opening the other bottle a small smile touching my lips eager to hear his reply.

He took the bottle from my hand and filled my glass, “I would rather you stay here with me, but there are few I trust anymore and out of all of them I know more than any of them I can trust you.”

In that moment he opened the bond and all of his emotions flooded me, fear, anger no not anger it was rage. There was sadness and betrayal, but I also felt other things too. Desire, passion, longing and something else neither of us were willing to acknowledge. I brought the newly filled cup to my lips my eyes meeting his my heart skipping a beat in my chest.

“If I agree to this will you stop closing the bond to me?” I asked.

He sighed his face looked almost pained, “I will try.”

I appraised him for a moment, “If I agree will you kiss me?”

His eyes showed surprise for only a moment before they turned feral a grin spread on his lips and he took the glass from my hand putting it on the counter before he moved in on me. He buried his face in the crook of my neck his mouth trailing my shoulder, his hands trapped me between him and the counter and I practically purred. I had never wanted anyone more than I wanted him at this exact moment and I told him so. “Fuck Ren, I always want you too.”

He groaned at my words, “We should stop this before it gets out of control.”

My next words tumbled out before I could stop them, “It already has.”

He removed his mouth from my neck and met my eyes, his pupils had blown wide with desire he looked hungry. His mouth moved to mine, he tasted of stew and wine and I devoured him. My hands dove into his hair, the soft thickness of it was like silk through my fingers, I trailed them down to either side of his face and his arms wrapped around me pressing me tightly against him. Heat pooled between my thighs and I groaned as I felt his growing length and I brushed my fingers over it eliciting a hiss into my mouth from his. His tongue pushed into mine forcefully battling against my own and I welcomed it. His hand slid around my waist and up my torso.

“Why do you do this to me?” he asked between kisses and groping my breast with his massive hand he almost sounded like he was in pain. 

I pulled back meeting his gaze taking the hand off my breast and putting between my thighs so he could feel the damp fabric between my legs, “Because this is what you do to me.”

It was like a dam broke and all at once he was upon me and I bathed in it, in him. It had felt like an eternity since he had touched me like this and it was like a sickness that I never wanted to go away. My tunic was over my head and his mouth was on my breasts moving from one to the other taking a nipple between his teeth biting it eliciting a gasp from me a pain that was filled with pleasure, a sort of pain that I welcomed. His hand slid down the front of my leggings his fingers sliding between my folds and I hissed with pleasure at the sensation of his large fingers on my flesh.

“More.” I moaned pressing my pussy into his hand.

He parted the flesh and raked a finger slowly over my clit and then into my wet cunt and it was his turn to moan his pupils blown wide as he stared into my soul, “You’re so fucking wet for me.”

I whimpered at his touch biting my lip at his words, sending another sort of thrill though me and his next words only made my soft walls clench.

“What do you want from me Witch?” He asked his voice like the finest velvet to my ears.

“I want all of it.” My head lolled back as he continued to stroke me.

“I want you to tell me, I want to hear the words come out of that smart mouth of yours.” He demanded making the slick between my legs seep indecently down my thighs.

“I want you to claim me Kylo make me yours,” I panted, “and I want to feel you inside of me,”

His eyes moved to my mouth.

“I want you to to fill me with your cock and your power,” I clutched at him as he continued moving his fingers in and out of me my voice shaking with desire, “I want you to make me scream.”

A dark grin split his features his eyes so dark, like a man possessed.

He removed his fingers from me and I cried out at the loss of his touch but he put me over his shoulders and moved me to the couch tossing me down he looked at me his eyes lingering on my naked breasts luridly.

“I will make you mine, but first you will show me how much you want me.” He demanded.

I reached up and pulled him to me by the belt on his tunic and he let me smirk still on his face as he looked down upon me his chin held high. I unclasped his belt and let it drop to the floor, it was so quiet only the sounds in my ears were our ragged breaths and my pounding heart. I moved my hands up beneath his tunic raking over his hot flesh his mouth twitched at my touch he pulled the fabric over his head swiftly and I looked up meeting his eyes. He was filled with such a dominant energy this giant of a man brooding and beautiful, the power that flowed through his blood was was like a wine that I longed to taste. Our eyes locked and I knew he wanted the same thing as I did, he desired my surrender as much as I desired his, an endless battle with no clear winner. My fingers moved along the waistband of his trousers slowly I teased, I trailed, I touched. My fingers moved along the hem and I hooked my thumbs in the waistband as I pulled them down, feeing his hardness first before it sprung free of the material. He gasped as the air hit his naked flesh and I let his trousers fall to the floor. 

I sat before him my eye level with his impressive cock. My hands moved back up his hips to touch him my fingers moving to the silky softness of him, wrapping my hand around him. He released his breath like this was what he wanted more than anything else, I moved my gaze from his cock to meet his eyes as I guided him to my mouth. Slowly I took his length, his mouth opened as my tongue traced the length of him lapping the bead of semen at the tip of his cock. I did not take my eyes off of his as I wrapped my lips around him and took him completely into my mouth he was so big that I nearly choked on his length and he tilted his head back his mouth lolling open at the sensation but he did not break eye contact with me. His hands moved into my hair knotting his fingers in it as he moved his hips to push further into my mouth choking me with it. Happily I complied with the silent request I allowed him to thrust into me his cock hitting the back of my throat, and he loosed a guttural moan.

“Fuck, your mouth feels so good around my cock Witch.” His words only increased my desire, my need.

I palmed him and wrapped my hand around the base of his cock, I moved my head back and forth as he trust in and out of me. I hummed into his cock the vibration made him twitch in my mouth and I smiled around him. I sucked on him. I licked him. I devoured him. Needing him, wanting him more than I wanted anything before in my life. I moved my hands to his hips bracing myself as his thrusts became harder and harder my fingers kneaded into his flesh. His fingers pulled at my hair and I could feel my heart beating fast with desire wanting him, no needing him more and more with each thrust into my mouth. I swirled my tongue around the tip of him licking up the underside of his cock again and then took him completely into my mouth. His moan was loud and he pulled my mouth off of him his breath coming fast.

“You are far too good at that.” He snarled at me before he pulled me up roughly by my biceps and dragged his mouth against mine. I moved my hand down his torso and reached for his length caressing it in my hands the sensation of my touch made him bite down hard on my lip, “I should kill every man that has ever had their cock in that perfect mouth of yours.”

My pussy throbbed at his words.

“Who says that I haven’t already done that Ren.” I met his eyes, they were nearly black with desire.

He hummed with approval “Let me see all of you witch,” he demanded stepping away from me a greedy look in his eyes, “Take all of it off I need to see all of it.”

I stood my fingers moving at the waist band of my leggings, I pulled them down allowing them fall to the ground. His eyes were like black holes, his pupils were blown wide, “Fuck you are so beautiful, look at you,” he reached out and took my waist in his hands they nearly enveloped me completely. He traced the tattoo up my torso and to my breast his thumb flicked over the nipple eliciting a gasp from my mouth, “you like that?” He asked pinching my nipple between his finger.

I nodded my own wetness dripping down my thighs from his touch. He stepped closer his erection pressing into my belly, my breasts pressing into his chest. His tongue wetted his bottom lip as he looked down at me my mouth half open with desire I bit down on my bottom lip to stop myself from crying out at his nearness. This man needed to do very little for me to desire him, his closeness was enough to send me down this spiral of shameless need.

“Please,” I begged him, “touch me.”

He smirked, “is that what you want? You want me to touch you?”

I nodded again my mouth going dry. His hand moved from my breast slowly down my body, so slow that I thought that I might die before he reached his destination. His fingers traced slowly down my abdomen and to the apex of my thighs and they just rest there, I moved against him and he purred against me, “So impatient for my touch.”

“Please.”

He groaned, “Beg me Witch, beg me for what you want.”

Shivers rolled down my spine, “Please, please touch me. Give me what I want, what I need.”

“Not good enough,” he moved his mouth to my ear his words sending a thrill through me, I knew what he wanted my eyes fluttered shut with desire but I opened them not wanting to look away from him.

“Please Master Ren, please put your fingers inside of me, fuck me with your fingers I need you to make me cum.” I begged.

I felt his cock twitch against me.

‘That’s a good girl.” He sounded almost breathless, but he did as I asked and his fingers slid inside of me once again, “Stars, you are so fucking wet. You were made for this weren’t you? You were made just for me?”

I felt like my bones were turning to liquid as he moved in and out of me caressing my clit with his thumb his fingers moved in and out of me soaked with my wetness. His words alone were enough to pull me over the edge let alone the way his fingers played me like an instrument.

Kylo moved around me his heavy cock slid across my ass just resting there hot and teasing, he sat on the sofa pulling me onto his lap so that my back was pressed to his chest. My legs straddled his and he spread his knees moving mine father apart for his touch his other hand moving up my body to cup my breast pinching a nipple roughly between his fingers making me gasp.

“Look at you,” he said staring at our reflection in the window pane, we were beautiful on display for each other. I was spread wide for him one hand on my breast the other at my pussy. His beautiful face was dark with desire and watching the way he looked at out reflection made me clench around his fingers and moan. As his fingers plunged in and out of me and the indecently wet noise of it filled with his long digits permitted the air. I moved my hips in time with his hand and he spread his knees even further to see, to touch. I cried out as his fingers dug sharply into my hips the bruising pain and pleasure of it nearly too much, I was close already. “Are you going to cum for me?” He whispered into my neck.

I could only whimper beneath his touch eager to please, eager to be touched.

“Answer me a Witch, are you going to cum for me?” His voice vibrated right through me the sharpness in his tone was enough to do it to me.

I nodded my head rolling it back onto his shoulder.

“Then do it and let me watch you.” He put his mouth on me and bit down hard on my shoulder. I could feel his erection twitch at my ass and I came hard around his fingers, I cried out seeing stars as I exploded with desire. His name flew from my lips. 

I felt him grin into me, “That my good girl.” he said again.

Before my orgasm was complete he pulled his fingers from me and turned me around guiding me onto his willing cock. My pussy was still clenching as he entered me and he cursed, “You feel so fucking good it can’t be real.” His head rolled onto the back of the sofa as I arched my hips into him, feeling him pressed so tight against my cervix that I saw stars as he thrust up to meet me.

“Fuck Kylo your so big.” My breath hitched with each thrust.

He watched me as I moved over him my breasts bouncing with each movement, I braced myself on his shoulders rolling my hips into him, needing the pain as much as I needed the pleasure. His eyes were trained on my chest his mouth moved over a nipple taking into his mouth and I moaned into him moving closer to him running my fingers into his hair holding him to me. Sweat slicked our bodies as I rode him, with each thrust and movement and his mouth on my breast my desire spread through me once again.

He could feel me clench against him, “Another one Witch?” He smirked, “You are a needy one aren’t you? You want me that much?”

I nodded my head meeting his eyes taking his face in between my hands as he continued to move above him, “I always want you.”

I slowly moved up and down on his cock bracing myself now at his shoulders, “When I hear your voice I want you.”

He moaned.

“When I see you in that fucking Helmet, I fucking want you.” I moved my hands down to his chest.

His eyes met mine.

“I want you when you throw a fucking Stormtroopers into the wall.” I was breathless.

So was he.

“Sometimes I imagine that Stormtrooper is me,” I confessed, “and I imagine you taking me in front of them all.”

I felt his cock twitch inside of me and he moaned.

“Sometimes I imagine you took on that conference table when we first met right in front of Hux and the Little Dove.”

His eyes were looked up at me reverently taking in my words.

“And every day after that.” I could feel my heart pounding between my thighs I was so close and so was he.

“Give me more.” He said his eyes rolling back into his head.

I let my Magicks pulse through me I placed my hands on his temples letting it flow though him showing him every image I had ever imagined. I showed him taking me that day in the training room, in front of his Knights, I showed him taking me on Dathomir before he brought by me on board the Finalizer, I showed him taking it my in front of Poe Dameron in the interrogation chamber against the wall. I showed him holding his lightsaber to my throat on the glass ridden floor of his office on the Finalizer thrusting into me violently as he did so.

“Fuck!” He called out as he saw the scenes before his eyes and I felt him explode inside of me taking me right along with him.

I cried his name as I came again my own name on his lips as he shuttered violently against me.

I collapsed onto him my legs feeling non existent beneath me. I rested my head on his shoulder my breathing heavy. He moved me to lay on the couch and he collapsed beside me his head on my naked chest caressing me gently until his breaths evened out and his caressing slowed. He fell asleep on me and I watched him for some time. I heard the house keeping droid move around the kitchen cleaning but not saying a word and when it finished it shut off the lights leaving us in the dark. I was warm beneath his broad form hoping that finally we had come to an understanding. I followed him into sleep as the bright moon shone through the windows upon us.

I awoke as the sun edged over the horizon a soft blanket over my naked flesh, I sat up slowly my body still buzzing from the night before. 

“Did you sleep well?” It was Ren his hair was damp and he was once again dressed in his uniform. I nodded and stood up and moved towards him, he watched me with a stoic expression on his face. I reached up and touched his cheek reaching down the bond between us, he was wide open to me and I felt him reach out to me though the bond as well. I smiled lightly up at him.

“Thank you.” I said.

He stepped away from me, I had made him uncomfortable the bond squeezed slightly but he left it open for me to feel what he was feeling.

Recalling that he had agreed to try not to shut me out. “Don’t thank me, I wanted it too.”

“Whatever this bond is Kylo, however it brings us together just know I am loyal to you, only you.” I couldn’t meet his eye as I stood in front of him it felt too intimate.

He observed me for a moment, “That means more to me than you know.”

I looked up at him now and our eyes met, “telling people what I am thinking or what I’m feeling is not something that I have done since my brother died, I didn’t think I would ever do it with anyone. I’m rash and emotional, I like to piss people off an push their buttons I like making people uncomfortable.”

He was smirking down at me, “I know.”

I raised a brow and smirked a shaking my head, “but what ever I do, I will always be honest with you Ren.’

He nodded moving towards me again a gloved leather hand moved around my waist his other hand moved up to cup my cheek pressing his lips to mine, “Katalana, I will do my best to do the same but I have been though so much betrayal it will not be easy for me, but I swear to you I will try.” The conviction in his voice had me convinced.

He let me go and stepped away, “Now please get dressed I have a meeting with Hux and if I have to watch you wrapped in just that blanket for any longer I am going to be late.”

I gave him a cheeky grin and headed to the stairs he turned back to his helmet ready to take it in his hands.

“Kylo.” I called he turned his gaze back to me and I dropped the blanket and headed up the rest of stairs completely nude.

Growled as he came after me, Kylo Ren was late for his meeting with Hux that day.


	16. Betrayal

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Katalana goes to Takodana to do Ren’s bidding but struggles with the devastation caused by the Starkiller laser and the repercussions that follow.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter was very difficult for me because Katalana shows a lot of weakness which is hard for her, she has come to care for Kylo and she is struggling with herself. 
> 
> ***trigger warning for blood and violence***

This planet was green. 

Too green. 

It was damp, it was hot, and I hated everything about it. I had been on this armpit of a planet for nearly a week looking for the droid and it’s party. Intelligence said they were headed in this sector and I was getting tired of digging through the minds of these weak fools. It was almost too easy and I wanted nothing more than to be back in the Finalizer fucking Ren senseless. The bond felt like it was stretched but we could still connect with one another though it was exhausting the farther away he was. I was currently running through the underbrush chasing a surprisingly sprightly besalisk. Irratation flooded through me, he was supposed to be an easy mark but this one had gotten the better of me. He was much more intelligent than I had given him credit for. 

“You know Moldax,” I called after him, “I only wanted to ask you a few questions, why make us run through the fucking woods.”

His laugh was gruff and deep but he did not slow his four arms helping him navigate through the trees, “I don’t believe you for one minute Witch.” He picked up a large stone and threw it at me, I guided it with the force away from me and it landed with a loud thud against a tree instead of my face. “Word has it the last seven people you wanted to have a talk with have either gone crazy, missing or dead!”

I clenched my teeth. “You are smart for a Besalisk, but do me a favour,” I pushed my hand out in front of me tiring of this game of cat and mouse and I halted his movement with the force. He was like a statue as I approached, “it seems as though I am not keeping as low profile as I thought Moldax, however it has been far more than seven…”

I let my words sink in, his eyes widened marginally, “think carefully about what you say to me next because I am ready to leave this damned planet like, yesterday.”

I leaned against a nearby tree crossing one ankle over the other and folding my arms. 

He opened his mouth and then paused before speaking his voice gruff, “what do you want to know?”

“I’m looking for a Corillian YT freighter, do you want to help me out or are you going to end up like your friends because honestly I’m loosing my patience.” I summoned a ball of green energy in my hand letting it hover above my palm. 

He swallowed thickly his heavy tongue moved over his wide green lips, “yesterday morning…”

I raised a brow this was more than I had heard since landing, “go on.” I urged. 

“One landed yesterday morning, not far from here.” His eyes were wide as I squeezed his body in my excitement. 

I felt Ren he was near he had sensed my excitement and was now projecting, I turned eager to see him almost as much as I was to get this information. 

“Where?” I demanded. 

“Near Maz’s place.” He choked hoarsely. 

I cursed, of course. 

“Was there a droid? A BB unit?” I asked. 

He was really fighting for breath now and I realized it was not just me that was holding him Ren was doing it too. “Are you going to kill me?”

I turned to Ren, but he didn’t meet my gaze he was fixated on the horizon now, the direction of Maz Katana’s Castle. 

“You know what Moldax, you have been most helpful, perhaps the most helpful piece of shit in this whole place.” I stepped closer to him, “but how do I know you won’t go right to Maz?”

His eyes went wide. 

I turned to Ren, “how long do you need?” 

“An hour.” He said his eyes meeting mine, “be ready.”

I turned back to the Besalisk who observed me with huge round eyes, “you know what Moldax, take a nap.”

With that I dropped my hold and he crumpled to the ground. 

I turned back to Ren again and I could sense satisfaction thorough the bond. He stepped towards me and he reached out to touch my cheek but stopped himself. “Hux is firing the cannon.”

I swallowed thickly and my stomach rolled, I turned my head from him and looked at the sleeping Moldax. Ren stiffened at my reaction, “You don’t approve.’

I looked back to him, “I do not think it is necessary.”

“It is not you decision.” His voice was hard, angry.

“Clearly.” I huffed crossing my arms.

He turned form me and now I could see the image clearly before him, he was in the atmosphere above Starkiller base, Hux’s voice rang over the loud speaker. 

“…All remaining systems will bow to the first order!” The hairs stood on the back of my neck, “And remember this as the last day of the Republic.”

With that the red glowing laser shot from the cannon at the centre of the base the sky blazed crimson. I reached for Kylo surprised that my hand fell on his arm and he turned back to me, I gazed up at his helmet. The red laser darkened the sky even of Takodana and then I felt it ring through the galaxy… the loss of trillions of lives as they were snuffed out in an instant. My heart ached as the loss coursed through me it felt las though the wind had been knocked from my very soul and the overwhelming aching sadness nearly brought me to my knees. The sound of a girl on voice scream all at once going silent was the worst thing I had ever heard. I did not know how Ren stood there so calmly because it was all I could do to keep my legs under me I wanted nothing more than to curl up on the ground sob with the loss of it. The very force in the air around me ebbed with loss that seeped into me, into my blood into my skin into my vey soul. My already weaker powers seemed to become heavier like boulders in quicksand.

“The loss was necessary, just as Hux said all the remaining systems will now bow to us.” Although his words were filled with intent I did fell his doubt through the bond his sadness and his regret was palatable. 

“Kylo?” My voice was horse he knew without me saying everything that I felt. These last weeks keeping the bond open wide had given us complete access to each other and I leaned heavily on him now the sadness eating me inside.

“Katalana, we will talk about this back on the Finalizer.” His voice was strong and I felt his bravado but I also felt his concern for my doubt of heir tactics.

“We will talk about this.” I moved my hand off his arm and he frowned

“Head to the castle, get eyes on them don’t let them get away.” His eyes softened slightly and he to a step towards me his hand hesitated to reach out to me again before he dropped it to his side his tone even, careful, “you have done well, I miss you.”

“Thanks Asshole.” I smirked trying to ease his tension before softly adding, “I miss you too.”

He returned my smirk and his image dissipated. 

I jogged through the woods and to the castle, it’s spires jutted out above the trees. I had been here for a week following Intel from smugglers who had been in contact with the Traitors. Ren had sent me here to confirm the intel hoping Solo would meet with his old contact Maz, he was not wrong. I tried to stay away form this place, I had caused too much trouble here beforeI Ren and Hux had approached me, I was already in Maz’s bad books and most of the folks on this planet tended to side with her. I figured that out on the first day when I had run into a grumpy Kaleesh that I had stolen a great sum of money from from during the assassination of a Senator visiting from Hosinan Prime who had a very jilted lover that wished his demise. Let’s just say when we ran into each other outside of Maz’s castle it didn’t go very well and our fight had not gone unnoticed. I had to expend a great deal of power to clean up and hide my tracks and my magicks had been greatly depleted after that first day. I hunted the villages after preying on merchants and farmers to give me the information. 

The old temple came into view. I had to admit it was impressive, even though this planet was the exact opposite of Dathomir even the lush greenery set me a little on edge and I could not wait until I could be done with this place and get back to the Finalizer. I pulled the hood of my cloak over my eyes and moved closer. I could see the throng of people moving to and fro and I hoped it would be enough to keep me anonymous. 

The bar was crowded and it stuck of sweat and stale musty ale, I brought the back of my hand to my nose and found myself a spot at the bar pulling my hood up tighter over my face but kept my eyes sharp. I ordered a drink not taking a sip of what I was sure was bantha piss but holding the cup to my mouth as I turned my back to the bar and peered through the room. It was hard not to be overwhelmed by the force echoes in this place its history jumped around me begging to be seen. I knew Han Solo was here, but when was the question, I saw him as a boy and as man my own age and again as an old man. The question was how recently had he been here. 

I spotted the entire group we were looking for at a table with Maz herself. Moldax the bastard had been more helpful than I hoped. Han Solo, Ren’s father I saw him only for a fleeting moment before he stepped away from the table I did not see any similarities between the pair but I did not give it a chance. The traitor FN-2187 followed him out quickly on his heels leaving the BB unit and the girl, the scavenger. She was young fresh faced and had an eager gleam in her eyes. I could not help but envy how she looked around at everything and seemed to be taking it all in as though she might find joy and happiness in all of it. I narrowed my eyes the tendrils of my powers reaching for her, I nearly reached her when a large male Twi’lek knocked my drink out of my hand spilling it on my cloak. 

“My apologies,” his hands went to the front my clothes to help I set my cup down and slapped his hands away. His eyes met mine and they went round with fear, “Mistress please forgive me.” I all but rolled my eyes of course he knew who I was.

“Just get away from me.” I hissed and watched him stumble over himself to get away.

By the time I looked back to the table they were all gone and before me stood the woman myself. I never thought myself as the type of person to scare easily but Maz was one that I steered clear of for many reasons, one of which was the scowl on her face now pointed in my direction. I smiled down at her pulling my hood down, “Hello Maz.”

“Cut the pleasantries Witch, I know you have been skulking around here for a week now.” She looked up at me with those enormous eyes.

I sighed I did not have the time for this, “I was trying to stay out of trouble.” 

“Ha!” She barked a laugh, “Do you even believe that?”

I raised a brow hoping the annoyance was clear on my face, “Listen Maz, we all have a job to do.”

“Yes, and your job usually messes with mine.” She grabbed me by the arm pulling me to the door. “It was nice to see you but get out.”

I grasped my chest with mock offence, “But I have only just arrived!” She glared at me over her shoulder, “Listen Maz,” I dug my heels in and spoke to her directly, “I was hoping you could help me out.”

“She crossed her arms and narrowed her eyes, “The last time you asked me for help I spent two weeks clearing flurgg guts off the ceilings.”

I laughed a little, “Maz I swear this is nothing like that.”

She appraised me, I know she did not care fo Ren in the slightest and every time she saw me she was correct, I was making her life hell. I never followed her rules. I was surprised she had not just dragged me out of here by my ears let alone giving me a moment to plead my case. “Don’t make me regret this Witch, and don’t think you will get off Scott free you will owe me a favour.”

“Fine.” I agreed, “I need you to tell me Why Han Solo is here and where he is going.”

“No.” She said simply and walked away.

“Maz!” I followed, “I need to know where he is going.”

“Why?” She asked, “Does he owe you money?”

“Something like that.” I lied.

She turned and walked away mumbling, “That boy will be the death of me…I cannot help you witch.”

“Maz please,” I couldn’t believe the words that fell from my mouth the urgency, the plea. It sounded so strange to my ears but I just knew I couldn’t fail the force was pushing me know I could feel it like a river beneath my feet.

Maz paused, maybe she could feel it too. She looked at me a soft expression now on her orange face. “You won’t hurt him?”

I shook my head, that was not my mission, “I need to know where he is.”

“You are not with the First order?” She asked.

Again I shook my head, “My allegiance is not to the First Order, nor will it ever be.” My allegiance it to Kylo Ren, the man… I did not say that but I thought it, I almost felt bad omitting the truth. 

Almost.

“If you want to find Solo you had better hurry, they are departing before sunset You will find them just east of here with the Millennium Flacon.” She looked out though the courtyard the colourful flags waved in the breeze a heavy look on her face, like she had regretted telling me.

“Thank you Maz.” I nodded towards her offering her a smile.

“Listen to me Katalana,” I balked not realizing she even knew my true name, “you must be careful, there is more afoot than I think you even realize the force can often be used against us, make us feel things that are not really there. It can make us see what we wish to see instead of what is truly in front of us.”

My brows furrowed, “What?”

She looked to me and then back through the courtyard to the trees. I followed her gaze and when she did not speak I turned back to her only to find that she was gone.

I turned and left the bar looking up to the waving flags and sighed opening up the bond They’re here, they will be departing soon, I do not know for where.

Wait for me. Ren said back. 

I frowned. I could have the droid on my ship before they even noticed it was missing. I sighed. 

You owe me Ren, this was more work than it should have been. I taunted. 

I could feel him smirk, You will be rewarded Witch don’t you worry. 

My toes curled in my boots. I will hold you to it. 

*~*~*

I heard the TIE fighters before I saw them the awful droning noise they made as they cut through the sky I had just dipped into trees heeding Ren’s warning that just shot through me I ad nearly made it to the Millennium Flacon. The lasers barrelled into Maz’s castle blowing it to smithereens. The ground rumbled and I saw the troopers move their way through the village destroying all those who resisted. I felt saddened by the destruction of the castle, confused as to why he needed to do this. We were here for the droid not to kill the innocents. 

More innocents. Why did this bother me so much now? I already knew the answer before I pondered the question, my powers still weak from the disturbance in the force, the loss of all those lives. 

Ren growled through the bond hearing my thoughts, They are no more innocent than either of us, they are murderers and thieves and traitors.  
So you expect me to kill these people then? I asked my heart pounding.  
I do. I could feel his anger bleed into me. And I expect you to do it without question.  
My stomach dropped. I let him feel my hesitance.  
You are an assassin and you are telling me you now suddenly have a conscience? What good is that to me? What good does that make you to me?   
I deal in revenge Kylo, that is what it means to be a Nightsister.  
He laughed cruelly through the bond and it rang in my ears, You are no Nightsister, you never were and you certainly are not now. You are mine, You are mine to use as I see fit and these are your orders. You will kill whom ever and when ever I please completely at my discretion.  
I could feel the anger in me, was this truly what I had wanted, it is what I asked for to be wielded as a tool, why now did I question it? Maz’s words rang in my ears “…It can make us see what we wish to see instead of what is truly in front of us.”  
What do you see then Katalana? A Monster? I reflection of your own mind? Ren’s words were harsh as he heard Maz’s words echo in my head.  
That was the question wasn’t it, what did I see? The the photon laser explosions shook the ground around me as more of the castle crumbled to the ground. I didn’t reply but I let him feel my confusion, my conflict.  
Across the battle field I saw the traitor, a blue lightsaber in his hands as he met with a Trooper commando, they clashed and fought albeit clumsily. I indeed thought for a moment the traitor would be cut down but a heavy bowcaster bolt hit the Stormtrooper square in the chest.  
I felt a hideous rage course through me as I saw Solo and his Wookie companion. They were Ren’s emotions, they coursed through me at the sight of his father, the sight of the wookie and the the sight of the traitor but mostly the lightsaber in the traitors hand. There was so much rage that I physically shook from it.  
Get to him and kill him. He growled at me though the bond. I blinked at his words. 

Who? I asked did he mean all of them, I eyed the enormous wookie wearily.

Han Solo. Ren’s words hung in the air.

Kill his father? He felt my hesitation. 

Don’t think just get it done! Then I felt him snap the bond closed. 

My stomach dropped he closed the bond something he swore he wouldn’t do. My fury clawed up the wall he and put between us I screamed outwardly in rage.

I moved around the rubble and tried to make my way through the blaster fire to Solo pulling out my own lightsaber, it hummed to life and I ran towards them dodging and weaving like a wraith. My breath felt like fire in my lungs, my legs felt like beskar, I felt like I was wading through a swamp my mind overwhelmed, I was not in a place to. Be doing this right now. A new sort of rolling anger flooded me because Ren had done what he said he would not do to me by blocking me out. I had sworn I would do anything he asked of me and even though I did not want to kill Han Solo, I would and yet still he blocked me, I could not feel him though the bond I could only feel that wall of black anger between us. 

The trio of Resistance fighters stood ready to fight the stormtroopers that surrounded them the bloodlust on my tongue was sour they did not see or hear my approach. I readied myself as I climbed up the broken stones behind them ready to leap as I pushed off the broken stones the sound of incoming ships that had me look away from my target and to the lakeside.

I swore as I turned mid air and rolled to the ground instead dirt and dust now coating me. I barely dodged the laser cannon blasts that were directed at the First Order troops from the battalion of X-Wing Starfighters. 

I used the force to help me get back to the tree line, blood dripping into my eyes my ears were ringing. There I met with Resistance troops, unsure for a moment if I was friend or foe, but the green magicks that swirled about my palms made the decision for them. I barely dodged the laser blasts as they shredded my cloak, I unclasped it sad that another cloak was lost. I pulled my magicks and darkness over flowed from my palms casting shadows all around me. I put my palm to the ground and watched them fly away from me in a wave of energy. 

Another Blaster bolt flew at me now, distracted this one hit me in the shoulder, unable to lift my arm I did not bother to reach for my lightsaber I raised my other hand loosing another force push knocking the resistance trooper to the ground, he did not stand. This happened again and again and again. I would dodge and push or I would dodge and pull or I would feign and fight. My powers were pushed to their limits, I was still weakened from the amount of Magick I had used trying to find Solo and the others and the from the disturbance of the Starkiller laser that I found myself slowing faster than I normally would. Again another blaster was pointed at me this time I was too slow to dodge, and it hit me in the thigh and I stumbled to the ground. I placed my palm again on the first so forcefully this time that there was not a single soul within 100 yards of me left standing. I swallowed heavily, I was not able to do as Ren had asked and what I saw next had my blood ran cold. My eyes went across the battlefield to Ren’s ship the Night Buzzard, there he was walking up the ramp a girl draped in his arms his Knight trialing behind him. 

The traitor saw it too and he started to call her name at the same time as I called Ren’s over the bond.

I stood at the precipice of his mind my nails scratching at the barrier between us but he forcefully pushed me so harshly from his mind that my vision spun and my head clouded for a moment and I went physically tumbling into a tree behind me. My ears rang as my blood pooled around me in the dirt I tried to stand and make my way to him my fingers slick with my own blood. I yelled to him my voice not loud enough to carry the distance it felt like daggers in my throat. I tried to project myself to him but with our minds disconnected and blocked I could not, and I was weak from my injuries. So instead I pulled myself up leaning heavily against a tree at the edge of the battleground watching as the transports left. My guts roiled, he left me, and he brought her with him, the scavenger, I had not been able to do what he asked, I had not killed his father and he left me and he pushed me from his mind, had he left because he sensed my weakness? Had he left because he knew I could not kill kill his father that I had not been strong enough to do as he had asked? I was now surrounded by resistance fighters, sweat and blood seeped through my clothes but something inside of me felt like ice. 

He had left me and brought her instead, he had so brutally pushed me away. My mind was like an endless circle no matter which way I looked or moved I kept folding back to the fact that he had left me. Nothing hurt more than this. I had a mountain pulled down on me , I faced the wrath of Mother Talzin, I had faced Supreme Leader Snoke and taken his brutal punishment, I had been made a fool with a slave collar but nothing hurt me more than this. Being left behind like I was not even worth the thought. 

I turned and ran through the trees as they had come to realize that I was the enemy. I had to make it to my ship and back to the Finalizer before it jumped to hyperspace. I had to get back to Ren. I kept pressing on the bond to still find myself blocked form his mind, the wall between us sending jolts of furious electrical rage into me. I loosed a yell of frustration as I was cut off by another dozen fighters their blasters pointed in my direction. My betrayal was turning to anger and into something akin to sadness but it was more than that and I wanted nothing more than to destroy and be destroyed.

“Don’t move!” A man called.

I began calling my powers what little there was left, though they could not sense my abilities and they had not seen me on the battlefield I would destroy them all in an instant but my head felt foggy and heavy from loss of blood and the catastrophic tole that weighed on my soul.

“Bring her to General Organa for questioning.” I faltered, the woman from Poe Dameron’s mind, the one that…

I had been so lost in my own thoughts my mind slow from injury that I didn’t notice how close the resistance fighter had gotten to me. Only when his hand grasped me by my upper arm and my power flared out of its own accord casting a wide circle out from me throwing them back did I realize how close he was. I fell to my knees my vision blurred. In his surprise at my outburst his blaster misfired a laser burst through my side the pain that shot through me was like white hot fire. 

“No one touches me.” I panted on my hands and knees my hand pressing into my side my eyes unfocused.

By the time I was able to pull myself up they too were beginning to rouse. A small part of to my surprise was relieved to see that they were still alive but I could not allow them to take me. If they found out about the bond between Ren and I even though he had left me. I couldn’t chance them using it against either of us. Even though I could feel the blood dripping from my wounds and the blaster hole in my leg felt like uncontrolled heat. I pushed through them and ran towards their ships, even if I had to take one of theirs I would leave this place or die trying.

“Stop her!” Voices shouted out in confusion at my tactic. I barrelled into the centre of their makeshift camp, they were rounding up the injured and dead, sadly I saw no prisoners. My heart was pounding in my ears and my vision was hazy around the edges.

“Someone protect the General!” I heard yelled from behind my and my eyes darted around searching for the woman from my vision.

I was being surrounded, I felt like an injured animal, I wasn’t sure what I would do, would I kill them, sacrifice myself? That feeling that I felt in the mine started to fill me for the first time in a very long time, I felt out of control, unable to help myself and again it was because of a man.

I ran through a group of surprised pilots knocking them to the ground.

“Stop her!” A familiar voice rang out, it was the dark haired pilot Poe Dameron.

“You.” I said as I was face to face with him.

His brows pulled together, “Do I know you?”

“I know you Dameron…” he pulled his blaster on me his eyes wild.

How angry was I at Ren for leaving me and shutting me out? Angry enough for Revenge? Betrayal? The sound of my own voice silent and deadly leaving my lips surprised even me, “Who is General Organa to Kylo Ren?”

I snarled I was surrounded again, this time I did not have the energy or the strength to run my breaths ragged I felt the edge of desperation tingle within me.

“I am his mother.” A soft voice said from behind me. She had pushed through the men and women surrounding me their faces tight worried I might do her harm. I could not say what I would do truthfully.

His mother. Of course she was, how had I been so blind no to see it? This was the woman from Dameron’s vision that had angered Ren so terribly and the woman that the dark haired little boy clung to in the visions I had shown him during out fight on the Finalizer weeks ago.

“Who are you?” She stepped closer to me the Resistance fighters tensed.

“She is the Red Witch,” a voice called over her shoulder, a young man with brown skin and all knowing eyes. FN-2187. He narrowed his eye in my direction, “She belongs to Ren.” He did not have to say in what way I belonged to Ren but the implication in his words were heavy with what he implied.

“I belong to no one Traitor!” I spat again worry coursed through me that they would use me to hurt Kylo, did I care? The answer felt convoluted in my injured mind. Even though I was furious with him even though he had left me here, I would not see him hurt.

“You care for my son.” I turned my eyes to General Organa but I did not say anything. Her words were not a question it was a statement she could sense all of it. I blinked at her unwilling to confirm what she knew.

“Why are you here?” Dameron demanded, “Did Ren send you to kill the General?” Why was I here? I could easily have escaped from all of them at any point but rather than running away I ran towards them, did I want him to hurt like he hurt me? He was so hot and cold I wondered if he even noticed that I was gone.

“They left.” Another voice spoke a voice like smooth whiskey, “he left you didn’t he?” I turned meeting the man’s gaze it was piercing and sad, Han Solo, so much like his son I thought now so different my thoughts were now that when I had first seen him in Maz’s castle. I observed him and the sadness in him , his intensity.

I shouldn’t be here, I shook my head and starting gathering my powers green magicks at my shaking hands tears formed in the corners of my eyes. Blasters were trained on me again, but this time I felt fear I had never felt a fear like this before. Strangely however, it was no to for me but it was for Ren. Even if he left me, even if I felt betrayed that he had another woman in his arms, even if I feared that they would use me against him, I still felt fear for him. I widened my stance defensively bending my knees slightly readying myself I closed my eyes taking a shuttering breath. 

I would not see him hurt, they would not use me against him.

Then there was a gentile hand atop my own, I opened my eyes and was met with a pair of sad brown orbs that belonged to General Organa, my heart was aching the realization had fully hit me as I met her gaze.

He left me…

“Let her go.” Her voice was strong.

“Are you crazy!” It was the traitor, “She will go right back to Ren, do you have any idea what she can do? What he would do to get her back? And he took Rey! We could use her to get Rey back!”

If he has even noticed that I am gone. I thought harshly to myself.

My heart ached. The traitor was not wrong, I was confident that once Ren realized I was not with them he would search for me but I also knew he was pre occupied with the girl. What she must know. I raged internally I felt like I was breaking.

She brought my hands into hers and I could sense the force swirling within her, I sensed her sadness, her fear, her regret and finally I sensed her hope. Her hope for her son, that her son had someone in the galaxy that would gladly lay down her life to keep his safe even if he had left her behind. “Let her leave.” Her eyes bore into mine and she lifted a hand and pressed it gently against my cheek. For a moment no, for the first time in my life I felt a true mother’s love, and I had to hold back the emotions that threatened to spill out of me.

The green around my hands dissipated and she pulled me to her, her hands resting on my arm her forehead pressed into mine her mind opened to me and I felt a rush of her emotions, so overwhelming so intense just like those of her son. A sob escaped my throat as I was hit by the rush of sadness and then the gratefulness that she was pressing into me. 

“Let her go back to Kylo Ren.” Her voice held a tone of authority so like that of her son.

I turned and met the steel eyes of Ren’s father and he nodded silently as the cries of fury erupted from the bystanders and before they could change there minds I tore my eyes away from them and rushed through the trees blood trailing behind me.

*~*~*

I sat behind the controls of my ship prepping for take off. My head and heart moving in two very different directions. Part of me wanted nothing more than to go to Ren and the other wanted nothing more than to go to an unknown corner of the galaxy and forget all about him. I scoffed to my self, like that would even be possible.

I had come to realize that he was the blood in my veins I could not just leave him, could I? Yet what was there to stop me? Surely not him he left me on Takodana and blacked me so harshly from his mind I was now questioning my own judgement. Why was I so loyal to this man?

When I breached the atmosphere it was void of any ships. How could I even be able to track them, would they go back to starkiller? Did I even want to go back to Starkiller? I shut off my thrusters and allowed my ship to be taken into orbit as I pondered my next move. I stood nearly crumping to the floor reaching fo the med kit I injected myself with be taking gel instantly feeling some mild relief, the bleeding had at least stopped. I was confused, I was angry and I was hurt but I was not willing to admit why it affected me so, not out loud anyhow. I collapsed back into my chair Kylo had said that he would try not to block me out but now while in battle when it was the most important we be able to feel each other he pushed me so harshly form him I was unable to breach the wall between us. I bore my soul to him that night on Starkiller but now for whatever reason this girl, this scavenger was so important because I knew for a fact the droid was still on Takodana along with the map. 

I thought I could trust Ren but I had never felt more betrayed than I did now. My vision was blurry and my hands shook the blood drying on the floor beside my chair was dark and I didn’t care if I lived or died not truly, I deserved it not like the lives the First Order had taken needlessly earlier this day. My brain was so fogged I was not sure what co-ordinates I set on the ships guidance system but as the ship jumped into hyper space I slipped into the darkness. 

I awoke as the ship approached the planet and numbing cold came over me. My ship docked at the familiar landing pad the green trees looked black against the sky as the sun set behind them. A tall man walked out to the base of the ramp. His face faltered as he recognized me and taking in my battle torn appearance, “Welcome to Chandrila Mistress, I am surprised to see you back.”

I appraised him coldly, “Are you?”

I felt fear course through him but I was impressed it did not show on his face, “I had not received word of your arrival is all Mistress.”

I had suspected after my last visit here that this small hanger was employed by the First Order I cursed silently as the thought came to me. “My Visit is classified, I hope that I can trust your discretion.” I wondered silently how long he would keep my secret.

His eyes widened marginally and he nodded in my direction. 

I spoke again my voice stronger than I felt, “The Commander has asked that you supply me with everything I need.”

Again he nodded. 

Soon I was on my way with a pack of goods, a speeder and a good amount of credits. I moved to the speeder and cried out as I kicked my leg over the seat eliciting a few concerned stares from the ground crew. I did not pay them any heed, I was indeed more injured than I thought the bacta gel I applied on my ship had not done much to quell my injuries. Again my vision tilted before me but I shook my head I had no choice but to move on. I did not turn the speeder in the direction of Hanna city but in the opposite direction.

It was quiet and my ears were still ringing slightly from the battle on Takodana my limbs ached, my leg and shoulder throbbed my side felt even worse the blood had slowed but if I turned wrong I would split the wound again. The cool breeze that moved through the trees sent gooseflesh over me but it was better than the heat of Takodana and the frigid temperatures on Starkiller Base. I should be feeling so many things but oddly I did not, I could not anymore, I had felt to much already to have any emotional capacity left I was now left with a numb silence in my mind.

The moon was high in the sky by the time I stopped the speeder unable to keep my eyes open for any longer. A familiar sense of dread filled me and it was comforting because for so long I had dwelled in it, I had steeped in it. I closed my eyes as a familiar energy had filled me the force echos of this place fought for me to see them, they fought before my eyes, happy moments, sad moments horrifyingly terrifying moments. I walked out of the trees into the overgrown grass the rubble of the structure created black shadows in the moonlight. My legs gave out and crumpled beneath me. As I lay on the grass looking up into the familiar night sky I could hear the laughter of children, echoes of the past.

Tears rolled down my face in the darkness as I watched a small dark haired boy with his head lifted to observe the stars. His hands balled into tiny fists at his sides making him look so much like the man he would become. His face turned to me as though he had heard his name called and I saw on that lonely face the hurt and fear that I now felt inside for the man I loved.


	17. In Another Life

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Katalana deals with the aftermath of Kylo’s betrayal and what she means to do in the future.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sad Katalana in this chapter.

I stood over the sink elbows deep in soapy water detached, indifferent and disinterested, listening to the endless chatter of the women behind me. My ears had become numb it, they talked from the time they opened their eyes in the morning to the time they closed them and night, I was almost sure I could hear them talking in their sleep through the paper thin walls of the farm house. It was exhausting, they were exhausting. I washed the last dish and stepped away from the sink watching the water slip down the drain. 

Elane smiled up at me from her spot at the large round table, “You will be going out to the ruins again tonight?”

I blinked in surprise not realizing that she even knew were I went when they were all in bed.

“I am.”

She reached out and touched my arm her softness put me on edge, I could sense her pity, I could see it in her eyes and I hated that it was directed at me. Her Daughter Lorna appraised me with her own look of sadness and I bit on my cheek to keep from snapping at them to mind their own business. 

It had been weeks since Elias, Elane’s husband had found me shivering in the tall grass of the ruins passed out from blood loss and brought me back here. The family that I had spent time with the last time that I was on Chandrila, they bandaged me, they took care of me. They fussed over me and coddled me and suffocated me with their kindness They gave me a place to sleep and to eat and they gave me clothes to wear and in return they asked nothing of me. They rarely asked me questions not even once did they ask the cause of my wounds and injuries or anything else for that matter . I knew I should be grateful and I was but I found myself wondering if this was what I deserved, to live a life not much different than the one I had fled on Lothal. I was not working in a mine but once my injuries were healed I helped them around their farm, tending the animals and the crops. It was mundane and mindless work compared to what I had been doing with my life for the last ten or so years.

Perhaps that is what I needed. 

There was not much that I could do here that took my mind off of my bleeding aching heart. Nothing that is but going to the ruins and living in the force echoes of Ren’s long passed memories . Memories Of the boy Ben who struggled outwardly with all of what was expected of him, I watching him grow into a man that struggled with the expectations of being both a prince of Alderan and Naboo, the son of War Heroes, the nephew of a Jedi Master the legacy of those that saved the galaxy from the Empire. My heart broke for him as it still broke in my chest at the loss of him. In all of my time here not once did I open the bond between us nor did I even acknowledge its existence.

My soul hurt it felt like there was ice where once heat had once resided.

I shook myself from my thoughts and I stepped away from the women at the table my eyes haunted but still unable to tell them anything. They looked to one another their eyes full of sadness as they watched me leave. 

I walked into the cold night, the season was swiftly turning into fall the leaves on the tress were beginning to hold the colours of gold and crimson the crisp air seeped into my skin, the clothing I had been given was so different than I had been used to. No leathers and padded tunics, I wore a loose white linen blouse that I left the top buttons loosed it was tucked into grey trousers and my own leather boots on my feet. My hair hung in a loose braid down my back my skin had become tanned in the weeks that I had been here working under the sun, the lines of my tattoos no longer stood out so starkly against my pale skin but it still marked me as different and it still kept the other farm hands from getting too close. For that I was glad. I wrapped a grey shawl around my shoulders in the chilled air as I began to walk down the path.

I heard my name called from behind me and I turned to see the heavily pregnant form of Lorna, Elane and Elias’s daughter waddle after me. Here big doe brown eyes looked up to me, she exuded love and happiness and her golden hair loose around her back bobbed to and fro with her as she approached. She was everything I wasn’t we were opposite ends of the universe, “Lana!” She called again.

I tensed slightly under the use of my old name, one she chose after she said my full name was too serious. I had to stop myself from snarling at her but her goodness was too much for me in that moment and I turned to her. She faltered for an instant at my intense gaze and she stumbled, I reached out to catch her but she blushed and held out her hands, “please I am alright just a little clumsy but I do have a question for you.”

She looked up at me hope filled her eyes and I looked down wearily at her. I opened my mouth to talk but she spoke too quickly. 

“Y-you don’t have to answer me if you don’t want to.” She looked down the her hands which she was now clasping over her round belly.

I sighed and warmed my features for her wondering silently how a person could be so good, “No, it is alright Lorna go ahead.”

She pretty nearly giggled and clapped her hands before she stopped herself, “I know you have had a rough go of it, I have never seen anyone injured like you were the night you arrived I thought you were dead if I am going to be completely honest with you.”

I nodded my mouth a line on my face not sure if I liked where this was going.

“But, I mean, did you lose someone?” She looked up to me from her hands and by my expression she took a step closer to me taking my own hands in hers, “I – I don’t mean to pry but if you want to talk about it I will listen to you, I won’t judge.”

I pulled my hands from hers and took a step back, “Lorna, I-.”

She interrupted me, “I know I am not as worldly as you. Stars, I have never been off this planet nor do I ever want to but know that I will never judge you of think poorly of you. I have never seen someone so sad, I see the look in your eyes and well, it must be so hard to go through it alone.”

I shook my head, “Lorna…” I sighed, “I have done some pretty terrible things, things that would make your hair curl and give you nightmares, I am not a nice person, I deserve everything I get.”

She shook her head back at me, “I don’t believe that.”

I pulled the shawl tighter around my shoulders as I felt a chill, “Then you are a fool or a child.”

She frowned at me her eyes meeting mine daringly, “I hear you sometimes, at night when you think the rest of us are asleep. I hear your sadness and it breaks my heart.”

I felt my chin tremble and I looked away unable to meet the sage like look in her eye, “I – I did lose someone, someone that I did not realize I cared for as much as I do.” She opened her mouth to speak but I held up a hand, “but whatever I may feel does not matter because there are things that have happened that I cannot simply forget.”

I thought of the lives that were taken when the Starkiller laser destroyed those planets especially all of the innocent lives that were lost. I thought of being left behind on Takodana and what bothered me most more than anything else was that I had been on this planet for weeks now and still he had not found me. It seemed silly to me that I had expected him to have shown up and dragged me back kicking and screaming and that I was so disappointed that it had not already occurred.

“If you love someone Lana, none of that stuff matters.” Her eyes met mine earnestly.

“In my world Lorna, love is weakness, it is exploited and people are killed for it.” I said harshly.

Her face fell, “Then I truly feel sad for you.”

I shook my head, “Don’t, it is what I deserve.”

“Maybe then Lana, it is good you are here. Maybe you can move passed what ever it is that haunts you so much just know if you ever need anything I am always here for you.” She reached out and squeezed my hand one final time before she turned around and headed back to the house her small frame seemingly now so much stronger than mine had ever been.

I turned down the path towards the ruins my heart aching now more than it had in my life.

The sky was clear the full moon high illuminating the ruins spectacularly as I perched on a large stone that now resided in the long dry grass that had once been part of a glorious structure.

I kept the force echoes at bay this night, refusing to allow them into my fragile mind. I had seen them all, I had felt them all and I had no desire to do that now. My conversation with Lorna still weighed heavily on my mind. I looked down at my hands and pulled the green Magicks letting them illuminate the space around me and I changed the scenery to my rooms back on Starkiller base. Ren lay asleep in my bed and, I watched my own memory of us together. The way he looked into my eyes, the way he kissed my mouth and the way he held me to him in his sleep. I scoffed at myself feeling ridiculous I let the image dissipate.

“You are a fool.” I hissed to myself in the cold air.

I stood to make my way back to the house when I felt it, it was like a whisper down my spine. I stopped leaning on a nearby tree trunk my heart pounding suddenly my stomach dropped to my knees and fear suddenly filled me. Again I felt it this time it was more persistent, and with every motion my heart beat faster. Ren was on the other side of my mental wall demanding I let him in and I warred with myself. Do I open the wall and let him in? Or to I allow him wonder like I have been wondering all this time?

My resolve was weak and I looked around suddenly knowing he would know exactly where I was if I allowed him in now and I dashed through the trees a branch scraping my cheek pulling my hair from the braid as I did so in my hurry to get back to the farm. I could feel the warm blood drip down my cheek. I stood back at the farm house and moved to the well behind the house sitting along its edge before I took a deep breath and eased open the bond which he was now pounding against with all of his might.

Enough. I called to him opening it completely.

Where are you? His voice was hard, angry. 

Why do you care? I challenged hurt that these were his first words to me.

Don’t be stupid. His voice was filled with malice and his emotions roiled over me anger, rage, hate, betrayal. Let me see you.

I hesitated and he felt it.

Katalana, let me see you. He repeated

I furrowed my brow as I battled myself, part of me wanted to do exactly what he asked and another part of me wanted to shut him out completely and expel him from my mind. I relented, and opened the bond further.

He appeared to me he was in his chambers on Starkiller base so much like how I just recalled. He was in front of the tall glass windows in the living area his back to the glass and a storm raged behind him. He looked at me his expression unreadable, his eyes took in the scenery behind me trying to see where I was trying to find anything he might recognize and finally after what felt like an eternity his eyes came to rest my face absorbing my appearance. “Why have you not returned to me?”

I blinked at him, this was the first thing he chose to say, “I was injured.”

He narrowed his eyes, “you look fine now so my question still stands.”

“How long did it take for you to notice that I was gone Ren?” My voice was stronger than I thought it was going to be because when I l looked upon him I wanted to do nothing more than throw myself at him, weather to take his mouth to mine or to beat him with my fists until he was as bloody and bruised as I felt inside.

“You didn’t answer my question?” He frowned.

“You didn’t answer mine either.” I withheld my emotions from him, I didn’t want him to be able to feel the turmoil within me.

He growled at me as he noticed what I was doing. 

“I am surprised you want me back at all,” I looked down at my hands unable to look at him, “I thought you had already found my replacement.”

“Jealousy doesn’t suit you Katalana.”

“No?” I looked up at him my eyes filled with sadness and betrayal. 

“No, it doesn’t not you are acting like a child having a tantrum.” He said almost bored, he too had blocked me from his emotions most likely because I had done it to him.

“A tantrum…” I shook my head all of my anger slipping away. Was that really what he thought this was, a tantrum? I looked away from him standing up and moved away from the well. A cold wind whipped my hair around me, I pulled the shawl around me not just cold from the wind anymore and I turned around surprised to find him right behind me his eyes filled with darkness.

“Where are you?” He asked again.

I shook my head tears welling in my eyes and looked down. He reached out lifting my chin to meet his gaze, his eyes falling on the scratch on my cheek, his thumb ran over it smudging the blood with it. 

“I- I can’t.”

A line formed between his brows and his hand gripped my face tighter in his grip, “What do you mean you can’t.”

“You left me.” My brows furrowed, “You left me on Takodana, surrounded by resistance forces, you left me for dead and you didn’t come to find me, you blocked yourself off from me like you said you wouldn’t.” I pushed his hand away, “You betrayed me.”

“I did not such thing.” He said his voice heavy in my ears. 

I looked up to him trying to make him understand but when I saw the hard anger on his face I couldn’t help but look away. I looked down to the ground and turned away from him the cold wind seeping into my skin. I sat on the edge of the well again not able to bring myself to meet his eyes. 

He moved towards me his bare feet did not make a sound on the ground, the winter storm behind him turning the view white and cold I turned my eyes to watch it rather than him. 

“What is this place?” He asked again this time his voice held a note of something that I did not recognize. 

I tuned to look at the well, “I haven’t completely decided if I am going to tell you.”

I felt his irritation, “I could make you tell me.” 

I shook my head looking to him, “You could I suppose but I would rather you didn’t.”

He was silent as he appraised me. It dragged on uncomfortably for a time neither of us willing to give into the other but for the first time it did not turn to violence. Perhaps because it couldn’t because he was on Starkiller and I was here or perhaps it was because we both didn’t have the energy for it. 

“The girl escaped.” He offered finally. 

I bit the inside of my cheek, I didn’t want to hear anything about this girl. “Did you get the information you needed?” I asked almost half heartedly. 

By the look on his face I already knew my answer, “She was the on who awakened.”

I was surprised, “but she is grown.”

“So where you…” he countered. 

“But why now?” I asked. 

He looked tired, “I think it is because of us.”

Us. There was that word again. 

“Because of our bond.” I laughed darkly, “Too bad we can’t get along long enough to accomplish anything.”

His hand reached out and caressed my cheek, “come back to me Katalana.” 

“I cannot.” I met his gaze it was surprisingly soft, “I just need time…”

He frowned, “I will find you if you do not come to me.”

I sighed. “Do as you must.”

“You are mine Katalana, you know this.” His voice was hard all softness gone from his eyes. 

“I recall.”

His anger boiled down the bond, I did not return it I only let him feel my disappointment and betrayal, “how long did it take Kylo, before you noticed I was not with you.”

A strange look passed over his face, “Cardo-“

At that I stood, and the sound of the Knights name I finally felt something other than sadness I felt fury, “You’re telling me Cardo noticed I was gone Before you? She must have been breath taking then, did she look pretty with her mouth on your cock too.” I scoffed. My insides crumbled I could be a rotting corpse on Takodana for all he knew. 

“Don’t be vulgar.” He sneered. 

I stood and walked from him, “I must be delusional to care for you the way I do.”

“You are being dramatic.” He clenched his hands at his sides. 

“Am I?” I spun on him again, “would you feel the same way if I left in the arms of another man?”I felt his answer knowing he would not say it. I knew he would hate it, “you would burn more worlds wouldn’t you?”

“This is the last time I am going to ask you to come home Katalana.” He threatened. 

“Then what?” I taunted, “you will forget about me again, that is not a threat Kylo, maybe that is what I am hoping for.”

“No, you will never be rid of me but you are correct I will burn worlds to bring you back to me.” The heat in his eyes intense. 

“Then perhaps you should start looking for me before your enemies do.” I then slammed the bond shut and I could feel him clawing at the other side almost painfully. I turned my face up to the moon like the child Ben often did many years ago wondering silently if he recognized it. I found myself wondering if he already knew where I was. 

*~*~*

More Weeks passed three to be exact and Ren still had not found me and still I did not let him through my barriers. It was spiteful and childish but it was the only upper hand I had. After the first week he had stopped pounding relentlessly against my mental walls. I was certainly glad for it because I wasn’t sure how much more of it I could have taken.

It was harvest at the farm and Elias had enlisted me to help I wasn’t very good but I caught on quickly. Some other families had come from the village to help out too. It was like nothing I had ever been a part of, even on Lothal the folks of the mining village didn’t come together like this to help their neighbours. 

I didn’t use my force powers or magicks to aid me afraid I might frighten them off. As it was I was having a hard time explaining the tattoos on my flesh. Most of these kind folk had not heard of Nightsisters and those that did knew better to steer clear. 

Lorna’s husbands family had come to help, they lived a decent distance away and there had been a small celebration upon their arrival but I was introduced as though I was part of the family. 

Lorna hooked her arm around mine hugging it close to her body, “I want you to meet my brother-in-law .”

I raised a brow smiling down at her I saw her like a little sister one I had never had. She could make me smile when I wanted to burn down buildings and talk me town from a glorious tantrum her face was turned to mine a grin splitting her face ear to ear. 

“I hope you are not playing match maker.” I knew that is exactly what she was doing she had been speaking of it for weeks. 

A blush spread over her cheeks, “Lana, you have to meet him I am sure he will adore you as much as I do.”

I pursed my lips and she giggled at me but rolling my eyes I sighed giving into her, “fine.”

She practically dragged me from the garden and to the house where the family was congregating. My eyes turned on Elane who was meeting a conspiratorial gaze with her daughter as she led me in the direction of her brother-in-law. I was in the process of rolling my eyes as she pulled me in front of him. 

“Jet!” She called. He turned to us he was tall and muscular and the type of man many girls must fall for. His skin was a gloriously tanned and his short blond hair waved just to his earlobes. He had a glorious beard and eyes the colour of the summer sky that sparkled when he turned his attention to me his white teeth shone behind a dazzling smile, “who have you brought to meet me flower?” He turned to Lorna who blushed even further under his gaze. His voice was deep and soft like warm honey his blue eyes flicked to mine. 

“This is Lana,” I tried to mask the cringe of her nickname but he was observant enough to take notice. 

He took my hand and brought it to his lips kissing it once before he let it go, “I am Jetcan Heist, but please call me Jet.”

He had given me a chance to introduce myself how I wished to be named. “It is a pleasure to meet your acquaintance, I am Katalana.” I wanted to be angry but found I was having a hard time of it. 

“So formal,” his eyes shot to Lorna his tone jovial his eyes sparkled mischievously, “have you introduced me to princess?”

Lorna giggled like a teenager and I raised a brow. “No Jet, she is a friend a fierce warrior actually.”

I was surprised by her words, she was not wrong but she had never referred to me as such.

He raised a blond brow and took me in, “a warrior with the manners of a princess? I am impressed.”

“Don’t be.” I smirked. 

“Come now I am sure you are being modest, you have that look in your eye.” Jet my eyes intensely. 

“Oh, and what look is that?” I crossed my arms under my breasts, I was impressed that he did not look away from my eyes like most men did. 

“The look that one gets when they have seen too much.” Instantly I recognized the same look in his and we observed each other silently for a moment. 

“Well,”a small voice chirped, “I will leave you to it!” 

I watched Lorna practically skip away to her mother their heads instantly bowed together. 

“Ugh, they are unbelievable.” I shook my head turning back to Jet. “I am sorry about that.”

He laughed it was deep laugh that seems to come straight from his toes, “don’t apologize I have three sisters who are always trying to find me a wife.”

“Lucky you.” I said blandly. 

He caught my eye, “So she says you are a warrior, you look more like a Nightsister to me.”

I balked my hackles rising, “is that a problem?.”

He shook his head, “not at all.”

“I should be getting back to work,” I excused myself. 

He chuckled, “usually I’m the one desperately trying to get away. You are not what I was expecting when Lorna said she wanted to introduce me a new friend of hers.”

I turned back, “Then you won’t take offence when I leave.”

He shook his head, “still So formal.”

I dipped into a sarcastic curtsy smirking, “I will see you around then.”

“Of course Princess.” He bowed back to me. 

I shook my head smiling as I walked away, for the first time in a long time I felt something other than crippling sadness or anger. 

For the next weeks we had been harvesting the fields and more and more I found myself in the company of Jetcan who now insisted on solely calling me princess even though I had threatened to thrash him if he continued to do it. I never thrashed him however, and he never stopped calling me princess. Most evenings we took our meals together and each morning he brought me a steaming cup of caf as I bundled stacks of herbs tying them with strings to hang from the rafters in the barn. 

We often spent our evenings talking by the fire, we spoke of many things neither of us pushing the other neither speaking of our allegiances just being in each other’s company. 

Elias often joked every night at the dinner table that he would most likely be planning another wedding before the end of the year and strangely as time dragged on I found myself feeling a strange flutter in my stomach the more he said it. 

One particular morning we sat on the edge of the well drinking our caf when Jet put his mug down beside him taking my mug out of my hands and setting it down beside his own. 

“Jet?” I questioned gazing longingly at my mug. 

“Princess.” He smirked playfully at me.

I smiled back just as playfully“You had better have a good reason to be taking my caf from me because I am not sure I can forgive-.”

He cut me off as he pressed his lips to mine, for a moment I froze but I found myself slipping into the warmth of his touch. His hand gently caressed my face as he opened his mouth to me and I happily complied my eyes fluttering shut. He was like sunshine to the darkness that I had only ever known. He cradled my face in his hands I clearly sensed his desire, his care, his need that was compiled of more than just want and need. Jet genuinely cared for me and it was like reading an open book. He was the opposite of Ren in every way but there was a part of me that knew this could never be. I put my hands on his chest to push him gently away when I felt a heaviness suddenly in the air. 

My stomach dropped, I knew before I turned what I would see. 

There not twenty yards from me stood Ren and his Knights their gaze directed directly upon me. 

I gasped and pushed Jet completely away from me, his brows furrowed before his eyes flew open looking at me for a moment before he followed my gaze. He stood swiftly pulling me behind him. I could have laughed, it was I who should be protecting him. 

“The First Order is not welcome here,” Jet’s deep voice bellowed into the air between us. 

“You could have fooled me,” Ren’s voice countered. 

I felt Jet’s confusion. 

I sighed deeply and stepped around Jet, “it took you long enough.”

I felt Jet’s head whip in my direction. “Princess?”

I smiled softly at him and squeezed his bicep, “it is alright,”

Ren’s rage pulsed and I could feel it intensely even through the closed bond. “Get away from her.”

Jet frowned and looked at me, “you know him?”

I nodded sadly, “Yes, more than most can say.” Our voices were so quiet I knew the dark figures would not hear our hushed words. 

“He is the man you told me about?” He raised his brows with surprise. I had told him about Kylo, I had told him about a man that a had deeply cared for that had betrayed me left me for dead on another planet. A man that I still cared deeply for. I just did not tell him that man was Kylo Ren Commander in the First Order. 

I nodded, “He is.”

Jet closed his eyes painfully, and I reached out and touched his cheek, he leaned into it the coarseness of his beard pressed into my palm he looked pained. “Princess, are you going to leave me?”

“To keep everyone safe.” I whispered. 

“Will he hurt you?” He asked already knowing what my answer would be. 

“Take care of yourself Jet.” I smiled sadly. 

I did not look back at him as I moved across the distance and to Ren my face becoming harder and harder with each step. I stood in front of him the hardening of my heart complete. “I need to get my things from the house.”

“Quickly.” He said his words clipped. 

I moved quick afraid of leaving him too long, afraid of his volatile temper. Afraid he might hurt any of the people here that I had come to care for. I clipped my lightsaber to my belt and grabbed the satchel that contained my ruined clothes and burst back out the door. My stomach dropped again as I saw that Ren had Jet by the throat. 

I ran to them my hands on Ren’s arm trying to pull his unrelenting grip off of Jet. By then the noise had brought the others to watch fear on all of their faces. 

“Kylo please,” I begged, “let him go.”

“Did you touch her.” His voice was dangerous. 

The grip on Jet’s throat did not allow for him to speak but he shook his head vehemently. 

“Let him go!” I yelled again desperately Jet’s face was an ungodly shade of purple. 

“I don’t believe you.” I could hear that Ren’s teeth were clenched behind the mask. 

“He didn’t touch me Kylo I swear on my brothers life!” I screamed panicking as Jet’s eyes started to flutter closed 

Ren let him go then spun on me, “then why do you care so much what happens to him?” I hadn’t realized I had dropped the barriers between us flooding him with my emotions, “are you trying to make me jealous?”

I shook my head my chin wobbled I needed to get him away from this place. “Please Kylo, let’s just go home.”

By this time Cardo and Vicrul had come to either side of Ren pulling him back. I could feel Cardo’s eyes on me I could sense his anger directed at me. I closed my eyes. “Master,” Cardo began, “we can’t stay for long by now the Resistance had been notified of our presence here.”

Begrudgingly Ren dropped Jet he fell to his knees gasping for air. I went to move to him to help him but Ren had me by my elbow roughly dragging me away. 

Jet met my gaze, sadness in his eyes I tried to apologize with but I am not sure he would even believe me. 

“Goodbye Princess.” He rasped. 

Ushar took my satchel and relieved me of my lightsaber and I followed behind them silently Ren dropped my arm deeming I was far enough away. I could see the buzzard peaking though the trees. How had I been so blind not to notice, how long had they been here? We had almost made it through the trees when Lorna came barrelling towards me her arms flung around my shoulders and she was heaving horrific sobs, “please don’t leave Lana.”

I tried to remove her arms before she got hurt. “Lorna, I have long outstayed my welcome, I knew it was only a matter of time before he found me.”

“But he broke you.” She pleaded.

I felt Ren turn at her words. 

“Lana, please.” She begged. 

Tears slid down my cheeks too, “I’m sorry Flower.” I said using Jet’s nickname for her only making her cry harder. 

She turned to Ren her face filled with more rage and anger than I even thought possible to come from her, “I hate you for what you did to her.”

I heard gasps from the crowd behind me her husband pushed through the crowd to get to her fear clear in his eyes the same fear made my heart bang loudly in my ears. 

“Stop.” Ren’s voice echoed in the crisp morning air. Her husbands arms wrapped around her dragging her back to her family as she sobbed. Ren turned to me briefly, “I should kill them all for your defiance.”

Now my heart stopped beating in my chest he not only saw my fear but he felt it too. 

“But I won’t because you didn’t fight me.” I didn’t fight him for that reason because I knew he would take it out in these people and they didn’t deserve that. He walked away from me his cape billowing behind him Cardo was at my elbow as I took one last look over my shoulder Jet’s gaze penetrating my soul with sadness and longing. 

In another life. I thought to myself. 

Cardo’s boot kicked mine a signal to keep moving and I obeyed but with each step I took away from the farm the more my heart turned black. I would need to harden it once again if I were to survive Kylo Ren and whatever he had in store for me.


	18. Unspoken Truths

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Katalana returns to the Supremacy and makes a surprising new friend.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter felt like it would never be done but here it is!

The flight was quiet, I sat in the cargo hold and cried so the only sounds were that of my wracking sobs echoing through the ship. Ren did not speak to me nor did he even look at me and I didn’t have the mental capacity to even bother trying. I was giving myself until we arrived at our destination to get all of these emotions out before I shut them down. Ren had not put up his walls but all I could feel was incessant cold indifferent rage. It didn’t ease, it didn’t grow stronger it was just a consistent level of anger. A few hours passed and I found myself laying on the grated metal floor of the cargo hold staring up at the ceiling. Feeling drained and all I could do was think about the looks on all of those faces, on Lorna’s and Elane the dark disappointment on Elias’s face and the utter despair on Jet’s handsome face. An expression that I had never seen before.

I felt sick. 

I should have know better than to think that that life could ever be for me but the brief reprieve from death and pain and destruction was something that I would never forget especially since I would most likely never have it again, until my death and even that it wasn’t guaranteed. I got to see what it was like for the other side what it as like to walk in the light, that there did not have to be a never ending quest for revenge. Even if it hadn’t felt natural to me, even if it was so hard to trust others not to imagine my fists in their faces on occasion. I had known it would only be a matter of days or months and my time there would have been up. I had just not realized how I would feel when I did have to leave. How I would be concerned for the lives of others before my own. I didn’t blame Ren for the way he acted, if I had seen another woman’s mouth on his I might not have acted so calmly.

I thought about Jet, his mouth on mine how it had felt like the sun on my face, but I had known that it could never be, once he discovered some of the things I had been complicit to he could not ever forgive that. He was too good. The bond was also always looming over me everything I said and did always left me wondering about him, comparing Ren and Jet. Now I wondered if Ren did the same thing. I thought back to the conversation we had weeks ago where he had mentioned the girl Rey had awakened because of our bond that for there to be balance she had awoken to balance our powers. I had not been wrong when I though of the things we would accomplish if we could see eye to eye on everything. I had a sinking feeling things would get worse before they got better and I knew Ren would not let me out of his sight. Though I felt betrayed, he had felt that way too and he had found me at the most Inopportune moment that I had been in Chandrila. Of all the times for him to decide to show up it had been when Jet had his tongue shoved down my throat. 

At that thought I felt Ren’s rage flare again forgetting momentarily that I had left my mind open to him, but at least it showed the truth. 

I heard footsteps and I turned my head my loose hair matted and damp from sweat and tears littered the floor around my head my eyes were red and I raised them to meet the black masked figures of Ushar and Vicrul. Their heavy boots coming to a stop on either side of me. 

I sighed, “I am being summoned?”

“If I were you,” Vicrul began his voice sounded tired, “I would keep your snarky comments to yourself for a change.”

Ushar’s voice deep voice was hard, I could sense his anger towards me, “and try to listen for once…”

Normally I would have risen to the bait but now… now I was willing to take any advice. 

“Ren won’t say it,” Ushar spoke again and Vicrul’s mask snapped to the other Knight, “but he has been worried.”

I laughed darkly, “I can imagine…”

“Keep your comments to yourself Ushar,” Vicrul’s annoyance roiled off of him as he hissed at the other Knight. 

The larger Knight stiffened, “keeping this Shit to ourselves is what got us all into this mess.”

Vicrul extended a hand to me to help me stand I gladly took it my body was aching and tired from my fit he pulled me up not taking his gaze from Ushar, “be that as it may, putting my nose where it doesn’t belong is the same behaviour that got Cardo into so much trouble.”

“What happened to Cardo?” I asked. 

Vicrul cursed.

“I wouldn’t worry yourself about it Mistress.” Ushar said stiffly seemingly irritated that I had spoken. 

“Cardo is fine,” Vicrul said noting my concern but not willing to offer more than that. 

I stood, my head throbbed from crying and I felt drained not excited to see Kylo in the slightest. Vicrul reached for me his arm grasping me around my arm and my powers flared, not being wielded for so long left me with an excess energy in reserve. Even Ushar was rocked to the ground slightly by my burst of power he stood pulling his club from his back. 

“What what that for!” He growled. 

“No one touches me!” I snarled. 

“That’s rich,” he leaned his club over his shoulder, “not 4 hours ago you had some assholes tongue was shoved halfway down your throat. I guess your just choosy.”

“Fuck you.” I spit. 

“Enough,” Vicrul yelled to the both of us as he brushed the dust from his trousers. 

“Is it?!” My voice was frantic. I had been preparing for a fight, I knew it would be coming I would be a fool to think otherwise I just thought it would be initiated by Ren. My voice was shrill and loud and I felt like I was coming apart again. Apparently all the crying had not quelled my anxious energy. “It’s never enough, not for you not for The First Order and not for Ren. When will it ever be enough? How I see it is that it will never be over until every soul in the entire galaxy is dead, then the precious First Order can rule over a sea of rotting corpses?!”

“That will never happen!” Vicrul defended shaking his helmeted head. I had forgotten how much I hated these helmets I felt like I was talking to droids or statues seemingly they all had about the same emotional capacity. 

“You think so?” I chuckled my powers crackling around my fingers finally allowing myself to feel the full extent of the rage I had been burying for the last weeks, “I used to think Our Master wouldn’t leave me for dead among the corpses of his enemies either but here we are.”

The other Knights filed in at the disturbance Trudgen, then Ap’lek followed by Cardo. I could now make out a slight limp in his gait making my teeth gnash together even more, was he punished because of me I wondered. They took positions around me like they had been in similar situations before, they were treating me like the enemy and where was their Master? No where to be found? Hiding behind a shield of men like a coward. 

I opened the bond up to my words hoping he was listening to every word I thought about him.

“Are we going to do this then?” I crouched low my powers humming upon my flesh begging to be released. 

Cardo dropped his helmet holding his arms wide looking towards the other Knights giving them a silent command to leave it and met my eye with a desperate gleam begging me. “Stop. Just stop.”

My brows came together and I shook my head. “I can’t, I will never stop. That is what I did on Chandrila, I gave up I gave in and since I can’t have that, “ did I really even want it? I thought “ Never again. I will be everything Ren wanted. He wanted a weapon to destroy his enemies then that is what ever will get. But he will never contain me, no one will!”

Cardo approached me hands raised in front of him showing he me that he meant me no harm, “you don’t have to stop I will never ask you to stop being the powerful creature you are but we are not your enemies we never have been.”

I shook my head and it throbbed, “Why?” He had no words for me so I continued, “Why?You should all want to kill me, to beat me, to tear me limb from limb because I betrayed him your Master. He gave me orders to return and I did not he bid me to tell him where I was and I did not and then I betrayed him with another, I let another person close to me like I had only ever let him.”

“Katalana…” Cardo’s voice sounded strange strangled almost, “you are our Mistress I- we will not harm you. We are yours as much as we are his. Those are our orders and we will not break them.”

I could tell by looking in Cardo’s eyes that he did not need orders from Ren to do this, even if some of the others clearly did. My legs felt weak under me they nearly buckled before a steeled myself, “I don’t deserve that.”

“Be that as it may,” Ap’lek spoke, his voice soft and smooth like that of a snake, “those are our orders and the Knights of Ren do not break orders.” 

I noticed that Cardo shifted uncomfortably at those words and The other Knights looked in his direction for a moment and I could feel brief disapproval radiate off them. What had Cardo done?

I looked up to Cardo, his eyes were sad, worried and tense but my body had been through so much so had my mind and I was finally home I crumpled to the ground again looking to Cardo, I felt raw because of all of the emotions I had loosed and scared of what awaited me. There would be some sort punishment of that I was sure but what Ren had in store for me I was completely in the dark. He had not closed the bond but he also was oddly calm and that frightened me more. Cardo knelt before me his eyes not leaving mine, “you are our Mistress, will will let nothing hurt you.” His eyes spoke the words he dare not speak out loud.

I won’t let Ren hurt you.

I nodded and looked away and I stiffened when his hand met my shoulder lightly and I had to fight my powers not to blast him away. “Master Ren wants you seated in the cockpit upon our arrival.”

Numbly I stood and followed him, all of the knights took their seats leaving me standing in the centre of the cockpit Ren ignoring my presence. Even Kuruk shifted uncomfortably at the tension that built in the air. 

“Where do you want me?” I asked looking around for a seat. 

“You are fine where you are.” Ren spoke but did not turn to me, he was seated beside Kuruk at the instrument panel. 

I turned to Cardo who was already seated and offered me a small nod before he put his helmet back on. 

“When we get back you will be expected to explain where you have been to the others.” Ren’s voice was even, calm even sending a chill down my spine.

“I don’t know what you expect me to say Ren.” I frowned. Who were the others? 

“You will tell than exactly what happened.” He said simply.

“You want me to tell them you left me for dead?” I paused clenching my fists trying to calm myself but failing. Cardo bowed his head his knee bounced wildly, I should have tried to calm myself, “Or the part where I was so horrifyingly Devastated that you took another woman back to the Finalizer with you that I went to your home planet just to feel close to you again, to understand what you went through, why you became what you became?” He still didn’t look at me, he still sat staring out in front of the ship. “Should I share with them what I saw in the echoes of the old temple?” I paused I saw his shoulders relax slightly thinking I was done but it only caused me to get more angry and I let it burn right down the bond, “I know, I bet you want me to tell them all about Jet? How kind he was to me? How he made me feel? How he became my friend? What it felt like when-“

“Enough!” He spun on me removing his helmet faster than I had ever seen him almost like he struggled for breath his eyes were impossibly furious but it was the long scar that started upon his forehead and extended down the side of his face to beneath the collar of his tunic that stopped me. My stomach clenched. “What do you want from me Katalana? What do you want me to say?” 

I gasped his last words had fallen on deaf ears, all I could see was the scar on his face, how had it happened? “your face…” 

He snarled. He looked as out of control as I was finally he was showing something other then cold indifference. 

I took a step forward, “what happened?” I reached for the bond and I felt him retreat and I stopped myself from pushing. I looked around at the Knights they all seemed to be tense and I could feel the simmering anger that surrounded them anger and regret I realized. 

“Starkiller base is no more.” He watched me carefully but I couldn’t help but feel a twinge of relief flood through me, his eye twitched at my thought. “You are pleased.” It wasn’t a question. 

I did not need to answer either but I did, “I am glad it’s gone. It cheapened the First Order, it was a lazy way to find allies and awful.” 

“Lazy?” He scoffed his nostrils flared. 

“You already know how I feel, I will not have this conversation again.” I frowned at him willing myself not to reach out and touch the scar on his face to feel with my own hands suddenly I was only concerned that he was a right. I should have been there to protect him. 

He was silent as he read my thoughts, “I am glad you were not there Katalana,” his voice was soft now melting into me, “I am glad you didn’t have to share in my pain.”

I bit my lip and looked down, “I should have protected you from it.” 

“Perhaps.” He turned back to controls his face hardening, “there are somethings even you can’t protect me from.”

“Clearly.” I hissed at his coldness which he had seemed to have contorted his hot rage into now. I would have sooner had the angry hot rage than this icy figure before me now. He did not speak again no matter how I prodded his mind and still I stood there in the cockpit drilling holes into the back of his head with my eyes hating that he as ignoring me. “What happened how was Starkiller destroyed?”

He looked at me briefly over his shoulder before he turned back to the controls, “the Resistance took advantage of the only weakness Starkiller had, I assume because the Traitor.”

I frowned, “How many are dead?”

His voice was cold, “Too many.”

The Resistance is no better than the First Order, Murder for a cause. 

Ren stood and marched towards me, “We are nothing like them, I am nothing like them.”

In all this time I had truly forgotten how large he was but I did not balk, but I did not fight him either not overtly, now with him so close I could see that his wounds had not been completely healed yet and I could see the mesh cover that held his flesh together it was still red and angry looking. His breathing was fast and hard and for a moment I felt the heat that I had thought I missed from him. I reached up and touched his cheek gentle as to not hurt him, I tailed it down his neck my fingers resting on his collar, I wondered who’s far down it went. I could see the gooseflesh on his neck at my touch.

“How?” I whispered.

He looked down his nose at me not offering a reaction, his words were clipped, “The Scavenger, Rey.”

My lip curled at the name. “Why?”

“This is not a conversation for now.” He took even breaths . “Sit.” He pointed at his previously occupied chair and I complied, Kylo stood behind the chair his large hand grasping the seat behind me his mind still curiously hazy to me.

. 

*~*~*

I found myself in a conference room answering General Hux’s asinine questions. We had come directly after the Buzzard had docked. The Knights busied themselves with anything other than glancing in my direction. I could sense Cardo wanted to speak with me but after Ren cast a dark glance in his direction Cardo moved away from me favouring his left leg. Now as I sat in front of the General I found old habits rising to the surface, it had been weeks since I had fantasized about punching someone in the throat but here I was imagining how his eyes would bulge out of his head when the heel of my palm met with his bony neck. 

“So explain it to me again?” Hux was pinching the bridge of his nose as he sat across from me.

My head was throbbing still and I took a deep breath, “I was gravely injured on Takodana and by the time I got back to my Ship and into the atmosphere all of the First Order ships were already gone.”

“So rather than coming back to Starkiller you chose to go to Chandrila?” He asked again.

I sighed, “Honestly Hux, I don’t remember much, I had run in to resistance forces and I wasn’t sure if I was being followed. I had other things on my mind…”

He narrowed his eyes at me looking down to the data pad on his desk “The Chief Engineer at the Hanger on Chandrila confirms you were indeed injured, he also says that you had told him that you were on a special assignment for Ren, what mission was that exactly?”

I opened my mouth to speak but Ren spoke up for the first time in over an hour, “That is none of your concern Hux, why I chose to send her to Chandrila or where I choose to send her in the future. We are done with your questions, she has been made to repeat herself for an hour. I have given you enough leeway.”

I masked my confusion that Ren must have kept my disappearance close to the vest. Perhaps it was because he had not initially realized that I was gone. 

Hux narrowed his eyes at me and then turned to Ren, “We are done, for now…but I will find out why the Witch was on Chandrila when we could have used her at Starkiller.”

“She does not answer to you.” Ren said evenly. 

“We all answer to Supreme Leader Snoke, Ren remember that.” Hux’s tone was haughty. 

“So do you Hux, and as I recall Snoke is not overly pleased about the destruction of Starkiller base.” I sat up straighter in my chair at the mention of Snoke’s name. I watched the to men speak my heart pounding to the prospect of being brought before Snoke. It had to be inevitable of that I was certain. 

“Be that as it may,” the ginger had a sour expression on his face, “I would be more concerned about your failures. The scavenger got away and so did any hope of getting the map piece and finding Luke Skywalker.”

Ren turned to me and clasped a hand around my arm pulling me from the chair, “Don’t deflect your failures Hux.” I looked up at his looming figure and then back to Hux to see the two men staring angrily at each other. Ren dropped my arm and tore from the room as Hux rounded the tabl stopping me from following behind the Commander. 

“You are dismissed,” Hux hissed in my face eyeing me, taking in my clothing and appearance. “But I don’t believe for a moment you were on mission for Ren, I think you are a traitor and I will do everything in my power to prove it.”

I clenched my teeth, “ And I think you are a pathetic man trying to make himself look better after his failures.” 

He turned and moved away form me clenching his teeth he yelled, “get out!”

Happily I complied leaving his office. 

Ren was not in the corridor and I sighed and spoke out loud, “where have you gone…” 

I walked the Corridors having no inclination where I was going, I opened the bond as wide as it would go, I could sense he was near and he had not shut off the bond but his emotions felt muffled somehow. 

Ren. I called to him silently. Where are you? Where do you need me to go?

There was silence and my temper rose. Don’t ignore me. You dragged me back here you at least owe me some answers. 

I owe you nothing. 

I laughed out loud causing a pair of TIE pilots to scurry quickly away from me. I wrapped my arms around myself, the thin linen I was wearing was not made for space travel, the cold of the ship was seeping into my skin. 

Fuck you. I called to him. If you didn’t want to talk to me why bring me back. 

There was no reply 

I clenched my teeth and walked towards the lift smashing a random button. I leaned on the backlit walls feeling hollow and like I was floating above myself. Yesterday my only worries were if there would be enough daylight hours to harvest moon flower pods. Now my mind would not stop trying to see all possible outcomes of me being back on this awful ship. 

The Supremacy, Snoke’s flag ship, the flying command centre of the First Order, it was overwhelmingly large, the largest ship ever made Dreadnaught class housing over two million troops and employees of the First Order. The lift came to a stop and I got off finding myself in an industrial are, I stepped off the lift and the noise around me was deafening. There were half constructed TIE fighters and transports, an enormous light engine was hoisted in the centre of the room mechanical engineers looked like small insects crawling over its surface. Sparks flew like rain around me as I moved through the busy machine floor in awe at the sheer size and magnitude of the operation. All of these people, all loyal to the first order, and so many more on other planets. I wondered what they thought of the planet killer laser. I thought of all of the dead stormtroopers left on Takodana and I frowned. Where had my conscience come from all of the sudden. I swallowed the heavy feeling that settled in the back of my throat. 

“You can’t be here.” An orange clad engineer stepped toward me, “you don’t have the proper clearance. He paused and his eyes rounded as he stepped closer realizing who I was. “Mistress, it is not safe for you down here. Commander Ren would not want you here.”

“No?” I raised a brow, “where would the Commander want me then?”

He shifted uncomfortably, “Uh, Mistress?”

I sighed, “If I were to need directions to where I would most likely find the Commander where might I look?” I folded my arms cocking my hip to the side. 

His features evened out and he smiled at me his face was kind, “you would find his quarters on the upper levels with the other higher-ups. This ship is a beast here let me show you the map.”

He pulled out his data pad and showed me the route. I smiled at him and for a moment his own grin faltered when I gave him my thanks, “y-you’re welcome Mistress. If ever you need anything you know where to find me.”

I nodded my head and moved back to the lift following his instructions and I found myself in the correct place. The engineer knew the floor were I would find Ren’s quarters but he did not know which room it was. I was hoping I would be able to sense something. I could have easily bridged the gap between Ren and I with our bond but for a man who wanted me back here so badly he was quick to leave me behind earlier and I wouldn’t be the first one of us to reach out again. 

I rounded the next corridor to meet with a stony face I had never seen before. He paused before me he was as tall as Ren his eyes were a stony blue and his hair was greying. His chin lifted slightly as he looked down upon me his back ramrod straight he raised a brow almost elegantly, “you must be Commander Ren’s… Witch.”

My mouth tightened, “and you are?”

“Allegiant General Enric Pryde.” His expression didn’t change nor did he seem to take any offence that I did not know who he was.

“Pleasure Sir,” I let a smirk spread over my face, “perhaps you could assist me.”

His brows rose nearly comically. 

“It appears I am meant to roam this ship until I am old and grey because I have been left with zero instructions…” I sighed words tumbling from my mouth before I could stop them, “Hux’s idiocy pissed off Ren entirely and he is stars knows were and I have no clue what I am supposed to be doing now. I’m roaming the corridors like some lost moon pup and it’s pissing me off…”

A smile curved on the corner of his mouth.

I stopped and sighed. 

“I can see why Ren likes you.” I had a hard time hiding my surprise. “Follow me let’s find you something useful to do.”

I smiled at him, “Well Alligant General Pryde, I can see why you are the man in charge, you are the only one with manners around here.”

He chuckled, “well these children have not seen what I have, nor have they had the training I have. I served under the Emperor, things were very different under his rule and Vader’s command.”

I nodded. “I’m sure it was.”

I walked along side of him down the corridor back the way I came, “you disagree?” He asked his tone even. 

“I have no opinion either way.” I replied. 

“I find that hard to believe, from my understanding you have an opinion about everything.” He mused. 

I grinned up at him, “no, you are not wrong,” I sighed, “my opinion is not popular.”

“Enlighten me.”

“I lived on Lothal, I was born there I worked in the Mines employed by the First Order. When the Empire was defeated they put out of work, starving poor it was a dark time for them, my family. The Republic had no need for dooinium for starships and they were well under prepared to support the entire galaxy after the downfall of the Empire.” I recalled the stories my family told, “I was a child when the first order had employed the mine again and there had been relief like none other in out village.” The Aligant General did not respond so I continued testing my ground, “while I don’t agree with destroying entire planets of innocent people, I do believe that the First Order has helped many poor planets who were left in ruins.”

He nodded, “so you did not agree with the Starkiller laser.”

My guts clenched, “can you sense the force sir?” I asked. 

He shook his head, “no, I cannot.”

“Then you can’t understand what it was like then, to feel that many lives extinguished all at once, it was like a black hole in the force a void even. It is not a pleasant feeling.” I frowned 

“You are an assassin are you not?” He asked his tone even, not accusing. 

“I am.”

“Yet you oppose killing?” I looked at him and his eyes were piercing into me. 

“I am not opposed to killing those who deserve it.” This was true. 

“Who decides that though, I understand as a Nightsister vengeance is burned into you but who decides who is deserving of vengeance the coin purse?” I felt like I had been struck physically by his words yet they had been so calmly spoken. He was not wrong either. 

“The Supreme leader wants to usher in a new era and the Republic stands in the way of that. The methods may not be agreeable but there will be a new era of peace in the Galaxy once the Republic is put down once and for all.” His words held a poignant truth. 

“I hope your right.” I looked up at him. We stepped into the lift again and it began to move, “I have seen many things and the Empire, the first Order even the Republic are all guilty of using any means necessary for the greater good of their cause. Without thought as to who will be left after the fighting stops. All of the people who have lost something or someone will be left to either take up arms against the winning side or join them. All we can hope for is to be stronger than our enemies.”

The Aligant General looked down upon me and his eyes softened, “I do see why the Commander pushed for you to be at his side.”

I furrowed my brows.

“General Hux has been pushing for you to be brought back to Dathomir.”

“Well,Hux is an idiot.” I shook my head anger licking up my throat. I would not go back to Dathomir unless I had a death wish. 

The General laughed, “I share your sentiment.”

“Thank you Alegant General.”

“Please,” his eyes softened, “call me Enric.”

I raised a brow, “what will they say?”

“I am sure they will say a lot of things but you remind me of someone I knew a long time ago.” He paused a sad look in his eyes, “my , she was killed , many years ago.”

I put my hand on his arm, “I am sorry Enric, it is hard to lose someone you love please I want you to call me Katalana.”

He nodded. The doors opened to the bridge, and there before me stood an unmasked Ren. His eyes moved between Pryde and I then fell to my hand on the General’s arm. He stiffened. 

“Good, I thought you might be here.” It was Enric. “You might do well to keep track of Katalana, there are those here that may not be so friendly.” 

His words surprised me but I pocketed the questions for later. 

Enric turned to me, “I will see you again, stay close to Kylo Ren.”

“Thank you Enric.” I smiled softly up to him. 

He moved onto the Bridge without looking back. 

“What was that?!” Kylo hissed. 

“What was what?” My mouth tightened.

“You know what? Is the Aligant General your new best friend?” He frowned. 

“Don’t be that way, you left me to wander this monstrosity of a ship alone.” I whispered when I noticed the stares. 

“You could have called out to me.” He argued. 

“First of all I did, second I shouldn’t have to Ren, you dragged me back here.” I snarled at him. 

“Don’t start.” His tone held a warning that I chose to ignore. 

“You know what Fuck you.” I crossed my arms, “take me to my room so I can be pissed off by myself.”

He chuffed, “that’s a first.”

I ignored him crossing my arms unable to look at him not just because if I did I would want to reach out and touch the scar and ask him a thousand more questions and I wasn’t ready to forgive him yet. 

He sighed and ushered me back to the lift, I was getting tired of the lift already. The ride was silent, I felt him reach for me through the bond but I slapped him away with invisible tendrils. 

He stiffened beside me but didn’t say anything. I memorized the path down the same corridors I had just met Enric and we found my room. He opened the door and let himself in ahead of me. He turned to me crossing his arms under his chest looking at me expectantly. 

“What?” I asked too tired to spar with him today. 

“Are you still mad then?” He questioned. 

“What do you think?” I moved and stepped around him looking at the room it was large and private. It was self sufficient not as large as the rooms on Starkiller and I paused, “wait… these are your chambers.”

“Not just mine.”

“Why?” I narrowed my eyes. 

“It is safer this way.” He was keeping his tone even and though he was not closing the bond to me I could sense he was trying to keep his emotions to himself. 

“Safer…” I let the words linger in the air. Safer… for who? Surely not me, I could take care of myself. “I take it I will not have freedoms.”

“You are free to roam the ship.” He began, “when I am here.”

“And when your gone?” My heart beat fast I would be stuck in this room I was sure of it. 

“When I am gone on mission you will join me.” My brows pulled together, “no matter what you think Katalana, I did not betray you.”

I turned from him and sat on the soft grey sofa closing my eyes and leaned back against the pillows. My body ached, the hay bed I had been sleeping in these last weeks was nothing compared to the softness of this sofa and the way my name fell from Kylo’s lips did things to me that where angering my better judgment. 

“Excuse me if I find that hard to believe.” I closed my eyes I heard him move to the chair across from me unclasping his cloak and placing it over the back as he did so. 

“Why did you run?” He asked the softness of his voice surprised me. 

I didn’t open my eyes unwilling to meet his gaze, “I told you that before Kylo. I won’t keep saying it, you left me I just moved away instead of following you.”

“Why?”

Now I did open my eyes casting him an incredulous gaze, “you are really asking me that?”

He didn’t say anything he just looked at me waiting patiently and I sighed, “fine, I guess we’re doing this…”

I kicked my boots off and folded my feel beneath me how would I even start this conversation, so much had happened since when I left and chose not to return until now. Not just physically but in my mind too I had basically watched him grow under his uncles watch in The Force Echoes of the destroyed Jedi school, I saw his pain and agony while I struggled with my own. 

“I ran Kylo because even if I try not to, I care for you a lot more than I should and I know it is stupid and maybe it is because of the bond but either way I do.” I met his eye and he looked like I had punched him. 

I shook my head “I know,” I raised my hands in front of me, “don’t worry I already had this conversation with myself. I told you how I felt about everything when you found me though the bond weeks ago. I had given up.”

“You gave up.” He repeated my words, I couldn’t read his expression. 

“I gave up on everything I ever wanted and resigned to the life that I might have there if I was not longer the Red Witch.” I shrugged, I hated that I did maybe that is why it was so easy for me to go with him when he found me. 

“That doesn’t make sense,” he crossed one leg over the other resting his chin upon his fingers as he leaned on the arm of the chair. “Why would you want to give up all of your power, all the power we could have together?”

Together. The word rang in my ears

“I didn’t think you wanted that anymore. That you wanted me when that girl came along.” I couldn’t keep the sneer out of my voice. 

He watched me carefully, “why would you think that she could ever replace you.”

“You left me.” My voice was quiet.

“I never intended to.” He lifted his chin dropping his hand to his knee. 

“Neither did Rylan.” I couldn’t meet his eyes, “and we barely know each other. We spend weeks together mostly having sex. Sure we had some deep conversations but mostly we tried to maim one another, hurt each other Or kill each other sometimes I was never sure which.”

He was silent for a moment before he spoke, “you are different now.”

I chuckled darkly, “I am Kylo, I was different the moment I left Dathomir. I won’t be that creature anymore. I cannot not live up to the expectations of the woman you have in your head anymore the depths of my own depravity won’t allow it. I am something else entirely.” 

“I see.” 

I wanted to strangle him, “say something more than I see.”

“What do you want me to say?” His tone was clipped 

“I want you to say care about me too that you finally came to find me because you felt something for me and not just because I am your possession!” I felt my voice wobble.

His eye twitched as he looked at me silently then looked anywhere but at me. 

I was breathing hard now my heart was pounding I could feel tears in my eyes again and I was cursing this entire conversation I should be stronger than this, “Say something.” I urged my chin trembled.

His eye flicked down to it and he didn’t look away.

I closed my eyes, he told me more why his silence than he could have with any words I looked down to the floor between us biting the side of my cheek hoping I wouldn’t start crying again. I was foolish all along to think that I meant anything to him, even after everything he said to me on Starkiller before I left, it was all placate me so I would do as he asked. I was a weapon and a toy, how foolish of me, Mother Talzin was right all along.

I steeled myself for the hundredth time that day and stood like the fool I had been all along and closed off my heart for the last time. “I am sorry for wasting your time Commander.”

He looked like he wanted to say something but resigned himself. I walked into the bedroom and closed the door behind me I stepped into the refresher and stripped my clothes and turned the water on in the shower and stepped under the already steaming liquid. Once under the water I let my tears fall at least there I could lie to myself and deny that they were not tears. I could allow myself to think that my sorrow would be washed away with the dirty water down the drain. I cried like I did in the Night Buzzard, I cried like I did all of those years ago when Rylan was killed I cried because I knew that I was an idiot and I cared about someone who could never love me and that hurt more than any wound that I had ever endured. 

Even though Ren had not closed the connection between us and I knew he could feel every emotion that poured out of me and still I felt nothing from him. It was like he was barely there. 

“Witch.” His voice cut through the steam and I turned to see him standing in the refresher his eyes the sad eyes of the child Ben I had seen when his mother had left him on Chandrila. “I care for you more than you know.”

Then he left leaving me in the shower my tears sliding down my face now for another reason entirely.


	19. Retrospection

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Everything comes to light, finally Kylo’s understands

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ***A/N trigger warnings for violence, blood 18+ This chapter came together pretty fast and it’s the last Chapter with sad Katalana (thank goodness)

Bored.

That was the only word for it. 

I was one hundred percent irrevocably unrecognizably bored out of my ever-loving mind. 

Apparently, Ren was grounded like a child which meant if he didn’t go anywhere than neither did I. Hux had been called away on mission and Kylo was practically foaming at the mouth because of it. So far, I had been lucky enough to avoid the wrath of the so-called Supreme Leader. 

For now.

I suppose I should have been grateful but right now I all I could manage to be was extremely irritated. 

Ren’s directive since he had returned with me from Chandrila was to meditate on the occurrences on Starkiller. Things he could have done differently and things that had gone well, and as far as I could tell everything that could have gone wrong did, and Snoke had taken command of all further operations in regard to the First Order. The Supremacy ran like a well-oiled machine, and the only credit I could give Snoke was that he seemed to take the disaster of Starkiller and wield it to his own advantage. Hux had been sent to destroy the Resistance base in retaliation and as far as I could tell the operation came together rather quickly.

Although Kylo had told me cared for me in some vague capacity he had barely spoken to me since then. With the pair of us practically locked in his chambers like a prison cell it was becoming seemingly more and more difficult not to lash out in rage at him or at any random droid that crossed my path. The only thing that held me back was the possibility of being dragged before the Supreme Leader. It had been a week since Kylo had stood in the refresher and told me cared for me then left just as awkwardly, we spend each night sleeping on opposite sides of his massive bed staring in different directions and one of us was always out of bed before the other in the morning and I practically climbed the walls of our quarters as he just sat there all day and most of the night meditating. 

On the seventh morning of monotony I was eating some dried fruit and nuts while sipping on my fourth cup of caf watching him him meditate from a plush leather chair my leg thrown over the side of the arm. In a bid to entertain myself I had taken to periodically tossing nuts at him every few minutes to see if I could gather a reaction out of him, so far I had no luck but I had hit him in the forehead the last two times. I sighed and set my bowl down my half empty mug beside on the table and dusted my hands on my leggings. I crossed my legs under me mimicking his meditation position and as I watched him intently, I pushed my fingers tentatively down the bond. He was in a thin shirt and a loose pair of trousers his feet bare. I could see the sheen of sweat on his face as his brows were furrowed in concentration.

Stop.

His words were so quiet in my mind so muffled and I furrowed my brow, this is how it had been since I had been back, since we had shut the bond between us for so long. Most of the time now it was like we were speaking to each other though a closed door when before it was as though he was an extension of my mind.

How come the bond feels dampened? I tested the invisible bond it still felt strong beneath my fingers, almost more so than it had been before Takodana strangely.

He sighed and opened his eyes to meet mine. “You are distracting me from my task.”

I pursed my lips and shrugged, “You still didn’t answer my question.”

He stood and stretched, “It doesn’t feel muffled to me,” he closed his eyes and tilted his head to the side, “Say something to me.”

I recited a dirty limerick I had heard once many years ago from a Twi’lek trader.

A smirk raised on the corner of his mouth and he opened his eyes, “No I can hear you loud and clear.”

“Hm,” I muttered, “So strange, to me it sounds like there is a wall between us, I can still hear you it is just… quieter than before. I struggle sometimes to hear you or to even find you.”

He frowned again as he stepped towards me picking up my discarded cup of half drunken caf and bringing it to his lips. 

I opened my mouth to protest but he curled his hand around the cup and sat opposite of me on the sofa crossing one leg over his knee daring me with his eyes to object in retaliation for tossing my food at his head for the last half hour, “Why do you think that is?”

I shook my head, “I don’t know, at first I thought you were just choosing to school your emotions, but then I realized you are not that good. To not share a single emotion for days on end seems rather unrealistic. Then I reached out and I could sense them if I concentrated hard enough, it is easier if you are near. It is so strange it’s almost like a shield. You haven’t done it have you?”

He lifted a brow at my mind vomit, “No, but you give me too much credit for my mind skills you know as well as I do that my emotions are not something, I am able to control. And no, I have been an open book since your return just like I told you before I would not shut you out.”

I had to look away from his intense gaze, I had been trying to distance myself physically from Kylo since I had returned, and our cramped arrangements were not helping. We did not have the luxury of two bedrooms on this ship, I was fairly certain I would be told no if I requested separate rooms, so I had not even bothered. He had not pushed me either sensing my need for space, he did not press me for anything remotely sexual since my return. We had not even spoken about Jet or the girl. I could not bring myself to say her name, the thought of her sent a heavy feeling through me I couldn’t possibly even speak it out loud.

“…Katalana?” Ren was looking at me intently, I had not been listening to him too caught up in my own thoughts.

I blinked.

“You have not heard a word I said, have you?” he looked mildly amused.

I smirked, “You can’t get mad at me I’m going crazy just sitting here hour after hour staring at you while you meditate.”

He sighed and drained the rest of the caf and looked into the empty cup his mind had gone somewhere else, but I could not hear what he was thinking through the bond it was too muffled even at this close proximity.

Before I even realized what, I was doing I crossed the space between us, and I stood before him. He looked up at me and surprise flashed across his features he uncrossed his legs and I found myself standing between his thighs. Slowly, tentatively I reached out and touched his temple my calloused palm touched the soft skin there and his thoughts came rushing through me like there were my own. Gooseflesh spread through me all at once at the intensity of them, his emotions. I gasped and my knees went weak beneath me Kylo’s hands came to my waist to steady me as he sat forward his breath hot on my face. My eye fluttered shut as every emotion poured into me, I was like a hungry man at a feast. I took everything in, every emotion and every thought that I had missed since my return. I could feel his concern that he had failed his mission, I felt his regret over the destruction of Starkiller. I felt his anguish over leaving me on Takodana, his fear that I had been killed. I felt his rage at Cardo, but he would not let me see why. I felt the relief that I was back with him and I felt something else too I felt sadness a deep gutted sadness that had not been there before.

“Kylo…” my voice was breathier than it had been before, “I can feel everything, everything that I had not been able to feel before.” My eyes fluttered closed and I felt a pain cut through me so much like the pain I carried inside of my heart that was specifically saved for Rylan. “Your father…”

I saw his jaw flex, “It was necessary for my training, Supreme leader- “

“Ugh!” I scoffed and removed my hand from his temple and his mind closed off from me again, “he knows nothing Kylo, he has been using you your entire life!”

“You know nothing.” He countered narrowing his eyes.

“You forget I learned about your past on Chandrila. I would go every night to that broken temple and let those Force Echoes show me everything. I saw how Snoke lead you along by a thread, how he twisted the truth to make you see what he wanted you to see.”

His had shot out and he grabbed me as I tried to move away form him, “You do not know what was in my mind, you do no know everything by watching snapshots of my life. I could feel the pull of the light side, as strongly as I feel the pull to the dark. It leaves me conflicted.”

“So?” I looked at him eyes wide.

“How can I follow in Vader’s footsteps, if that happens?” His voice started to rise.

Mine did too, “Follow in his footsteps?” I scoffed, “To what and early grave?”

“Don’t” he started but I interrupted.

“No, he lost everything Kylo, I will never dissuade you from using the darkside never, but there is nothing wrong with having a conscience. There is nothing wrong with realizing that some of the things the First Order does are not morally sound.”

He grabbed my wrist and as his flesh connected with mine his emotions shot through me again like a hot knife. He was angry with me, but I also felt the conflict within him too. I felt the confusion at his emotions and even my words.

“It is not that simple.” He said his eyes unable to meet mine.

“Why not?” I asked.

“Snoke is my Master, he is the Supreme Leader of the First Order, I must follow his orders my conscience has nothing to do with it. I am a soldier Katalana.” He did look at me now and I knew he needed me to see eye to eye with him I could feel that he needed me to be on his side.

“Han Solo was your father,” I said softly.

He curled his lip as he now met my eye, “I don’t see you bending over backwards to make contact with either of your parents.”

I stiffened and tried to pull away from him, but he was too strong, and his grip tightened almost painfully.

We stared at each other in silence for a moment before I finally broke it my voice coming out harsher than I had intended already knowing the answer to my own question but saying it just to prove my own point, “Did killing Han Solo stop the pull to the light then?”

He dropped my arm and stormed away from me and into the bedroom without sparing me a look, I could only imagine the look on his face.

I did not follow him. 

I took the empty mug he left on the sofa and set it on the table next to my bowl. Heaving a sigh I sat heavily in my chair as I thought of the silver haired man I had briefly met on Takodana. I rubbed my face with my palms as I thought of the man that looked at me with a sort of fondness and understanding when he realized I cared for his son, that I too had been hurt by him. I could not help the sadness from clouding my thoughts. The way he held an understanding of what it was like to be left in the wake of Kylo Ren. 

I moved around the room restless now picking up the nuts that I had thrown at Ren unable to remain idle. My thoughts moved to his Mother. I recalled the hopeful look in her eyes when she took my hands into hers and the love, she pressed into me with her embrace right before she let me go free. Maybe she was the reason that I had not returned to Kylo, maybe she made me need to understand what turned the boy Ben into the mighty Kylo Ren. Maybe I needed to understand how a mother who loved her son so much had been able to turn away from him.

“WHAT!” Kylo’s voice bellowed from the bedroom and I cringed. Perhaps my thoughts had been too loud he had heard all of them and he came back into the room just as fast as he had left. His clothes gone a towel was wrapped hastily around his waist. Water pooled at his bare feet, both his chest and his hair dripping; he had been in the shower. I realized too late that I was indeed thinking too loudly. 

“Fuck.”

I had been planning on telling him about my run in with General Organa and Han Solo but there had never been a moment and it seemed like it would only cause conflict and if I was going to completely honest, it felt like it had been so long ago that I was not sure how he would react and now I could tell I had been holding off on saying something for a reason.

“Kylo, calm down I was going to tell you.” I backed away from him, the look in his eyes was murderous.

He stepped towards me again, “When?”

“I don’t know!” I yelled back my heart pounding in my throat.

“When did you see them!?” his eyes were blazing into my own my breath hitched at the intensity.

“On Takodana, after you left, I was surrounded by Resistance fighters, I was injured and my head wasn’t on right, I ran right into the middle of their ships.” I was not frightened of him, but I did feel like I should have told him sooner. My mistake had been waiting and now it seemed like I was hiding it from him.

A strange look passed over his eyes, “What did she say to you?”

I stepped towards him trying to decipher what he was thinking what that look meant, “I can show you. If you want to see it.”

He licked his lips and nodded his head not saying a word to me, but I could feel his intense need to see for himself what happened. I reached up and touched my hand to the side of his face the green mists of my Magicks swirled first around my fingers and then swirled around us and we were back on Takodana. The smell of smoke and death still heavy in the air momentarily swirling dread within me taking me back to that day to all the emotions that had filled me. I had to swallow the ache at the back of my throat, momentarily taken back by the memory, my heart picked up in my chest. Before I could even realize what was going on, I watched my broken form burst through the trees voices yelling in the distance. The first thing I thought as I watched myself was how could I have been so covered in blood and still be alive. 

I heard Kylo take a surprised breath beside me as he saw my bleeding form. 

I left a trail of bloody footprints in the grass and dirt as I ran blood dripping from my fingertips leaving a trail like red rubies behind me. The look of surprise on the Rebel troops was almost amusing now as I watched the scene before me, they looked at one another unsure of what to do but as if they were of one mind as they lifted their blasters.

Kylo was so still beside me I turned to him sure that he wasn’t breathing. His face was ashen his mouth a straight-line slashing across his face. Nearby voices brought me back to the scene.

“Stop Her!”

“Someone Protect the General!”

I was surrounded by more troops than I remembered being there before. I watched myself in horror had I been so blind to not see exactly how outnumbered I was. 

“Stop her!” Dameron pushed through the crowed his blaster aimed at me.

“You!” My eyes were wild and slightly unfocused as blood dripped steadily from my fingertips and down my leg, I was horrified at my own appearance. I had a black bruise already on my face a cut on my brow that leaked blood down so close to my eye it must have burned, and my clothes were ripped and torn singed in some areas even.

“Do I know you?”

“I know you Dameron…” My eyes had widened as his blaster was now mere inches from my face.

Kylo cursed beside me his hands moving to my waist pulling me closer as if he could stop what he thought might happen.

The silence in the camp then was also longer and heavier than I recalled as they all looked at each other not sure how to proceed my eyes not once leaving Dameron. Murder in every mind.

“Who Is General Organa to Kylo Ren?” My voice rasped out angry full of venom I saw Dameron balk at my words. 

No one saw the General step around the the large transport Han Solo by her side and a golden droid trailing behind them. Kylo’s voice caught in his throat as she spoke, “I am his mother,” she pushed through the throng of people as they tensed but they did not stop her as they all let her pass with no question, “Who are you?”

The traitor pushed through the crowed roughly stopping to stand next to the pilot Dameron, “She is the Red Witch, she belongs to Ren.”

My bleeding self turned on him and I looked vicious, feral even, “I belong to no one traitor.” My voice rung off the trees my power in my words.

“You care for my son.” Organa’s voice stopped me from attacking I could see that now as I watched in awe of how her mere tone seemed to calm me. Only now realizing that she had used the force to make me do so.

“Why are you here? Did Ren send you to kill the General?” Dameron shot out his rapid-fire questions, Organa gave him a withering look that I had not seen the first time. I looked liked I was going to topple over at any moment, my pale face had a grey tone to it. I watched the scene seeing it so clearly now without the wild thoughts rushing through my head.

“They left…” Han Solo’s eyes bore into me kindly and I heard Ren take another breath and hold it, “He left you, didn’t he?”

I saw the tears in my eyes from where I stood, the dread, the hurt, the anger and I watched as my chest rose and fell rapidly the green magicks rising at my hands, willing to die to protect Ren even though I knew he had left me. General Organa’s hand lifted to mine resting there, “Let her go.”

Cries of protest erupted from all around and some went for their blasters in protest. Han Solo’s hand rose in demanding they all listen to the General.

“Are you crazy! She will go right back to Ren; do you have any idea what she can do? What he would do to get her back? And he took Rey! We could use her to get Rey back!” The traitor’s voice rung above them all.

Behind it all I could see me breaking, nearly giving up, giving in and then the General’s hands came to mine she was so gentle her hand moving up my arms, “let her leave,” her hand moved to my cheek, then pulled me to her and held me close to her chest. I could hear my own sobs as she held me to her. “let her go back to Ren.” 

She was looking over my shoulder to Han Solo they shared a meaningful look that lingered, and he nodded to her a small smile pulling at the corner of his mouth so much like his son did on occasion with me. Then as suddenly as I was in the camp, I was running out of it, a puddle of dark blood where I was once standing as I flew back into the trees. 

I let the memory fade and I turned to Kylo he was looking at me his eyes were wide and round his large hands came to my face.

“All I could think as I watched that was that I left you to my enemies and you looked nearly dead…” he looked me over as if he still expected to see my bleeding wounds, “How? How were you hurt so badly, it looked like… show me?”

I swallowed thickly, “Kylo, I am not injured anymore.”

“There was so much blood.” He reached for my linen top, his fingers were cold, and I tensed for a moment when his fingers hooked over the fabric. “Where?”

“I was shot,” I pointed to my bicep, “here,” and then I pointed to my thigh, “then here,” and then I pointed to my side, “Then here, that one hurt the most, it also bled the most.”

He pulled the shirt over my head his eye roving over me, it fell on the large blaster scar on my side, the tattoo was disrupted there, a smooth scar with jagged edges in its place as they met my unmarried flesh. His brows pulled together and he looked back up to me, “Did the bastard press it right into your flesh before he pulled the trigger?”

I laughed lightly, “No I surprised him.”

His eyes moved to the blaster wound on my bicep smaller than the one on my chest but it too scarred, they all had because it had been so long before they had been tended to properly. His fingers moved to my waistband and I stopped his hands with mine, “Kylo.” I shook my head, “I don’t think that is a good idea.”

“No leaving you on Takodana wasn’t a good idea, I should have never…” his eyes move to mine and I felt through his touch how truly sorry he was, before this moment he had never truly understood why I had felt so betrayed. Until now he believed it was because I was merely jealous not because he had left me in a sea of his enemies to die. “I need to see what I did to you.”

I could barely breath, my tongue felt like sand in my mouth the look in his eyes was one I had never seen before, for the first time I saw his true feelings for me. I nodded dumbly and he slid the trousers down my legs, and they pooled at my feet. The blaster wound on my thigh was large, not as large as the one on my torso, but it had torn open many times and had an awful time healing mostly because I refused to stay still long enough, or so Elane had told me, I didn’t quite recall.

My heart twinged at the thought of the older woman.

His fingers touched a ghostly touch over each wound tentatively, gently, a grim look etched on his face, he looked up to me barely able to meet my eye, “Forgive me Katalana.”

I felt like I had been punched in the gut the intent of his words fell over me and I shook my head, “I thought I wanted to hear you say that Kylo, for weeks I dreamt about it every night when I could even manage to sleep. It was all I thought about durning my waking hours as I watched the echoes at the temple ruins,” I paused as he fell to the sofa his knees weak his large hands resting at my waist he pulled me in front of him to stand between his knees as I spoke looking at his hazel eyes, “but I don’t want that.”

“What do you want Katalana?” his voice pulled at my soul the sadness hit me to my very core, “because there is nothing you could ask me for right now that I wouldn’t gladly give you?” his voice was soft, so full of intent.

“Kylo, you stupid ass, I have only wanted one thing and you know what it is.” I touched his face softly with my hand, my fingers cool against his cheek willing a smile onto my face.

You.

He pulled me against him wrapping his arms around my middle pressing his face into my chest, I moved my fingers though his wet hair and we stood like that for some time until I started to shake with cold, his wet hair and skin had soaked into my undergarments and when he pulled away his warmth too went with it, “Come Katalana I will take you to bed.”

“Kylo…” I started to protest.

“No.” He stood taking my hand, “you go nowhere without me ever again.”

I had expected him to take me to bed and do more than just sleep but that wasn’t the case I wasn’t sure if I was relieved or disappointed. Kylo removed my went undergarments then pulled me under the sheets and wrapped his arms around me tucking me under his chin his warmth seeping into me. I was captured in his arms and my heart was clenched in my throat at the intimacy of it. He didn’t speak to me as he held me but let his emotions flow into me and I was breathless from the ferocity of them. We lay there for a long time neither one of us speaking and neither one of us sleeping. I stared at the scar that trialed down his throat to his chest, I reached my hand between us and he pulled back slightly watching me carefully as my fingers edged closer to it. 

I hesitated slightly looking up to him finally breaking the silence, “Does it hurt?”

He shook his head but did not reply. My fingers brushed the skin around it on his chest it was still red, and it had to carry some morsel of pain that he did not admit. His flesh was hot under my fingers and the edge of the scar was puckered under my touch. 

“How did she do this?” I looked up to his eyes, “How did she best you Kylo? I have not come across anyone with skill like yours.”

He took a deep breath and he licked his lips before he spoke, “I was not prepared.”

My brows drew together, “Did she catch you by surprise?”

“In a way I suppose.” His eyes caught in the dim light a ghost of a smile on his face, “You won’t let this go, will you?”

“Have you ever known me to.” I said softly.

“No, I suppose you are right,” He rolled onto his back and put his hands beneath his head the blankets falling to his waist. I rolled to my side and pulled the same blankets to cover my breasts and reached out to touch him again to feel his mind better, “I had just killed Han Solo I put my lightsaber right through his chest and watched him fall into the bowels of Starkiller, and I only admit this because you can see into my mind anyway but it did not have the exact result that I was hoping that it would, I thought…”

“it would end the pull to the light?” I offered so he would have to say it.

He nodded.

“Kylo…” I trailed off as he met my eyes his eyes moving over my face like he was gazing at a painting.

He looked away from me and back to the ceiling, “I was shot by Chewbacca after Han Solo fell.” He was rubbing his flank and I could see the pink scar from the wound in his side. “I went after the girl I couldn’t let her escape, not after everything.”

I chewed on the side of my lip my eyes falling to that scar now too. 

“She was with the traitor, I needed to destroy them both it felt like the only way.” He was looking blindly up at the ceiling as he played it over in his mind’s eye. “But I was losing a lot of blood, I easily took out the traitor the idiot pulled a lightsaber on me, like he even stood a chance.”

I sat up straighter feeling his discomfort through the bond and looked down upon him as he continued to speak eager to hear what happened next, “The girl, Rey, she was better than I thought she would be, but she was untrained, raw I could sense the force within her with the proper training she could be a perfect asset to our cause.”

I frowned, “Do you think she even would.”

“I…” he looked to me his eyes sad, “I might have thought so but with you at my side, I can see how it should be. How easily she would have come if the Force had willed it so.”

“So, she is our enemy?” I asked my heart was pounding.

“I know,” he said reaching for me and pulling me on top of him, “that you are not my enemy, you are far from it.”

I let him push my head down on his chest and I listened to his heartbeat in my ear as he traced lazy circles on my back. “I know that I should have never left you on Takodana.” Slowly the circles he traced on my back moved lower and lower, his hand pushed the sheet down with it. My own heartbeat began to increase his hands becoming braver and braver with the amounts of flesh that he was touching. “I know, that I should have come looking for you as soon as we knew you were gone.” He traced the scar on my side and I felt a spike of anger flicker through him that I had been injured but I reached my hand up to his cheek at the thought and touched the scar there too letting my own rage flicker into him so he too knew that what happened to him was also unforgivable. “I won’t make those mistakes again.”

He reached up and put his hand over mine pulling it away from his face and placing it over his chest giving me a meaningful look as he let his emotions flood through me, and as we stared at each other in the dark bathing in one another’s rage the pair of us finally perhaps a flicker of what the Force had wanted us to feel, to become by giving us this bond. It was not a curse, or a punishment but a gift, we were two broken souls that apart might not be able to heal but together we could be complete.

I slid my body up his chest and my lips hovered over his mouth, our eyes not breaking contact as we met in the middle every inch of us pressed together. A whimper of relief erupted from me at the contact after so long and at that he was on me, our lips crashed together all of the passion that I missed all of the emotions that I had forgotten and all of the emotions that he had hidden from me now all washed over the both of us and it was overwhelming.

“Kylo.” I started to speak my voice heavy with emotion.

His hand cupped my cheek his thumb moved over my lips silencing my unspoken words, “Katalana you beautiful creature you, don’t think. Just put that smart mouth on mine and let me show you how much I care about you.” 

My eyes were wide as I nodded and let him pull me back into him. Every inch of our bodies was pressed together, every scar every bruise every part of him was beneath me and his hands worshiped me. 

My hair fell around our faces like a curtain like we lived in just that one small world of just him and I for that short moment. He pushed it over my shoulder and his hands slid down my back to my waist and he was moving. In that juncture he displayed in a perfect motion how much stronger he was than me by flipping me onto my back as though I weighed nothing and moved over top of me. He used his knee to push mine apart and settled himself between them. I could feel the hard length of him press into the apex of my thighs his naked flesh felt sinful against mine, but I could not take my eyes off of him. I dare not look away because there was a small part of me that worried this might be a dream because even though I was back here with him it was convinced that the only reason I was back was because I was just a possession. 

You are so much more than that. He spoke in my mind

He held himself over me just watching me, pressing against me his dark eyes pinning me, his words making heat pool between my thighs.

“You are everything.” He said his voice deep, “Together we are unstoppable, apart we…” He didn’t finish his thought, but he looked pained and again I felt his rage flare. “When I find who hurt you, I will destroy them. I will take that blaster and I will shove it so far down his throat he will be shitting plasma bolts.”

I laughed and pulled him to me, “while I appreciate the grand gestures Ren, I would rather have you fuck me until I can’t walk properly tomorrow.”

I grin spread on his face and he dove into me, I gasped at the sudden rough entry of his cock into my tight pussy, but it sent a jolt of heat through me as well and I met each and every one of his bone shattering thrusts. His hands moved to my hips pulling me roughly to him each time he thrust into me. I raised myself onto my elbows for better leverage and with each thrust he filled me so deeply it sent shivers into my spine and throughout my entire core. I tipped my head back and I heard Kylo’s deep moan as I clenched around him.

“Fuck I missed this.” I panted looking back up to him, “I missed you.”

His eyes looked nearly black his pupils had blown wide in desire his mouth open slightly as he continued his concentrated thrusts. The muscles in his shoulders rippled as he again pulled me closer to him unable to get close enough, he lifted my hips holding me completely off the mattress his fingers bruising the flesh on my hips. My moans of pleasure met with his own echoing off the walls but with each thrust the lurid slapping of naked flesh sounded even louder through the room.

“You feel so fucking tight,” he hissed as I clenched around him again, “You were made for me weren’t you witch?”

Seems that way. I said into his mind unable to speak out loud because his words sent a thrill straight to my core and I watched him smile down at me again my heart bursting at the sight. It had been so long I could already feel the rising orgasm building in my spine, and he knew it.

“Cum for me baby,” he whispered as he pounded into me harder than before, “cum on my fucking cock.” and I did, screaming his name. He kept thrusting slower this time his eyes were closed as he enjoyed the sensation of my pussy milking him through my orgasm. 

I had never felt at peace, never in my entire life I had always felt like I was warring with one thing or another but I realized as he was pumping into me and I could feel the wetness building again at his touch, that being with him was the closest thing to peace I had ever known. That the violence that he had within him was the same as the violence within me and that I would never give that up no matter what came. The violence we shared gave me a certain peace and I knew that I could never find complete solace without Kylo Ren and that thought did not frighten me in the slightest.

He placed me back on the bed and he came to hover over me his dark hair tickling my face as he pressed closer to me my eyes met with his and I could feel the unspoken words between us. Perhaps words neither of us would be able to ever say and that was ok. I didn’t need that I didn’t need words when between us there was more than that, I could feel everything laid out plain for both of us to see. I just needed him. I lifted my legs and wrapped them around his waist and pressed him closer to me and he gasped when I thrust my hips up to meet his, sheathing him completely with in me.

His eyes fluttered closed and his pressed his forehead to mine, “You don’t know what you do to me…”

I tangled my fingers into his hair and pushed my lips to his own brushing them lightly as I spoke into his mouth, “the same thing you do to me…”

My words undid him and again he thrust into me again and again and I met his every motion with my own. Our bodies were pressed so close together there was not a place where we weren’t touching my heart hammered in my chest as his emotions poured into me tears began to pool in my eyes and I could feel a wetness on my cheeks that did not come from me. I opened my eyes to see the tears in Kylo’s eyes as well and at the sight I clenched around him again. His eyes squeezed shut as I felt him shutter his release into me and his arms shook. We stayed there not moving our foreheads pressed together and our bodies still joined for some time before Kylo lowered himself beside me and I rolled into him, his arms coming around me.

Just like we had earlier we lay in each other’s arms not speaking or thinking most likely for the first time in our lives until sleep took us.

*~*~*  
When I awoke, I was hot and sweaty, and I had Ren’s sticky cum drying between my thighs he was still sleeping, and I watched him for a moment my eyes landing on the scar my rage flaring again slightly. I knew I would have forgiven him eventually I had just not realized it would be so soon, but it happened much like I had imagined it. I smirked to myself because I knew I couldn’t resist him for very long and apparently neither could he.

I stood and made it to the refresher and sighed as I hit the hot water washing the evidence of our coupling from my body and washing myself with his scent again. I spent longer under the hot jets than I normally did replaying the evening before in my mind, the words the revelations and of course the sex. I had to press my thighs together again tempted to reach between my own legs and imagine that it was his hands.

“All you have to do is ask.” His voice called from the other room and I chuckled as I turned off the water and wrapped myself in a towel. He walked into the room as I was drying my hair and he frowned, “You are done already?”

“Shower is all yours Commander.” I grinned cheekily. He placed a kiss on my forehead as he walked past me and into the shower, I blinked at the familiarity he had just showed me, but I shook it off and spoke again, “please tell me today we will get to leave these rooms.”

“I should be offended that you don’t want to stay in bed with me all day meditating.” I could hear the smirk in his voice.

“You and I both know we would not be meditating.” I leaned against the sink and turned to face the shower his form was silhouetted in steam through the glass doors.

“Today we have to meet with Pryde.” He said his voice tense suddenly.

I was glad I felt a kinship of sorts with Enric. “What for?”

“Hux is engaging with the Resistance this morning we will be paying close watch.” I could tell by his words that he was irritated. 

Rather than invading his thoughts I asked him, “Why are you angry?”

He shut off the water and stepped out of the shower taking a towel he began drying his hair as he stood next to me in all of his glory, I wetted my lips as I devoured his form with my eyes.

“You had your chance to join me Witch,” he teased and then wrapped the towel around his waist and turned to me with a sigh, “I should be there.”

“With Hux?” I asked.

He nodded, “I told Snoke that I should be there, but he disagrees.”

I stiffened at the Sound of Snoke’s name and I stepped from the refresher. “Well, Snoke is an idiot.”

“You need to be careful about what you say Katalana,” he followed me out of the room. “I know you do not like him very much, but he had eyes and ears everywhere and he does not take disrespect very kindly.”

“I don’t think that man has an ounce of kindness in his entire being.” I hissed as I started to dress choosing dark tunic and leather trousers. “And if you think for a minute just because he is your Master, I will show him any respect you are wrong.”

Ren pulled his trousers up and grabbed me by the arm, I looked up to him as he spoke his eyes held a token of fear in them, “I don’t care if you think he is the reason for all evil in the entire Galaxy you will take care you keep your thoughts to yourself when you are outside of these quarters.”

I blinked at his intensity, “Alight, alright you don’t have to get all pissy.”

He sighed, “Katalana I mean it.”

“I know.” I met his eye all joking aside I understood, I knew what it meant to show a lick of disobedience to the Supreme Leader, he beat me within an inch of my life and I would not soon forget that.

“You don’t,” he stepped towards me, “Snoke has made me destroy everything that has ever meant anything to me I will not allow him to do the same thing to you.”

“Ok, I’ll be good.” I licked my lips as I looked up at him.

He sighed but he still held some tension in his shoulders, “I believe you; I just don’t think you can help yourself.”

I laughed and picked up my brush and started pulling it through my hair.

“For now,” he started, “Just stay close to me and do everything I ask of you.”

I raised a brow as I began braiding my hair, “Yes Master.”

His eyes darkened a fraction as he finished dressing not taking his eyes off of me, the heat that filled me as he watched me was so intense it spread right through me and I threw my brush at him his brows raised in surprise as he deftly caught it.

“If you don’t cut it out Ren, we will never leave this fucking room so put your fucking Helmet on.” I snarled as he laughed at me but did as I asked


	20. Chapter 20. Retribution

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A visit with Snoke sends Katalana on a journey to the past.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ***a/n trigger warning, blood violence and depiction and talk of non con*** this chapter is epic and I am really excited to share it.

Chapter 20. Retribution 

We entered the lift and Ren turned to me, “You remember what we talked about?”

I nodded. He meant to keep my mind blocked to him and most importantly to Snoke. I could feel fear crawling up my throat, but I swallowed it down. It was hard for me to admit that fear, but I was going to use it to fuel my powers, that fear would be an extra layer of protection. Kylo had suggested I cloak myself in shadows during the meeting with Snoke, but I disagreed. Snoke would know I was there, and it would most likely cause more of an issue than standing out in the open. I could still recall the metallic taste of blood in my mouth from my last meeting with Snoke and I was not eager to repeat it. 

“I need you to keep your thoughts quiet. It will be hard for you Katalana I am positive he will not be saying anything you will enjoy hearing.” He turned to me and for a moment I thought he would reach for me but his hand merely fell back to his side. 

I calmed myself and checked my mental wards, I imagined them as thick walls of dooinium, impenetrable except by the toughest laser drills. I kept my Magicks ready and the force at my fingertips willing to defend myself if I needed to. 

Hux had returned from the disastrous mission to destroy the resistance base. He had indeed destroyed the base, but he had also lost one of the First Order Dreadnaughts. We had all experienced Snoke’s Rage as he let it reverberate through the force at the failure. We had all watched how he had Humiliated Hux in front of everyone and now Hux was meeting with Snoke. Kylo had been summoned now too and that did not bode well for either of us. So far, I had managed to stay clear of Snoke’s ire, but I was not going to allow myself to think that it would be forever.

The doors to the lift parted and I could see General Hux’s Straight back as Snoke was laughing darkly, “…Tied on a string indeed General Hux well done. The resistance will soon be in our grasp.”

My brows pulled together what trickery had Hux come up with now? I had expected to find Hux beaten and bleeding like I once had been, but it appeared as though he was getting praise from his Supreme Leader. Hux bowed to Snoke and turned to leave a smirk slowly spread on his face as Kylo strode into the room and closer to Hux. The General’s pale eyes fell to mine and he stopped behind me as I stood waiting at the edge of the room. He halted at my side his back still to Ren and he whispered into my ear. Bending over me his hot breath was in my ear, his voice held dark promise, “You should have stayed away poppet.”

He met my eye, and I knew better than to speak but I hoped he could see my own promise reflecting back into his eyes at his veiled threat. Hux smirked and chuckled to himself as he stepped onto the lift the doors closed with a hiss. An ominous feeling settling within me.

Snoke was seated on his throne before Ren who was kneeling on the dais, Kylo’s head was bent in submission and it made me prickle with anger. Snoke did not deserve his devotion. I looked up to Ren’s Master to find that his intense gaze was solely trained on me. I bit the side of my cheek and begrudgingly bowed my head, training my eyes to the floor.

“…How is your wound?” Snoke looked now to his pupil.

“It’s nothing.” Kylo’s words were clipped. A lie. He would not admit he was in pain to even me when I knew for certain that it was a lie, he would never admit it to Snoke.

“Hm… the mighty Kylo Ren. When I found you, I saw what all master’s live to see, raw untamed power,” Snoke stood and slowly made his way forward, my blood was simmering in my veins I could tell there was nothing good to come of this meet, “And beyond that something truly special. The potential of your blood line. A new Vader. Now I fear I was mistaken.”

Kylo looked up now meeting his master’s eye and so did I, spewing invisible daggers from my eyes. It took all of my will power not to reach out to attempt to sooth Kylo’s mind.

“I’ve given everything I have to you,” Kylo spoke his voice intent filled with unspoken emotion, “To the dark side.”

Snoke snarled as he stood before Kylo, “Take that ridiculous thing off.” 

Kylo reached up slowly the hiss of his helmet releasing was nearly as loud as my heart pounding in my chest. He set it down next to his bent knee and looked up to his master. I had sudden flashbacks to the temple on Chandrila, to the boy Ben looking expectantly to his Master as a child and I had to bite down on the side of my cheek tasting the metallic tang of blood in my mouth.

“Yes, there it is.” Snoke’s eyes staring intently, “You have too much of your father’s heart in you, young Solo.” Snoke turned smoothly and stepped away.

“I killed Han Solo,” Kylo’s voice was hard, sharp, too intent, “when the moment came, I didn’t hesitate.”

Snoke spun back on him his eyes like cold death and fury, “And look at you. The deed split your spirit to the bone. You were unbalanced bested by a girl who never held a lightsaber!” His words stung Kylo to the bone it was all I could do not to intercede, “You failed!”

I flinched at the words.

Kylo stood abruptly and Snoke raised his hand just as fast, force lightning bursting from his fingers knocking Kylo off his feet sending him sliding closer to me. The red guards pointed their weapons in his direction, and I stepped forward his name sliding from my lips. Snoke’s eyes shot to mine pinning me to the spot with the Force. Fear engulfed me but he turned his gaze back to Kylo as he squeezed me in his invisible grasp.

“Skywalker lives. The seed of the Jedi Order lives,” Snoke walked slowly towards his throne his guards easing back, “and as long as it does hope lives in the galaxy. I thought you would be the one to snuff it out.”

Snoke sat his eyes flashing to me poignantly then back to Ren, “Alas you are no Vader. You’re a child in a mask.”

I snarled unable to contain myself any further, I stepped forward to Kylo somehow breaking Snoke’s grip on me and knelt at his side taking a defensive stance my hand hovered over my sabre. Kylo’s eyes snapped to mine and the fury that burned in them took my breath away, but I did not move.

Snoke observed me and narrowed his eyes his lip curled, “What do you hope to do here Witch? Did you not learn from when last we met? I will gladly teach you another lesson, I think the both of you could do with the reminder.”

I could not ease the anger in my eyes, but I turned away from him easing my hand away from my sabre and to Kylo’s bicep with the intent to help him stand. He pushed me away I barely caught myself from falling. 

I should have known better. 

“Get to my quarters.” He growled at me as he stood brushing the invisible dust from his trousers. I stood and squared my feet, my eyes falling on Kylo and we battled silently with each other. His words from earlier falling now on deaf ears. I fought with myself not to burst through the mental walls between us and scream into his mind, to ask him if he did not see the hideous games Snoke was playing with his mind. Did he not see the levels of manipulation that had been weaved into his very soul?

Fuck this.

Kylo felt me beginning to lower my barrier and he grabbed me by my upper arm and dragged me away from Snoke.

“Don’t you dare.” He hissed at me; his eyes bore into mine, his back now to Snoke. There was something akin to fear in his eyes, fear wrapped tightly in a blanket of rage. 

I looked to Snoke who only outwardly observed us with mild interest, like two stinking swamp rats scuttling at his feet. I allowed Kylo to pull me to the lift. Turning to look over my shoulder I narrowed my eyes at Snoke who was waiting… Waiting for me to react, I could sense it. When the lift doors closed, he was visibly shaking with rage.

“Are you alright?” I said carefully. I was so filled with rage at Snoke’s words that I could barely take a breath. His words were uncalled for and said only to make Kylo question himself, thrown at him just to feed his rage. However, I knew that if I was filled with this unadulterated rage whatever Kylo was feeling was a thousand times stronger.

“What the fuck were you doing!” he yelled. His eyes were filled with such fury that they looked black, his breath was coming short like he had been running.

I folded my arms across my chest and tilting my chin up, not allowing him to take his rage out on me.

His eyes met with mine and then he looked back to the Helmet, his breath coming now in ragged gasps. There was barely a blink of an eye before he lifted the helmet above him and slammed it into the wall of the lift right beside my head. My heart skipped a beat and my rage rose impossibly because in that one moment I wasn’t truly sure if he had been going to hit me and changed his mind at the last second. 

“This is exactly what Snoke wants Kylo.” I took a step towards him trying to calm myself hoping it might calm him too, I was never really concerned that Kylo would hurt me, not really, but in that moment the way his eyes landed on mine I was not entirely sure

“Be quiet!” He bellowed at me and pushed me away again this time with the force. My head snapped back painfully against the wall of the lift much like his helmet had moments ago. My rage flared now. How dare he treat me like this? Just because Snoke had berated him? Did he not see I was the only one on his side?

“Fuck you!” I called back reaching my fingers to the back of my head feeling the dampness of my own blood on them, “Don’t take this out on me Ren, you have no right!”

He was quiet for a moment his eyes falling on the red staining my fingers before his rage erupted in a way that I had never seen. I had nearly forgotten how all-encompassing his rage could be, how it bled into the world around him, how it could radiate off him in black tendrils of hate, and right now his hate was turned inward at himself. With his unbridled rage he let loose all of his darkened emotions physically on the helmet in his hands. It met with the backlit wall of the lift again and again and again as he held me in the grasp of his powers. Glass and metal raining down around me and I allowed it. I allowed it because I wasn’t genuinely certain he would not slam that helmet into me if I taunted him again, and I was so angry that I was not sure I wouldn’t. Over and over the black metal came to the wall, glass littering the floor of the lift. Lights flickering. The doors to the lift hissed open signalling our arrival at his selected floor and still he continued to rage. Finally, when his rage had dissipated his breath was ragged and his dark hair was stuck to his face with the sheen of sweat that clung to him. He dropped the ruined helmet to the ground, his eyes pinning me to the spot, his rage had consumed him, and I did not recognize the beast that now met my gaze. He dropped his hold on me and didn’t even try to reach for him. I dropped my barriers waiting for him to do the same, Kylo stormed out of the lift and yelled at two unsuspecting officers I felt his mental guards drop too in a silent message.

“Prepare my ship.” And he stormed off down the hallway away from me not turning back to look at me. 

I bent carefully and picked up the Helmet looking at the disfigured metal, a smirk spreading over my lips. I further opened the bond throwing it wide my anger flaring with it.

I hated that Helmet anyway.

Even through the muted bond I could feel his anger. Not now Witch.

Try me Ren...

I felt Kylo’s surprise flood me; he was genuinely confused why I was angry with him, but he had moved too far away now, and I could not reach his mind any longer. I was not going to our Quarters. I was not going to sit there and wait around for him to come back like a good little girl. 

I instead headed to the bridge, which was a flurry of movement, there was something more at play here, I was surprised to see the raging battle that was going on outside the ship. I looked out through the enormous glass before me to see the entire fleet of the First order setting upon a small fleet of Resistance vessels. General Pryde was watching the clash stoically his arms grasped behind his back, I made my way to him. He turned to meet my gaze and nodded a brow raised in question when he noted the crumpled metal in my hand. I offered him no explanation.

“Looks like this could get exciting.” I offered.

“It appears like this day has already been rather exciting.” He smirked down at me, “Hopefully it is not too terribly more exciting however, General Hux is treading very thin ice already.”

“Snoke is allowing him to run another mission after his failure with the Dreadnaught?” I was surprised and I let it display on my face. I was also angry after Kylo’s berating. How could Hux get away with what he did and Kylo had been humiliated. 

Pryde huffed in muted amusement. He felt the same way about Hux as I did, apparently. Enric looked at me from the corner of my eye, “I take it you are here to watch over your Master.”

“It was this or sit in my quarters twiddling my thumbs.”

He sucked on his teeth then spoke, “I take it Commander Ren’s meeting with Snoke did not go well.”

I clenched my teeth, “The only casualty was this,” I held up the chunk of metal, “Which I am not sad to see go.”

He tried to hide his laugh behind a cough his hand coming to his mouth.

I turned my attention back to the battle outside as a rather large cannon blast shook me from our conversation.

I watched as the much smaller Resistance ships evaded the much larger First order cannons, and the TIE fighters that pursued them. My eye falling on one in particular. I had never seen Kylo’s personal fighter, but even if it had not been a different model than the other TIE’s I would be able to pick it out, I could sense it. I could sense him. It moved masterfully through the other ships and debris, hitting each target in its wake, it was beautiful at the ease that it moved. I held my breath as he neatly avoided the photon blasts from the deployed x-wing fighters as he weaved through their formations. Soon his ship was too small for me to track as it weaved and bobbed heading closer to the larger resistance vessels. It headed straight for the enemy freighter and singlehandedly his squadron took the ship, it exploded in a ball of fire. It seemed to happen like it was in slow motion, a strange sensation filled my guts with dregs of trepidation, I could see the ships turn and his squadron made its way back to the Supremacy.

Enric looked down at me again a wide grin on his face, “That was the ship that General Organa was rumoured to be on.”

I blinked.

“Hopefully the rumours where true, the resistance would be completely fractured if she was indeed dead.” He moved away from me and spoke to another officer. My heart was pounding in my chest, why did I feel this way? 

I stumbled away and made my way to the hanger, to Kylo. I reached out to him through the invisible tether that bound us together. He was too far to sense properly what he was feeling but whatever it was, jumbled in my chest. Urgently I made it to one of the many hangers on the Supremacy, hoping he was close enough now that it would make it easier for me to sense him. I burst through the door as he was just stepping from his TIE, his eyes met mine across the room. I felt frozen in place. His face could have been a new mask. A mask to replace the crumpled metal still in my hand. The chunk of twisted metal that felt like dead weight.

I stood rooted to the spot watching as he approached me. I opened my mouth to speak but he shook his head as he breezed past me. I closed my mouth and turned to follow him. The corridor was filled with madness, the return of the TIE’s squadrons and their pilots celebrations over sending the Resistance fleet to retreat was deafening. The entire space was filled with engineers and technicians all talking and yelling over one another. I could barely keep up with Kylo’s dark form pushing through the dense crowd. 

“Stop.” I called once we rounded the bend, and we were finally alone in the corridor.

He halted but did not turn to face me.

“Kylo tell me.” I didn’t want to push into his mind I wanted to hear his words.

He spun on me, the mask now slid away and I saw then I felt everything he did. I felt his conflict, his rage now gone replaced with something else entirely. He didn’t open his mouth, but I could hear the words in my mind.

Why do I keep feeling this way?

I shook my head answering his question out loud, “I don’t know.”

He closed his eyes.

“She is still alive.” I whispered. At my words his eyes shot open, and he grabbed me by my arm, and he pushed me through the nearest doorway. A supply room, a square box filled with spare TIE parts. Bits and bobs and a worktable in the centre the mechanics would use this room to do repairs small parts for the TIE’s.

“It doesn’t matter.” He hissed.

“It does though Kylo,” I looked away from him. “It does to you. I can feel it. I can sense she is not dead.”

His fury rose again, and his breath came fast. “It shouldn’t matter to me.”

I grit my teeth. Kylo was being obtuse, I hated Snoke more and more as each moment passed and I heard these words.

“How is this Snoke’s fault?” he hissed hearing my thoughts, his anger now turning towards me, “I made my own decision long ago to be… This.”

I put my hands out in front of me palms facing up, “Snoke is in your head, he is making you doubt yourself.”

“He is in all of our heads Katalana that is the fucking point! He just scolded me like a child for the conflict within me. Even after I killed Han Solo. He will know that I hesitated again.” He broke off.

I pulled my brows together, “Hesitated again? What do you mean?”

He roared and turned from me his hands gripping the worktable and flipping it over in his rage. Metal parts crashing onto the floor, my ears ringing from the loud noise in the small room. I jumped back as parts flew at me, my eyes flashing to his, my heart rate spiking.

“I could not fire my weapon once I knew my mother was on that ship!” His words hung in the air his chest rising rapidly like he had just run a marathon and in a way, I suppose he had. 

I could offer him no words, because I had none. Part of me was glad that he didn’t fire his weapon, yet there was a part of me that feared for that decision too. I feared what Snoke would do. I reached out for him and as my fingers brushed his hand his emotions flooded me, and I stumbled at the ferocity of them. It never ceased to amaze me at the intensity of his emotions as they coursed through me like electricity. My knees folded under me and I crumpled to the floor. His arms coming around me as he too followed me to the dusty floor. Our eyes met but neither of us spoke. I cannot say for how long we sat in silence on the cold metal floor of the mechanical room as we let our emotions roil over one another offering comfort in our silence.

“He might not know Kylo.” I met his eyes; they were like amber as they met mine. He was always filled with intensity and this was no exception. “There were so many ships. How could he know you did not shoot? I didn’t. Mask your thoughts, you are stronger than he gives you credit for.” My mind felt like a flurry my words came out in an equal jumble. I felt his fear and it was feeding my own I had to make sure he was safe; I would burn the entire galaxy to make sure he was safe no matter the cost.

He still didn’t speak. His eyes moved over my face as if to memorize it. He did not look away as he read my thoughts.

I stood slowly my knees wobbled and Kylo steadied me, soon following. He dusted of his uniform with a grim look on his face. I couldn’t stay here in this filthy room, I had to make sure that Kylo was safe. I had to make sure all of the steps had been taken, that no one had seen that he had not fired, and if they had I would be sure to destroy them.

“Katalana,” he reached for my hand as I made to leave pulling me closer to him again, “I am not afraid for me. Snoke may threaten to discard me, but he will not, I am after all Vader’s grandson, he cannot lose me. I understand where you are coming from, but you will only cause more suspicion with your rage.”

I frowned, “Then what Kylo? What do I do?”

He ignored my question his hand came up to my face cradling my cheek, I leaned into it as he spoke next. “I am afraid he will take you.”

I scoffed, “Snoke already suspects that you care for me,” I stood firm placing my hand over his, “he knows that if he kills me that it will only push you further away from him. He will not kill me.”

A dark look passed over Kylo’s face his hazel eyes met mine, “He will not kill you Katalana, he will destroy you in every other way but that. He will turn you against me. He will use you against me. He will do everything in his power to make sure that I will not leave him. He will use you to make sure that happens.”

I felt cold to my very core, Kylo was one hundred percent correct. “All the more reason to make sure that Snoke never finds out.”

He looked grim.

“Go Kylo, report to Enric on the bridge. Offer him any assistance, get on his good side, he has Snoke’s ear. I can sense it. He is loyal to Snoke, but he was completely loyal to your grandfather. He might extend that loyalty to you if he sees that same thing in you that he saw in Vader.” He appraised me. A new intensity now filling his eyes; not one of fear, but one born of ambition, of need to prove himself. “Enric Pryde could be the ally that we did not know that we needed.”

“What of you?” he asked his voice hard, he was already turning thoughts in his mind, scheming his next moves.

“I will make contact with someone who can help.” A wicked grin spread on my face. I just hoped that I didn’t get myself killed in the process. “I just need a ship.”

*~*~*

It had taken a lot of convincing. 

A lot of convincing, within a day I was on Kylo Ren’s Ship the Night Buzzard. Travelling far from the Supremacy, and from Snoke and unfortunately from Kylo as well. I had given Kuruk our coordinates and sat myself in the chair beside his. Ren’s usual spot. The Knights were quiet I could feel the tension in the air, they were not happy about leaving Ren and playing bodyguard to me. They liked even less that I would not tell them where we were going and what our plans were. If I had calculated correctly, we would not be gone for any more than a few hours.

Ushar sighed loudly behind us, “I don’t like this.”

Vicrul nodded in agreement turning to me, “I agree. Are you going to tell us what our mission is? I don’t like going so unprepared. This is how people get killed.”

I turned and looked at them over my shoulder, “Listen, the only reason you are here is because Ren didn’t want to allow me to go on my own.”

I saw Cardo smirk as he met my eye, “So you’re telling me we are your babysitters.”

I scowled and turned forward again, “Yes, unfortunately.”

The rest of the Knights started grumbling and complaining loudly that this was to be their duty. My hackles began to rise. I sighed and silenced them when I stood, “Quiet!” they complied, “We are going to Lothal, I need to speak to my great Uncle, I have suspicions that he may know a way to help Ren. So quit your moaning and groaning. You don’t even need to get off the ship just think of it as a vacation.”

They could think of it as a vacation, but me on the other hand, I felt sick to my stomach. I had not returned to Lothal since I left all those years ago. Before this moment I’d had no desire to do so either, but my Great Uncle had said to me before I left that blasted planet that he shared my proclivities for power. For the dark side of the Force. I had discovered by reading the journals that my Grandfather had written that they had been training to be Jedi Knights. They had successfully fled the execution of Order 66 with the help of their master, and I hoped that he could shed some light on how these proclivities had come to be. Hopefully he could answer some questions for me. Questions that had been burning in my mind since I first read the journals years ago but had come to terms with never learning the answers. Many years I dreaded even thinking of Lothal, the awful things that had happened there, but now it felt different. It was like invisible hands were pushing me there.

When I had stood in the supply room with Ren the thought had come to me so swiftly and formulated so fast that I knew that it had to be some sort of divine intervention. There had to be a way to solidify Ren’s position with Snoke so that he could no longer question his apprentice and I felt confident that my Uncle could help me, he had after all helped me all those years ago.

The Knights bantered amongst each other on the short trip. It was mere hours since our departure and Lothal appeared before us as Kuruk brought us out of light speed. My stomach dropped to my toes and my mouth went dry as I observed the planet from its atmosphere, nothing had changed it was still the same fucking waste of rock and soil.

“Are you going to be sick?” Ap’lek spoke as he stood up from behind me, his dark brows pulled together.

I blinked swallowing thickly, “No, I don’t think so.”

Ushar chortled. His deep laugh rumbled in his chest, “Ten credits says she pukes before we land.”

“Fifteen says its after.” Vicrul drawled crossing one knee over the other leaning back in his chair.

“You are all a bunch of Assholes.” I shook my head standing up from my seat.

Cardo stood as well and made his way to the exit, “Come on, let’s get everything ready.”

“There is nothing to get ready,” I said following him through the doors my voice hard, “You are staying here.”

“The hell I am.” He didn’t turn to me, “If anything happens to you Ren will not be happy.” 

“Nothing will happen to me, this is Lothal, a First Order planet, we will be landing in a small mining village not the Capital.” I clenched my fists at my sides.

“Argue all you want but I will not let you leave this ship without at least one of us present.” He said calmly.

“None of us will.” Vicrul interrupted.

“Ugh,” I trilled, “fine!”

Cardo smirked at me, “I knew you would see it my way.”

“Yeah, well you are just going to make this harder. These people don’t like outsiders and they sure as hell don’t like me either.” I rubbed my hand over my face making sure my lightsaber was still at my belt. “These people might as well be inbred. We are going to stick out like sore thumbs here.”

“Aren’t these your people?” Ushar interrupted a grin on his face.

“Shut up Ushar.” I hissed whirling on him.

Cardo shrugged and I turned back to him, “They will talk to you or they will die it is simple.”

I blinked at him, “You can’t be serious.”

“Why not?” he asked. “Do you have an attachment to anyone here? Because to me it doesn’t sound like it.”

I shook my head, “You have been fighting battles for far too many years. These people will talk you just need to give them the right incentive.”

He held up his arm cannon, “I have all the incentive that I need.”

“I hate you.” I couldn’t keep the grin off my face.

“No, you don’t.” He smirked at me his eyes lingering longer on mine then perhaps they should. 

“Quit flirting and get this over with!” Ushar yelled his deep voice bellowed through the ship as he swung his club onto his shoulder. 

I rolled my eyes, “you would know if I was flirting, trust me.”

Ushar raised a brow, “Right. I forgot. You aren’t flirting unless someone is bleeding or injured.”

My mouth bobbed open at his dig; my brows raised. 

Ap’lek’s sharp bark of laughter bit into me as he came to stand with his brother’s. “Darling, I would hate to see the state of anyone who you are trying to bed.” He drawled, “Cardo has come the closest and Ren nearly tore him limb from limb.” Cardo did not meet my eye when I looked at him. Ap’lek walked around me, “I rather like all of my appendages right where they are.”

Ushar laughed again, “Cardo here is a sucker for punishment. I think he likes it when it hurts, the fucking masochist.” He clapped Cardo hard on the shoulder before he turned back to me, “seriously Mistress, what is the plan because I don’t do just sitting around.”

The ship rumbled beneath our feet signalling that we had landed, and I took a deep breath. A strange sort of apprehension filled me knowing I was now on Lothal it’s soil would soon lay beneath my boots. I clenched my teeth and turned to Ushar my voice steadier than I felt. “This is where I was…” I was going to say born but that wasn’t entirely true anymore, “This is where I lived before Dathomir, this is where my story began.”

He raised a brow and folded his arms over his large chest, but it was Vicrul that spoke his tone careful, “Ren said that you didn’t have a very good start to life.”

“I did not.” I was stunned for a moment realizing that Ren had discussed me with the Knights. “I was happy the day I left this place because there was nothing left for me here.”

“Then why return now?” it was Trudgen that spoke Kuruk at his side. Trudgen rarely spoke, I was not sure I had ever heard him do so which made his question all the more poignant. 

I turned to him and our eyes met, “because, like I said before. I think my Uncle can help Kylo.”

There was silence. 

I bit my lip and looked at all of the Knights. The different array of eye colours met mine, a look of mutual understanding fell upon all of them, and they all nodded silently, approval painted upon their faces. 

Cardo’s hand grasped my elbow and I stiffened at his touch, but I did not lash out. He pulled his hand back noticing my reaction, “we should hurry. Ren has given us strict instructions to be back within the next ten hours.”

I took a deep breath and nodded and my guts twisted. “Let’s go.”

Vicrul walked to the ramp exit release and turned to us, “we will remain at the ship but if you are not back before the sun sets, we will come for you.”

I nodded, “Sounds fair.”

“If you run into trouble Cardo will notify us and we will come to you.” Vicrul continued. 

“I still don’t like this.” Ushar grumbled. 

I smirked at him and winked watching him growl in frustration. It was making me feel marginally less worried knowing these men would jump to my aid if I needed. This was something that I had never experienced before. My dead twin was the only one who had ever jumped to my aid on this blasted planet and the Nightsisters were nothing but spirits and ghosts, they could only help me so much. 

I stepped down the ramp and I was hit so forcefully with the smell of this place, it stunk of machine oil and dry grass, it smelt of stone and dirt and death. It brought back all of the awful emotions and memories of a place that I had fought so hard to forget. This village was small, not like the large mines that had found large Kyber crystal deposits. My Great Grandfather and his brother hid in this particular village because it was small, and I had a sneaking suspicion that they had never found large deposits of anything valuable for good reason. 

To keep prying eyes away from them and our family. 

My spine stiffened. 

I did not bother to raise the hood of my cloak, I doubted they would even recognize me. The tattoos on my face and body and with all of the time that had passed I was sure they would think I was merely a stranger. Which would perhaps be more beneficial for us in the long run. 

“Anything I need to know?” Cardo asked placing his helmet over his head, I was sad to watch his handsome face disappear behind the hideous mask. 

“The only thing you need to know is that the people who live here are horrible narrow-minded pieces of shit.” I hissed. 

He nodded not replying but his arm cannon whined to life as he readied it. 

“You ok?” He asked.

I turned it him observing his profile, his face turned to meet mine I could gauge nothing from the helmet placed on his head, wishing desperately that I could see his face. “I’m fine.”

He nodded and looked down the path. 

I was not fine, but I settled a cruel grin on my face as I walked across the deteriorating space pad and towards the village. It was still working hours. The day shift, the largest of the shifts in the mine was still in operation. I doubted we would see many folks. Only the elderly and the women with children would be home and awake and the men on night shift would still be in their beds. 

My boots crunched over the stone pathway and I could hear children playing in the distance. A perfect picture of the life that I had gladly walked away from. Cardo followed me through the village, the pod like houses dotted the landscape in neat lines, nothing had changed in all of the time I was gone. I was both relieved and hated it at the same time. 

My Great Uncle’s home was farthest from where the Buzzard had landed. So, we had to walk the entirety of the village. A small boy with messy black hair and light eyes skidded to a halt just before me, his eyes went wide as he took me in. There was a hard silence before he let loose a loud squeak and ran back the way he had come. 

Cardo chuckled, “I guess he thinks your scary too.”

I turned to him, “I’m flattered you think I’m scary.”

He shook his head, and I could hear him chuckle again. 

By the time we had made it to the far side of the village, doors and windows were flung open and we had a full audience watching our every movement. I had forgotten how nosey this bloody place was.

“Think they recognize you Mistress?” Cardo asked. 

I opened my mouth to reply when behind me a quiet voice choked out. “Lana honey, i-is that you?”

I sighed and looked to Cardo briefly before I turned around, “I think you’re right.”

“Merrill.” I met with the watery hazel eyes of my mother. 

Cardo raised his arm Cannon as she stepped towards me his other hand coming to the small of my back. She balked, “is that the greeting you give your mother after all this time?” Her voice shook and after so long I did not know if it was from sadness or fear. 

“Your daughter died in the mines years ago with her brother.” I said my voice harsh. 

She balked again halting her steps towards me. 

“I am here to speak with Sartal Avalorn. Is he still alive?” I questioned hoping to hasten my time on this dusty stinking planet. 

Her face fell. 

“I asked you a question Merrill.” My anger was taking over my fear. 

“He is alive, but I do not think he will be able to answer your questions, he has an illness of the mind, he does not know who any of us are any longer he speaks nonsense,” she stepped slowly towards me. “Lana, what have you done to yourself?” She reached for me her brows furrowed. 

I grabbed her hand as it reached my face, and I could hear Cardo growl from beside me. He raised his arm and pointed it at her face. “You will not touch my Mistress.”

“She can’t hurt me Cardo,” I said dropping my hand and placing it on his arm. He hesitantly let his own drop but he did not move away from me. 

I looked back to the woman who was once my mother and I could finally understand how much my path had truly diverged. She was a woman plagued by loss, she tried to hide her tears from me, but I could sense the utter despair within her, and I realized this could be me. I had used my despair and allowed it to fuel my ambition, my desire to do anything, anything but to become this sad woman before me. A woman who barely loved her troublesome daughter. A woman who had blamed her daughter for the death of her twin rather than consoling her for the loss of him. Or consoling her for what those men had tried to do to her, to me. A woman who tried to marry me off rather than helping me. 

I turned away from her and stepped towards the path that would take me to my great Uncle’s house. Soon I found myself at the door, I knocked and turned to Cardo, “wait out here.”

I could tell by his body language that he hated the idea, “Katalana…” he spoke my name and I turned to him not recalling that he had ever used my name before.

“Cardo, while I appreciate that you want to protect me you have to remember that I have dealt with far worse than this.” I patted him on the shoulder and stepped into the dark house. It smelt of medicine and herbs not of baking and flowers like it had when I was a child. I could no longer imagine my twin and I playing under the table as my mother and my aunts gossiped in the kitchen.

“Sartal Avalorn.” I called as I closed the door behind me.

“Who’s that?” I heard his voice it was still the strong commanding voice I remembered from my youth, “No one calls me Sartal anymore.” He was correct he had always been Uncle Tal but for the purposes of this visit I couldn’t allow myself to fall into old habits as I was with old memories already. I was too afraid that it would bring back old fears.

“I am the Red Witch.” I met his intense green eyes when he stepped around the corner, my eyes. “You may have information that I need.”

“The Red Witch…” he looked me up and down the look on his face was not that of my loving uncle it was something darker, a look I had never before seen pointed in my direction. “I have heard of you. A Nightsister, step into the light so I can see you better.”

I did as he asked as he switched on the light in the dark room my gaze held firm on his face. He arched a silver brow as he appraised me a slow smirk spread on his face that reminded me so much of my own, “So Dathomir treated you well then girl?” He asked.

So, he did still have some capacities about him, “As well as it can.”

“I can see that; I can sense the well of power within you. Very good.” He moved to a chair and sat on it heavily.

“Merrill says you are not well.” I did not move from where I stood.

“Your mother has always been a bit of an idiot; we all know your father married her for her looks.” He growled.

I smirked back at him, “I knew you were my favourite uncle for a reason.”

“Stop trying to butter me up what do you want ask quickly before the men get back from the mine.” He bristled.

“You think I can’t handle them?” I asked not offended just curious.

“I know you can girl, I just know they cannot handle what you’ve become.” He tapped his fingers on the chair arm, “Now ask me what you need to know and be gone.”

“I read your brothers journals. Many times, in fact. They were very vague about the time before you came here.” I began, “I need to know if there is anything you can tell me about Darth Vader.”

He chuffed, “You came all this way for me to tell you something you could find searching any First Order Data base?”

I frowned, “No Sartal, I want to know what you know.” I narrowed my eyes, “Grandfather never spoke about you in his journals and I always wondered why. When you sent me away from this place and towards Dathomir you said that you had always leaned more towards the dark. Now as I am standing here before you that is confirmed by the wellspring of power in those old bones.”

He smiled at me now a bright light behind those eyes, “Smart girl.” He lifted a hand and a mug hovered from the countertop to his waiting hand, “I always thought my brother was a fool to let his powers slip through his fingers.’

“Then why come here at all?” I asked.

“I was a boy when I came here, I had no choice. My Master was a fool and never knew or at least he never acknowledged my pull to the dark side. I was certain more than half the time he could not even tell me and my brother apart.” He sighed heavily, “I meditated in secret I honed my skills in private.” 

He sipped his drink.

“And yet you still know nothing of Vader?” I asked.

“When this planet was under reign of the Empire, I served them proudly and in secret, but I never knew Vader. I did admire him though, his ambition for power.” He admitted, “When Lothal was taken by the Resistance, I knew better than to show my cards and cut ties with those I knew before the battle of Yevin.”

“Did you fight in the battle?” I asked surprise on my face.

“Don’t be stupid,” he chuffed, “I did what needed to be done in the shadows. I was in charge of delivering the Dooinium to the refineries, but along with delivering the Dooinium I delivered messages as well. That was all Girl. I knew when it was time to hang up my shadows.”

I was silent as I observed the man before me. The one that appeared I did not know at all. “So, there is nothing you can tell me?”

“Why do you need to know about Vader?” His eyes bore into me.

There was a long pause as I met his intense gaze deciding if I could trust him or not. I had nothing left to lose for that matter for I had already lost nearly everything that had been important to me years ago. The only thing I had left I would do anything in my power to keep.

Kylo Ren.

“Don’t make me repeat myself girl spit it out, why are you so interested in Darth Vader?” Sartal leaned forward in his chair.

“His Grandson.” I spoke and I could see the light of interest ignite in his eyes, “We are Force Bonded, and I believe that his Master is using him for his own agenda. I need Kylo Ren to destroy his Master just as Vader destroyed his. I need to find something, anything that will push him in that direction.”

My Uncle threw his head back and laughed, a true full-bodied laugh and I saw the edge of lunacy enter his eye, the look that maybe Merrill mistook for mind sickness. “Bonded!? Truly girl!?” He slapped his knee and I had to close my eyes to stop them from rolling back into my head.

I did however let a small smile curl at the corner of my mouth. “If you cannot offer me any information then I will be on my way.” I made to turn, and he stood quickly and moved towards me faster than I thought possible.

“Your whole life on this God’s forsaken rock I watched you. I sensed your power grow and lean to the dark. Just like my own had. I watched the abuse you took and swallowed. I watched your brother grow and bend to the light just like my brother and I saw you bend to the shadows just like I had. I saw that the Boy was your only connection to the light and when he died under the mountain, I knew the force was barrelling you towards your destined path. I felt the both of you awaken under that mountain and then I felt one light wink out as suddenly as it was ignited, I knew what it meant. I knew you were destined for something great. You were created to do what I never could.” He grasped my arms and I tensed but he continued, “I let my love for my brother keep me from greatness. Since the dawn of time our family line has born a twin for each side of the force, one to balance the other but your pull to the light was wiped out before he could drag you down. I should have known when you were born a girl that it would be you.”

I stepped out of his grip the madness in his eyes clearly gleaming. “Uncle, tell me what you know.” I could sense there was something it was bursting from him.

He smiled wickedly at me. 

The door burst open, and Cardo was there, an angry mob gathering in front of the house, “Mistress we need to go. Now.”

My Uncle looked at Cardo and practically preened at me, “Mistress?” He giggled maniacally, “Mistress Ren is it? Ha! That’s my girl.” He pushed me out of the door and whispered in my ear, “Vader’s Palace on Mustafar is where you will find what you need.”

The door closed behind me and Cardo ushered me down the path. I could see that the men from the Mine were streaming down the hill, someone had without a doubt alerted them to my arrival. My fingers itched to pull my sabre.

I pushed through the throng crowding down the path, the mob pressing in on me only to find myself meeting with yet another familiar face. Dirty and worn with age came into focus the green eyes of my father.

“Lana,” his eyes were hard, “What have you done?”

I raised a brow, “I became what you denied me Father.” I hissed the moniker like it was poison and made to step around him, but he stepped in my path again. Cardo raised his weapon putting himself between my Father and I.

“Let us pass.” Cardo spoke firmly.

“I would listen to him.” I put my hand on Cardo’s bicep, “I have wanted nothing more my whole life than to wipe this miserable place off the face of this planet. Don’t tempt me now.” 

“You wouldn’t do that Lana.” He tried to soften his voice but he and I both knew it was forced, I could practically taste his hatred of me in the air.

“Don’t waste your breath, I want to hear nothing from you.” I hissed.

“I am your father you will listen to me!” He yelled now.

I raised my hand and lifted him by the throat with my powers closing my invisible fingers around his neck, gasps rang through the crowd and Cardo stood beside me now pointing his weapon at any who dare step close to me. I heard him alert the Knights through his communicator. I stepped closer to my father, “You stopped being a father to me when you tried to marry me to the brother of the man that tried to rape me. Even after I came to you and poured my heart out to you and told you what they did to me under that mountain you didn’t care at all. You just wanted me gone,” I grit my teeth rage billowing from me, “so I granted your wish, and I granted my own. You are a miserable excuse for a man.” I pushed my hand out and he flew backwards falling against the men behind him and they all went crashing to the ground. I spun on my mother who had a horrified look on her face at my words, “Do not pretend like you did not know, you knew, you all knew!” I was screaming now turning to the village that was so quick to blame me, so quick to blame me for every awful thing that happened here.

“All of you knew and you did nothing but blame me for Rylan’s death. He was the only one in this pathetic place that loved me without question!” I fisted my hands at my side, crates and bins crushing under my powers, nearby domed walls of housing pods dented under my might. The villagers around me falling to their knees holding their ears as I applied crushing pressure to each and every one of them. Beside me Cardo was vibrating with rage.

A small child cried in the distance and I paused dropping my powers. I could not hurt an innocent no matter how much these people were not. With my powers I pushed them out of my way and headlined towards the Night Buzzard. My mouth was dry, and my heart was pounding. Cardo kept looking over his shoulder his weapon still raised.

“Mistress, are you alright?” He asked once we were far enough away.

I nodded, “Yes Cardo, let’s just get out of here.”

As we approached the Buzzard, I heard the noise of fighting, Cardo and I exchanged a quick look before we ran to the space pad. The Knights were clearly outnumbered by incoming miners but still clearly winning, there was no contest. I was ready to let loose the rage that was pent up with in me. More than anything I was finally going to have some retribution. 

“Oh, your back!” Ushar called jovially. “I was hoping you would be a little longer we were just getting started.”

I smirked. “So sorry to disappoint.”

He shrugged as he arched his war club in a brutal downwards thrust that sent a man flying almost comically away from him. “This is a pretty good work out though.”

I dodged a laser drill that was thrown in my direction and turned my head coming face to face with an impossibly large man an angry snarl etched on his dirty features, “You should have never come back here,” he hissed, “You should have died under that mountain with the rest of them, just like you deserved.”

I huffed a laugh at him and reached for the front of his dirty shirt fisting the fabric in my hand pulling his face close to mine. “I only wish I had destroyed this entire Village so none of you would be left either. None of you deserve to be alive.”

Ap’lek’s smooth voice cut in behind me, “Please tell me we can do that Mistress, I do long for destruction.”

“They did attack first didn’t they…” I hummed watching the eyes of the man before me widen and I pushed him back launching him into another group behind him. “But I have a better idea.”

The Knights eyed me warily and I raised my hands from my sides slowly lifting them over my head. The green Magicks of Dathomir swirled around my hands. My voice raised as I chanted the spell and silence fell over the crowd, just now witnessing my powers for the first time, “You all think you know what it was like for me here, but you know nothing!” The green tendrils of my powers raised into the air around me crisscrossing the sky above the village enveloping the land falling like green mist. 

Then we were in the mine. 

The illusion sprang gooseflesh on my skin it was like I had been brought back in time. Through the illusion I wove we all stood beneath the rocks and I let them feel my fear, my rage my despair and I let it seep into their very being. “You are all nothing!” I called my voice strong filled with rage, “I could destroy you all without even being out of breath, and I would feel no remorse. Each and every one of you are guilty for what happened to my Brother and I do not apologize for any of it. I will never apologize because of everything you took from me. I became what I am because of it, and I am more powerful than any of you could ever comprehend!”

The Knights moved around me to block me from the men and women that were gathered near me. Cardo pressed close to my side his thigh flush against my own.

The ground rumbled beneath my feet as a bright blue light began to radiate around me, an echo of the past. Screams could be heard from the woman and men who were now stinking from their fear. I turned my head to see my parents standing where the path of the village had met the landing pad. However, now they bore witness to what happened under that mountain. I showed them Rylan covering my ruined body with his jacket, trying to get me away from my attackers. The frightened look on my face sent an ache to my core and the murderous rage on his burned brightly within me. I heard my mother choke out a sob, and my father press her face into his chest as he watched in abject horror at the scene before them.

Ushar let out a growl of rage and he too pressed closer to me seeing what I had created with the wellspring of my power. The memory that was now presented to them all, my death and my inevitable rebirth. The sharp wick of electricity burned on my tongue and my heart clenched when I watched helplessly the images that still lingered in my nightmares. Rage still plastered on my face, yet I was unable to look away as Tev impaled my brother with the long metal pole. Seeing it again was jarring but yet I felt strangely hollow. Rylan’s dark blood and the bright blue light that burst forth from him were in stark contrast, a bright array of colours in an otherwise darkened cesspool. 

Then the mountain fell. 

Around us all there was only darkness.

Hopelessness.

I let them feel what it was like to have the stones press upon them and constrict their breaths, the crushing weight of them and the crime that was committed beneath them. Screams erupted all around me as the villagers relived what I had lived through. I let them suffer as I suffered and as easily as I created the images, I pulled them away.

The Knights and I were the only ones left standing. The Villagers all mewled and cried pathetically on the ground at our feet no fight left in any of them.

“Let’s go.” I said and moved back to the ship not sparing another glance.

The Knights followed silently.

“Witch!” a man called bravely at my back as I set a foot on the ramp and I spun on him my rage honed to a razor’s edge now.

“Yes.” I lifted him to his feet with the force and I watched his eyes widen as I approached him, “I am the Red Witch. I deal in Revenge. I belong to Kylo Ren of the First Order. I am Mistress to the Knights of Ren, and I am your worst nightmare.”

He blanched as my words seeped into his blood and the knowledge into his bones.

I stood in front of him my face a hairs breath away from his letting my fury invade him, “The difference between me and the Nightmares you find in your bed is simple.” I took his face in my hand gripping his chin painfully, my nails digging into his flesh, “When you open your eyes I am still here.”

I felt his fear and I bathed in it. I smiled down at him no joy in my eyes, I dropped his face and turned to walk away only to have him spit on the ground at my heels. I spun on him then striking him swiftly with the back of my hand and he flew. Landing roughly on his back with the wind knocked out of him. Slowly I approached him and placed my boot down harshly on his throat as he attempted to stand. I looked down on him, “You deserve to die, you all do.”

His hands came to my leather clad foot and tried to push me off, but I pressed further. His face was turning a glorious shade of purple. A familiar voice called me off.

“That is enough girl.” It was My Uncle a grim look upon his features, “You have done well to prove that these plebs are nothing. That we are all nothing. Now go before you do something you will regret later.”

I turned to him. His green eyes filled with pride and guilt as he appraised me. I removed my booted foot and for good measure kicked the fallen man harshly in the ribs before I moved away and back to the Knights.

Silently we entered the ship, no one spoke until the ship lifted from the ground. They had all removed their helmets sweat plastered to their faces.

“That was fun!” Ushar smiled at me.

I did not reply. I took a deep ragged breath and fell boneless into my chair a strange sort of relief filling me. 

Cardo stood up from his seat and left the cockpit. Ushar watched him leave then turned to me none of the previous humor on his face, “Mistress…” he began softly it was strange to hear his normally booming voice in this tone.

I shook my head, “I don’t need pity.”

“I wasn’t going to. Trust me I get it.” He set his helmet on the ground at his feet and leaned forward in his seat, “That was badass, what you did back there. Just so you know.”

Vicrul smirked, “You should have killed them all, no one would have held it against you. You may have been the only one to get away with it too, they are protected by the First Order.”

Trudgen who chose to keep his helmet grunted in response nodding his agreement.

“Ren still might destroy it after he reads the mission debrief.” Kuruk added.

I looked straight ahead, trying to hide my shaking hands.

“Did you get what we came for?” Ap’lek asked.

I nodded opening my mouth to tell them but the next thing I knew there was a loud explosion from the rear of the ship.

“Shit!” Ushar yelled getting up and rushing out of the cockpit.

The other knights followed suit, Kuruk even stood from his spot at the controls letting the ships auto pilot take over.

“What?” I asked looking to Kuruk his light eyes met mine trepidatiously.

“I don’t think you’re going to like this.” 

I followed them through the ship hearing another of the same loud explosions and I froze at what I saw as I entered the cargo hold. Cardo had opened the cargo hold and was standing at the precipice of the ship, an enormous missile launcher slung over his shoulder, smoke coiling off its barrel. My stomach dropped and I ran to the edge watching as the rocket hit its mark a red fire ball burst from the explosion the shockwave strong enough to feel at even our height.

I blinked.

It was gone.

The entire Village was gone along with everyone in it. And all that remained was two blackened craters in the ground.

Then my knees fell out from under me, a strong arm enveloped me barely stopping me from tumbling out of the ship and to the ground, into the fiery crater.

“C-Cardo,” my voice felt strange, “What did you do.”

His arm wrapped tighter around my waist and he pulled me away from the edge and he sat heavily with me on the ground, my body fell into his unable to stand. His voice was strong and laced with rage and resolve his hot breath soft on my ear, “What you did not have the courage to do.”


	21. Unraveling

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Katalana returns from Lothal and comes face to face with her worst nightmare

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ***Trigger warnings for Blood, violence, torture and implied non/con. ***
> 
> Apologies in advance....

Ushar roughly dragged Cardo up and I was left sitting on the ground, a numb feeling had settled through me. I could hear them fighting amongst themselves, yet my ears had become deaf, a strange, muffled ringing was filling my head. 

Vicrul had removed his helmet and was kneeling before me, “Mistress, let’s find you a place to lay down.”

I shook my head, “No, I don’t need to lay down,” I met his eyes, they were wary, and I could sense his worry for his brother, worried what Kylo might do and worried for me “I will not let anything happen to him Vicrul, I promise.”

He clenched his teeth, and I felt him raise his mental barriers against me. It might have kept a lesser force user out of his head, but it was nothing to me but I respected his privacy. 

“We should go to the cockpit.” He tried again to reach for me.

I ignored his hand and stood my knees still shaking, “Where is Cardo, where did Ushar take him?”

“Cardo, needs to cool off.” Vicrul said his tone hard.

“No one lays a hand on him.” I ordered. “Cardo did nothing wrong.”

“Yes, Mistress.” He looked behind my shoulder a hard expression on his face and then he stepped away from me, “Excuse me Mistress, I will find you in the Cockpit in a few moments.”

I nodded to him, knowing he was going to interrupt what ever ‘conversation’ Ushar was having with Cardo. I stood in the now empty cargo hold gobbling down deep breaths. I found myself searching for any remorse at the extermination of the village, but I found none. I wondered sadly if that made me any different than the First Order. Should I feel remorseful? Part of me thought so, but I felt mostly relieved. What sort of monster did that make me?

I turned and walked further into the ship, towards the cockpit. Kuruk was already in the pilot’s seat and I took the chair beside him, just like I had for our journey to Lothal.

Katalana why have you not answered me? Kylo’s voice rung suddenly in my ear. I startled at the sound of his voice and turned in the direction of it to see his force projection standing behind my chair.

“I - I didn’t hear you… I- I… I had a hard time steadying my voice it shook from emotion, be it relief or dread I could not say. My heart was still pounding in my chest and I stood to face him and stepped towards him.

Kuruk turned to me a moment, his eyes wide looking for the invisible ghost I spoke to, “Mistress?”

“It is Kylo, through the bond.” I looked to Kuruk offering him an explanation and he looked over his shoulder nervousness exuding from him in waves.

“What happened?” Kylo’s voice was unmistakably hard as he observed the Knights reaction, “Are you alright?”

“It is fine.” I spoke abruptly, I needed to curb his anger, I had the incessant need to protect Cardo and the rest of the Knights. I was not entirely sure how Kylo would react to the idea of Cardo destroying an entire Village without his explicit direction to do so. I turned to face him his eyes were intense, and he looked as though he was barely containing his emotions.

“I’m not going to ask again.” His eyes were laser focused on mine. I could feel his anger like a wellspring of darkness filling the air around him, so much so that even Kuruk stiffened sensing it in the air. “Where are the others?” He began to head towards the rear of the ship

“The Village, is gone.” He paused and turned to me, I met his gaze intensely, “It has been wiped from the map.”

“How?” 

“There was a mild skirmish,” I tilted my chin in defiance. He clenched his jaw and ran his fingers though his hair, he turned away and began to pace. I stood and stepped towards him, “I was correct my Uncle had some information that will help you Kylo.”

He raised his hand as I opened my mouth to speak, “I don’t want to hear it. If no one knows what happened, no let me rephrase, if I don’t know what happened, it will be considered plausible deniability. The less I know the better. The less I will have to explain to the council.”

“I won’t let this be for nothing.” I spoke emotion climbing up my throat.

“They were all nothing anyway. No, they were all less than nothing and as far as I am concerned, they all got what they deserved. That is all I need to know.” He raised his voice, but his eyes softened marginally as he noticed my expression and he stepped towards me. “Katalana, the less I know the less I will have to explain to Snoke.”

I took a trembling breath. I was trying desperately to swallow down my fury. Yes, now I could confidentially say I was glad the Village was gone, but I had information because of it. Information that Ren could use to put him in a better position with Snoke. Something he could use to regain his Master’s favour, much to my chagrin.

He stepped towards me his fingers tilting my chin up towards his gaze, it always seemed to amaze me that I could feel the touch through his force projection, it was almost as if he was actually here with me. His fingers against my flesh buzzed like warm heat through me, “Are you alright?” His tone was softer now, quieter almost as if he was afraid Kuruk might hear.

I nodded and lowered my eyes. “Yes.” His phantom lips brushed against my forehead his eyes seemed troubled, but he did not say a word. I felt his projection melt away and I stepped back only to laugh at the confused look on Ushar’s face, his helmet tucked under his arm.

“I don’t think I will ever get used to that; it’s fucked up.” He shook his head, “I saw him talk to you once and I was sure I was going to have to take him to a medic before he explained to me what it was”

“Where is Cardo?” I asked.

The corners of Ushar’s mouth turned down, “He’s resting.”

I narrowed my eyes, “I should go check on him.”

“No,” he stepped in front on me, “Cardo needs to be by himself right now.”

“I don’t think he does.” I argued.

Vicrul came into the room his helmet , he looked to his brother then and looked to me. He nodded his head tersely at Ushar motioning for him to sit and then placed himself beside the door. He leaned against the wall crossing his arms before his muscled chest as the remaining knights filed in, “Listen Mistress,” he began as the other Knights filed in and took their seats his tone clipped, “Cardo needs some time to cool down, the last thing he needs is to have you in there confusing him anymore than he already is.”

“Excuse me?” I clenched my fists at my sides. I knew what he was getting at.

“I don’t know what you looked so pissed off about,” he drawled, “this is what you wanted. The first time you entered the training room you practically fucked the shit out of him in front of all of us.”

“Vic…” Ap’lek warned, and Trudgen froze before stepping between Vicrul and I his back to me, more concerned for my safety apparently. 

“What the fuck?” I tried to push past Trudgen, but he shook his head solemnly. 

Vicrul raised a light brow at me his gaze was like ice, “we have a job to do Mistress,” the way he said the monicker made me feel like an insult, “and you have Cardo’s head all messed up.” Vicrul kicked off the wall and stepped closer but Trudgen did not let him pass either. Vicrul kept talking his chest nearly pressed into Trudgen’s as his brother kept trying to push him back to a more respectable distance, “Cardo went crazy when you were left behind on Takodana. I have never seen him question Ren before. In all of our time with him Cardo had followed his orders without question, but when it comes to you,” his face was set into a snarl his crystal blue eyes felt like daggers of ice penetrating my soul, “he was willing to do just that and throw everything away for you, and he almost got killed for it.”

“I never asked that of him, I never would. He was only one who ever was a friend to me. I never asked him to do anything for me, I don’t know why you think that.” I replied back to him my mind trying to shuffle the facts thinking back to every interaction I had with Cardo. 

“Of course, you don’t because you and Ren as so wrapped up in each other you don’t care who gets caught in the crossfire!” His voice was loud and laced with venom, “Cardo would turn his back on all of us in an instant if you so much as breathed the right thought in his direction.”

“You’re wrong.” I argued, “Cardo says he follows Kylo, he told me that himself.” 

“You only see what you want! What are we to you huh? Babysitters? Fuck toys?” His chest was rising and falling fast, “When Ren doesn’t do what you want will you use us against him? Will we just be another tool?” Ushar now put his hands on Vicrul’s biceps holding him back from me as he tried to approach as each question left his mouth. Trudgen couldn’t hold him back on his own anymore, and had backed us up as far as we could go. The backs of my thighs were pressed tightly against the control panel, Trudgen acting as my shield. Ushar’s amber eyes bore into mine, his face was hard, and I could tell he agreed with his brother yet still after everything he witnessed on Lothal, he wouldn’t see me hurt. None of the Knights would hurt me because they knew that is how Kylo would want it. All of them but Vicrul, and I could feel the room was heavy with conflict. 

“I- No.” I pulled my brows together. “I don’t think that at all, I would never pit you against each other, let alone against Kylo.”

Vicrul laughed darkly and wrenched away from Ushar’s grasp walking to his seat. “You already have. You don’t think at all about anyone else but yourself that is very clear to everyone here.”

My anger rose up in flames, “The fucking hell I don’t. You know nothing!”

“Vic, shut the fuck up.” It was Ushar. “If what we just saw on that planet was only a fraction of the Witch had gone through, she has every reason to be pissed, to get revenge. You know as well as I do brother, how I feel about this whole thing, but you need to shut up before you say something you don’t mean.”

Trudgen turned to me ushering me to my seat my hands were shaking with anger. I shrugged him off glaring at Vicrul and I moved to the doorway. “You think you know everything there is to know about me huh? You think we came here for revenge?” I spat at him, “you know nothing. I hope you got whatever you have to say all out of your system Vicrul, because the next time you talk to me like that, I will shove your balls so far down your throat that you choke on them.”

He observed me mildly a bland expression on his face as I turned away from them and walked away before I did just as I’d threatened. 

“Fuck Vic, you’re the one with a death wish now…” I heard Ap’lek comment as I moved to the Cargo hold. 

*~*~*

The trip back was silent, I stayed in the Cargo hold away from the Knights, very eager to get back to the Supremacy and to Kylo. What had happened on Lothal was something that I wasn’t very keen on revisiting anytime soon. Hopefully Kylo would listen to what I discovered once we returned. 

By the time the Supremacy came back into sight we had fallen just within Kylo’s ten-hour time frame, and no matter how I tried I could not get in to see Cardo. I had begrudgingly found a place leaning at the door of the cockpit eager to see the large ship knowing that I was closer to Kylo. I was surprised to see that the Supremacy was still following the crippled resistance ships as it had been when we had departed. 

“You should sit,” a voice came at me ear. I spun. 

“Cardo,” he nodded to me his face shadowed but what I saw of it I could see he was sporting a bruised cheek and a cut lip. I lifted my hand but stopped myself before touching him Vicrul’s words haunting my thought. “Are you alight?”

“You should sit.” He only repeated before entering the cockpit. 

I frowned and moved back into the cargo hold, I would not be be treated this way, least of all by any of them. I stood waiting to exit the Buzzard my arms folded around myself. I rather that this day had never happened. I was eager to get back to Kylo and fold myself into his arms and not come up for air for at least a day. No matter what chase was afoot with the Resistance fleet. 

The ramp was barely touching the hanger bay floor before I found myself tearing from the ship and to Kylo’s quarters. I didn’t pause to wait to see if the Knights would stop me from leaving or to even speak to me. I needed nothing more than to forget this entire day. The mood on the Supremacy felt surprisingly calm, yet exceedingly eager. The First Order was tracking the remainder of the Resistance. Which had been of course one of the reasons it had taken so much convincing to leave on this venture. The final defeat of the last enemies to the First order should come sooner than later, and I could not truly say how that made me feel. 

I wanted nothing more than to sabotage any and all of Snoke’s plans yet I also wanted Kylo to have all of his desires to come to fruition. I stepped on the lift thinking about the final words my Uncle had said to me. I recalled how he had been filled with eager pride that I Kylo and I shared a Force bond. How he had been the first person in my entire bloodline to feel that way about anything that I had ever done. Then I was soured to the thought that they were all gone now. Though I would never admit it out loud I hoped that he had found same way to live, he was the only person that I hoped had survived. I pushed the thoughts away because I could not let myself think about the innocents in the village. 

The corridors on the upper levels where empty and my boots echoed in the wide hallway outside of Kylo’s chamber. I raised my hand to the to the scanner and the doors slid open easily and I stepped inside, but what I saw there made my blood run cold. 

There was Kylo… and the Girl… together yet they weren’t… They sat together near a fire. She was hazy around the edges and her voice sounded hollow and far away. I blinked unsure if this is what I was truly seeing. Her face was cast in an orange glow as she sat before a fire, Kylo’s face too was cast in the same orange glow and my heart was like ice in my chest. My breath caught in my throat but neither of them turned to me as I entered, they were so focused on each other. I nearly turned away feeling as though I was intruding, my stomach fell as I watched in horror at how easily they spoke to one another. Not at all like Kylo and I did, his face had no mask of anger and I almost didn’t recognize him. He was like a mirror of the boy Ben on Chandrila, the boy that became Kylo Ren. 

“…I thought I’d find answers here. I was wrong, I’d never felt so alone.” Her face was sad and her words were quiet and pensive. 

It was however Kylo’s words that shattered me, “you are not alone.” I got the intention behind his words; I felt the silent intention. You have me. 

“Neither are you, it isn’t too late.” her hand reached out slowly to his and he looked down to it and slowly he removed a leather glove reaching for her as well. I begged silently that he would pull his hand away, I tried to reach his mind but I couldn’t, there was a block in our minds. The tears slid down my face as their hands touched and suddenly, I felt Ren’s emotions though the bond, as though they were broadcast just for me. They may have been muted but I felt the longing and the need, the desire to have her to have the vision that was showing before his eyes. The vision of Ruling the Galaxy with her by his side. Her and not me. I couldn’t even feel rage because I felt numb. 

A voice called across the room from me and Kylo’s face contorted with rage,

The man I recognized as an older version of his Uncle, his long-lost Master, with rage and shock in his eyes as he yelled, “STOP!” 

For a moment the word blew apart before there was utter silence, the only noise was the incessant hum of ship.

Kylo jumped up, lurching in the direction of where the girl had just been, but his arms fell on empty air. Swiftly before he noticed me, I filtered through his mind before he could turn it off from me. I needed to see if this had been the first time they had connected and what they had shared. I put a hand over my mouth as I realized it wasn’t and I realized how much he had given to her. I saw how easily he had shared with her. How he had shared all of the things that I’d had to find out on my own. Things he had not ever told me. Again, I was betrayed and this time; it felt much, much worse. 

A numb feeling passed over me again.

I should be filled with rage; I should be throwing furniture at him. Yet, that same strange peacefulness that had settled over me on Chandrila when Ren and his Knights had found me filled me again. This time however I had no desire to avoid his rage, I no longer felt anything but numb betrayal. 

His eyes met mine and they widened for a moment before he schooled his features and the cold mask of Commander Kylo Ren of the First Order fell over him. I had not seen that cold indifferent look trained on me in some time. There was always an intensity to his gaze when it fell upon me filled with a sort of fire, but now there was no trace of it. He didn’t even offer an explanation. He just turned and straightened his tunic.

“You’re back.” He said his voice void of emotion. His eyes contained none of the emotion that they had held behind them moments ago. The adoration that they had exuded while looking at that girl. 

“Just as you ordered.” My tone was like ice. I waited for him to explain. 

There was only silence. I knew he must be able to feel the ache that was in my chest, the sadness, the anger. He must be able to feel it all but to me he felt like nothing. It was like there was a block of beskar before me, cold and impenetrable. 

“You may go.” He said turning form me. 

“Go?” I shook my head not quite understanding what I was hearing, “go where?”

“You are dismissed.” He said his face still hard. 

“What do you mean dismissed, where exactly should I be going Kylo? These are my quarters too.” My tone was hard and angry, and I was filled with confusion, only hours ago he held concern for me, now it was just cold indifference. 

His eyes were like stone as he looked down upon me and for the first time, I saw the man his enemies feared. “I am sure Allegiant General Pryde will be able to find more appropriate accommodations for you.”

I blinked; it was like he was brainwashed. 

I reached again through the bond, hoping that I could better understand why there was a sudden change. Why suddenly he was so cold towards me and I was met only with an impenetrable barrier. I narrowed my eyes. This barrier was different than Kylo’s, this was a barrier that did not feel of his force energy. 

I moved to him and reached out my hand, clasping it over the still bare flesh of his hand and I reached out with my Magicks. I reached out with my force powers to get a better ides of what I was sensing 

He shook me off and quickly replaced his glove. 

I took a step back steeling myself trying to make the uncomfortable feeling in my chest go away, “what does she mean to you?”

He didn’t say anything for a moment a strange expression on his face, “it is none of your concern what she is to me.”

I my rage explode, “it is my concern!”

“Why?” he sneered, “Did you think our little bond meant something to me?”

I felt like I had been slapped, indeed I had. I knew it had meant something to him too. He had admitted as much to me not days before. How could it have changed so much in mere hours? I did not let anything rational however form in my brain, I was too hurt, too angry. Instead, I reached for words that I knew would hurt, “Tell me then Kylo, when did I go from being a weapon for you to wield, to a possession you did not want anyone else to have. Because if this is the case perhaps you should have just left me with Jet on Chandrila.”

He raised a brow, “you are being dense, you would have been wasted there. The First Order needs your skills. The Supreme Leader-“

I snarled at him, “Can go fuck himself.” I turned from him and made my way back to the door this day was going to be much longer than I hoped. “You know what Fuck Snoke, Fuck the First Order and fuck you most of all. You arrogant prick! I wasted my time and emotions on you.” I shook with too many emotions now, “No more!” 

“Watch yourself Witch, or you will find yourself on the wrong side of all of this.” His tone was hard and unforgiving erasing any wayward emotions, I was honing myself in now, into the weapon they desire to wield. 

“You better watch yourself Ren,” void now of all emotion now, “you forget what I am.”

“Do I?” He almost sounded bored. 

“Yes, you have.” I stepped away from him and to the door, “I am the Red Witch and I deal in Revenge and I have been sorely wronged.”

*~*~*

I thought I knew what rage was, I thought that I had written the book on it, but as I moved swiftly through the corridors of the Supremacy destroying everything and anyone in my path, I realized that I had not. 

Not until now. 

I turned the corner heading away from Ren after I had gathered my meagre belongings from his quarters. I was now headed to that engineer that offered me aid all those weeks ago and hopefully he would be able to find me a ship to take me far away from here. Away from all of the bullshit and drama that I had spent the last months stewing in.

A small figure barrelled I to me knocking me nearly to the ground. I snarled and as I looked down, I came face to face with Hux’s assistant. “What are you doing here?” my voice was tight, “shouldn’t you be with General Hux, licking his asshole or something?”

She pursed her lips as she looked at me, I could practically taste her hatred for me, “I do not work for Hux.”

“Could have fooled me Dove, however impressive it is that you seemed to have finally found your voice. Now you are no longer a scared little bird.” I raised my hand to push her from me using the force, not in the mood for anymore of this useless banter. 

She tipped her head back and laughed which gave me pause, and I cocked my head to the side as she began to speak, “You know what Witch, I have taken all of your abuse from the moment you stepped onto the Finalizer all those months ago. Now.” She grinned up at me, “now I finally I will be free of you. I have played such a patient game and you suspected none of it.”

A line formed between my eyes as I narrowed them, “What silly game are you speaking of Little Dove”

“I’m not a fucking bird you vile creature!” She yelled. 

I smirked, “Perhaps not, perhaps you are a snake, seems you may have fangs after all.” I hissed.

“You really are narcissistic, aren’t you? You think of nothing else unless does not have to do with you.” She laughed. 

I wanted to strangle her with my bare hands. “Why shouldn’t I? No one else cares what happens to me.” 

She continued as though she had not even heard my words, “You have walked around under First Order protection, using First Order recourses, yet you do nothing but undermine those in charge. Many loyal to the First Order have heard your ill words regarding the Supreme Leader. They hear you question his decisions and watch you do as you please without concern of consequences. You were asked to join The First Order, to follow the Supreme Leader Snoke, you were asked to better the First Order but all you have done is cause utter chaos. Chaos to the institution, and chaos the people around you.” Her face was flushed pink when she yelled at me her mousy hair falling from her usually perfect bun. 

“I never agreed to join the First Order that was your first mistake.” I stepped towards her and I had to give her credit that she held her ground. “I had no intention whatsoever going this grab for power but then I sensed Ren’s powers and what is it they say? Like calls to like. I wanted that power Dove, and as much as I wanted his, he wanted mine. However, I do not see why I have to explain myself to you.”

“Wanted?” Her face split into a grin and I imagined shoving my lightsaber through those pretty white teeth, “He wanted you? Ren doesn’t want you anymore I take it. Pity for you, but it makes my job easier.”

I took a calming breath trying to quell my ever-rising fury. I just needed to get to the hanger and get a ship away from here, “As much as I would love to continue this lovely conversation, the truth is that I don’t, so if you will excuse me…”

I pushed past the woman whom I did not realize until that exact moment that I did not know her actual name and moved around her. She whispered in my ear, “I will gladly watch as Snoke rips you limb from bloody limb. In fact, Katalana, I think I will ask my Master if I can stay and watch.”

My stomach felt like lead, “You work directly for Snoke then.” It was not a question.

“You don’t miss anything do you?” Her voice was condescending, “I have been his quite appropriately named, Little Bird all along.” an ugly grimace sat on her face, “You have kept nothing from him.”

“I suppose when you are forgettable you make the perfect spy, but I think I was wrong. You are not a dove, or even a snake, you are a rat, a vile stinking swamp rat.” I lunged at her but found a strong grip at my arms and then the pinch of a syringe at my neck. Instantly my eyes went slightly out of focus and then I felt like a cold wet blanket had fallen over me, “No…” My words came out like a whisper, but they sounded like thunder in my ears. 

“Ysalimari Venom…” She smirked.

One of the few things in the entire galaxy that could negate Force abilities, I tried to reach for them but it was futile, my head spun.

“Lieutenant Vargas,” a voice came at my ear, “What are our orders ma’am.” I looked down noticing the red armour of the Praetorian Guard, Snoke’s personal grunts.

The little Dove smirked at me then back to the guard, “Take her to the Supreme Leader, let’s see how much of a fight she puts up now without her abilities to use as a crutch.”

I couldn’t even form a single thought in my head, the entire way to the lift I could barely make my legs work enough to hold me up. I could not feel the force, I had always been able to feel the force even when I didn’t realize I could. This was the first time in my entire life that I could not, and I felt utterly empty. I had to stop the sob from erupting up my throat. 

I now truly had nothing.

“Not so mouthy now are we,” Lieutenant Vargas chuckled behind me and I wondered silently how I could have ever thought her to be the mousy frightened woman I had previously. How had I not recognized the gleam in her eye? In a way I admired her, now I would have admired her more had it not been for my current situation, however. There were no remnants of the destroyed lift that Kylo had decimated the day before and at the thought of his name I tried to reach out for the bond, but it was a ghost, every time I tried to reach for it my invisible hand would pass through it. No matter what happened, no matter what Snoke did to me I would not be able to call for help. 

I wondered silently if he would have even come.

Silently I called for my Magicks and for a moment hope filled me as I felt it gather in my blood but what I could grasp would make no difference. I could not cast a convincing illusion with so little Magick. I stood unsteady on my feet now, a shiver sliding down my spine as genuine fear spread through me. I was certain that I would be dead before the dawn of a dew day, but I would not go like a coward. No, I would meet my end with all the dignity that I could muster.

The Lieutenant saw my demeanour change and her dark eyes trained on mine ready for what I might do, I smirked down on her, “I don’t need the force to smell your fear, you have a good mask little Dove, but know in this; in this life or the next I will not rest until you are obliterated from existence.”

Her eyes widened momentarily before she schooled her features. “You don’t frighten me.”

I laughed darkly, “If that is what you must tell yourself Dove.”

Steam was practically protruding from her ears and I smirked, steeling myself before the doors to the lift opened, and I was face to face with my true enemy.

“Ah,” he sat on his throne, “the little Witch.”

I grit my teeth as I was pushed forward by the guard.

“Nothing to say?” Snoke taunted.

“Will it matter?” I lifted my chin in defiance, I would not cow to him.

The guard tried to push me down and I struggled against him until he kicked the back of my knees and I crumpled, my knees hit hard against the black floor, ”You may force me to bow to you, but know that I will never do it of my own accord,” I spit at his feet the spittle marring the shiny floor at his feet. The guard behind me struck me with his stave and knocked me to my hands and knees and I only smiled wickedly up to Snoke.

His lips turned in a sneer, “You are a vile wretched creature. I do not see why Ren brought you into the fold in the first place.”

“Perhaps,” I looked at him with all the venom I could muster, “your apprentice realized deep down that he needed a true ally not a creature that would exploit him for his power.”

Snoke laughed it was loud but without any joy, “Perhaps I was wrong about you. You are not stupid at all are you? You see far more than I gave you credit for.” His eyes bore into mine, “So Witch, tell me what you think you know?” He looked down upon me like some swamp animal, but a sharp curiosity filled his eyes. No pretence lay between us any longer, he saw me just as I saw him. Raw and unchallenged.

“I know you preyed on a weak boy with a strong bloodline. You used his insecurities to your own advantage, and every step of the way you made him believe that he was nothing. You made him believe that every success he had was only because of you, and that without you he is nothing. I see what is truly going on here Snoke, I see that it is you who are nothing without him.” I rose to my knees, “What have you done? You are a vile waste of the force. What have you done other than sit in this room and give orders? It is you who are nothing without your apprentice not the other way around.”

His fingers gripped the arms of the dark throne he sat up on, “ah, but there is so much more, isn’t there?” He stood and approached me the gold hem of his robe scratched roughly against the smooth floor, “I would not have been able to do any of this without you, little one.” He reached down, his large hand gripping my face and pulling me to my feet, “Your Dyad…” he brought his face close to mine and I could smell his foul breath, “how interesting is it not? I would not have had any idea if not for the Lieutenant here.” His eyes flashed to her direction; I did not need to look to see smug grin on her face.

I stiffened in his grip recalling that I had used Hux’s password to open the data bases to me, a password that I had her give me. I cursed myself for not thinking that she would check into what I had been researching. I frowned meeting Snoke’s eyes, “You knew the whole time.”

He had no humour on his face, “The slave collar was cleaver, and you played such a convincing role, how it must have killed you. Sometimes I sit and try to imagine what it must have been like for you to obey, but perhaps that is why Ren was so enraptured by you. My apprentice has changed so much in this short time with you, how sweet you must taste to change his mind. What’s skills you must have to make a man as single minded as Ren to veer so from his destined path.”

“You are foul.” I hissed at him.

He appraised me his dry hand felt like leather against my face, and I felt it tighten around my throat, “How you despise me,” he took a deep breath in through his nose, “if only my apprentice could hone his hate like you have, he would be unstoppable, especially now that you are no longer around to distract him.”

“No, his enemy has taken my place,” my voice was horse under his grip, “But I imagine you know this already.”

“Yes, cleaver girl,” he squeezed my throat tighter, and my vision began to swim, my hands moved to grip his trying to pry them off, “I assume you already know that it was I who dampened the bond between you and Ren by bridging his mind with the scavenger.”

My heart pounded unevenly in my chest I had not realized this, if only Kylo could see that he had been manipulated by Snoke, he would destroy him. Or perhaps just be destroyed by him.

“How pathetic,” he dropped me, and my bones clattered together on the floor as I landed on the hard surface, “the see of hope that grows within you knowing that he would come back to you if he knew this secret.”

“I will kill you; I promise you that and I will revel in the glory of it, I will paint myself in your blood and put your body on display as a trophy. I will take joy in watching the pathetic empire you are trying to build crumble in the ashes of your remains.” I promised my voice shaking with anger.

“How poetic.” He walked around me “But you will not live long enough for that, I can promise you that I will only allow you to live long enough to watch your beloved kneel before me and thank me for being his Master. Perhaps because you try to vex me so I will even have him destroy that quaint little Village on Chandrila you ran away to. Perhaps I will keep you alive just long enough to witness that.”

I lunged for him; I threw all of my weight into him knocking him back for only a moment before he caught his balance. All of my muscles were screaming in protest as his powers descended upon me, it was far more painful than I had remembered. That is the thing about pain, the more time that passes so does the memory of that pain and as it descended upon me it felt like an all-new torture. I was fortunate enough the last time I was punished that Snoke was not as angry as he was now, because this time his entire being went into the torture he pressed upon me. Now however, I was sure he was going to break my mind because not only did it feel like he was pulling my muscles from my bones, but it felt as though he was pulling every painful memory to the forefront of my mind. He was using my own weaknesses against me, it felt like my own powers were being wielded against me. I felt myself begin to fall into the darkness, the haze around my vision was threatening to pull me beneath the blissful waves of unconsciousness. 

“Not yet Witch we have so much more to do.” His voice pulled me from the abyss.

I felt the electric heat of a vibro-weapon prod into my flesh, the searing smell of fabric and flesh filled the air as the electro-chain whip came down violently on my back. Not once, not twice, but at least dozen times but in all honesty, it was too painful to count. Soon the smell of blood was heavy in the air, my screams echoed through the room and I could no longer use my arms to hold myself up. I lay on the cold floor, my muscles torn and useless, I pressed my hot cheek into the black smooth tile and my eyes lifted meeting with those of the Lieutenants. I could see the look of horror that filled her eyes and as much as she desired to see me suffer this was too much even for her, even if she had asked to watch.

Snoke looked up and met her eyes as he read my thoughts, “You are dismissed Lieutenant Vargas.”

I thought for a moment she might speak out to him to end my suffering, but she merely bowed deeply and hurriedly made her way to the lift.

“Have you had enough yet little one?” he asked his voice a whisper.

I swallowed my mouth tasted like metal and I turned my head slowly to meet his hideous gaze my every motion was agony yet still I let the fury in my eyes burn into his, “Never….”

I feral grin settled upon his ugly face, “Very well.” 

I watched him turn slowly and take a seat in his throne and he nodded towards Praetorian guard at my side, and he knelt close to me and removed his red gloves. Slowly he began to pull the shredded cloth of my ruined tunic from my back, it was like torture in and of itself. I bit my lip so as not to scream and I could now feel the warm blood seep down my chin. After his task was complete, he rolled me onto my back the remaining shredded fabric pulled away, now I screamed. My destroyed back pressed into the cold floor, it was a pain I had never experienced before. My naked flesh was now open the cold air of the room, my body on display. I cannot say for how long I lay prone on the floor weaving in and out of consciousness, but it was the blade of a dagger dragging along the flesh of my breastbone that woke me from painful unconsciousness. 

I met with the face of the red masked guard, I could hear his heavy breath beneath the mask and my heart pounded again. I reached for my powers but found that still the venom of the Ysalamari still poisoned my veins.

“She wakes,” Snoke’s voice came from the direction of the terminal on the right of his throne, “there is no fun in torture when the captive in unconscious. I must say, I am impressed how well you took it.”

I tried to speak, to curse in his direction but all that erupted from my mouth was a gargling mess of noises. I also tried to sit up, but if it had not been the pain it was the press of the blade against my flesh that was enough to give me pause, “I would hate it see such a perfect breast marred Katalana.” The sound of my name falling from Snoke’s lips made bile rise at the back of my throat. I let my head fall back and I kept my gaze on the ceiling, I would make him pay, I would endure this as I had endured everything else, and I would make sure he suffered for it in every way possible.

“Carve out her tattoos, rid her body of their touch, I will not have a Nightsister as my slave.” His voice filled my ears, and I was stunned for a moment before I tried to get away from the Praetorian, but I found another guard by my side in an instant and my marred shoulders were pressed harder into the floor by large hands. Another moved around to my legs as I began to kick my feet anything to make it more difficult for them, I would not let them strip me of my past so easily. Visions of the mine filled my thoughts, too soon after revisiting them this morning they were so fresh in my eyes, and I was brought back to Tev and his cronies violating me.

“Ah yes,” Snoke’s voice was heavy in my head, “smell the fear boys, smell her, take it in, bathe in it. Then when she resists, we know where to hit the hardest.”

The blade of the long dagger was sharp and bit into me easily, into my flesh, and I screamed as it dragged along the black tattoos on my rib cage and across my stomach. The top of my trousers became wet and stained with the bloom of blood as his knife worked its way up my torso. The dagger moved between my breasts and to my collarbone and down my arms and then I felt myself being to shake. The Praetorian hesitated as he approached my breasts and turned to Snoke heading his Master’s words from earlier about my perfect breasts. 

“Ruin her.” Snoke answered his unspoken question, my back arched with pain and a red clad hand came down upon my sternum to hold me down so that his knife did not bite to deeply into me. My throat was raw from screaming and now all I could manage was a pitiful sob, the burning ache of my flesh being pulled away from me and discarded into a disgusting pile next to me was like an unquenchable fire. The tattoos on my body were not made by laser or by needles they had been carved by the Magick of Dathomir. It had been injected into my blood during a ritual and though it did not only feel like my skin was being pulled from me, but also my Magicks. I had never before felt something so terrible, so utterly and completely devastating. The capability to voice my pain had also become lost to me, and now I felt only numbness. 

The guards hand moved up my throat, and his knife lay against my cheek. The blade was warmed with my blood and I had to shy away from pressing my face into its warmth because of the insanity the pain was driving me towards. My mind was a shell of its former self, I almost welcomed the pain to come, the darkness it would drive me towards, and I craved it. I wanted it to all stop, and I would have done anything to make sure that it happened. I would have given anything to Snoke in order to make the pain go away. The blade slid across my cheek and Snoke’s voice rose again.

“Stop.”

The guard seemed to sag with relief as he pulled the knife away, I could see that his hand was shaking as well.

“Bring her to me.”

The guards lifted me up to my feet, there was no strength left in my legs. My vision was spotted with black, and I tried to keep my gaze level with his, but I was also having a hard time finding the strength to hold up my head. One guard noticing my struggle pulled my head back by my hair, the once neat braid was no longer existent. Eliciting an unhinged moan from me as my hair had been stuck to the sticky blood drying down my back. I felt it begin to seep blood again and I steeped in the pain, I revelled in it. 

My eyes opened to meet with those of the Supreme Leader.

“I must admit, I do admire your strength. There are many I thought much stronger than you, who would have given up long before you did. Imagine how I could use you, pet. Once you are completely broken that is.” 

His hands gripped the arms of his throne as his eyes drank in my ruined form, they fell transfixed on my naked breasts before he dragged them up my body to my face. I could barely muster the strength to stay conscious let alone reply to him, but he took my silence as my defeat. “That is a good girl, you will see soon enough that I will give you the power you seek. Should you perform as your Master deems fit.”

My head lolled foreword as the Guard dropped my hair and I could only stare at the arousal at Snoke’s lap and again I felt the bile rise up my throat. As the guards dropped me in a heap to the floor next to Snoke’s throne the last shred of hope fled me. 

There would be no escape. 

I knew Snoke would keep my pumped full of Ysalamiri venom until I was a truly his obedient slave, like he had desired Ren to do to me in the beginning. I laid on my side cradling my head in my arms and let the darkness and the hopelessness overtake me. Knowing that I would do anything he desired if only he would make the pain stop.

**Author's Note:**

> I have been reading and writing Fan Fiction for years and have only recently been turned to Kylo Ren fan fiction (thanks tiktok)  
> And since I couldn’t often find one that worked for my brain I decided to take it on myself.


End file.
